


One Day Memory

by Shinocchi



Series: Same Heart; Different Universe [2]
Category: DRAMAtical Murder
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Amnesia, Anal Sex, Bittersweet, Dirty Talk, Fingerfucking, Fluff and Angst, Hand Jobs, M/M, Rimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-28
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2018-01-17 08:34:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 93,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1380985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shinocchi/pseuds/Shinocchi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The last thing Aoba needs is an unsympathetic doctor, who doesn't understand anything about life in general, let alone love, to be responsible towards his brother's critical health condition.</p><p>But little did he know that meeting this young, unworldly doctor would not only change his life, but save him at the same time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Acquaintance

**Author's Note:**

> So I've decided to throw out another idea that had been rooted in my head for the longest time ever. My workload has caught up with me and I would be writing this in a moderate pace. Please bare with me ;w; As usual, the fic would focus very heavily on Noiz & Aoba, with Koujaku being the next important player in the story (I can't leave any of them out orz). Tags & ratings will change as the story progresses.
> 
> Thank you [Fio](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fio13) for beta-ing this chapter for me <33

_Noiz hadn’t been dealing with a lot of comatose patients ever since he started his training in the various hospitals he was placed in. But he knew that each person’s ‘coma story’ was individual on its own._

_When someone is in a coma, it is assumed that they are in a state where they just look and act as if they are asleep._

_There were instances when Noiz got the chance to understand more of his patients’ ‘coma stories’ – some said they saw vague images that faded in and out of their consciousness, whereas some were perfectly aware of their surroundings but their bodies stayed still, not listening to their brain’s will._

_Noiz had managed to gather a few more stories but not one story could give him a solid explanation of what exactly happened when a person fell into coma. At the end of the day, it only seemed to him that anything was possible, and that it heavily depended on the person’s determination and willpower to know what type of ‘coma story’ they went through._

_Noiz never had the interest or intention to know more about other’s ‘coma story’. But when the situation was forced upon him, it was when he discovered the limitless possibilities and needless to say, he was frustrated with this discovery. There was no ‘real truth’ to begin with. He didn’t like the vagueness behind all these cases, but what truly upset him was the fact that it was something he couldn’t help. The only thing he could do was pray and hope that a miracle would occur and that ‘he’ would wake up and tell him that ‘he’ had a wonderful dream._

_When he saw the slight reaction from his patient in front of him, the rush of blood in his veins was insanely out of control, to the extent that he needed to grip on the bed railing to prevent himself from falling over._

_This was the moment he was waiting for – the miraculous moment._

_“Hey, Aoba, do you remember me?”_

_“Yeah, of course! You are…”_

 

* * *

 

Aoba watched as the fine-looking young man left the shop with a bright smile on his face and a bouquet of roses in his hand. Even though this scene wasn’t particularly foreign for Aoba, he couldn’t help but feel a surge of warmth pooling in his chest as he continued to watch the back of the man leaving his shop and turning around the corner in the direction of his car. Beaming happily, Aoba cleaned off the few scattering branches on the counter and looked around for the shop owner.

“Haga-san, can I leave earlier today?”

The owner of the flower shop stuck his head out from behind the store room’s door and smiled gently at Aoba, who was already stuffing his belongings back into his bag as he slung it over his shoulder.

“You’re going to the hospital again?” the owner asked as he walked out of the store room, a bouquet of flowers in his hand.

“Yeah,” Aoba answered, pace hurried towards the door.

“How’s Sei?”

Haga-san’s question stopped Aoba in his tracks and the younger man turned around and gave his concerned employer a bright grin.

“He’s doing a lot better now. Koujaku said that he could probably leave the hospital earlier than we expected.”

“That’s great to hear!” Haga-san commented and pushed the bouquet of flowers into Aoba’s hands, purposely ignoring Aoba’s hesitant grip as he continued. “I really hope that he could come home soon. You and Tae-san have been so worried.”

“We’re fine. I’m more worried of Sei. And – oh, I really need to go now. Don’t want to miss the visitor’s hour. See you tomorrow, Haga-san!” And he dashed out of the shop.

 

 

It took another few minutes for Aoba to storm into his house and, after throwing a few countless nods at his grandma’s non-stop reminders, he quickly retrieved the lunchbox on the kitchen table and rushed out of the house, heading straight down the road towards the hospital.

It had become a daily routine for him to visit the local hospital after he’d finished with his work in the flower shop. He wasn’t particularly annoyed with his packed schedule, though. The only thing conquering his thoughts most of the time was the fact that he couldn’t spend more time with his brother, Sei, who was currently undergoing recovery treatment from Aneurysm. No one had discovered the seriousness of Sei’s condition, until one morning when the elder son of the family found himself losing appetite and ultimately fainted in his room. Luckily, he was discovered by Aoba, who’d literally crashed into his room after not hearing any response from him for a whole one hour. The pressure that had crashed upon them after the diagnosis was extremely overwhelming – not only that Aoba had to shoulder the financial responsibility of his brother’s medical expenses, he was also constantly consumed by worries and uncertainties, especially when he needed to make important decisions that may possibly affect his brother’s life. But even so, he was pretty sure that he wouldn’t be able to overcome all these hurdles without the support of his childhood friend, Koujaku, who was the senior doctor of the neurology department in the local hospital and also Sei’s doctor. Despite being fondly attached to him, Koujaku had been both a good friend and a professional doctor, and not only had he been assisting Aoba when it came to decision making, but he’d also lent a hand to him when he needed emotional assurance.

Sei’s condition had stabilized over the two years he had been admitted into the hospital and, according to Koujaku, if everything went well, he should be able to be discharged in a few months’ time. It was something Aoba had been dying to hear and the moment the news reached his ears, the burden was lifted slightly off his shoulders and he has been happier ever since, more than he was in the past two years.

 

 

Aoba wrinkled his nose at the familiar hospital scent of antiseptic the moment he stepped into the building and headed straight to the elevator. He smiled and nodded to a few doctors and nurses along his way while replying to the familiar question of ‘How’s Sei?’ every time awkward silence spread across them. The faint anxiety he’d felt ever since the hospital scent infiltrated his nose was lifted off his chest when he got off the elevator on the fifth floor and knocked on room 191A, a ward at a far end of the corridor, moderately isolated to ensure sufficient privacy for the patient beyond the door. It only took two knocks until the door was opened, revealing a man in white robe and a petite, frail looking young man sitting up on his bed.

“Aoba, you’re here!”

“How are you doing, Sei?” Aoba asked, the weak smile never leaving his face as he scrutinized the brother’s profile. As he walked towards the bed and placed the bouquet of flowers and the lunchbox on the bedside table, Sei’s gaze continued lingering on his brother’s careful movements with a gentle smile on his face which never failed to act as an effective remedy for Aoba’s uneasiness. But what really calmed his overly anxious nerves was Sei’s warmth that he felt on his face the moment his brother caressed his cheek.

“Never better,” Sei replied, now intertwining his fingers in Aoba’s hair.

“Don’t worry, Aoba,” the croaky voice that rang beside Aoba’s ear distracted him from his brother’s addictive warmth as he turned to meet Koujaku’s eyes, which were fixed unblinkingly on the both of them. “He’s recovering well, I can assure you about that.”

“You sound like you got a sore throat,” Aoba commented as he shot the senior doctor a playful look.

Koujaku quickly gave out a soft cough and darted his attention back to Sei’s chart. The older man definitely looked professional with his doctor robe – especially when he tended to adjust the glasses on his nose to hide his awkwardness – along with the firm composure which was literally his personal trademark in this small local hospital. But that wasn’t the main reason why Aoba had placed his trust in him. The fact that the neurologist was a friend he’d known for more than half of his life remained as one of the most important factors that had built Aoba’s faith up. Koujaku knew how important Sei was to him, and he wasn’t going to half-ass his treatment for him, although the fact that Koujaku was an extremely reliable and responsible doctor also helped greatly in reassuring him.

“Never mind that,” Koujaku suddenly diverted the topic. “My point is, Sei’s condition has been nothing but good for the past few weeks and I’m positive that he would be up and running in no time. So I’m thinking of maybe – Aoba, are you listening?”

Aoba had opened up the lunchbox the moment Koujaku started speaking. The smell of homemade food that had spread throughout the room distracted them instantly and stopped Koujaku’s speech as he stared at the contents of the lunchbox.

“Outside food is not allowed, you know,” Koujaku complained, his voice now stern and low.

Aoba pressed his finger against his lips, which was then stretched into a smile. “I’m sure you didn’t see anything, right, _Dr. Koujaku_?” he said quietly. “I’ll give you some if you promise to zip your mouth about this.”

Sighing, the doctor smiled softly, the helplessness evident behind his smile. There was no way he could win against this childhood friend of his and even though rule breaking wasn’t part of his nature, the endearing side of Aoba always got to him and he ended up finding himself submitting to the younger man’s will, causing him to suspect if he was really being too easygoing with him at times.

He was about to continue where he’d left off when Aoba stood up, a water bottle in his hand, and walked towards the door.

“Where are you going?” Koujaku asked.

“There’s no more water left,” Aoba answered as he shook the bottle in his hand. “I’m gonna get some. Take care of Sei when I’m not around.”

And he closed the door behind him, unaware of the awkward stare Koujaku and Sei shot to each other when he left.

 

 

The building was now buzzed with doctors and nurses hurrying down the corridors to attend to different critical needs of the patients. Aoba smiled gently as he passed a few of them in the narrow corridor, though his mind was constantly occupied with the many decisions he had to make on behalf of his family – like the suggestion Koujaku had raised to transfer Sei to a more comfortable room, or the upfront payment he had to make for the coming month. He was still financially burdened, being the only person in the family earning their expenses, but he never wanted his grandma and his brother to be involved with this responsibility and he would do anything he could to prevent it from happening.

The pressure had taken a toll on him when he started experiencing mild headaches throughout the years, and he deemed them insignificant as compared to what Sei had to go through. The slight twinge of pain on the back of his head drew a small flinch from him as he walked towards a vending machine at a far corner of the corridor after filling up the water bottle. Scanning through the options displayed in front of him, he gave out a small grin when he found what he wanted and inserted the coin into the slot.

The sweet coffee aroma hit his nose immediately after he opened his canned drink, overtaking the antiseptic hospital scent and helping Aoba to calm down further. He hadn’t eaten anything for the entire day and the surge of warmth now filling his stomach had managed to recharge some of his stamina, not to mention that he also needed caffeine to relieve his headache.

“Is it good?”

He almost spilled his coffee when a voice suddenly echoed beside his ear, causing him to turn sharply. He was immediately faced with a blond-haired doctor. Aoba’s conclusion was based on the white robe he was wearing whose eyes were now scanning the vending machine.

“W-What?” Aoba asked cautiously, unsure of how he should approach this sudden interaction. He’d never seen this doctor before throughout the two years of being a frequent visitor of the hospital. Perhaps he was… new?

“The coffee,” the doctor replied with a nonchalant tone, seemingly uninterested with Aoba’s reaction.

When Aoba took too long to respond, the doctor finally turned to look at him and Aoba was instantly captivated by the striking lime-green eyes which were now staring directly into his own. His eyes were emotionless – which was a surprise for Aoba since he’d assumed that most doctors possessed a certain kind of warmth which they needed in order to be sympathetic – and they made it hard for Aoba to gauge his friendliness. But the moment he saw the small scowl that was starting to form between the young doctor’s eyebrows, he knew that he was pushing the doctor’s patience.

“It’s my favorite,” he finally answered.

The doctor gave out a soft hum and Aoba watched as he inserted a coin into the slot and retrieved the same canned bottle as the one Aoba was holding from the vending machine.

As if afraid that he might have provided an unfitting recommendation, Aoba gazed warily as the doctor drank the can down and he jumped a little when the blond looked at him again.

“It tastes weird. And this is supposed to be your favorite?”

The disrespectful tone triggered an instant reaction from Aoba as he felt the blood rush to his head, worsening his headache.

“Well, it _is_ my favorite. It’s not my fault that you don’t like it,” he retorted, the words strained through his teeth as he glared furiously at the other man.

“Hmm,” the doctor stared at him for a few more seconds, then back to the can in his hand. Without another word, he threw the empty can into the trash bin and walked away.

Aoba was stunned for a few moments before he came back to his senses and cursed silently, aggressively massaging his temples as he felt the ache in his head becoming worse. For some reason, he felt extremely grateful that Sei was not placed in the hands of a doctor like him and that he wouldn’t need to deal with him. If that ever happened, he wouldn’t hesitate to admit Sei to another hospital even if that meant that he would need to work extra hours to earn money for his medical fees. After finishing up his own drink, he threw the can into the bin and rushed back to the room.

 

 

“Where have you been? We were starting to get worried,” Koujaku asked when Aoba stormed towards the bed and slammed the bottle down on the bedside table.

“Don’t ask.”

Smiling awkwardly, Koujaku proceeded to scribble small notes on Sei’s chart while Aoba poured them all water before the senior doctor suddenly voiced out.

“Oh yeah, before you left, I was planning to ask if—“

His words were interrupted when knocks echoed from the door and he hummed lightly, walking towards the door at the same time.

“There he is.”

Aoba was about to voice his confusion, but he found his voice trapped in his throat the moment he set his eyes on the visitor.

“Let me introduce you to Noiz. He’s currently under my training and he would also be replacing me as the doctor in charge of Sei.”

The expressionless profile, accompanied by the pair of disinterested eyes immediately triggered back the same feeling of frustration that he felt from earlier. He stared, confused, at the young blond-haired doctor in front of them and then back at Koujaku, who was now as confused as Aoba upon noticing the strangeness in both of their reactions.

 

Well, at least he learned a lesson today – be careful with what you wish for.

 


	2. Pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The missing pieces of the young doctor were what frustrated Aoba the most; but when he finally found those pieces, his impression towards this inexperienced individual started to waver.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, thank you [Fio](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fio13) for beta-ing this chapter for me. 
> 
> Sorry it took a bit longer than usual. Got caught up with work & personal stuff & sickness. 
> 
> Enjoy~

“You owe me a lot of explanation, _Doctor_.”

Aoba confronted Koujaku the moment he’d forcefully dragged him out of the room. Noiz had purposely looked away from the both of them, being the first to snap out of the awkward moment and without any intention to hide his obvious ignorance towards the situation. His nonchalant attitude pissed Aoba off even more and, giving out an intentional angry huff, he gripped Koujaku’s arm and pushed him out of the room before the older man could say anything.

“I wanted to explain it to you but you were too busy,” Koujaku started, taking his glasses off and putting them into his front pocket at the same time.

Aoba scowled and folded his arms, leaning against the wall as he shot Koujaku an unsatisfied glare.

“I’ve got plenty of time now. Explain.”

Koujaku looked inquisitively at Aoba for a few moments, the confusion from before still present. He expected that Aoba would have an opinion regarding his decision but he never expected it to be so extreme. A pout was added to a glare that Aoba already wore on his face, and Koujaku smiled gently at him, defeated, gesturing him to sit down on the bench. But Aoba’s hesitance to oblige kept him standing and he continued to glare at Koujaku, whose smile turned into a bitter one within seconds. He stood back up awkwardly, now properly facing his childhood friend.

When the silence between them spread for a bit too long, Aoba finally lost his patience and was about to start his interrogation when Koujaku placed both of his hands on his shoulders, giving him a long, unwavering stare.

“Trust me, Aoba. I won’t make a decision that would put Sei in any danger,” he started, his tone confident. “Even after I hand my responsibilities over to Noiz, I will still keep a tight eye on him. I understand that he is still under training and I understand the risk as well. Please, Aoba, just,” Koujaku swallowed, struggling to voice out the rest of the words. “… trust Noiz. Trust _me_.”

Aoba fell silent as he carefully considered Koujaku’s words. There was a clear determination present in his tone and Aoba knew that he was taking his decision seriously, just like he usually did when he dealt with his responsibilities. He wanted to believe in Koujaku, in fact, he _needed_ to believe in him. But his impression towards Noiz wasn’t overly positive and he also had his own uncertainties to deal with. The moment the sense of responsibility crashed upon him, he felt an overwhelming weight against his chest, almost taking his breath away and worsening his headache again.

Upon seeing his hesitance, Koujaku gave his shoulder a light shake, immediately bringing Aoba back to his senses.

“Just… try talking to him,” he urged.

However, his suggestion backfired because then, Aoba’s scowl deepened and he brushed Koujaku’s hands off his shoulder, gritting his teeth angrily.

“Already did.”

“Really?” Koujaku asked, surprised.

“Yeah, enough for me to know how unsympathetic a doctor he is,” Aoba continued, the fury still evident in his tone.

Koujaku seemed taken aback by his comment as he stood, staring uneasily at Aoba before he shook his head and started talking again.

“I don’t know what the deal between the two of you is but even if you are not able to trust him, you could trust me, right? Can you at least give him a chance?”

Aoba couldn’t understand why Koujaku was so persistent with this decision. He couldn’t even understand why he made this decision when Sei was so near to recovering. The more he thought about it, the more frustrated he became, the pain in his head so bad now he could hear the faint pounding in his ear. He was so close to throwing up that he had to push Koujaku away and face the wall instead, taking deep breaths to calm himself down.

“Aoba, are you okay?”

Koujaku’s concerned voice rang beside his ear and he nodded, taking another few moments to rebalance his breathing before he turned around and faced the doctor again.

“I’ll give him a week trial before I sign the consent form.”

“C’mon, Aoba—“

“Or else it’s a no.”

The stern reply silenced Koujaku, and he sighed and nodded at Aoba, finally realizing that there was no way he could change his stubborn friend’s mind.

“I’ll keep an eye on him too, so you wouldn’t need to worry too much.”

“You better,” Aoba replied before he opened the door and walked back into the room.

 

 

When he stepped inside, Noiz was scanning through Sei’s chart as the latter watched him gleefully. The scene was a bit too foreign for Aoba to accept, especially when Noiz was standing on the exact same spot where Koujaku used to stand.

“I need to talk to you,” Aoba demanded as he strolled straight towards Noiz and stood right beside him.

Noiz merely shot him a quick, disinterested sideway glance before he went back to scribbling on Sei’s chart and putting it back to its holder.

“Hey, are you listening?” Aoba asked, sounding even more impatient now.

His persistence seemed to finally attract the young doctor’s attention as a scowl formed on his face and he turned to look at Aoba.

“I heard you the first time,” he replied, his voice still emotionless as he looked at his watch. “Five p.m., today, my office.”

And he left the room without another look, leaving behind a displeased Aoba with an apologetic-looking Sei, who immediately started to calm his overly irritated brother down.

 

 

Sei had warned him to take things easier and not be overly anxious, but even so, the elder sibling knew that Aoba only took in half of his advice. His theory was immediately proven right when Aoba slammed the door loudly behind him, earning him a few scowls from the hospital staff outside the corridor. He was mad with Koujaku, but there was nothing else he could do to change this situation, and he knew that the least he could do now was to try and learn more about the newly appointed doctor before he could give Koujaku the green light,

As he stood outside of Noiz’s office, he scowled at the name plate again – “ _Noiz, Neurology Department, Intern_ ” – before knocking on the door twice. When he heard a soft ‘Come in’, he opened the door and was immediately faced with Noiz, who now had a pair of glasses on his face. He was flipping through papers which Aoba suspected was Sei’s medical report.

As Aoba stood in front of the young doctor, unsure if he should be the first to break the silence, Noiz piled the papers up and glanced up at Aoba, still with that indifferent look on his face.

“Sit down.”

Even his tone of voice sounded uncaring.

After he was seated comfortably in front of Noiz, Aoba raised his hand to stop the medical student from speaking and questioned him with a clear and steady tone.

“Let me ask you, how much do you know about Sei’s condition? Are you sure you’re up for the job? Do you think you can handle this? Sei’s condition is not as simple as you think it is, you know. He had gone through—“

“—two clipping surgeries and a coiling surgery and now he’s under medication to control his blood pressure.”

Aoba gaped at his instantaneous response. He literally took words out of his mouth, instantly showing him that he knew more than Aoba had expected. He should’ve felt a bit more relieved upon hearing his confident and detailed description of his future patient’s condition, but for some reason, something in Noiz’s tone still annoyed Aoba greatly and he simply couldn’t ignore the lingering hesitance that was still very much present in him.

“From what I understand, there are no abnormalities in his vital signs and heart rate ever since his last operation, and if there are no further casualties, he would be discharged in less than a month time. So,” Noiz’s voice shifted from a formal, monotone one to a higher, but still expressionless one as he leaned back against his chair and smirked at Aoba. “… did I answer your question, _Mr. Seragaki_?”

He was right. As Noiz sat back and stared fervently at Aoba, waiting for his defeated retreat, Aoba simply fixed his gaze on the self-centered brat, taking in every single detail on his face, as if attempting to detect any flaws which could help him defend his case. The young intern was definitely good-looking, Aoba had to admit that much. In terms of appearance, he was sure that the intern only looked like an expert with his white robe on and if he was to take it off, Aoba was positive that he would look nothing like a doctor. As he scrutinized the features on his face, he was once again captivated by the lime-green orbs just like how they’d mesmerized him during their first encounter. He couldn’t read what was behind that pair of eyes, so he quickly averted them the moment they lingered too long on his own light-brown ones and moved his gaze to the blond’s ears instead. What he saw widened his eyes.

The doctor had piercings in his ears. There were only a few of them and after a quick count, Aoba realized that there were at least three of them on each ear, immediately decreasing his confidence towards this new appointed doctor. He wasn’t in the position to judge anyone based on what they did to their bodies, but he found himself becoming less tolerant when said person was to impact his brother’s life. For some reason, even though he knew that wasn’t how it worked exactly, to him Noiz suddenly seemed as an inexperienced brat that could possibly be still new to the society and had yet to grasp the importance of responsibility. Not to mention that he was obviously _still_ immature and imprudent. Needless to say, Aoba wasn’t convinced at all.

Although he admitted that Noiz may be observant and intelligent enough to hold a doctor position, he was still not absolutely comfortable with the idea of him being Sei’s attending doctor. Was he the right person?

Probably not.

He didn’t have enough arguments to defend himself, but he couldn’t deny the fact that, based solely on their short interactions, Noiz seemed passionate enough with this appointment, judging on the way he’d managed to comprehend both Sei’s physical and written condition in such a short time frame. The contradictions in Aoba’s mind were starting to revive his headache and he shook his head, attempting to regain his rationality.

Perhaps he could give him some time to prove him wrong while keeping a tight eye on him at the same time.

With that resolution in mind, he stood up, earning a curious stare from the young doctor, and held out his hand.

“I agree that you have a good idea of Sei’s condition and I guess I could entrust my brother to you _for now_ ,” he said, putting emphasis on the final two words. “But that doesn’t mean that I’ve approved of you.”

Noiz stayed seated for a few more seconds before he stood up and grasped Aoba’s hand, giving it a firm shake before he commented.

“Don’t worry. This is my job. He’s just another patient and this case isn’t too serious to begin with, so I believe—“

“Stop saying it that way, he’s not _just another patient_ , he’s _my brother_!” Aoba snapped, interrupting Noiz before he could finish his sentence.

“ _Your_ brother, not mine. For me, he’s just _another_ patient,” the doctor replied nonchalantly. “I’ll treat him equally as any other of my patients, just so you know.”

There was nothing else Aoba could say to argue against Noiz. He had a point. Being neutral was part of a doctor’s job and he had absolutely no rights to comment on this matter. Perhaps he was too accustomed with the way Koujaku showered the Seragaki brothers with his endless concern to the extent that he was blinded with the fact that that was merely how Koujaku worked and that it couldn’t be applied to all the other doctors.

He would need to get used to Noiz’s way of working if he intended to have the situation under control. But even so, the underlying obliviousness he felt from Noiz still troubled him. He needed to do something about it, and he knew just the right person who could help him with this.

 

***

 

When Aoba returned the next day, Noiz was nowhere to be seen; instead, Koujaku opened the door for him and briefed him about Sei’s condition like how he usually did. For a moment, Aoba thought that the whole reappointment matter was merely a joke, until Koujaku brought the subject up by himself.

“I’ve handed over most of Sei’s documents to Noiz. He should have a good grasp of his situation now,” Koujaku said in a casual manner as he took the thermometer out of Sei’s mouth and examined it.

Aoba fidgeted uncomfortably in his chair, his hands clenched into fists as he stared at the floor, hesitance written all over his face.

“Aoba?”

His odd behavior seemed to have caught Sei’s attention as he poked his head from behind Koujaku’s body to have a better look at Aoba. Aoba was too far from his reach, but the moment he heard the brother’s voice, he looked up, immediately forcing out a fake smile out of reflex and stared at him.

“Y-yes?”

If he was intending to hide his anxiety, he was definitely not doing a good job. The stuttering in his voice gave him away the moment he opened his mouth, immediately earning him worried looks from both Koujaku and Sei.

“Are you okay?” Sei asked as he placed his hand on top of Aoba’s while Koujaku moved away so that they could have better access to each other.

“I’m fine,” Aoba answered, still attempting to sound normal but the quiver in his voice was still obvious. “Never mind me, what about you, Sei? How are you feeling today?”

Sei and Koujaku shot each other an uneasy look. They were sure that Aoba was trying to divert their attention away again. As Koujaku moved towards Aoba and ruffled his hair, Aoba tried dodging him but the older man was too fast for him so he sat still, pouting and lowering his head in defeat when he realized that his attempt to hide his frustration had failed badly.

“I know you aren’t comfortable with the decision and I know I’m part of the reason for it,” Koujaku commented, trying to catch Aoba’s attention at the same time. “By the way, I haven’t gotten a chance to properly talk to you about it. Do you have time after this? Wanna grab a lunch together or something?”

When Aoba didn’t reply, Sei strengthened his grip on his hand and said.

“Talk to Koujaku, Aoba.”

It took another few seconds for Aoba to finally return his clutch and he looked up at Sei, who was shooting him his usual, gentle smile.

“What do you think about him, Sei?” Aoba asked with a slightly hoarse voice.

“About who? Noiz?” Sei asked.

When Aoba nodded, his brother tilted his head and stared at the ceiling as he considered the question. Then, he shifted his gaze back at Aoba.

“I like him.”

The answer calmed Aoba in a way he thought wasn’t possible.

 

 

As promised, Aoba followed Koujaku up to the hospital building’s rooftop after the end of the visitor’s hour. As they settled themselves comfortably on the bench, now facing the small town of Midorijima in front of them, Koujaku lazily stretched his arms and then patted Aoba aggressively on his back.

“Now, spill everything out, Aoba.”

Aoba sent him a sideway glare, instantly making the doctor’s warm smile disappear. Supporting his face with his palms, he slouched forward and scowled a little, squeezing words out of his mouth to demonstrate his frustration.

“What’s with the sudden reappointment? I still have yet to hear any explanation from you.”

Instead of replying, Koujaku took his cigarette out and lighted it, instantly earning a deeper scowl from Aoba as the younger male wrinkled his nose to the annoying smell of cigarette smoke. Koujaku wasn’t too much of a rule breaker himself, but old habits like these were hard to break and even when Aoba had told him off several times, the fact that he’d broken the hospital rules countless times himself made him realize that he was in fact, not any better than the doctor.

“Smoking is bad for hea—“

“I know,” Koujaku winked. “… but please spare me this time, Aoba. I’ve got my own reasons.”

As a doctor himself, Koujaku was well aware of the consequences of allowing too much nicotine into his lungs. But he’d picked up the habit even before school and ever since then, it was too late for him to break the habit. As they fell into silence, Aoba – still annoyed with the unbearable smell of the cigarette – listened to Koujaku blowing smoke out of his mouth before he finally spoke.

“I’m not sure how much you know about Noiz but let me just bring you through some history about him anyway.”

He discarded his cigarette and, intimidating Aoba, supported his chin with his knuckles as he stared blankly ahead, as if trying to search for something that Aoba couldn’t see.

“He’s a German medical student, in fact, a perfectly intelligent one. He managed to complete a medical course a year faster than the other students and, mind you, he actually made it into the German newspaper’s headlines before he was allocated into their local hospital for his internship.”

Koujaku sounded as if he was trying to worship Noiz’s intelligence but Aoba had known him long enough to realize that the conversation was leading to something else.

“But?”

The blunt interrogation surprised Koujaku slightly, but he was fast to react as he smiled bitterly and gave out a light sigh before continuing.

“His training was supposed to end a year ago; in fact, he was so close to becoming a real doctor. But after the countless evaluations he’d gone through, all of his supervisors agreed that he lacked that _one_ thing that pulled him away from his graduation.”

Aoba turned to look at Koujaku. This was the critical moment where he knew that it would decide if he could trust Noiz further or crumble all his faith towards him. He couldn’t help but allow his overly active mind to start revving his engine again as he waited for Koujaku to provide him with answers he desperately needed. He knew there were pieces of Noiz that he couldn’t yet define and the missing pieces were here, right now, waiting to be placed together and solve Aoba’s curiosity and frustrations.

“The importance of life,” Koujaku continued.

When he muttered that answer, Aoba thought the doctor had gone into a state of inner reflection, but he quickly realized that they were still talking about Noiz. He stared questionably at Koujaku, who was now looking at the sky.

Instead of clearing his questions, he was now filled with even more question than before and it was starting to pique his curiosity greatly.

“And emotions as well. But his inability to comprehend life in general was what worried his previous supervisors, because the understanding of life was an imperative for a doctor. It’s not possible to be a doctor and be sympathetic and considerate towards a patient’s needs if they do not understand how important _living_ is to them in the first place, and that’s exactly what Noiz is lacking. Without that, he wouldn’t be able to become a qualified doctor.”

The uneasiness Aoba was expecting from himself was nowhere to be seen. He knew nothing about being a doctor. The medical world always seemed very complicated – in fact, too complicated for him to understand and thus, he has never thought of setting foot into this complex world. But at least he understood how important living to a person was. He had been struggling with his own life for the longest time ever, but he appreciated those struggles he’d gone through, because that was what made him feel alive. The fact that someone as young and full of potential as Noiz knew nothing about being alive somehow made him feel a bit… miserable.

The young doctor-to-be was literally a walking corpse and upon realizing that, it suddenly hit Aoba that it wasn’t insensitivity that he saw in Noiz’s eyes. In fact, there was nothing at all. He understood _nothing_ , and thus, there was basically _nothing_ that _could be_ reflected in his eyes.

Everything he saw was merely… _void_.

Trying to avoid getting distracted by his personal emotions, Aoba swallowed the lump in his throat and said,

“But that still doesn’t explain why you’re handing over Sei – of all your other patients – to him.”

Koujaku chuckled, as if he’d already expected that question to come.

“He was relocated here just a week ago. The idea behind his transfer from Germany was that if his own culture and environment couldn’t help with his attitude, then perhaps he needed to be kicked out of his own comfort zone. Coming to a small town like this might be able to do a better job to make him realize how wrong he was about life. I had a discussion with his previous supervisor, who’s also good friend of mine over in Germany, and he thought that maybe,” Koujaku paused for a while, seemingly deep in thought. “… I could look after him for a short while. He’s a unique case but I believe that both you and Sei could teach him a thing or two. Both of you had gone through a lot and definitely know about how important living is, so perhaps you would be a good influence on the kid.”

When Koujaku said that, he held a kind of hidden emotion on his face which Aoba couldn’t properly define. He knew that Koujaku wasn’t a person who’d make a decision hastily without considering all possible options first. There was a reason why he was such a trustworthy doctor in this small town, being the one and only neurologist who had broken a record of most surgery hours conducted throughout his six years of being a doctor in the local hospital. Aoba had trusted Koujaku’s decision – the way he explained the whole reasoning behind his decision had assured him. Knowing more about Noiz had also further confirmed to Aoba now that he was not only concerned with how things would progress with Sei’s future treatments, but he was also surprised to realize that he was interested with knowing how Noiz would grow from here as well. He never thought that the town he lived in would play a prominent role in helping someone as intelligent as Noiz to grow, but if that happened to be the case…

He would love to witness that miraculous moment.

Not to mention that Koujaku had also promised to keep an eye on Noiz while he was at it. Perhaps he should really push that stubbornness of him to the back of his head for now and allow things to progress before he could make his own judgment.

“You promise you would still keep an eye on Sei even when you’re no longer his attending doctor?” Aoba asked, his voice cautious.

“Of course I will. Noiz is technically still under my supervision. He would still need to report to me,” Koujaku answered brightly, then giving a small pat on Aoba’s back. “Don’t worry. I wouldn’t allow anything to happen to Sei, and to you too, of course,” he added, and Aoba was unsure if he did it on purpose of if the words just slipped out of his mouth like they usually did with his nonchalant way of speaking.

Koujaku’s composure and the way he always sounded so confident and comforting at the same time were exactly what patients looked out for when they were searching for a doctor they could rely on. And that was when Aoba realized that perhaps the fact that Noiz was being put in Koujaku’s hands was the right decision after all.

“There’s nothing wrong with me,” Aoba retorted after brushing Koujaku’s hand off his head.

Koujaku sighed. “Your stubbornness is gonna get you into trouble one day. Even when there’s nothing wrong with you _now_ , it doesn’t mean that you should be careless. You’re still having that headache?”

“Not until someone starts annoying me,” Aoba replied, obviously not too concerned with the topic.

“Don’t lie to me, Aoba. You do know that you’re talking to a doctor, right? No matter what it is, please be careful. If you need any checking done, you know who to look for.”

Then, Koujaku stood up, gave out another stretch and started to walk away, muttering something about having to attend to another patient.

Aoba sat and spaced out for a while more, eyes fixed on the endless sky above him, momentarily indulging in the temporary peace and harmony he rarely got to experience these days. Then he stood up, clapped his face with both of his hands and made his way back into the hospital building.

 

 

For the first time in many years, he was surprised to notice that he was actually thinking about things that weren’t related to himself or his family. He frowned slightly upon realizing that Noiz had been occupying his thoughts for the whole time he was walking down the fifth floor. When he was about to distract himself by taking a different turn that led to the washroom, he heard a familiar voice echoing through the corridor, making him stop his tracks instantly.

“Aww, please stop crying, I’ll buy you sweets if you behave.”

It was Clear’s voice, the nursery doctor whom Aoba had befriended ever since the first day Sei had been admitted to the hospital. Clear had been extremely supportive of both his and Sei’s needs ever since he’d become a frequent visitor of the hospital. The cheerful doctor would always make sure to stop by Sei’s room every day, either to have a small chat with him or simply just to keep him company when both Koujaku or Aoba were not around. Aoba was very grateful towards his efforts, and he could perfectly understand why he was the head of the nursery department. His consideration towards every single person seemed to be his personal trademark in the hospital.

Unlike someone.

Frustrated with the fact that Noiz had _somehow_ made his way into his mind again, Aoba sighed and brushed his washroom plan off. But before he could turn the corner, Clear’s voice stopped his movements again.

“Ah, Noiz! Hold on to him!”

 

Curious, Aoba paced hurriedly towards the source of the noise and stood frozen at the doorway of the nursery upon seeing the scene inside.

There were only two doctors in the room with at least eight children – some of them were playing amongst themselves, some were fighting, while some were running around the room. One of them – a small girl – was hiding behind Noiz, small hands gripping onto his white robes and eyes shining with tears while Noiz stood awkwardly between her and another small boy, who was trying to grab her.

As the ear-splitting scream echoed throughout the room, Noiz continued standing awkwardly, not knowing what to do until Clear rushed over and separated the small boy away, hushing him and telling him off at the same time. As soon as the small boy was out of sight, the small girl started weeping. She was less noisy than how she was a few minutes ago but she still held onto Noiz’s robe while she wiped her eyes with her other hand. The pitiful scene evoked an urge in Aoba to run into the room so that he could calm her down. But when the girl looked up at Noiz and pulled at his robe, that contemplation was wiped off his mind instantly.

“Big Brother!” she called out. When Noiz stood still, unsure of how to respond, she opened her arms and stretched them high towards him, calling out again. “Hug!

The scene in front of him made Aoba drop his jaw as he witnessed Noiz – though still hesitant and awkward – suddenly bend down and scoop the little girl up, trying to balance her on his arms as she wrapped her arms around his neck, now smiling happily and nuzzling her cheek against Noiz’s neck.

The undefined pool of warmth surged through Aoba’s chest and he smiled in spite himself.

He couldn’t understand Noiz, and he wasn’t sure if he was really the right person to look after Sei. But at least there was one thing that he could be sure of – Noiz would become a great doctor and also a prodigious individual of his own, if someone could change him and teach him about the beauty of life. Somehow, he couldn’t wait for that day to come – the day when he would witness genuine emotions on the doctor’s face.

Before Aoba turned to leave, he swore that he could see a small curve forming at the corners of Noiz’s lips. And that was when he finally decided that perhaps he should really give this young, inexperienced doctor a chance.

 

 

 


	3. Emotions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He already knew that Noiz had almost zero experience in terms of human relationships and emotions, but the way he had said it made him feel both miserable and furious at the same time. This guy had a problem, in fact, a huge problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, thank you [Fio](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fio13) for beta-ing this chapter for me ww

“Hey, Noiz.”

Noiz stopped his scribbles on the patient report and looked up at Sei, who was smiling happily at him. Today was officially his first day as Sei’s attending doctor and the latter had been trying to engage him in some sort of conversation the entire time, but all the doctor did was merely give him passive, automatic replies. He couldn’t see the point of engaging in a conversation with his patients, unless it was something that concerned treatment or body condition. But Sei was determinedly trying to pull him into irrelevant topics by asking him questions like ‘How old are you?’, ‘How was Germany like?’, ‘How do you like this place?’, or even ‘What do you think about Koujaku?’. Standing firm with his belief that he shouldn’t be distracted by these pointless discussions, he purposefully ignored Sei and only focused on checking his charts and analyzing his daily reports. There were a few times when Sei had finally left him alone and, curious, Noiz looked up again just to find his patient pouting and staring unblinkingly at him, an expression which reminded him oddly of his younger brother.

When he looked up this time, however, Sei’s pout was nowhere to be seen. Instead, he was giving the doctor a gentle smile, causing Noiz to instinctively decide to pay no attention to him again.

“That’s rude,” Sei complained.

The slight rising of Sei’s voice finally managed to capture Noiz’s attention, and he sighed loudly, putting his pen back into his front pocket and staring straight at Sei.

“What do you want?” he asked, irritation evident in his tone of voice.

“You never answer any of my questions,” Sei continued, the purity in his voice an obvious contrast to Noiz’s.

“So what if I give you the answers to those questions? How would they benefit you?” he asked impatiently, clear annoyance showing in his eyes.

“Hmmm,” Sei started, fixing his gaze on the ceiling. “It won’t. But I want to know more about you.”

“Why?”

Noiz’s upfront question – which sounded more like an interrogation – led to a momentary silence between the two of them. Then, Sei gave out a small smile.

“Isn’t it normal for a patient to want to know more about their attending doctor?”

Noiz couldn’t help but produce a chuckle the instant he heard that statement, visibly confusing his patient. He understood what Sei meant. It was one of those countless times he’d witnessed between the other doctors and their patients. Although his previous supervisors had emphasized on the importance of relationship building with his patients, Noiz never saw the need for it. He never wanted to deal with something that he knew would bear the same result at the end of the day. Patients would eventually leave. For him, it was just a matter of if they would leave cured or not. Either way, it didn’t matter to him at all. His responsibilities were just to ensure that he attempted all the best approaches for his patients based on what he’d learned and based on the situations they were in. There was no space for him to put the ‘sentimental’ piece in his brain slot, and he could never figure out how building a relationship with his patients would help them with their recovery anyway.

Those were simply time-wasting efforts that he was unwilling to commit to.

Thus, when Sei directed the question at him, he could only laugh at how ridiculous it sounded, especially when Sei was the one who asked him. He knew that Sei would be another one of those patients who would recover soon and leave the hospital before he knew it, based on his positive recovery progress until now. And then they would be done there and then. No strings attached, no additional commitment, and he would be attending to another patient in no time, without a single thought about his previous patients. The process was always the same, and it always would be.

When Sei heard Noiz’s perfunctory response, he pouted and threw a pillow at him, which Noiz was fast enough to dodge.

“You’re so rude, Doctor,” the patient grumbled.

“I don’t remember having any obligation to be nice to you.”

Without waiting for his next retort, Noiz picked the clipboard up again and started briefing him about his condition.

“Vital signs and heart rate are all normal. Same goes for blood pressure and blood sugar. Everything is normal.”

“You’re wrong.”

“What?”

Noiz lifted one of his eyebrows and scrutinized Sei, who now had half of his face hidden behind another pillow he’d found under his bed and was peeking playfully at him.

“What was wrong?” Noiz repeated, confused with his disagreement.

“Aoba is not here. It’s not normal for him to _not_ be here at this time.”

The answer caught Noiz off guard completely, causing him to halt and stare curiously at Sei, without knowing what to say. Before the atmosphere could get even more awkward, knocks were heard from the door and the younger sibling strode in before Noiz gave him the permission to. The moment Aoba saw Noiz, he stood stunned for a few seconds but he recovered just as fast as when he stormed in. Then he looked away from the young doctor instantly, settling beside Sei and acting as if he didn’t see Noiz at all.

“How are you today, Sei?” Aoba asked, not even trying to hide the fact that Noiz had just turned invisible to him.

Sei gave him his usual smile and patted his head.

“I’m fine.” Then, he stopped, eyeing Noiz sideways and coughing lightly. “Actually… I’m not.”

The fast change of reply ignited an instant reaction from Aoba as his eyes widened, suddenly filled with mild vigilance, but Sei quickly continued before his brother could start shooting questions.

“Thanks to _that one rude doctor_ who doesn’t even want to talk to me.”

As Aoba’s worries gradually dropped down, Noiz put the clipboard back into its holder, took his glasses off and paced towards the door without another word. He wasn’t used to such a lighthearted atmosphere and he had no intention to be involved in it any longer. It made him feel as if he was an outsider in that picture, as if he didn’t fit anywhere, and that feeling irritated him to no end. When he was about to open the door, Aoba called out to him, stopping him.

“Wait, Noi— Doctor! I need to talk to you. Can I see you later?”

_Again?_

Giving out a soft grunt, Noiz turned and nodded at Aoba before opening the door and leaving the room.

When they were finally left alone, Aoba returned his attention to Sei and smiled apologetically at him. He was slightly later than usual today, which meant there wasn’t a lot of time for them to spend with each other.

“Seriously, Sei. How’s your condition today? Any abnormalities? Any—“

“I’m fine, Aoba, I really am,” Sei interrupted, laughing lightly at Aoba for being overly anxious again.

But still, he understood where Aoba’s edginess came from. Acknowledging the fact that today was the first day Sei was entrusted to Noiz, Aoba was worried about how he would adapt to this sudden changeover and he was also anxious about the way Noiz would handle him. It reminded him of the very first day when he had been admitted to the hospital. Aoba had cornered Koujaku the moment Sei had comfortably settled down in his new ward, throwing out hundreds of questions at the senior doctor without giving him a chance to breathe. Although Sei had felt extremely bad for Koujaku at that time, he was too weak to lend him a hand and Koujaku’s bitter smile – which had succeeded in irritating Aoba – made him smile for some reason. Koujaku was tolerant enough to deal with Aoba’s over-protectiveness towards his brother just because he had known him well enough to understand the reason for his actions. But he wasn’t sure if Noiz would have the same tolerance level as Koujaku did. Somehow, the short, one-sided interaction he had earlier with the newly appointed doctor had convinced him enough to know that Noiz wouldn’t take any of Aoba’s ‘unreasonable’ demands and he wouldn’t have the patience to deal with him. He would probably just shrug it off and leave an outrageous Aoba alone. As the thought flashed across his mind, he gave out an unintentional small chuckle, immediately causing Aoba to stop doing whatever he was doing and stare curiously at him.

“What’s wrong with you?” he asked, a half full cup of water in his hand and a water bottle in another.

“Nothing,” Sei replied simply. As Aoba continued giving him a suspicious stare, he quickly suppressed his laughter and continued. “What do you think of Noiz, Aoba?”

Clanking sound was heard in the next second as Aoba almost dropped the cup but managed to grab it before it could hit the floor. Then, he quickly wiped his wet hand with a cloth before he attended to his brother.

“Why are you asking?”

Sei shrugged. “I’m curious.”

But Aoba obviously didn’t have the intention to answer as he continued filling up their cups with water and taking out the food their grandma had prepared for them. When Sei realized that his brother wasn’t cooperating with him, he hummed lightly.

“He’s a nice kid.”

That seemingly uncomplicated statement resulted in another loud clanking from Aoba as he managed to drop the spoons on the floor this time. Clicking his tongue, he collected them up and hurried to a nearby sink, now feeling extremely frustrated at himself for overreacting.

Sei knew Aoba well enough to notice that even though his brother had never expressed his opinions openly, he was obviously concerned about, or at least interested in the young doctor. His flustered actions that he didn’t seem to be able to control clearly betrayed him, just like they always did.

“But he seems a bit… lost?” Sei continued, smiling fondly at his brother’s reactions and pretending not to notice his odd behavior. “That’s really sad. He’s so intelligent. I hope he finds his way soon.”

At this point, Aoba knew that he could no longer hide anything from his brother, so he turned around and looked straight at Sei, who was still staring expectantly at him, obviously still waiting for him to respond. Giving out a loud sigh, he hastily finished washing the spoons he’d dropped earlier and returned to his brother.

“Do you like him, Aoba?” Sei pressed, unwilling to give up until he dug something out of Aoba.

“… I know he’s intelligent. But he wouldn’t be able to progress anywhere with what he lacks now.”

“So you’re going to give him what he lacks?”

There was no mistaking the excitement in Sei’s voice as Aoba stared at him in disbelief. He could never win against his brother. Sei’s optimism was something Aoba lacked, and whenever he was showered with such overwhelming positivity, he sometimes found himself trapped in a situation where he no longer knew if he should surrender to the circumstances or stand firm with his own beliefs.

“Why should I do that? No, wait, who am I to even do that? He’s got nothing to do with me. And I want nothing to do with him.”

“Hmmm? So you’re not going to teach him?” Sei commented, purposely heightening the disappointment in his voice. “I thought you would, you know, seeing how you’re so concerned over—“

“I’m not. I don’t care about that brat.”

“Hmmm?”

Sei trailed off, shooting a suggestive stare at Aoba, which the latter quickly averted. The fact that the brat had taken over his thoughts for the past few days had confused him. At first, he was merely concerned about him because he would be Sei’s new attending doctor and he simply wanted to keep an eye on him. But after he got to know more about him, he found himself being curious about Noiz as an individual and he was surprised to realize that now, for some reason, he even found difficulties when it came to facing him in person.

If there was one way which could help him out of this awkward situation, it would be to force himself to face Noiz, to settle things and make things clear between them. And he would do that.

 

 

The visiting hours ended sooner than usual and after cleaning up the final piece of cutlery, Aoba gave his brother a hug before he stepped out of the room. His workload that day had tired him out, not to mention that he literally ran all the way to the hospital, without stopping to rest, only to find himself facing the awkwardness with Noiz, which had exhausted him even further. Now that he finally had some time to spare before he made his way down to Noiz’s office, he gave out a huge sigh of relief. Just as he was about to turn the corner to where he would usually find the all-too-familiar vending machine, he suddenly bumped into a group of people surrounding two doctors - one of them in a surgeon robe and another in his usual white robe. Instantly realizing that the two doctors were Noiz and Koujaku, Aoba hurried back to the corner from where he came and peeked from behind the wall. He didn’t even know why he was avoiding them, but judging on the situation they were in, it was definitely not a good time for him to casually go up to them.

“I’m really, _really_ sorry,” Koujaku muttered. His voice was filled with a mixture of guilt and sorrow, but there was no mistaking the sincerity in his tone along with the slight hint of regret that had slipped out of his mouth before he could stop it.

“Aren’t you the best doctor in town?! Why didn’t you save him?! Why?!”

Overpowered by her grief, a middle-aged woman was punching aggressively at Koujaku’s chest as she screamed repeatedly. “He’s my only son! He’s still so young! What have you done?!”

Her family members were trying to calm her down as they attempted to pull her away from Koujaku, who had lost all intention to defend himself. With a bitter expression on his face, he merely gazed at the miserable woman in front of him, unable to utter another word knowing that no matter what he said, it would definitely not help in easing the situation, nor would it do any help to calm the woman down. Now the woman could only see him as an unforgivable man who had taken her only son’s life away.

This was a rare scene for Aoba to witness even though he was very familiar with most of the things that Koujaku needed to deal with as a doctor by now. Koujaku was one of the people he respected the most. The pressure he had to handle with so many people’s lives in his hands along with the emotional burdens of the relatives of said people had mercilessly crashed on him on a frequent basis. All of these were enough to drive him crazy. But yet, he stayed firm. With his usual carefree attitude and cheerful smile that he never failed to give to Aoba and Sei whenever they met, it was almost impossible for anyone to even notice that he was bearing responsibility on his shoulders. Aoba understood that this was also part of a doctor’s responsibilities and Koujaku would’ve expected these to come when he committed himself to this life. He tried not to talk too much about this with Koujaku and he knew that Koujaku appreciated his consideration. But when he actually _saw_ the remorse and grief clearly reflected on his childhood friend’s face, Aoba felt his heart stinging with pain.

It probably wasn’t Koujaku’s fault to begin with. He might’ve been the surgeon in charge of the operation and he was definitely the best neurologist in town. But there were still things that he couldn’t control. And the fact that he had to bear the guilt of even those responsibilities that he couldn’t help upset Aoba greatly.

As the commotion continued, a muscular man moved in between Koujaku and the woman and pulled them apart. The woman was now sobbing soundlessly, shoulders shaking with her hand over her mouth. As soon as she was settled down on the bench, the man advanced towards Koujaku, shouting harshly into his face.

“I want an explanation! And I don’t want to listen to any more apologies!”

The man was as unreasonable as the woman, but he was obviously more hostile, his fierce, piercing stare he shot Koujaku unexplainably menacing, as if he was threatening to break his neck if the doctor was not able to give him the answer he expected. But Koujaku obviously still had the situation under control, totally unaffected by the man’s overpowering threats.

“Your son’s situation has been unpredictable all this time, I’ve mentioned that there’s a possibil—“

“I don’t want to hear any of this bullshit! I want to know why you didn’t save him?!”

“I’m getting to that point. I’ve mentioned that the survival rate was low and I’m sorr—“

“Cut it out. It’s not your fault.”

A different voice interrupted their conversation, and everyone’s attention was immediately shifted to the owner of it. Noiz had been silent the entire time until now. Aoba assumed that he must’ve bumped into Koujaku when he left Sei’s room earlier. Standing silently behind Koujaku, he merely watched the entire scene without any emotions on his face. Aoba was unsure about Noiz’s opinion regarding the situation, but from the way he sounded, he suspected that the kid was going to land himself in trouble.

As if he’d just read Aoba’s mind, Koujaku quickly shot Noiz a warning glare but was completely ignored when Noiz pushed him aside and stood in front of the vicious looking man instead. The young doctor was only half his size, but he was obviously not bothered by it as he proceeded to stare emotionlessly at the now confused man.

“Have you ever heard of the proverb ‘graves are of all sizes’? Well, I guess you haven’t, judging from the way you reacted. Let me do you a favor and explain it to you,” Noiz continued, voice filled with sarcasm, seemingly unconcerned with the seriousness of the situation as he purposely ignored Koujaku’s grip on his arm. “It means that everyone dies eventually. No one is too young to die. So I don’t see why you have to make such a big deal out of it. Your son had an accident because he was too drunk to drive for his own good. He hurt his brain and he was in a coma for two months. I think those hints were good enough for you to expect this day to come? Unless you were to senseless to keep yourself updated with his recovery progress. Besides, death is unavoidable. And when it comes to your son, I guess it served him rig—“

“Noiz!” Koujaku bellowed, finally pulling him back aggressively but he was one second too late when a heavy punch landed on Noiz’s face before he could finish his word, causing him to lose his balance and fall backwards directly on Koujaku’s chest. Koujaku had managed to grab him before his head could hit the wall but before he could hide him behind his back, the man had launched towards them and was aiming another punch at Noiz’s stomach. Then, Aoba finally lost his patience and dashed straight into the scene, pulling Noiz away just in time before the punch could land on him.

After giving one quick nod to Koujaku, Aoba immediately dragged Noiz away, running all the way down the corridor and down the stairs two floors below before they finally stopped at a corner and panted heavily, both trying to catch their breath.

“W-What the h-hell are you doing?!” Aoba hissed out, still trying to rebalance his breathing as he leaned against the wall. “You’re gonna get Koujaku _and_ yourself into trouble!”

Noiz recovered faster than Aoba as he straightened himself up and stared irritably at him.

“I’m just stating the truth. I don’t see a point to dwell over something that was already expected.” Then, he clicked his tongue, instantly capturing Aoba’s attention. “That old man is too sentimental. He’s allowing people to climb over his head. I don’t see a reason why he should be nice in the first place, especially towards people like them.”

Having nothing else to say, Aoba could only stare, wide-eyed, at the brat in front of him. He already knew that Noiz had almost zero experience in terms of human relationships and emotions, but the way he had said it made him feel both miserable and furious at the same time. This guy had a problem, in fact, a _huge_ problem.

Furious, he grabbed Noiz by the wrist, dragged him along the corridor and straight into the intern’s office where he released him and immediately settled himself on the chair in front of his desk without another word. Slightly confused, Noiz stared at him for another few seconds before he walked to his own chair and sat down, now supporting his chin with his knuckles.

The silence surrounding them was becoming more and more awkward with every passing second, the only sound accompanying them being the ticking sound of the clock and the hurried footsteps outside the door. Then, no longer able to contain his nerves, Aoba looked up, still pouting and scowling as he tried to catch a glimpse of Noiz, only to realize that the doctor was also staring at him with a thin scowl on his brow. But what changed Aoba’s expression was when he noticed the red liquid dripping down Noiz’s head and the deep-red bruise that was starting to form on his face, obviously caused by the punch the furious man had given him earlier.

“Noiz!” he stood up in lightning speed, still staring unblinkingly at the wound on his face and gaping at him.

As if expecting more scolding or even a few more hits from Aoba, Noiz moved back slightly, his scowl deepening. But Aoba was already hurrying towards him and the next thing he knew, a piece of cloth was pressed against his forehead, the man who was two feet away from his just seconds ago now extremely close to him, to the extent that he could actually see his own reflection in his light-brown eyes. And that was when Noiz finally realized how messed up he really was.

But he was not used to being so close to the stranger in front of him. Rather, this was the first time he’d ever shared such closeness with anyone and the foreign experience was starting to irritate him. Immediately after he’d recovered from the confusion, he pushed Aoba away aggressively.

“Don’t touch me.”

Noiz’s hostile attitude surprised Aoba for only a short while before he regained his control and inched closer towards Noiz again. Then, Noiz suddenly stood up – the slight height difference intimidating Aoba al little – and intended to move out of the way, but before he could do so, Aoba pushed him back on the chair and trapped him in between his arms.

“Stay still. Do not move,” he demanded in a sturdy tone as he stared straight into Noiz’s eyes, effectively halting Noiz’s actions.

After making sure that Noiz was going to stay still, he finally moved away and started searching around the room for a first-aid kit. The unsatisfied glare he felt on his back was enough for him to know that the doctor wasn’t going to remain compliant for too long.

Just as Aoba was on the verge of dashing out of the room to go and ask someone for the box, Noiz suddenly cleared his throat, calling out for his attention.

“Is this what you’re looking for?”

He was holding a first-aid kit in his hand, a smirk plastered on his face.

Aoba almost exploded with rage as he stormed towards the brat and snatched the box out of his hand, immediately opening it to retrieve the items he needed. Noiz merely stared at Aoba and wiped the blood off his face, without even a flinch.

“Urgh, looks painful,” Aoba mumbled as he applied Neosporin on the awful-looking cut on his forehead. “This is what happens when you’re not empathetic of others. Take this as a lesson, _doctor_ ,” he continued, purposely emphasizing on Noiz’s title just to remind him of the responsibility that he shouldered.

When he was finally done with cleaning Noiz’s wound, Aoba pressed a gauze pad against it securely. He proceeded to clean up the table when suddenly Noiz gave out a light chuckle, instantly drawing a scowl on Aoba’s face.

“W-What?”

“You do realize that you just treated a doctor, right?” Noiz asked teasingly, hand rubbing the gauze material on his forehead.

A faint tint of blush made its way across Aoba’s face and he quickly looked away. He _did_ realize that he was treating a doctor, but what flustered him most was not the fact that he was trying to act as if he was a better expert than Noiz when it came to wound treatment. Instead, the fact that he overreacted because it was _Noiz_ that had gotten injured was the main reason why he was so flustered right now. But he would rather die than admit that to Noiz, especially when he was showing him such an obnoxious attitude.

“So, _Dr. Seragaki_ , what should I do to make sure that my wounds don’t become worse?”

Noiz’s teasing voice rang beside his ears, and when he turned around, he instantly came face to face with the doctor, who was now advancing towards him, closing their gap more with each passing second.

When Noiz’s face was only inches away from his own, Aoba pushed him away and gave him a furious glare. Satisfied with the reaction, Noiz went back to sit on his chair, leaving Aoba confused.

“Why did you—“ Aoba started but stopped when Noiz raised his hand.

“Before that,” he said nonchalantly and pointed at the gauze pad on his forehead. “Mind explaining what this is all about?”

“Huh?”

Aoba’s dumbfounded reaction made Noiz click his tongue.

“Why are you doing all this for me? Ah.” Suddenly, Noiz’s eyes brightened and he gave Aoba a knowing smirk before he continued. “… just to make myself clear, no matter what you do, I’ll still treat your brother as how I treat my other patients.”

“…huh?” It took a while for Aoba to finally understand what Noiz was trying to say and the realization made him jump, blood instantly rushing to his cheeks. “You think I did that just so that you would give Sei special treatment or something?! Who do you think I am?!”

“An overly concerned brother who’s way too anxious and paranoid over everything I do to his precious brother,” Noiz replied, tone still indifferent, the suggestive smirk that was still plastered on his face making Aoba’s blood boil.

Aoba was trying to think of a comeback but the sudden ache in his head told him that it was a bad idea to continue arguing with the doctor further. He would just end up with a bad migraine if he kept falling into this insufferable brat’s trap.

“Wait, stop. I think we have a misunderstanding here. I didn’t do it for anyone’s sake. I did it for _you_. You don’t expect me to just watch as you bleed all over yourself without doing anything, do you?”

“Why not?”

“… _huh?!_ ”

“I said, why not? That’s what everyone else does,” Noiz repeated, now visibly annoyed.

_Everyone?_

Then, Noiz leaned back against his chair and stared at Aoba, scanning him from head to toe, as if he was conducting a human x-ray on him on the spot.

“Let me get this straight. Why would you care about me besides the fact that I’m your brother’s attending doctor? Besides, the only way things would benefit you would be if I give my undivided attention to your brother. By this, you wouldn’t need to worry about me mistreating him and he would be able to get the best medical supplies at the same time. That’s the only thing that I could figure out from all this.”

So being a ‘friend’ wasn’t what he considered at all?

Aoba had thought of being on good terms with Noiz before, right after Koujaku had described his circumstances to him. He admitted that his initial motive for trying to build that relationship was to make sure that his brother was still under good care. But knowing more about Noiz now had shifted his impression towards the young doctor slightly, and in turn, it had shifted his motives as well. He couldn’t understand why he was so obsessed with the brat but for some reason, the thought of leaving him alone when he so _obviously_ needed help hurt him in more ways than he could define.

Swallowing hard, he forced the words out of his mouth, attempting to ask him things that he needed to know in order to help him progress with this situation.

“That’s how you treat all your patients? Even their families and friends? You only see them as… your patients? That’s why you said those things to that family from before?

Noiz was starting to get confused with this conversation. He couldn’t understand what Aoba was trying to tell him. How else should he treat these people? Humming lightly, he moved his gaze away from Aoba and started flipping through the piled up documents on his desk before he finally responded.

“Like I said, I don’t see the need to make a fuss out of things like that. Besides, that patient brought it upon himself. I don’t see the need at all for any pity towards him _and_ his family. The old man is overreacting.” Then, he looked up at Aoba. “… _you_ are overreacting.”

Aoba scowled. “So does that mean.. if anything happened to Sei, this would’ve been your reaction as well?”

“Hmm.” Aoba’s question made Noiz delve into his thoughts. Tapping his pen on the piece of blank paper in front of him, he stared blankly, considering the question for a bit, before he looked up at Aoba, who was eagerly waiting for his answer.

“Probably.”

That was when Aoba finally lost it. The calmness that they had finally gained was destroyed once again as Aoba stood up angrily, grabbing a handful of the doctor’s collar and slamming him hard against the chair.

“But Sei doesn’t deserve it! Why do you have to say something like that?! How would you react if something was to happen to _your_ brother?!”

Noiz stared, wide-eyed and surprised by the sudden rage he now saw on Aoba’s face. Aoba’s overreaction was nothing new to him but the moment he saw those overwhelmingly intense emotions in his eyes, he was transfixed. He figured that this was probably not the best time for him to get mesmerized over the way Aoba was holding so many strong emotions in his eyes – something he couldn’t really understand – but he had to admit that seeing Aoba’s different reactions all this while had been fascinating to him. At first, he only saw Aoba as another relative of a patient he was in charge of. Then, he started showing him unexplained compassion which didn’t make any sense to him. This guy was confusing him, but he still couldn’t deny the fact that he was also interested in him at the same time.

He was indeed different from any other patients or relatives he had ever encountered.

But this was not the right time to analyze him too deeply, unless he wanted to risk having a few of his bones broken. Shrugging, he finally responded with a tone that instantly convinced Aoba that none of his previous confrontations had managed to change Noiz’s perception towards the way human emotions worked.

“If it happens, it happens. It can’t be helped.”

At this point, Aoba was filled with so much wrath that he no longer cared if his next action would cause him another one of those unbearable migraines he tended to get when he got too upset.

“This is perfectly the reason why people are dying in your hands! And let me tell you this, young man. If you keep this up, you’ll never become a doctor, let alone a decent human being, you hear me?! _Never_!”

There was nothing Noiz could think of as a response to that. The words Aoba shouted at him started repeating in his head like a mantra. He’d heard those exact same words over and over again. He’d ignored all of them, not being able to see the significance behind them. But he’d never expected to hear them again so soon when he was still in the midst of settling himself down and starting anew in this small town. The direct confrontation hurt his ego to a certain extent, leaving him blank and frozen in his seat as he stared questioningly at the man.

Suddenly realizing that he might have gone overboard, Aoba hastily released Noiz and scrambled back to his chair, the throbbing in his head finally getting to him as he felt the nausea hit him abruptly, almost causing him to throw up. Quickly reaching out to his bag, he searched inside it frantically just to realize that he’d forgotten his medicine. He scowled, now even more frustrated with himself, before he stood up and made his way to the door without another word.

But before he could open the door, Noiz’s voice halted his action.

“Hey.”

“What?” Aoba looked back, the fury still evident on his face.

“How would _you_ react if someone you love were to leave you?”

That sounded like a simple question. But for Aoba, it was a question that had opened up the possibility to reach towards this insensitive future doctor and make him open his mind to the world.


	4. Meaning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Creating memories is easy; creating meaningful memories isn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for putting this fic into hiatus but I'm back now and I'll focus on this story from now onward (finally after completing some of my backlogs ^^;).

 

>  
> 
> _They said that our memories are diaries we carry about with us. But little do they know that memories are so intangible and could be easily lost, sometimes even without you knowing._
> 
> _This fact scares me._
> 
> _Hey, if I no longer remember you, will you continue holding these memories close to you?_
> 
> _Will you still remember how you felt towards me?_
> 
> _Will you give up on me?_

 

 

“Aoba?”

Aoba snapped back to his senses the moment he felt Sei’s hand on his lap. Blinking a few times to readjust his poise, he stared down to notice a half-peeled apple in his hand. This situation was happening way too often and he really needed to snap out of this. After giving Sei a weak, awkward smile, he quickly resumed the work, only to find both his knife and apple to be snatched out of his grasp.

“Hey—“

“Let me do it,” Sei interrupted before Aoba could retort further.

Recognizing the fact that he would never stand a chance against his brother, Aoba sighed heavily and leaned back against his chair, slowly drowning back into his realm of thoughts before he got sidetracked.

“Is something wrong?” Sei asked, now cutting the apple into pieces and placing them on a plate.

Aoba was about to mouth the ‘Nothing’ but he stopped himself before the word managed to make it to the tip of his tongue, realizing that it would only raise more suspicions if he was to do that. Instead, he gave Sei another bitter smile and leaned forward to grab one of the apple pieces and throw it into his mouth.

“…that doctor,” he mumbled with his mouth full.

“You mean Noiz.”

Aoba almost choked on his food. But he nodded nonetheless, quickly grabbing another piece of apple and gobbling it down, a miserable attempt to hide his awkwardness.

“What’s with Noiz? Did he harass you or something?” Sei continued asking, unsatisfied with the way he was left hanging.

This time, Aoba managed to choke on his food and he coughed out loud, scrambling to grab the glass of water from the bedside table and drowning half of it down his throat. When he finally regained his calm, he shot Sei a pout, accompanied by a small scowl.

He wasn't even sure why he was overreacting. Noiz had never attempted any skin-to-skin contact with him. In fact, _he_ was the one who had dragged Noiz all over the place and had pushed him against his chair when they were in his office few days ago. It wasn't like him to be so overly concerned over someone who he couldn't consider as a friend _yet_. But when he realized the warmth on his face and the faint hint of undefined emotions now spreading across his chest, he noticed that, without him realizing, he might have been considering Noiz as someone _more_ than just his brother’s attending doctor.

“Or did you harass him?”

“I didn—argh if you could even consider that as harassing,” Aoba quickly clarified.

“So you did,” Sei muttered, the amusement evident in the way he purposely emphasizing every word he blurted out.

“It’s not what you think it is!” Aoba responded frantically. “That brat was injured, and all I did was treated his wounds.”

“You treated a _doctor’s_ wounds.” Sei smiled with a hint of tease. “So you _are_ concerned about him, after all.”

“I…”

There was nothing else Aoba could say to further defend himself. Gaping at Sei, he gave out a huge sigh and lowered his head, staring at his own hands with a fresh set of questions now flooding his head.

“I don’t even know what’s wrong with me,” he confessed. “I don’t want to interfere with his business but I couldn't leave him alone when he was bleeding all over the place.”

Sei allowed a moment of silence to spread between them before he reached out to ruffle Aoba’s hair, causing the younger one to tilt his head up with a questioning look plastered on his face.

“That’s why you’re such a good child, Aoba,” Sei smiled. “Same goes to Noiz. He just didn't realize it the way you did.”

“I didn—well, I admit that he isn't _that_ bad but that doesn't make him any good either.”

He was expecting more comebacks from Sei, but the latter merely gave him a gentle smile as he took a piece of apple and stuffed it into his younger brother’s mouth.

“No matter what it is, there’s one thing I’m sure about you.”

Forcefully swallowing the food down his throat, Aoba wiped his mouth with the back of his hand as he shot Sei a curious look.

“You’re going to find him later, am I right?”

He was right.

 

*** 

 

He had been trying to figure out ways to open Noiz up. He wasn’t sure why he was so persistent with the brat but – as how Sei had read through him – he knew that he simply couldn’t leave him alone. If he’d never witnessed the way Noiz opened up (even for a bit) when he overheard him dealing with children in the nursery, he’d really believe that Noiz was a cold-hearted person who no longer had any hopes of recovery. But that wasn’t the case, and he was willing to take the chance rather than letting it go. As if reading his mind, his legs led him instinctively to the nursery and he stood outside the doorway, still contemplating if he should set his foot in when a familiar voice urged him to give the room a chance.

“That’s my boy.”

A peek into the room told Aoba that the voice he’d overheard was, indeed, belonged to Clear. The nursery doctor was trying to feed a crying boy with a black-colored liquid when Aoba approached him and he only noticed him when Aoba tapped him on the shoulder.

“Aoba-san! You’re still here!” Clear exclaimed, immediately flashing him a big smile that never failed to brighten up Aoba’s mood as he balanced the now teary-eyed boy on his arm. “You just came back from visiting Sei-san?”

“Yeah,” Aoba replied as he smiled gently at the small boy, who was now staring timidly at him. “He’s doing fine, as usual.”

“That’s a great relief!” Clear beamed. He was about to pat Aoba on the shoulder when he withdrew his hand frantically upon realizing that his hands were too occupied with the small boy. Almost dropping the child, he anxiously balanced him on his arms and gasped out loud, causing Aoba to give him a bitter smile.

“So how are things around here today, Clear?” Aoba asked after patting softly on the boy’s head, effectively preventing him from bursting into tears.

“Today is as great as usual!” Clear replied happily. “How can you not when you’re being surrounded by children? They are equivalent to happiness!”

 _They are equivalent to happiness_.

Clear’s replied got Aoba thinking as his eyes brightened, an idea suddenly crossing his mind.

“Speaking of which, will you still be here in a while?” Aoba asked, eyes now scanning around the room. There were around six to eight children in the nursery now. Some of them were playing among themselves; but there were also some who were completely alone and were staring curiously at the toys that were given to them, unsure of what to do with them.

“Yup, I’ll be here for the entire evening. Why do you ask, Aoba-san?”

Aoba merely gave him a smile.

“Nothing much, actually. Oh, by the way,” trying to avoid any suspicions, Aoba hastily looked at his watch and pretended to look at the time. “I’ll see you later, I guess. I've got some stuff to do.”

“Sure! I’ll be here.”

And he rushed out of the nursery, heading towards his initial destination with a whole new resolution in his head.

 

 

_Narcolepsy. Admitted for a month. No signs of recovery._

Noiz tapped his pen on the piece of report he was reading with a thin frown in between his eyebrows. Koujaku had given him the authority to make decisions for patients whose situations weren't too severe and he’d been trying to get use to this unusual trust the senior doctor had directed towards him. Even when he already had the diagnosis experiences in his past training, none of his supervisors had granted him with this kind of imperative authority within such a short time frame. It’d usually take six months to a year for him to finally earn the trust of his supervisors but apparently, this wasn't the case for Koujaku. He’d only been here for two weeks and he was already being shouldered with such heavy tasks – responsibilities that involved the lives of many others. He’d been trying to figure out Koujaku’s working pattern but so far he had been nothing but confused.

“Hmm,” Noiz hummed, still tapping lightly on the piece of paper. He was supposed to decide on the next treatment for this particular patient but somehow, he kept having a hunch that told him that there was more to what he was reading from the piece of paper. This wasn't a situation he was unfamiliar with. He’d faced similar situations when the condition of certain patients was completely normal and he’d advised them to solutions that he deemed were the best. But somehow, their conditions worsened not long after and he ended up being trapped in a situation where he had no choice but to shoulder all the responsibilities for things that he thought weren't supposed to be wrong. Thus, whenever things started becoming a bit too normal, he couldn't help but feel paranoid and needless to say, he ended up spending more time than needed to consider the situation through.

This didn't seem too complicated, though. The next solution was obviously to conduct another checkup in case they’d missed out any neurologist disorder in this patient. The moment they found the disorder, then he could proceed with the treatment that could best heal the patient.

He was about to write his decision down when knocks started echoing from the door.

“Come in.”

Aoba poked his head in from behind the door and, upon seeing Noiz, he pushed the door open and stepped into the office, purposely ignoring the sigh he’d heard from Noiz the moment the doctor realized who his visitor was.

“Can I help you with anything, Mr.Seragaki?” Noiz asked, his voice as indifferent as Aoba remembered it to be.

He already had everything all planned out. But the moment Noiz’s voice hit his ears, he found his own voice trapped in his throat as he swallowed thickly, shaking his head slightly to chase the hesitation off his mind.

“How are your injuries?”

Aoba felt like jumping out of the window the moment the question rolled out of his tongue. That was obviously not what he wanted to ask.

And Noiz’s smirk upon hearing the question convinced him that the brat had just read his mind.

“I’m sure that’s not the reason why you’re here?” he said, leaning back against his chair and crossing his fingers on his lap.

Effectively drawing the embarrassment out of him, Aoba averted Noiz’s gaze as he forced his mind to work out an escape route.

But Noiz obviously didn't have the patience to deal with his struggles any longer, especially not when he himself was struggling with an important decision he had to make under such a tight time frame. He was about to return to his work when he realized that he could no longer concentrate with Aoba’s presence in his room. So instead, he gave the awkward male a mischievous stare before he called out to him.

“Since you’re here, I think you wouldn't mind answering a few of my questions for taking up my time?”

As Aoba raised a curious eyebrow at Noiz, the doctor raised the paper he was reading up and beckoned Aoba to come closer.

“This patient is diagnosed with Narcolepsy,” seeing the confused look on Aoba’s face, Noiz shrugged and continued. “It’s a neurological disease that causes patients to experience irresistible bouts of sleep. In other words, this patient is experiencing irregular sleeping cycles. She hardly sleeps for an hour a day and so far all the treatments we've been giving her aren't working.”

Although surprised with the sudden change of topic, Aoba took his time to slowly digest the new information, which he suspected Noiz had summarized it into a simpler version so that he could understand it easier. Nodding, he asked.

“And your question is…?”

“I’m supposed to decide how she should proceed from now on. And I’m interested with your opinion since you’re so particular with how I treat my patients.”

Aoba wasn't sure if he should feel honored or annoyed with how Noiz involved him in the situation but he nodded again, tilting his head slightly as he took the circumstance into consideration.

“I’m not sure what the cause of this disease is but I’m sure if it’s due to certain neurological disorder you would have spotted it, right? So, if that’s not the case…” he trailed off, sinking back into his own thoughts. “Do you have a historical record or any background information about this person?”

Noiz chuckled at the way Aoba referred a patient with the word ‘person’ but he shrugged it off anyway, knowing that if he was to confront him with this picky habit of his he’d be landing himself with another long lecture.

“She has a clean background,” Noiz answered as he flipped through another document file. “Clean from murder records, no jailbreak history, no suicidal attempts—“

“Wait, wait,” Aoba interrupted. “I’m not asking if she has a clean background or not. I’m trying to ask if there were any life-changing events that had occurred in her past?”

Trying to shake the annoyance of being interrupted off, Noiz looked up at Aoba questioningly before he scanned through the document file again, his irritation vanished into thin air when he found what he was looking for.

“If that’s what you’re asking, she had a traumatic experience when she witnessed her brother’s accidental fell to death when she was five…” Then, Noiz’s eyes brightened up as he stared unblinkingly at that one important piece of information he had deemed unimportant all this while.

“Well, if that’s the case, her disease might not be due to neurological disorder after all. It could be due to certain external sources. Probably you could advise her to attempt..”

“..psychological treatment,” Noiz muttered, interrupting Aoba.

Aoba gaped before he swallowed the words that never made it out back.

“Exactly.”

Without looking up, Noiz hurriedly scribbled down notes on the patient’s file. Once he was done with that, he looked up to see Aoba still staring at him, only then he realized that he’d forgotten about the reason he was here.

He hated to admit it but somehow, he could now see where Koujaku was going with him when he’d dumped all these seemingly unserious responsibilities on him. The senior doctor was trying to get him to notice things that he was too ignorant to consider before.

And ironically, Aoba – being a person who possessed a higher chance than Noiz to oversee important things like these – was the one who’d helped him notice these fine, imperative details. He wasn't sure if he should find this situation funny or humiliating.

“So…. are you done with your job?” Aoba asked cautiously.

Noiz closed his document, finally able to concentrate on Aoba as he stood up and walked towards him.

“Yeah, I’m done. So what exactly do you want from me? If it’s really about my injuries, I can tell you that they’re well-treated and I’m more than fine. I’m a doctor, after all.”

“No, I didn't want to ask abou—okay, fine, yeah, that’s great to know. But anyway,” Aoba averted Noiz’s gaze again before he continued. “I wanted to ask if you’re up for a visit to the nursery… that’s if you’re free of course.”

Noiz stared suspiciously at him.

“Is there a reason why I should I go with you?” he asked.

Without any idea of how to he could convince Noiz to follow him, Aoba forced his very last resort out, trying his luck before he officially call off his plan.

“I saw you in the nursery the other day with Clear,” he stuttered. “It’s not like I was eavesdropping or anything. I just happened to pass by and I saw the way you dealt with this small girl..”

“And your point is?” Noiz pestered, the annoyance now evident in his tone.

“I’m thinking of… argh, whatever, can you just come with me? I can explain better when we’re there.”

Aoba’s desperation was too obvious to miss but what made Noiz decide to follow him later on wasn't because he’d given in to his persistence; but it was because of his own curiosity that had managed to get the better of him, causing him to allow himself to be dragged out of the office and down the corridor towards the nursery.

 

 

Before Noiz and Aoba could properly step into the nursery, they heard a loud gasp. Then, before they could figure out who was the owner of the voice, Noiz felt something crashing into his legs, immediately followed by a pair of warmth wrapping around them, causing him to be unable to move. He was frozen on the spot until Aoba chuckled lightly.

“It seems like she’s attracted to you,” Aoba commented as he squatted down to pat on the small girl’s head. It was the same girl he’d witnessed with Noiz the other day. The moment Aoba tried to reach out to her, she retreated and hid behind Noiz’s legs, small hand still clutching on his left leg as she stared timidly at Aoba with an expression looking as if she was at the verge of bursting into tears.

Defeated, Aoba straightened himself and stared teasingly at Noiz.

“I wonder what you've done for her to be so clingy towards you, eh?”

Before Noiz could answer, he felt a slight pull on his robe and he looked down to see the small girl staring eagerly at him. Then, before he could even respond, the girl was already spreading both of the arms at Noiz, clearly asking for a hug.

“If you don’t do what she wants you to do, she might cry and you would end up with more problems,” Aoba said in a nonchalant yet teasing tone and shooting Noiz with a playful smirk at the same time.

Noiz managed to give Aoba an annoyed glare before he proceeded to squat down and scoop the girl into his arms. As soon as the girl was comfortably settled, she leaned her face against Noiz’s shoulder, happily humming and giving out a smile which immediately melted Aoba’s heart.

“It’s strange how you’re more concerned with a little girl over your patients. She’s not even part of your responsibilities,” Aoba continued his teasing, obviously unwilling to drop the chance that would make him feel more superior to Noiz.

Noiz, however, had zero intention to go with Aoba’s flow. Even when he hadn't muttered a single word out, his mind was already in turbo mode as he started considering the comments Aoba had purposely thrown at him. Those were thoughts that have never crossed his mind and the way he acted now confused him even further. But he would rather die than admitting to Aoba that he didn't know the answer to all the doubts Aoba had proposed at him.

They spent a whole hour in the nursery – Aoba ended up speaking with Clear the entire time upon realizing that his presence wasn't welcome in Noiz’s and the little girl’s small merrymaking; whereas Noiz was mostly occupied with said girl, who did nothing but continue clinging to Noiz and shouting about things which Noiz couldn't understand. Her constant need of attention caused Noiz to have no choice but to respond to her every time she directed him with a phrase that sounded oddly like a question to him. Even so, what confused Noiz most was the way the girl’s smile did things to him – the undefined pool of warmth spreading across his chest was definitely not something he was familiar with.

No one had ever responded to him in such a positive way before, and it made Noiz wonder how was it possible for someone – who was obviously unimportant in his life – to be able to draw such a bizarre effect out of him.

 

 

It was already dark outside when they left the nursery (Noiz finally managed to struggle out of the clutch of a sleeping girl). Giving out a loud stretch, Aoba hummed happily as they made their way out, mindlessly walking down the corridor.

“I need to go home,” Aoba pronounced when he checked the time on his watch. “Granny is gonna be so mad at me.”

Noiz, however, continued his silent battle with Aoba as he took a different turn towards the corridor that led to his office. That was when Aoba finally took the initiative and commenced his first skin-to-skin contact with Noiz as he gripped the doctor by the arm, stopping him in his tracks.

“You’re not going back?” he asked, instantly regretting his bold action when he felt the slight hesitant tremble in his grip. But what wiped his regrets off his mind was the fact that Noiz didn't brush him off like how he would usually do, something Aoba was genuinely surprised of.

“Unlike you, I work for a non-stop 36 hours,” Noiz replied casually. “I thought you’d know, since you’re so close to the old man.”

He admitted that he hadn't been keeping this piece of information locked into his brain since it wasn't very relevant to him. He wasn't very attentive towards the long working hours of a doctor and he didn't pay too much attention to exactly how heavy their workload was either. Feeling mildly embarrassed with his lack of consideration, Aoba released Noiz, turned his back towards the blond and made his way towards the exit. However, when Noiz was about to make his depart towards his office, Aoba turned around and yelled at him.

“I hope you learned something new today!” he exclaimed, causing the doctor to freeze in his tracks.

Shrugging, Noiz turned around to stare disconcertingly at Aoba. This guy was becoming more and more confusing now. Why would he want to interfere with the way he interpreted the world around him? How would pushing himself into _his_ life benefit him? Noiz had made it clear that no matter how much effort Aoba was to put into building their relationship, he’d treat Sei the same as how he’d treat his other patients. So why was he still so persistent with these fruitless efforts? Were they really necessary?

He was about to voice out his doubts, to stop Aoba from conducting more unnecessary actions when Aoba interrupted him and made him swallow back his words.

“I’m not only doing it for Sei, in case you’re wondering. I’m doing it for you. I hope you keep that in mind,” Aoba said, making sure that his voice was loud and clear enough to reach Noiz.

Noiz frowned. “Why are you doing this for me? Why do you care?”

_Why can’t you just leave me alone?_

“Because I’m your friend. You obviously need help and I want you to be happy.”

_Friend?_

It was a foreign term for Noiz. He’d gotten used to people approaching him for all kinds of reasons for his entire life. The concept of selfless, one-sided contribution was never in his dictionary and he wasn't willing to involve himself into this kind of commitment which he deemed unhealthy. Aoba’s aggressive attempts to reach out to him were something new for him. He knew it was only a matter of time when everything would come to an end. The moment Sei was discharged, his life would return to how it was before and he wouldn't need to deal with this distraction anymore.

But at this point of time, he was so used to seeing Aoba’s determination and he was so used to listening to his long, endless nagging that the moment the thought of no longer having his presence around him made him feel…

 _…lonely_.

 

***

 

5.00 p.m.

This particular time had become an internal alarm for Noiz. The moment the clock stroke five, he was sure to hear knocks from the door, along with the familiar ‘Hi, Noiz!’ as Aoba strode into his room and settled himself comfortably in front of his desk as if he actually owned the place. As time went by, Aoba started barging into his room even without him giving his permission beforehand. But he didn't have the strength or the motivation to tell Aoba off, thus allowing the latter to wait for him in the office until he was done with his paperwork. Then, before he could even suggest anything, the cheerful male would drag him out of the office without giving him the chance to word the ‘no’ and shortly after, he’d find himself going on a tour in his own hospital.

Treating him like a total newbie, Aoba had brought him around the place to witness scenes which he couldn't bother less. He’d dragged him twice to peek on the family members of patients who were waiting anxiously outside the operation room. Noiz was about to leave – finding the attempt a waste of time – when Aoba grabbed him on the wrist and urged him to stay. The first time they did that, the operation of said patient was a success. Aoba almost broke into tears upon seeing the relieved and delighted faces of the family members when the surgeon walked out of the operation room and gave them a smile. He’d explained to Noiz about how a life had been saved and how they’d be able to go through more meaningful family moments now that a burden was finally lifted off their shoulders. Noiz didn't deem the information very important to him but he listened anyway, all the time stealing glances at the way Aoba excitedly described the potential meaningful moments the said family would be going through together in the future. The tears he’d witnessed at the corner of Aoba’s eyes confused him even further. He couldn't understand why Aoba was so passionate about _someone else’s_ life but at the same time, he couldn't ignore how disturbing the undefined warmth that wrapped across his chest was whenever Aoba gave out an unintentional, small giggle.

The next time when they did it again they hid in their usual corner outside the operation room; however, unlike the last time, the operation was a failure. Aoba gave out a small gasp upon realizing that he was looking at the grief plastered on Koujaku’s face once again. But this time, the senior doctor wasn't faced with a ferocious situation as the last. When he apologized, his voice was still filled with unmistakable regrets and sorrows as the family members collapsed and sobs started echoed throughout the corridor, directly sending a stab into Aoba’s chest. Noiz, once again, couldn't understand why Aoba was so overly concerned towards the situation. As a doctor, he was already used to seeing death and he couldn't see the reason of why he should feel miserable over something he obviously couldn't control. As Noiz stared at Aoba, he frowned when he saw the beads of tears which had once again appeared at the corner of his eyes, threatening to fall anytime. No matter how senseless he was towards human emotions, at least he knew one thing for sure – the tears that had just fallen down Aoba’s face now didn't held the same meaning as the tears he’d witnessed from Aoba when he was happily describing all the happiness he hoped others would be able to experience. It wasn't hard for him to notice that Aoba was constantly hoping for the happiness of others – himself included – and that realization somehow managed to lift the weight off his heart slightly. However, when he heard the smaller man’s strangled sobs and when he saw his reddened, tear-filled eyes, contrastingly, he felt his heart sank, a kind of emotion he was still having difficulty defining.

And he wondered if he would ever understand what Aoba was feeling right now.

Overwhelmed by grief, Aoba wasn't able to explain a lot of things to Noiz as how he did it the last time. All that he managed to blurt out was..

_Please cherish people when you have the chance. You never know when they’ll leave you. By the time you realize it, it’d be too late and you’ll definitely regret. So please, just, remember this._

Aoba’s words did things to his heart. And he hadn't make up his mind if the slight twinge of pain he felt in his heart meant anything to him at all.

 

***

 

He should put a stop to this. His workload was piling up and he shouldn't have the leisure time to allow himself to be dragged around by Aoba.

But he didn't.

Even when Aoba didn't force him out of his office, he was surprised to find himself tolerating with his presence in his office. Sometimes they spent their time in their own comfortable silence; sometimes Aoba would talk to him about things that he couldn't care less – like how he finally managed to cook a proper meal without burning down the kitchen; or how his neighbor – a muscular, tall man – gave him a pot of carnation just because he thought that he was over exhausting himself again. The office visits had become a daily routine. On days when Aoba didn't turn up, Noiz was even shocked to find himself feeling slightly unsettling. It was something he’d never encountered before and he was aware of the way his feelings got all over the place ever since Aoba forced his way into his life.

At first he thought that whatever Aoba did was merely for the sake of his brother. But during the whole time they’d spent their time together, Aoba never once mentioned about Sei, minus the time when Noiz briefed him about his daily status. After a while, he started to believe that Aoba was doing all these extra stuff merely for _him_.

But no matter how many evidences were laid out in front of him, something in Noiz _still_ stopping him from believing that someone _different_ had finally made their way into his life.

This reality was simply too good to be true.

When they finally ran out of places to visit in the hospital, they ended up strolling around mindlessly along the corridors. Aoba had refused to witness more heartbreaking scenes, pronouncing that his heart could no longer handle them. Noiz still pissed him off on a frequent basis and he only stopped when Aoba showed signs of almost throwing up due to the frequent migraines he tended to get when he got too fired up. He’d learned to control his taunts after finally admitting the fact that he found it too unbearable to witness Aoba writhing and sobbing in pain.

 

***

 

A month after they’d started their unusual daily routine, Aoba dragged Noiz to the baby wards, a place where even Noiz had never set his foot into.

“Look at him!” Aoba exclaimed excitedly as he pulled Noiz over to look at a newborn cuddling comfortably in his bundle of blanket. “Awww, he’s so cute and small!”

“It’s nothing fascinating. All babies are cute and small.”

Aoba merely shrugged at Noiz’s inconsiderate comment. By now, he’d gotten a hang of the way Noiz work and had tried not to get too fired up with everything he said. Pretending as if he didn't hear anything, Aoba proceeded to press his hands and his forehead against the glass piece separating them and the babies as he stared fondly at the sleeping baby right in front of him.

“He has the same hair color as you! Probably your future son would look like him,” he continued with an idiotic smile now plastered on his face.

Expecting an instant sarcastic comeback from Noiz, Aoba was surprised of the doctor’s lack of response as he turned to see Noiz staring unblinkingly at the baby. He was even surprised when he saw the soft and gentle expression Noiz was wearing on his face now, to the extent that he almost gasped out loud.

Noiz was properly showing emotions. It was something Aoba had been yearning to see; and the fact that all his past efforts were starting to bear results caused him to feel even more accomplished.

He couldn't help but stare at Noiz, constantly forcing back the urge to reach out and caress his face. But what spilled out of Noiz’s mouth the next second wiped that intention off his mind.

“…usagi.”

_Huh?_

“Wait, what?” Aoba asked, mouth hanging open at the sudden switch of mood.

“ ‘Usagi’ is rabbit in Japanese, right? It suits this little fella,” Noiz replied in his usual indifferent tone, now a contrast with the expression he was wearing on his face.

Wait, he wasn't serious about this, right?

“You mean to say…. You’re going to name him ‘usagi’ if you can…?” Aoba clarified carefully. But before Noiz could reply, he quickly continued. “No, wait, why _rabbit_ of all names? Don’t tell me…”

Aoba shot Noiz a teasing smirk as he leaned closer to the young doctor, bringing his face closer to Noiz’s as a small scowl made its way across the doctor’s face.

“…you like rabbits, huh?”

The soft cough that Aoba drew out of Noiz the next moment confirmed his suspicions as he broke into a loud laughter, causing Noiz to shoot him an unsatisfied glare before he started moving out of the place. But he wasn't quick enough for Aoba to miss the faint pink on his face and he ran up to grab Noiz on the wrist, effectively slowing down his steps.

So he could also be this adorable, huh? Aoba thought, unable to stop himself from smiling stupidly at Noiz.

“Usagi is good. It’d make a cute name,” he commented, obviously unwilling to drop the subject.

“Do you really think I’m serious about that? Don’t make me laugh,” Noiz retorted, still unwilling to look Aoba in the eyes.

“Oh, don’t tell me you were joking? I didn't know you can joke, doctor,” Aoba continued his teases.

“Oh, c’mon,” Noiz stopped, finally turning around to face Aoba. “Who would name their child after an animal?”

“I don’t know. The person I’m talking to right now?”

That answer painted a deeper flush on Noiz’s cheeks as he stormed off, trying to brush Aoba off and attempting to figure out the unfamiliar, lighthearted emotion he was feeling now.

 

 

 


	5. Happiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If happiness was to take a shape, he always assumed that he would take the shape of...
> 
> Him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made it on time for Kisu no Hi! <3
> 
> The chapters are becoming a lot more bigger than I initially planned, though, but it's all good c;
> 
> The beautiful artwork was done by the gorgeous [Fran](http://keepcalmkeepdrawing.tumblr.com/post/101675399889/happiness-aaaaaaa-finally-i-was-able-to-complete). IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL, THANK YOU FOR DRAWING ART FOR THIS SCENE ;w; <3

 

_They say that if bunnies are to lose their mates, they could die of loneliness._

_I never know they could be such a sensitive creature._

_That’s why I’m here._

_Because you are such a bunny._

 

 

And then, Aoba decided to take a bigger step.

Noiz thought that Aoba was already doing the best he could by spending a bit too much of time with him in the hospital. But apparently, he had underestimated Aoba’s capability.

He never thought that his stubbornness could be a motivation to push him into doing something more far-fetched than what he was already doing.

And he couldn’t even believe what he was doing right now.

A few weeks after their daily routine which was starting to move into the uninteresting phase, Aoba had stormed into Noiz’s office on one fine morning with two bright-colored tickets in his hand.

“Amusement park?” Noiz repeated as he raised an eyebrow at Aoba.

“Ren got these from a lucky draw and since he didn’t have anyone to go with he decided to give them to me,” Aoba explained excitedly as he pushed one of the tickets towards Noiz. Ren was Aoba’s co-worker in the florist and, according to his occasional mentions of Ren, he seemed to be a person who lacked of expressions but was kind-hearted nonetheless.

As Noiz glanced at the oddly shaped ticket on his desk, contradicting between a yes and a no, Aoba leaned forward and stared expectantly at him.

“Let’s go?” he persuaded, as if he’d just read Noiz’s mind.

The young doctor gave him a look of disbelief, then he gave out a light sigh before he nodded hesitantly, instantly drawing a cheerful grin on Aoba’s face.

He couldn’t even believe that he’d agree to such an absurd invitation.

Ever since he had settled down in Midorijima, he’d never once set foot in any of the local attractions, let alone the amusement park. He simply couldn’t find a reason for him to visit such places, not forgetting the fact that his constant 36-hours of shift had left him with no time at all for more leisure activities.

Aoba seemed to have taken his previous comment about a doctor’s inflexible long working hours seriously in mind because the moment Noiz had given him the yes, he had immediately went to Koujaku and requested him to give Noiz a day off so as to accommodate to this sudden invitation of his.

Koujaku was surprised with how close Aoba had gotten with Noiz to the extent that they were even starting to meet each other outside the hospital, something he himself didn’t get a lot of chance to with his childhood friend. But he gave Aoba the nod anyway, not before he teased him until the latter stormed out of his office with a face the color of a ripe tomato.

Staring at his reflection in the mirror, Noiz tidied up his shirt and wore a light grey jacket over it before he proceeded to attempt flattening his hair behind his head. A glance at the weather outside of his window urged him to wrap a pale green scarf around his neck before he headed out of the house. He wasn’t afraid of the cold, in fact, he was more fond of cold weathers over the heat. But… just in case the weather wasn’t in his companion’s favor.

Just in case.

 

***

 

“Hmm..” Aoba trailed off as he stared into the mirror. He was in a pair of dark-colored jeans with a light blue sweater. He should looked appropriate enough for the activities he had in mind for the day but the longer he stared at his own reflection, the more paranoid he became. He had never prepared himself in such way before, not even when he had to meet up with some of his neighborhood friends. The fact that he was so self-conscious over his appearance now flustered him when he realized that the brat was the main reason for his paranoia. He had never met Noiz outside the hospital grounds before and he had absolutely no idea of how Noiz’s taste towards fashion worked. Perhaps he simply wanted to make sure that he was on the safe route.

After what felt like decades, he finally shrugged and strolled out of the room and into the kitchen, where his grandmother, Tae, was packing up the food she had prepared for him.

“Granny, do I look fine?” Aoba’s unexpected question drew a suspicious stare out of his grandmother as the latter scanned him from head to toe before giving him a nod.

“You look fine.” Then, after pushing the two lunchboxes into Aoba’s hands, she grabbed a pair of earmuffs from a nearby cabinet and wore it on Aoba’s ears. “The weather is horrible today. Take this.”

Aoba smiled gratefully at his grandmother. Even though they weren’t connected by blood, both Aoba and Sei treated Tae like their own mother and they’d do anything to make her happy. After being in her care for the longest time ever, Tae was naturally the only person who understood Aoba the best, including his tendency to fall sick under such a cold weather.

Aoba was never good with the cold, and his unpredictable immune system was never good enough to counterattack such a natural disaster.

“Remember to bring your medicine!” Tae yelled at Aoba when he was about to step out of the house.

“Oh, crap.” Aoba cursed silently and scrambled back into the living room to grab the small bottle of medicine on the coffee table, trying his best to hide himself from Tae’s sight before he could get himself into another long stream of lecture for forgetting his pills again.

He couldn’t help it. His health had been the least of his concern and the only thing that was in his mind all this while was the well-being of his brother and his grandmother. So naturally, things that he deemed unimportant (like his medicines) slipped off his mind like it’s the most natural thing to do.

“I’m heading out now!” Aoba pronounced and finally, stepped out into the cold January air.

His neighbor, Mink, was treating a pot of carnation in his house compound but before Aoba could give him his usual bright greeting, a sudden sharp pain stabbed through his head and he stumbled, immediately grasping on the fence for support. The pain disappeared as fast as it came. He took a few deep breaths before he straightened up, his vision gradually coming back to him as he scrambled to his feet.

“You okay?”

The gravelly voice cleared off the cloud in his head and he looked up to see Mink eyeing him with suspicions written all over his features, although the faint hint of worries behind his eyes was too apparent for Aoba to miss. Even though Mink might appear to be slightly intimidating due to his muscular body size and expressionless face, Aoba knew that he always meant well and that he was always keeping an eye on him. The fact that he’d immediately notice that Aoba had been overly exhausting himself was a good proof for that.

“I’m fine,” Aoba replied as he walked closer to his neighbor. “It’s the usual but it’s gone now.”

Mink shot him another suspicious stare before he turned away and continued with treating his plants.

“Be careful.”

That was the only thing Aoba managed to catch from the big-sized man before he hurried down the street, his mind now elsewhere.

 

***

 

Noiz had offered to fetch Aoba from his house, but the latter had rejected the offer with a miserably poor reasoning of having something else to do before he was to meet up with him. But Noiz understood Aoba well enough to know that he was merely uncomfortable with the idea of depending on someone else especially when the task was something he could do it himself. This personality of his had always been Noiz’s impression towards him and their daily interaction throughout the past months had convinced Noiz that his impression had been right. Not wanting to force his way with Aoba, Noiz backed off and agreed with his suggestion to meet up in front of the amusement park instead.

After securing his car in the parking lot, he walked towards the park’s entrance and leaned against the gigantic elegant gate, eyes scanning around for a hint of blue. But the only blues that he had managed to spot were those of clothing and merchandise colors. Giving up, he took his phone out and searched for a couple of games to kill time.

And he waited.

 

***

 

Aoba panted heavily and grasped at the street pole to catch his breath when he arrived at the bus stop. Checking his watch, he felt cold sweat running down his back as he stared nervously down the road for a sign of a bus. He was already ten minutes late for their appointment and it’d take another fifteen minutes to reach his destination.

Scrolling down the list of numbers on his phone, he silently hoped that Noiz would still be there when he finally reached the place.

 

***

 

Tapping his foot impatiently, Noiz gave out an unintentional sigh as he solved another one of the tricky puzzles on his phone. He scanned around again before he checked the time on his watch. Aoba was thirty minutes late for their appointment.

Scowling, he was about to move away and buy himself something to drink when he felt a hand grasping firmly on his shoulder.

“I-I’m so so-sorry,” Aoba panted, trying to catch his breath as he grabbed on Noiz’s shoulder for support. “I’m sorry I’m late,” he repeated before he looked up at Noiz.

Noiz was supposed to be very mad at him. He wasn’t a patient person to begin with and for him to wait for a person for a whole thirty minutes was already pushing his limit. But instead, he immediately got distracted with Aoba’s appearance the moment the blue-haired male invaded his line of vision.

Then, he found his irritation vanished into thin air.

Whenever Aoba appeared in the hospital, he was always in his usual jeans and a simple T-shirt – a casual look that often made his appearance beyond invisible if not because of his eye-catching blue hair. But what he was wearing now was a contrast from what Noiz was used to seeing him in. He was in this cute light blue sweater – something Noiz had never seen on him before – and the pink earmuff on his ears was definitely not helping with pushing the ‘endearing’ impression out of Noiz’s head.

Once Aoba managed to rebalance his breathing, he straightened himself up and stared at Noiz, curious with the young doctor’s lack of response. Realizing that he had been unconsciously staring at Aoba for a bit too long, Noiz gave out a soft cough and removed his shades, his eyes now looking at everywhere but Aoba.

“It’s fine,” he muttered with a small voice.

Not knowing how to respond to this unexpected tolerance he’d never experienced from the doctor before, Aoba blushed and looked away as well.

Their awkward silence only lasted for a few seconds when Aoba gripped on Noiz’s wrist and guided him towards the entrance of the amusement park.

“Let’s not waste time!” was what Noiz last heard before he was pushed past the turnstiles and into the crowded park.

There was no way Aoba would allow a momentary distraction to ruin his plan when he was the one who’d made the initiative to push them beyond the compound of the hospital grounds. He’d realized that their daily routines were becoming too stagnant and that extra efforts needed to be done for him to enlighten Noiz better. Thus, when he was given the chance to push them past that boundary, he wasn’t going to let it go.

Although he had to admit that Clear’s words had caused a tremendous effect towards his resolution. And perhaps that was also what gave him the courage to conduct such a hasty act.

_Children are equivalent to happiness_.

He wasn’t very good with children himself. But he couldn’t help but agree with Clear. Children were generally innocent and they weren’t very accustomed with the changes around them. They were senseless towards risks and their main concern was to be happy.

For some reason, Noiz reminded Aoba of a child in a man’s body. Initially, he had thought that Noiz’s ignorant nature was caused by his lack of exposure towards human connections and the world in general. But throughout the time he’d spent with the unworldly doctor, he realized that it was also essential for Noiz to understand how important it was to love someone, and to be loved.

It was one of the fastest yet effective ways to make him feel alive.

Now that they were surrounded by happy children and families, Aoba, however, was suddenly overwhelmed. He thought that this kind of lighthearted atmosphere would create and effect on Noiz. He’d persuaded Noiz to come with the hope that he would be able to attract more of Noiz’s hidden or unknown emotions out of him; but what he never expected was how this surrounding had managed to garner an effect out of _him_ as well. For some reason, the scene of happy faces and contented family moments he was witnessing now sent a pang of ache into his chest, causing him to clutch harder on Noiz’s wrist while the latter stared curiously around the place.

These scenes reminded Aoba of the memories he didn’t get to experience, having to face half of his life without a complete family and having to shoulder so much responsibilities ever since he got out of school. There wasn’t any time at all for him to spare himself some luxury for this kind of simple yet unapproachable moments.

“So where are we going first?”

Noiz’s voice pulled him back from the depths of his thought and he turned around to see Noiz already had his eyes on some of the attractions in the park. Shaking his head to brush the unnecessary thoughts off, he quickly regained his composure and dragged Noiz to a large map at the center of the park.

He shouldn’t allow distractions. Today was about Noiz and that should be it.

They were literally spoilt for choices – speed rides, coasters, kiddy rides, arcade games, water rides, and even pirate ships and cannons. Reading through the map excitedly, Aoba couldn’t help but imagine all the possible expressions that he might be able to draw out of Noiz from each of these rides. The rollercoasters seemed like a shortcut route if he wanted to witness an instant – or even, exaggerated – expression of Noiz but he wasn’t sure if Noiz was up for such extreme rides as their first try. Probably they could start with something friendlier, like the teacups, or the carousel, or…

“How about this?”

Noiz nudged Aoba and pointed at an attraction on the map. As soon as Aoba made out what Noiz was referring to, he gasped out loud.

The brat was pointing at an Accelerator Coaster.

“Why? Scared?” Noiz smirked.

Aoba pouted before he hurriedly clarified. Perhaps he was _really_ underestimating the brat.

“Like I would.”

“Then let’s go for it,” Noiz announced and the next second, he was already guiding them to the said coaster after he’d installed the park map into his phone.

 

 

“Have you tried out rides like these before?” Aoba asked as they stood motionless in a queue of over-excited visitors.

Noiz merely shook his head, his eyes now fixed on the rollercoaster in front of him. Did that mean that this was his first time riding a rollercoaster? And yet, he was the one who had suggested trying this first above everything else. Needless to say, Aoba was beyond amazed with the newfound courage he didn’t know Noiz possessed, even though the fact that Noiz was a doctor might also be playing an important part for this dauntless decision of his.

They were already at the front of the line when Noiz suddenly spoke.

“Is this your first time too?”

Surprised at the unusual approach, Aoba shook his head.

“I used to visit here with Koujaku and Sei when I was younger,” he explained. “But I never thought that I would be riding this again.”

Noticing the intimidation in his voice, Noiz raised a curious eyebrow at him and glanced at the curved descent of the cockscrews, then back at Aoba.

“Is it really _that_ scary?”

Aoba glanced up at the winding track, his stomach clenching at the very sight. But before he could answer Noiz’s question, they were ushered to their seats by a cast member, who buckled their seatbelts for them and checked their restraints for one last time before pulling down the lap bar.

“I’m still waiting for your answer,” Noiz pestered the moment the cast member left them alone to check on the other passengers.

Aoba, however, was too consumed by his own nerves to respond to Noiz as he swallowed hard and sank his nails into the padded lap bar. Soon after, they heard the ride whirred into life as clicking and clanking sound started resonating from above their heads.

It was starting.

“Seraga—“

The loud sound produced by the machines drowned Noiz’s voice out and Aoba closed his eyes tightly, already surrendering to his fate when he felt rough prods against his sides only to open his eyes to see that Noiz was staring piercingly at him, seemingly unconcerned with what was going to happen soon.

“W-what?” Aoba stuttered, unable to ignore the way Noiz was focusing his attention on him.

“You haven’t answered my question,” Noiz complained.

The ride jolted before Aoba could properly process an answer out for him and whatever he wanted to say was immediately pushed to the back of his mind as he hurriedly rested his head against the padded headrest and closed his eyes again, taking deep breaths at the same time to calm himself down. Then, the cart started to move its way down the track and lurched forward.

He couldn’t remember anything after that. While the way the wind rustled through his hair was enjoyable at the beginning, he felt a drop in his stomach when the ride soared upwards. Unable to resist his curiosity, he opened one of his eyes to take a quick glimpse at the shrinking crowd below them as their cart made its way several stories in the air at a distressingly slow rate. No longer able to endure the height, he took a peek at Noiz instead, and was surprised to see that Noiz was wearing a blank expression on his face. He couldn’t make out if Noiz was terrified with this new experience or he was simply disinterested but he didn’t have the time to think too much about it when the coaster finally finished its climb and stopped at the top. He wasn’t sure if they were meant to be stopped at such height for so long but all he knew was that it seemed like an eternity had passed by as his heartbeat increased in a rapid pace with every passing second. He didn’t know what to expect and he couldn’t predict when it would finally make its drop. The mere thought scared him to no end and he closed his eyes again, only to be distracted by a husky voice resonating right beside his ear.

“Aoba. Can I call you Aoba?”

“W-wha—“

The abrupt distraction was snatched away from him the moment the coaster suddenly reeled forward and, without warning, finally made its fall.

He wasn’t sure if the antagonistic pulse and the adrenaline rush he was experiencing now were due to Noiz’s out-of-the-blue question or the ride. The drop only lasted for a few seconds but it didn’t stop right there. They went through a sideways loop and hit a particularly large swoop before the coaster began to slow and before they knew it, they were approaching their starting point at a more acceptable speed.

 

 

Aoba almost fell headfirst to the floor when they got off the ride. Immediately grasping on Noiz’s arm for support, he clutched his stomach, still feeling the intense heartbeats as they made careful steps towards the nearby bench.

“I didn’t know you fear the height,” Noiz commented, the amusement apparent in his tone of voice.

“Shut up. Anyone would be afraid of that. It’s a 250 foot drop,” Aoba retorted angrily, still clutching his stomach and attempting to calm himself down.

When Noiz continued to smirk teasingly at him, he shot the younger male a pout.

“Aren’t you afraid?” he asked. “I don’t believe that you didn’t feel _anything_ at all.”

Noiz leaned back against the bench and hummed lightly, a response that told Aoba that the brat was enjoying his misery.

“There’s nothing to be afraid about. It’s just a normal physiological reaction.” As if searching for the piece of information in his head, Noiz paused for a short while and only came back a few seconds later as he started his usual explanation to a curious-looking Aoba.

“The reason why you were feeling all tensed up is because you were experiencing air time. When your body is accelerated, each part of your body is accelerated as well because your body is not completely solid. Simply put, it is composed of various loosely connected parts, and that was why you were feeling as if everything inside your body is being pushed around,” he paused again to check if Aoba was following him. When the blue-haired male continued gaping at him, he sighed and continued, without a care if Aoba was even interested with the information or not. “And what you experienced when the coaster fell is called free fall. It’s an opposite of—“

He left his words hanging in midair when Aoba pressed a hand against his chest.

“What are you—“

“So you _do_ feel it,” Aoba interrupted, a sly grin making its way across his face.

“Feel what?” Noiz asked, confused by the sudden turn of events.

“That whatever air time or free fall you were explaining to me,” Aoba replied playfully.

Noiz stared, dumbfounded, at Aoba. He couldn’t understand why he was so interested with such a normal, expected response. He’d told him that it was a normal physiological reaction and it was definitely not something too fascinating.

“So what if I _do_ feel it?” he asked, no longer able to suppress his curiosity.

“Hmm,” Aoba hummed, purposely dragging his voice. “That means you are perfectly human. I can feel how hard your heart is beating right now. I’m so relieved.”

He gave up. There was no way he could match this person’s wavelength. Brushing Aoba’s hand away from his chest, he looked away and commented in his usual nonchalant tone.

“Thanks for stating the obvious.”

Aoba was still smirking at Noiz when he finally dropped the subject. After spending a few months of close interaction with Noiz, Aoba had started to gain a hang of how to interact with Noiz and he had become pretty smart in obtaining an upper hand to dominate the conversation when a chance was presented in front of him.

But the moment he shifted his attention away from the brat, he realized that he had a problem in hand that was starting to bother him. The rollercoaster ride had taken a toll on him. Even though the discomfort in his stomach had gradually disappeared now, the ache seemed to have moved to its next target as it landed on his head, the migraine he was very much familiar with started attacking every one of his nerve and causing him to almost throw up.

Realizing the abnormal spread of silence and the excruciating look on Aoba’s face, Noiz leaned closer to check on him.

“Are you okay?”

Aoba wanted to tell him that he was fine, but the moment he opened his eyes, the blinding sunlight sent another wave of aches straight into his skull and he clutched his head, taking deep breaths to soothe the throbs. But what actually calmed him down was the force he felt on the back of his neck, and he looked up to see Noiz massaging him with varying pressures.

“Is it that headache again?” Noiz asked. His voice was no longer the impassive one Aoba heard a few minutes ago. Rather, it was now filled with a slight hint of concern that effectively sidetracked Aoba away from the ache.

Nodding, he sank into the massage and closed his eyes.

“Don’t worry. I’m already used to it. It’ll be gone soon.”

Noiz was obviously unconvinced with this so-called natural remedy of his as he eyed him doubtfully before he asked.

“Do you have any medicine?”

Suddenly reminded about his long-forgotten remedy, Aoba frantically searched his bag and retrieved the bottle of pills he’d almost left at home this morning. Feeling relieved that he’d remembered to bring it along, he was about to pop the cover open when Noiz took the bottle out of his hand.

“Meclofenate,” Noiz said after a quick examination of the pills. “How long have you been taking this? And how frequent is the consumption?”

Those were questions Aoba couldn’t answer. He was never concerned about his own health to begin with, and he was pretty sure that he had never followed any instructions regarding pill taking before. This bottle of pills was prescribed to him when he was forced by Koujaku to attend to the local clinic the day when he first got his severe migraine. But even after that, he’d only remember about his medicine when his situation became too unbearable.

Noiz was still giving him a penetrating look that told him that there was no way for him to escape without giving the young doctor a reasonable explanation.

And he was pretty sure that the answer he would be giving him soon would not be able to satisfy him.

“I… don’t know,” he confessed, eyes averting Noiz’s.

Noiz scowled. “What do you mean you don’t know? Don’t you follow the instructions?”

The silence that followed the interrogation confirmed Noiz’s suspicions as his scowl deepened. He was about to give Aoba another long lecture about how important it was to follow a medical instruction but the agonizing look on the potential patient’s face swept that intention off.

“I’m getting you some water to go with the pills.” Pushing the small bottle back into Aoba’s hand, he stood up and walked away to find a beverage stall.

He was aware of Aoba’s unusual condition but he’d assumed that he already had it under control – be it medically or therapeutically. But the short probe had told him that that wasn’t the case at all.

This wasn’t something that should be treated lightly. Constant migraines could lead to something worse, possibly even death.

As he made his way back to where Aoba was waiting, the latter was hugging his head when Noiz knocked the bottle lightly against his face.

“Thanks.”

He watched as Aoba popped the pill bottle open and took two of the pills out before he drowned them down his throat together with the water Noiz had bought for him. They spent a few minutes of silence as Noiz waited for him to feel better before Aoba finally looked up and gave him a bright smile.

“So which is our next stop?” he asked.

Noiz glared at him. “Are you sure you want to continue?”

“Of course!” Aoba’s reply was instant. He didn’t want the day to be ruined just because of a condition he’d deemed normal all this while. “We still have a long day ahead of us. Let’s go!”

Before Noiz could say anything, the now healthy man was already dragging him out of his seat and pushing him further into the park.

 

***

 

They spent the rest of their time exploring the park and trying out friendlier rides. Starting off with the carousel, Noiz’s uninterested expression urged Aoba to push him into the teacups, in which the aggressive turns he initiated had resulted in him having another round of severe migraines and another round of glares from Noiz. After finally acknowledging the fact that Aoba had poor decision making skill, Noiz decided to take that authority away from him. The first ride Noiz had decided for them was the motion simulator. Aoba agreed excitedly with his suggestion but halfway through the ride, he ended up elbowing Noiz whenever the young doctor showed signs of explaining difficult concepts and terms that he couldn’t understand. When the discourse became too incomprehensible for him, he gave Noiz an angry frown and lectured him into halting the thoughts in his mind and concentrate on the fun factor of the attraction. Noiz found difficulties in complying with Aoba’s demand, but he silenced himself anyway, keeping all the logical remarks to himself and spending most of his time stealing stares at Aoba’s expression instead.

Finally, when they were back from their visit to the future (Noiz couldn’t stop himself from expressing his amazement towards the concept of holograms and robots equipped with artificial intelligence which the system had called them as ‘Allmates’), they made their way back to the center of the park as they pondered on the next attraction to explore.

“Noiz, let’s try that!”

Noiz followed Aoba’s finger and realized that he was pointing at a Skycoaster. Reminded of the adrenaline rush he’d experienced just a few hours ago, he hastily suppressed them back, shaking his head before turning to look at Aoba.

“You know what I’ll say,” he replied with a stern tone.

Pouting, Aoba grumbled mindlessly about ‘doctors are such mean creatures’ and started scouting for another option instead.

“How about that? It’s not too extreme,” he asked, now pointing at a Pirate Ship.

The ride was indeed less extreme than the one Aoba had suggested earlier. Unwilling to be called mean again (and unwilling to witness another one of Aoba’s disappointed face), Noiz gave in and nodded, instantly earning a cheerful beam from the overexcited man.

 

***

 

It was around 4.00 p.m. when they slumped on the bench, exhausted from all the walking and attempting to calm their nerves down after the Pirate Ship ride. But their break didn’t last too long when Aoba stood up and pulled Noiz out of his seat, leading him towards a train ride.

“I’m too tired to walk anymore but we haven’t explored the entire park yet,” was his reason for the ride.

It was a leisure ride, a contrast with the ones they were on for the past hours. Supporting his face with his palm, Noiz gazed mindlessly out of the window. The weariness he was experiencing now was nothing similar to the exhaustion he was so used to when he had to work on his 36-hours shift. He still couldn’t understand how a normal physiological reaction such as exhaustion could possess a different meaning under different circumstances but at this point of time, he wasn’t too concerned with the answer of his doubts. In fact, he was even glad that he was able to experience something different that he didn’t even know existed. Ever since Aoba had barged his way into his life, the supposedly-relative-of-a-patient had introduced him with so many unknowns that had frequently kept his mind working.

He was used to rejecting changes that he weren’t familiar with. But for some reason, these changes were pretty… uplifting to him.

“Hey, Noiz, look! It’s your best friend!”

Aoba’s sudden exclaim jolted his attention away from the Ferris Wheel he was staring for the past few minutes. When he followed Aoba’s finger he realized that he was pointing at…

…a rabbit farm.

“What do you mean by ‘my best friend’?” he asked, annoyed with the fact that he was being associated with an animal.

“You like rabbits, don’t you? Maybe we should drop by later,” Aoba probed tastefully.

“I don’t like rabbits,” Noiz remarked nonchalantly, moving his gaze away at the same time.

Aoba didn’t comment further after that. Slumping back against his seat, he put his hands behind his head.

“I love rabbits, too. They’re fluffy and cute. But I also prefer a dog,” he said, without caring if Noiz was even interested with the piece of information.

They didn’t exchange much discourses. Noiz still refused to touch on the topic of his favorite animal; whereas Aoba brought him through this adventure of him rescuing a blue-furred dog who was now his best friend.

The concept of making friends with an animal confused Noiz, as how it always did whenever Aoba proposed something which he deemed out of the world.

 

***

 

“It’s getting dark,” Aoba commented as he looked at the darkened sky, then at his watch. “Let’s go for one last ride before we go back. Do you have anything else you want to try out?”

Silently praying that Noiz wouldn’t choose something too extreme (he wasn’t sure if his migraine could take the stretch), he smiled happily when the younger male pointed at the Ferris Wheel.

“You fine with that?” Noiz asked, although he was already half-expecting a rejection especially when he’d found out that Aoba was afraid of height.

Instead, Aoba gave him a cheerful grin and nodded.

“Let’s go.”

 

 

The fact that Noiz had taken interest into something that was seemingly boring surprised him. But Aoba simply brushed his curiosity aside by convincing himself that it was just another part of Noiz that he had yet to understand.

The queue wasn’t too long. It took only a short while until they were in the cart, the streets and crowds below them shrinking in size as they made their way up. It was an unhurried move, something even Aoba would get bored of. But it wasn’t as unbearable as the way Noiz was keeping to himself all the time ever since they set foot in their cart. He seemed to be deep in thought, probably thinking about things that Aoba couldn’t understand again. Thinking that it could probably be a good time for them to breathe a little, Aoba massaged his temples, the pain still visibly plastered on his face.

“Do you need a checkup?”

He didn’t realize that Noiz had come so close to him that he jumped upon realizing that the brat’s face was only inches away from his, the light green orbs now reflecting a dim sense of concern as they stared piercingly into his own light brown ones.

“I-I’m fine,” he mumbled, straightening himself up in the process and moving his gaze to the sight of the town outside the window.

Noiz was obviously unconvinced but he dropped the matter, assuming that it wasn’t a good time for him to pressure Aoba too much now that he was feeling uncomfortable in both a physical and emotional sense.

“I hope you had a good time today,” Aoba broke the silence, attempting to convey the underlying message of ‘I am fine’ to Noiz.

Noiz merely hummed, a response Aoba had expected.

“It has been a while since I came here,” Aoba continued. “Thank you for accompanying me today. I had fun.”

Even after all these while, Noiz still couldn’t make out if the flutters in his heart meant anything to him. He stared sideways at Aoba, who was still gazing dazedly out of the window. The weak sunlight shone on his face, obscuring half of his features and causing Noiz to be unable to properly make out his expression. But somehow, he was sure that Aoba was wearing an expression with the same temperament as the sunlight now shining through the window – warm and calm.

It made him wonder if the warmth he felt across his chest now had anything to do with the atmosphere they were in, or it was simply because it was _Aoba_.

There were too many things that he couldn’t understand and most of them were about the man beside him – the way he did things, the way he talked to him, and the way he looked at him. He wasn’t familiar with any of these. But no matter how hard it was for him to understand Aoba’s behaviors, that one thing that he couldn’t understand most was his action in the next second.

“No one cared,” he murmured, his thoughts taking over his speech before he could stop it.

“…I’m sorry?”

Silently cursing at the fact that he’d voiced his thoughts out a bit too loud, he looked away, hiding his face from view.

“I’m sorry but you were saying?” Aoba pestered, moving closer to him at the same time.

He could see the white smoke that emitted from Aoba’s mouth when he spoke from the corner of his eyes but he was beyond fascinated with his _own_ behavior to put a stop to their conversation now.

“Do you want to talk about anything, Noiz? I’m here to listen.”

He should’ve expected Aoba to act all persistent towards him. He’d always forced his way at him whenever he spotted a chance for him to invade more of his personal space. But instead of feeling annoyed as how it usually was, he felt a sudden wave of emotions crashing down on him as he opened his mouth, intending to word something out but to no avail.

Despite his impatient nature, Aoba waited.

And the silence spread.

“I don’t see the point of doing something that won’t benefit you in any way. That was how I was raised. My family never cared about what I was doing with my life,” he breathed, pausing for a while to consider his words. “I’ve never cared about myself either.”

He knew that Aoba was giving him a surprised look but he chose to ignore him. He wasn’t even sure why he was telling him all these now. Perhaps he was still extremely tenacious about the whole equivalent exchange theory which was now his life motto. Aoba had told him so much about himself, and he guessed it was just fair for him to share something about himself as an exchange.

He just never expected himself to share _so much_ about his life in a go.

“Even when I decided my own career path, I only had myself to refer to. I thought of giving up, but even if I did, nothing would change. The world still goes on, everything will move on. People will cry, but they will eventually forget about it and at the end of the day, I’ll be nothing more than a distant memory.”

“That’s not—“

Aoba wanted to interrupt him, to tell him how wrong he was, but Noiz was faster.

“So I decided that if that’s the case, then I should just ignore what others think. I should only concentrate on proving to myself. If people want to get rid of me, I’ll stay. If they want to get me out of their lives, I’ll stay. I’ll prove them wrong. And I’ll make a difference.”

Those words were supposed to sound inspirational. But the way Noiz mouthed them in such a miserable yet tough way stabbed an arrow straight into Aoba’s heart. He never knew anything about Noiz’s situations. He thought whatever Koujaku had told him about Noiz was more than enough to wretch this young man’s world. But little did he know that there was more than just ignorance. He always thought that Noiz’s tendency to become oblivious towards the world simply meant that he wasn’t exposed enough to the world. But that wasn’t true. He _was_ already exposed for a bit too much than he needed and the truth was – for whatever reason, the world was ignoring him.

These treatments were already cruel enough to crumble a young growing man. But Noiz remained firmed. He was indeed stronger than Aoba thought he was.

“But in order to do that, I need to heal my own condition first. That was why I decided to become a doctor.”

“Wait, condition? What condition? Do you have any sickness?” Aoba interrupted, the urgency apparent in his voice.

Noiz didn’t respond at first. He merely gazed emotionlessly ahead, then he took his phone out and hand it to Aoba.

“Hit me with this.”

“W-what?”

“Don’t ask. Just do it,” he pressed.

Aoba did as he was told and gave Noiz’s head a light smack with his phone. But Noiz clicked his tongue and gripped Aoba’s wrist instead, forcing him to land a hard smack on his face.

“What the hell are you doing?!” Aoba exclaimed, immediately pushing Noiz’s phone back into his hand and lurched forward to check on the reddened spot that had formed on Noiz’s face as a result from the hit.

“Doesn’t matter. I can’t feel it.”

He took a few moments to finally realize what Noiz was trying to say. And when he did, the ache in his chest intensified immediately.

He should’ve realized it sooner.

Noiz never flinched a bit when he was being punched violently by the man he’d offended a few months back.

He never reacted at all when Aoba purposely applied pressure on his wound.

And the way his expression remained unchanged when the hard material made its violent away against his skin just few minutes ago…

It was not that he was used to pain. _He simply couldn’t feel it_.

“It’s not a common situation so I’d need to look into producing a remedy by myself if needed. But before that,” Noiz slumped back against his seat and stared blankly out of the window. “I need to graduate and become a qualified doctor first before I could gain access to more research material.”

Aoba had no idea at all on how he should respond. He didn’t know about this complication about Noiz and the truth had caused him to pull a break on the rapid speed he was taking now. It may seem like just another sickness for Noiz, but at the very least, Aoba could understand how much this situation had affected his life. It was the reason for his lack of emotions and that was also why he couldn’t understand a lot of things that was deemed normal to a lot of people. Even though he might have seen a lot of life-and-death situation in his entire career, he may not be able to understand any of them. That fact hurt Aoba intensely. As he felt the agonizing squeeze in his heart, he instinctively wrapped his arms around the younger man, pulling him close and patting his head as he heard the small hitch of breath from right beside his ear.

“I’ll do what I can,” he mumbled, for the lack of better things to say.

“What will you do?” Noiz asked, his voice small and curious.

“I’ll tell you about the world, about people, about emotions, about…”

“Love?”

Noiz interrupted again. Amongst the countless times he’d taken words out of Aoba’s mouth, this was the only time when an instant, exaggerated reaction was drawn out from Aoba as he felt the furious beats against his chest and heat started pooling his cheeks.

But he left Noiz’s question hanging in midair. The young doctor obviously noticed his struggle as he broke free from his embrace, cupping Aoba’s face in his hands and staring penetratingly into his eyes.

“Say, the answers you owe me are piling up,” he teased with a smirk.

“What…?”

“You haven’t even answered my question from before.”

“What was it?” Aoba asked cautiously.

“Aoba. Can I call you Aoba?”

He swore his heart skipped a beat. Since when did a mere brat managed to garner such an overwhelming effect out of him?

When he nodded, the small smile he’d witnessed on Noiz’s face almost took his composure away as he tried to look away but Noiz’s hands were firm on his cheeks. So instead, he continued staring into Noiz’s eyes, unable to tear himself away from the pair of mesmerizing lime green orbs.

“Seragaki doesn’t sound right to me anymore,” Noiz confessed.

“…why?”

Noiz paused for a while before he shook his head.

“I don’t know. It just… doesn’t feel right.”

More silence.

“Probably because I’m seeing you as more than just a relative to my patient, I’m seeing you as.. a friend.” Then, he paused, releasing Aoba in the process of self-reflection and staring out of the window again, the sight outside now in complete darkness. Aoba almost forgot that they were still on a Ferris Wheel until he followed Noiz’s gaze. Their cart had stopped on the top of the wheel and the only sounds that were interrupting their silence were faint chatters from the streets below them and their own breathing.

“Or probably someone more than a friend,” Noiz muttered, his voice so small Aoba almost missed it.

He could literally hear his own heartbeats in his own ears, overtaking the surrounding sound as he gripped hard on the leather material of his seat with his head lowered down to hide his flustered face.

Noiz was obviously posing him another question, and all he needed to do now was simply to.. respond.

Taking a deep breath, he hesitated for a second before he squirmed himself closer to Noiz. Then – his heartbeat now beating so fiercely against his ribcage he thought he was going to get a heart attack – he cautiously placed his hand on top of Noiz’s, the coldness of the latter’s hand made him tremble slightly but he gripped harder on it instead, intending to transfer some of his warmth to him.

When he peeked at Noiz, he realized that the younger man was still staring blankly ahead, without a change of expression saved for the faint pink of flush now making its way across his face. As he was struggling to think of something to say, Noiz intertwined their fingers together and suddenly, wrapped his scarf around both of their necks, causing Aoba to gasp in response.

He had misunderstood Aoba’s miserable attempt to approach Noiz. He thought Aoba was feeling cold and was trying to warm Aoba up instead.

They stayed like this awkwardly for a few minutes. The cart was now stuck in midair, the wind blowing through the window did nothing to calm them down. Then, before he knew it, Noiz separated their hands and wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him closer and eventually, into a hug.

“Hey.”

His voice sent shivers throughout his body. It was a type of husky voice he didn’t get to hear very often. But the heat in his voice was too hard to miss. It put Aoba in a state of daze. Not knowing what to do, he merely sat stunned in his seat, his mind in a state of mess.

“Can we stay like this for a while?”

He nodded. As if Noiz’s words had acted as a powerful trigger, the flutters in his heart took over his rationale as he leaned closer and planted a kiss on the blonde’s cheek, which led to an instant result of Noiz tilting his chin up to kiss him deep on the lips instead.

“So what do you hope to achieve from bringing me here today?” Noiz whispered, smirking at the way Aoba panted from the kiss they just shared.

“I… want you to feel what it means to be happy,” Aoba muttered, his face now a flustered red.

Noiz leaned in, pushing his bangs away and kissing him on the forehead before he responded.

“That’s an unnecessary move. Because..”

He never had a lot of kissing experiences. But at that moment of time, he was surprised to notice how much passion he was feeling from Noiz’s lips when they were pressed against his.

“ _I’m already feeling that whenever I’m with you_.”

 

And when Noiz pulled him into a tight embrace, he swore he just witnessed a kind of overwhelmed emotion which Noiz had never revealed to anyone else before.

 

 


	6. Difference

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That one incident that made Noiz think that Aoba's migraine problem might not be as simple as he thought it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a humongous chapter - sweats nervously - Also, the rating changed - winks-
> 
> The next chapter would take some time because I'm currently planning & writing for a monster fic for Noiz's birthday so I would like to apologize for another long wait ;;;
> 
> Self-beta'd and I apologize for any mistakes or errors.

 

_Everything seems to be working towards a happy ending, but is this the happily ever after you’re looking for?_

 

 

“Did something good happened?”

Still munching thoughtlessly on his food, Aoba struggled to keep a straight face as he shook his head at Sei, who was shooting him a suspicious look. But, as usual, Aoba’s miserable attempt to act normal was immediately busted as he smiled awkwardly at his elder brother, averting his gaze at the same time and pretending to develop a sudden interest toward his fingers.

“You should know that I’d know even without you telling me,” Sei continued with a singsong voice. Then, he gave out a loud sigh. “I’m just sad that we've become so distant to the extent that you’re no longer telling me anything.”

“What? No! That’s not it!” Aoba explained frantically, almost jumping off his seat.

Before Sei could probe him further, a knock echoed from the door and Noiz walked into the room. No matter how little information he’d managed to dig out of Aoba, there was no way Sei could miss the indistinct intimacy his younger brother often shared with the young doctor whenever they were in the same space – the way Aoba would smile at Noiz when their eyes met; the way Noiz would return his smile (the first time Sei saw this he literally had to cover his mouth to silence away his small yelp); and the way Aoba would ruffle the nineteen-year-old’s hair before the latter left the room. Even when he barely managed to catch the discourse between them, Sei swore he’d heard them promising to see each other after the visiting hours almost every time when they were within earshot. 

Eyeing the pair inquisitively, Sei kept to himself as he witnessed Aoba staring unblinkingly at Noiz while the doctor briefed them about Sei’s condition, something like a routine and something Sei wasn't interested in at all. It was always the same anyway. Everything was normal – his blood pressure, his blood sugar, his heart rate, everything was normal. As Sei considered the countless questions he was burning to throw at the couple, his intended words were interrupted when he overheard a certain statement that didn't sound _normal_ to him.

“I’m sorry…?” he asked cautiously, dazed by the sudden shift of thought.

“Didn’t you hear?” Aoba exclaimed excitedly, almost jumping off his chair out of delight. “The hospital has given you the green light to leave! You can go home next week, Sei!”

As he tried to digest the piece of information, he stared dully as Aoba started speaking with Noiz about the procedure that needed to be done. It still felt like a faraway dream for him. He still remembered the day when he was first admitted into the hospital. He still remembered how severe his condition was to the extent that a discharge almost seemed like a joke. But now, it was no longer a “dream”. After two years of being put under the care of numerous medical treatments and constantly being surrounded by the smell of antiseptic which he was now very much familiar with,

.. he was finally going home.

“Granny is gonna be so happy!” Aoba cried, finally getting off his seat and grabbing both of Sei’s hands in his. “You’ve recovered, Sei! You’re finally healthy!”

Aoba appeared more thrilled than Sei, as if _he_ was the one being discharged. And eventually, his initial carefreeness towards the entire situation was replaced by Aoba’s influential exhilaration as he smiled brightly at his younger brother, almost bursting into tears but he hold them in, unwilling to cause more anxiety for Aoba now that he practically have no reason at all to worry him even further. That was literally the only thing that relieved him now that the burden on Aoba’s shoulders was finally lifted off.

“I’ll help you with the procedure,” Noiz voiced out, his presence almost non-existent the entire time the Seragaki brothers were indulged in their warm happiness.

“Thanks so much, Noiz!” Aoba said, the gratefulness apparent in both his eyes and his voice.

“Don’t thank me, thank the old man. I only followed up from where he left off. He was the one who made the most effort,” Noiz brushed it away as he continued scribbling down notes on Sei’s daily medical report.

“Of course! I don’t think we could even go through this without Koujaku,” Aoba agreed. “But even so, you were also a big help for Sei’s recovery. I can’t thank you enough so… thank you again.”

By now, Noiz had understood Aoba well enough to know that no matter how hard he tried to brush it off again he’d probably land himself in another round of furious nagging and retorts so instead, he nodded.

“Thank you, Noiz.”

The unexpected voice caught Noiz off guard as he stopped his scribbles and lifted his head up to see Sei smiling tenderly at him. It was the type of smile he’d never experienced before from his previous patients. Even when he did, he didn’t deem it important and he’d reply them with a nonchalant ‘it’s just my job’. But – surprised – he found himself powerless against the Seragaki brothers. So instead of his trademark indifferent response, he nodded his head again, putting the clipboard back to its holder and replied them before he headed out of the room.

“You’re welcome.”

 

 

As Noiz left the room, both Aoba and Sei immediately went into a discourse about the plans they’d do together when Sei was discharged. Sei wanted to visit the toy store, mentioning something about wanting to redecorate his room; whereas Aoba tried his very hard to persuade him to visit the amusement park together. Even when they had their own plans on what they’d want to do together, there was  _one_ thing that was on top of both of their priority list – to bring their grandmother for a vacation. As in where would their destination be, they knew that they would figure that out with time. There was no rush, they had all the time in the world now anyway.

Before they knew it, the visiting hour came to an end and Aoba cleaned the stuff up, giving Sei a kiss on the forehead before he left the room, his heart now feeling lighter while he held onto the list of plans clutched tightly in his hand. He was about to mentally add on more items to the list when the intention was cut off by a firm grasp on his arm and the next second, he was pressed against the wall and the only thing he could make out was a pair of lime green eyes now merely inches away from his.

“N-Noi—“

Immediately silenced by a kiss on the lips, Aoba pushed Noiz away two seconds after the brief kiss and glared angrily at the doctor.

“What are you doing?! We are on the corridor!”

Noiz merely gave him a playful smirk as he licked his lips, advancing towards Aoba again and trapping him in between his arms.

“So you’re saying it’s fine if we don’t do it on the corridor?”

“That’s not what I meant!” Aoba retorted agitatedly as he broke himself free from Noiz, putting a safe distance between them. “I thought you went back to your office,” he continued, face still flustered from the sudden affection.

“I don’t have any other appointment after this, so I thought I could wait for you here to discuss about the discharge procedure.”

“You could’ve waited inside, or in your office,” Aoba pouted. Ever since their relationship took a huge turn, Noiz had always clung to him whenever he got the chance. Public display of affection didn’t seem to be a concern to him at all, a fact which Aoba found ironic considering how unreceptive he could be when they first knew each other.

“I want to wait for you here.”

..and also, this part of Noiz which Aoba was even more surprised to discover. Shame was obviously not part of his dictionary, and he wasn’t ashamed to voice his intimate thoughts out loud either. Even when his upfront confession had made Aoba extremely happy – especially when he knew that he’d finally gotten the young doctor to open up to him – he couldn't help but get all flustered with such unfamiliar fondness. To actually think about it, this was the first time he’d ever allowed someone to get so close to him. He’d had his own fair amount of admirers but he’d backed out before things could become too intimate.

This experience with Noiz was indeed a whole new exposure to him.

Losing the ability to keep up with Noiz’s pace of thought, he gripped Noiz’s wrist and dragged him down the corridor and straight into his office. No matter how incomprehensible the situation was to Aoba, at least he still had the decency to avoid getting both of them into trouble, especially when Noiz was so close to his graduation. He couldn't afford more problems now that he had finally gotten a better grasp of the situation he was in.

“So you’re _really_ fine with us doing stuff in my office?”

Noiz’s taunts rang beside his ear and Aoba turned to glare irately at him. It reminded him of the first few times he’d barged into the doctor’s room, when he received nothing but cold criticisms and sarcastic comments. But that distantness from before was nowhere to be seen now; rather, it was replaced by a faint hint of warmth and Aoba knew perfectly well what elicited this change – Noiz’s intention had shifted its direction, his walls were now in the crumbling process, causing him to open up better and allowing Aoba’s entrance into his heart.

 “I know what’s in a teen’s mind when they are nineteen years old, brat,” Aoba scolded. “Perhaps you would also need to learn how to discipline yourself better.”

“And you’ll teach me, right?” Noiz teased again.

Completely losing the ability to conjure another good comeback, Aoba could only surrender to his fate while Noiz advanced closer to him, trapping him against the wall and started planting soft kisses on his cheeks before he trailed his kisses to his lips.

But their kiss only lasted for a few seconds when Aoba felt a sudden stab of pain in his head and he aggressively pushed Noiz away, turning his back towards him and clutching his head, the pain now spreading uncontrollably across his skull and causing him to scowl in pain.

“Aoba?”

He felt a pair of hands on his shoulders but they did nothing to ease the throbs. Instead, the aches became even more pronounced the moment he tried to open his mouth but what came out were mere gasps and more uneven breathing, enough to tell Noiz that he was in great discomfort.

“Aoba, are you okay?”

“I…I’m fi—“

He didn’t even manage to finish his words when he covered his mouth and stormed out of the office, running down the corridor and making his way to the nearest washroom where he barged into one of the unoccupied cubicles and squatted beside the toilet bowl as he attempted to forced the pressure out of his throat.

He thought that as the pressure started lifting off his shoulders, his never-ending migraine problem would eventually come to an end. But instead, it had gotten worse with time and he could no longer control it anymore. He used to be able to foretell when the headache will occur, but now, it attacked him without any warning and the next second, he was already suffocating under the intense aches that consumed him from the inside, constantly taking his breath away as his eyes watered at the choking sensation.

As he thought he would possibly pass out from the overwhelming sensation, he felt a hand against his back and he looked up to see Noiz patting him on the back, worries obviously plastered on his face. Forcefully swallowing down his slightly sore throat, he muttered in a hoarse voice.

“I.. I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine at all,” Noiz reprimanded, his voice stern.

He waited for Aoba to finally calm down before he supported him out of the washroom and onto a nearby bench, where Aoba took more deep breaths to further calm his nerves down.

“I didn’t know that two times of unprotected sex can make a man pregnant,” Noiz tormented, although the dithers in his eyes told Aoba that he was merely trying to cheer him up.

“Shut up, brat,” Aoba scowled, covering his mouth as the irresistible sensation surged up his throat again.

“Jokes aside, are you sure you don’t need a checkup? You know I can arrange one for you in an instance,” Noiz’s voice returned to the thoughtful tone he’d used earlier as he eyed Aoba concernedly. He had been trying to get Aoba in for a thorough checkup seeing how his situation had worsened over time but Aoba’s answer had always been…

“I don’t need one, Noiz. I’ll give you the same answer no matter how many times you ask.”

Giving out a huge sigh, Noiz proceeded to pull Aoba closer to him and pressed the sick man’s head against his shoulder. He knew that his boyfriend was stubborn and he could certainly live with that. But if his stubbornness was leading him towards a negative direction that may potentially endanger his life, then it was a different story altogether.

 

 

And the same situation continued.

Again, and again.

Aoba would first try to endure the uneasiness but eventually it became too much for him and he ended up breaking down countless times in front of Noiz. No matter how many times Noiz had urged him to conduct a proper checkup, he instantly turned the offer down.

Again, and again.

His frustration left Noiz with no choice but to seek for an external help. Asking Sei would probably be the worst idea ever. Sei probably had no idea at all about the conditions Aoba were facing seeing how the younger brother managed to uphold his healthy mask in such a composed way whenever they were in each other’s presence. Besides, there was no guarantee that telling Sei his younger brother's situation wouldn't re-trigger his old wounds. He didn't want to bear the risk, and Aoba would hate him forever for that. Thus, Sei was a no-go, which only left him with _one_ option.

 

 

“You’re progressing great.” The senior doctor smiled as he gave Noiz an approving nod. He flipped through a few more pages of Noiz’s monthly training report, only stopping at a few of the pages to read through the analysis before he closed the document and beamed at his intern.

“In terms of practicality, you've recorded a top score in your area, no surprise there since you’re already top-notch in your league. The only area you need to improve on is the way you interact with your patients. But even so…” Koujaku trailed off and smirked at Noiz. “I see you’re doing exceptionally well with the Seragaki brothers, especially..” a cough. “…the younger brother.”

Noiz remained quiet, his gaze blank and distant as he stared at the document on Koujaku’s desk, seemingly deep in his own thoughts. Mistaking Noiz’s muteness as an act of embarrassment, Koujaku ignored the awkward silence and allowed a few seconds of pause between them before he voiced out.

“Do you have any questions?”

Noiz looked up at him in response and hesitated for a brief second before he finally voiced his mind out.

“About Aoba.”

“Hmm? What’s with Aoba?”

The tease in Koujaku’s voice heightened the moment he heard Aoba’s name as he sent Noiz a mischievous beam.

“Do you have any medical record on him?”

The question caught Koujaku off guard and he froze, staring unblinkingly at Noiz before he gave out another soft cough, attempting to hide his gracelessness. His unnatural response convinced Noiz that he wasn't the only one who was well aware of Aoba’s situation.

“I know what you’re trying to say,” Koujaku said, fingers tapping mindlessly on the table. “It’s about the headache, right?”

Noiz nodded. Koujaku took a while to organize his thoughts and when he finally spoke, his voice was stern, no longer the same carefree one he’d used on Noiz earlier.

“It started around the time when Sei was admitted into the hospital. At first, it wasn’t anything too severe, only faint signs of aches for a very short length of time. I directed him to a clinic and managed to prescribe some medicines which were supposed to help him cope with the pain. But obviously,” Koujaku gave out a sigh before he continued. “He never took my advice seriously at all. I bet he’s still using the exact same medication he was prescribed then.”

“Isn't that dangerous? Do you know how effective are those medicines?” Noiz interrupted, the urgency apparent in his voice.

“It was a common prescription so I guess it wouldn't cause any danger to his life. But I won’t say the same to its effectiveness.”

As if he’d read Noiz’s mind, Koujaku quickly continued before the intern could say anything.

“I’ve asked him to get a thorough checkup for the millionth time but he never agreed to it.”

“Obviously.”

The soft answer told Koujaku that Noiz had been doing the same thing as well. He could even feel a slight hint of fury from the young doctor, probably directing towards Aoba’s obduracy.

“But at the same time, I understand where he’s coming from. Ever since Sei was admitted into the hospital, their financial burden has been crazily heavy. I think his main concern is if…” he paused. “ _If_ he is diagnosed with any sickness, they wouldn't be able to support the financial burden. Plus, he’s the only financial support in his family now. I don’t think he’d allow anything or anyone to change that fact.”

“And that’s supposed to mean it’s fine for him to put his own life in stake instead?”

Noiz’s unyielding tone silenced Koujaku up. He knew Aoba’s position didn't give him the power to take his own life so easily but there was nothing they could do. Scowling, Noiz clenched his fist, unable to suppress his frustration over how powerless he was in the entire situation. He knew this part of Aoba very well, perhaps a bit too well. Aoba had _always_ put others before him, this part of him could easily be part of his personality traits. But if doing this meant that he would have to sacrifice his own health, then Noiz rather he turned into a selfish brat for once and only cared for himself instead.

This was a human life they were talking about. Noiz smiled at himself for how ironic this situation was to him. Life and death used to _not_ be part of his line of thought in the past, but now that Aoba was put into such a complicated situation, he couldn't help but act all concerned towards him. Since when did he become like this?

Then, he thought, if Aoba wasn't willing to comply to what was _supposed_ to be better for him, then the only option he had was…

 _He_ would be the selfish one for him instead.

Forcing Aoba into something he was against with wasn't something Noiz would want to do. But it would be his last resort if the situation became out of control.

 

 

The idea of forcing Aoba into doing something he didn't want to do disgust Noiz. He would never want to do something like this but at the same time, he couldn't afford seeing Aoba – a person who was now literally his entire world – to die right in front of his eyes. He knew that he might be over exaggerating the situation, and he was still surprised to realize that someone had finally took over his own crown on his priority list. He was left in a state of contradiction for a very long time; and during those times, he’d witnessed the way Aoba would suddenly jump up from his seat and ran towards the washroom; and also the countless times he’d almost passed out halfway through their interactions. Noiz tried, again and again, to ask Aoba for his permission to allow him to conduct a thorough checkup for him. But nothing Noiz said or do would change his mind. At the end of the day, things between them tended to become all rigid and cold. Sometimes they got into fights, sometimes they gave each other silent treatments. All of these situations troubled Noiz greatly. He knew that it’d take some time to instill the seriousness of the issue into Aoba’s head; but at the same time, he also knew that he might be running out of time. Whatever that was causing Aoba’s discomfort had probably worsened without them knowing. To what extent, he didn't know.

And he didn't like the idea of it.

 

*****

Although they may have their unhappy times but no matter how stiff things may be between them, there was no one second when Aoba was away from Noiz. Even after Sei was discharged, Aoba had insisted to visit him after he was done with his own job. Sei had comfortably settled back into the Seragaki household, lifting a huge stone off Aoba’s heart and giving him more time to focus on Noiz instead. Sometimes Noiz worked over the clock, way past midnight and sometimes even until the next morning. During those days Noiz would chase Aoba home and the latter would only comply after Noiz gave him the promise that he’d call him when he got off work, no matter how late it would be. And sometimes, his ended his shift in the evening, when Aoba would wait for him in his office and they would spend some personal time together – either an eat-out in the local restaurant, to catch a movie, or sometimes, simply hanging out at Noiz’s place. Aoba had mentioned to openly announce their relationship to his family when he found the chance. Noiz nearly choked on his soda juice upon hearing the abrupt suggestion. He had gotten used to dealing with Aoba and Sei, but when it came to his grandmother, the nineteen-year-old couldn’t help but feel slightly intimidated with the idea. He knew it was a great step to take and he knew that he would be able to handle it when the time came because he had Aoba with him.

And that was all he ever needed.

 

*****

When he opened his office door, the view that instantly captured his attention was a blue-haired man lying on a couch, soundly asleep. He gave the small man a smile before he walked, as quietly as he could, towards him and planted a small kiss on his cheek, waking him up in the process.

“Hnn… sorry… I fell asleep,” Aoba grumbled, rubbing his eyes and giving out a loud yawn.

“You should’ve just gone home first if you’re tired,” Noiz said as he took off his white rob, hung it in the closet and started packing up.

“I guess we’re going straight home today?” Noiz continued after receiving no response from the tired man, pocketing his glasses in his front pocket and ruffling Aoba’s hair as the latter stood up and wore a thick jacket over his shirt.

“Do you have anywhere else you want to go?” Aoba asked, rushing up to Noiz when the young doctor offed the lights and locked the door after wrapping a scarf over his neck.

“It’s all up to you,” Noiz replied nonchalantly, picking Aoba’s hand up and intertwining their fingers together. “But I’d suggest us to go home for today. You seem way too tired for anything else.”

“Your home?” Aoba asked slowly, a faint tint of pink appearing on his cheeks.

“What do you think?

Noiz’s smirk was the best answer to his question.

 

 

The moment they stepped out of the hospital building, they instantly realized that perhaps staying back in the hospital might be another good option as well. Both of them had been spending their entire day in the building, without a glimpse of the outside world, and the sight that greeted them was none other but a surprise.

The sky was covered in dark clouds, a warning for an approaching thunderstorm. The wind was so strong Aoba was fast enough to grab on Noiz’s scarf before it got blown away while Noiz held him closer, as if afraid that the wind would blow him away as well.

“What should we do now?” Aoba shouted through the surrounding noise as he looked up at Noiz, who was glancing at the sky with a concerned expression.

He wouldn’t want to risk having the both of them to get caught in the rain but he wasn’t sure how long would the rain last. There was no guarantee that the imminent thunderstorm would stop in the next few hours either. It would probably even rain up to the next day.

Gripping on Aoba’s wrist, Noiz led them back to the lobby, where he retrieved an umbrella from the nearest umbrella stand and, before he stepped out, he took his scarf off and wrapped it around Aoba’s neck.

“What are you doing?” Aoba retaliated. He was about to take the scarf off and return it to Noiz when the young doctor stopped him and smiled at him.

“I still have my jacket. Just hold on to it so that I won’t lose it.”

Aoba knew that was the brat’s excuse to give him more warmth and to protect him from the rain. He wanted to reject the idea but Noiz was already dragging him outside and as they did, droplets of water started raining down on them as Noiz opened the umbrella, pulled Aoba closer, and, hand in hand, they made quick and careful steps towards Noiz’s car. This was the only time when Noiz was grateful that his position as a staff in the hospital had granted him the privilege to own a specific parking spot located not far away from the building. They didn’t need to walk too far before they saw the silver-colored car coming into view and they walked faster, taking careful steps across the wet road. As the rain became heavier, Noiz released Aoba’s hand and wrapped his arm around the smaller man’s shoulder instead so that their bodies were literally pressed against each other. He didn't even care when the merciless droplets damped half of his body as he glimpsed occasionally at Aoba to make sure that he was still protected from the rain.

They managed to make it to Noiz’s car safe and sound, albeit damped. After ensuring that Aoba was safely seated in his car, Noiz closed the door for him and hurried to the driver seat, taking few swallow breaths to re-balance his breathing before he turned around to look at his boyfriend.

“Are you okay?” he asked, reaching out to brush the water off Aoba’s cheek before he proceeded to grab a towel from his backseat and started to wipe the latter’s hair dry without waiting for an answer.

“Yeah. You?” Aoba replied, grabbing Noiz’s hand to stop him and taking the towel off his hand to wipe the water off the young doctor’s face instead. “You’re soaking wet!”

They stared at each other awkwardly before they broke out into small laughs, chuckling at how miserable both of them looked right now.

They ended up spending the next few minutes drying each other up before Noiz started up the car engine and drove them down the street.

 

 

“What do you want for dinner?” Noiz asked as he drove them into the local city. When he heard no response, he turned to see Aoba’s head dropping sideways. He fell asleep.

Smiling fondly, he kept his driving speed slow and steady, careful not to wake the tired man up while he strolled through the small town for a shop where he could grab a quick takeaway. However, all the shops were too packed for his liking. Clicking his tongue, he took another round around the place, squinting for smaller, less popular shops but to no avail. He didn’t want to wait for too long, his main intention now being to send Aoba home as soon as possible so that he could rest comfortably. Finally, he decided to take a different turn and ended up in an outskirt area of the town as he stopped in front of a small Japanese restaurant.

After parking his car, he glanced out of the window just to realize that the rain was not showing any signs of retreating and judging by the situation now, even a quick run out would damp him from head to toe. He took a quick look at Aoba to make sure that he was still asleep before he took his jacket off and wrapped the latter firmly with it. Then, retrieving the umbrella he’d unceremoniously thrown to the backseat earlier, Noiz opened the door as quietly as he could and dashed out into the rain.

Even with the umbrella, the rain and wind were so strong Noiz was entirely soaked in rainwater the moment he set his foot out of his car. Ignoring his own situation, he walked swiftly towards the shop and made his order as soon as he reached the counter.

When he finally returned to the car, he gave out a few sneezes as he immediately covered his mouth with his hand so as not to wake Aoba up. Then, after a quick drying up, he drove them back to the mansion, feeling slightly contented now that he was able to get Aoba’s favorite food for his dinner.

 

 

It only took him a short while to reach home. After settling down his car in the garage, he turned around to see Aoba still soundly asleep as he gave out an unintentional sigh of relief. He couldn’t help but smiled tenderly upon seeing how peaceful his boyfriend was now and, feeling his action taking over his brain, he reached out to stroke Aoba’s cheekbones, causing the latter to fidget a bit without waking up. The warmth in his chest – what he deemed as ‘unexplained physiological reaction’ – still confused him at times but somehow, he knew that it was just a matter of time for him to figure out the answer.

Increasing the temperature of the car’s air conditioner, Noiz continued staring fondly at Aoba’s sleeping face and before he knew it, his head became heavy and his vision coated with a sea of black as he drifted off to sleep.

 

 

Aoba woke up with a start. It was still raining and he could hear the rustling sound of leaves in the wind. Blinking a few times to adjust to the darkness now surrounding them, he looked around and took a few seconds to finally register where they were. Giving out a yawn, he was about to stretch when he realized the extra thick material wrapped firmly against his body and, curious, he glanced sideways to see Noiz, wet and asleep, with his head pressed against the steering wheel.

Surprised, Aoba shook him awake, instantly earning a small grown from the younger one as he opened his eyes and yawned loudly.

“M’nin,” he grunted as he sat up, rubbing his eyes.

“Why didn’t you wake me up?!” Aoba exclaimed. “You’re all wet! You’re gonna fall sick at this rate.”

Noiz merely smiled as he ruffled Aoba’s hair.

“It’s fine. Even if I do fall sick, I could still take care of myself.”

“Don’t use the doctor excuse at me. Being a doctor doesn’t mean that you could take your health so lightly.”

Sighing, Aoba reached out to press the back of his hand against Noiz’s forehead.

“You’re a bit warm. Let’s go inside and dry you up,” he urged.

Noiz could only nod as the anxious man opened the door and ran towards the mansion before Noiz could stop him.

 

 

Since when did Noiz become Aoba’s life priority? He’d realized that the brat had been occupying his mind from the moment he was awake until the moment he went to sleep. He didn't know where this sudden, abrupt concern towards a brat came from but all he knew was he wanted to take care of him and that should be more than enough to keep his thoughts busy. But even so, there were things that he couldn't ignore, like how his condition had worsened over the past few months. It was not that he wasn't worried about his own condition, but he simply couldn't bear the thought of not being able to support his family anymore, the possibility itself was more than enough to drive him away from getting a checkup. He was worried, and sometimes, scared. But there wasn't anything he could do; or rather, there wasn't anything he _wanted_ to do, and he needed a distraction to drive him away from the unnecessary thoughts. So far, Noiz had been a great distraction.

Just like now.

He was aware that his situation today was one of the worst he’d ever experienced. The fact that he had almost passed out outside of Noiz’s office was a good indication and there was no way he would tell Noiz. As usual, he had been trying to endure the aches, closing his eyes a few time to soothe the pain but ended up falling asleep.

Secretly hoping that Noiz didn't notice any of his abnormalities, they walked into the hallway when he felt his world shaking and he grabbed onto the nearest cabinet just in time before he fell headfirst onto the floor. The sudden flickering of his vision intensified his migraine as he clutched his head, taking deep breaths at the same time. As he tried to walk again, he immediately stopped, realizing that he was at the verge of passing out as he gripped harder on the wooden material.

“N-Noiz…” he called out weakly, his lips now dry and cold sweat started trickling down his face.

Upon hearing his name, Noiz turned around and, shocked, ran towards Aoba and managed to grab on his arm before he collapsed.

“Aoba? Aoba?” he called out. “Aoba, stay with me.”

Aoba nodded weakly and Noiz gave out a small sigh of relief to know that he was still conscious. Without wasting more time, Noiz immediately hoisted Aoba up and carried him bridal-style in his arms as he took hasty steps up to the bedroom, where he gently placed Aoba on the bed and wiped the sweat off his face while the half-conscious man continued taking deep breaths, struggling to stay awake.

Noiz left and came back a few seconds later with a towel as he placed the warm material on Aoba’s forehead.

“Noiz…” Aoba murmured after a short while of silence, hand searching around mindlessly for Noiz.

“I’m here,” Noiz replied as he took Aoba’s hand in his. “How are you feeling?”

Aoba smiled upon feeling the familiar warmth in his hand. “A lot better. Don’t worry. It’ll be gone soon.”

_How could I not worry?_

Noiz exclaimed internally. Aoba _always_ did this to him. He was undoubtedly in a severe condition and yet, all he cared of was Noiz and it was starting to anger the young doctor.

“How are you, Noiz?”

“What are you talking about? I’m fine. You should worry more about yourself,” Noiz lectured.

“No, no. You were soaked in rainwater. Go take a shower and dry yourself up.”

Noiz frowned. _He always did this to him_.

As Aoba sat up, now looking a lot better than a few minutes ago, he cupped Noiz’s face and examined him carefully before he pressed the back of his hand against his forehead again.

“You’re still a bit warm, Noiz. You sure you aren’t feeling unwell?” he asked, concern obviously plastered all over his features.

Instead of answering him, Noiz grabbed his hands and pressed them against his sides before he lurched forward and thrust his tongue into Aoba’s slightly opened mouth, immediately earning a soft moan from the latter as he struggled to break free from Noiz’s grips but to no avail. Slowly, he gave up and sank into Noiz’s kiss as he started swirling their tongues together and feeling the nineteen-year-old desperately licking every corner of his mouth. The wet noises – which were only interrupted by the sound of rain outside the window – from their kiss intensified the heat in both of them. They no longer knew if the intense warmth they were feeling from their tongue and their skin were stemmed from pleasure of from a fever.

When Noiz finally released Aoba, the smaller man stared curiously at him, pants leaking out from his lips before he asked quietly.

“W-What are you doing? If you’re having a fever, you’ll get me infected as well.

Noiz smirked. “That would be great.”

“Huh?”

“That way, I could finally admit you into the hospital and conduct a proper checkup on you.”

Heat pooled on Aoba’s cheeks upon hearing the reply and he averted Noiz’s gaze, pouting and trying to think of a comeback but Noiz was faster as he pressed him firmer against the mattress and brought their lips together again, now kissing him in a slower and steadier way. Teasingly biting on his lower lip, Noiz gave it a swift lick before he pushed his tongue into Aoba’s mouth, carefully pressing their tongues together as he reached out to stroke his cheeks. He only pulled his tongue out when Aoba was struggling from lack of air, kissing the corners of his lips before he lifted himself slightly up to stare penetratingly into the blushing man’s eyes.

“Are you sure you don’t need a checkup?” Noiz asked for the umpteenth time, his voice small and his hand playing with the tips of Aoba’s hair with his chest pressed against him.

“My answer will not change with the number of times you ask,” Aoba replied with a firm tone, although the wavers in his eyes told Noiz that the short kiss they’d shared had painted a layer of want in his mind.

“If you’re worrying about money, I can help you out. You can pay me back later. What’s more important is your health,” Noiz continued to convince him.

Aoba shook his head. “I’m fine, Noiz. Please, just… drop it?”

He could never win against Aoba’s pleads. After a few seconds of silence with nothing but the sound of storms disturbing their peace, Noiz sighed and nodded, immediately earning a relieved smile from Aoba.

“But just one thing,” Noiz said after planting a soft kiss on Aoba’s eye. “If your condition becomes too serious, I’ll have to admit you into the hospital, no matter what you say. You know I can’t afford to lose you, and I’ll hate myself for the rest of my life if I ever let that happen.”

Aoba wanted to retort further but the determination he saw in Noiz’s eyes and the firmness he heard in Noiz’s voice made him swallow back his intended words as he nodded and pressed the younger male’s head against his chest.

“I’ll be fine, Noiz. I promise.”

He knew how important he was to Noiz, as important as Noiz was to him now. Their current relationship still put him into a state of surrealism at times. He still remembered very clearly of the first time they’d met each other. During that time, Noiz was nothing more than an immature brat who knew absolutely nothing about anything. But now, they had become so close with each other that he couldn’t even remember how his life was before he met Noiz. He could no longer imagine his life without Noiz. His family used to be his topmost priority in his life and he thought that it would remain as such for the rest of his life; but apparently, he met Noiz, and suddenly, things took a huge turn – his life changed, his priorities shifted, and he, as a person, changed.

All of these changes were still very much unbelievable to him. But he was glad that they happened. Because he couldn't imagine a happier life than the one he was leading now.

As Noiz’s head was pressed against Aoba’s chest, he could clearly hear the furious pounds of his heartbeats. Those pounds relieved him in words he couldn’t describe. They told him that Aoba was breathing and was very much alive. And as he reached out to pull Aoba into a tight embrace, the warmth that he enveloped in his arms relieved him even further. Aoba was right here, alive and breathing. He wanted this sign of life to remain like this forever.

As a doctor, he’d experienced a lot of life and death situations; he’d heard of the way heartbeats changed for countless times; but none of those experiences made him appreciates the beats more than now.

“Noiz?”

Aoba’s cautious voice broke the silence in the room. When Noiz looked up at him, he was giving him a feverish look that told Noiz that they were in mutual need of each other. Giving him a small smirk, Noiz straightened up and towered over Aoba, his features obscured by the faint moonlight behind him. But even without being able to see Noiz’s face, Aoba knew that he was wearing his bedroom eyes and he was pretty sure that _he_ was giving him the exact same stare as well. Finally submitting to his own wants, Aoba stretched his arms out toward Noiz and whispered heatedly.

“Noiz, I need you.”

He heard a hitch of breath, then before he knew it, Noiz’s lips were pressed against his once again. It was no longer the soft and tender kiss like before; it was a ferocious, passionate, hungry kiss that immediately pulled Aoba into the depths of lust. Moaning into Noiz’s mouth, he desperately intertwined their tongues together as they struggled out of their clothes. Noiz kicked the blanket away and pressed his body firmer against Aoba. The steady heartbeats he’d heard just a few minutes ago were replaced by rapid pounds, accompanied by hard breathing and small pants that leaked out of Aoba’s mouth when they separated their lips to refill the air into their lungs. It wasn’t their first time having sex. Noiz still remembered how awkward and embarrassed Aoba was when they first fell into bed together, and he had found it to be extremely cute. Now that they were starting to get use to their frequent lovemaking, Aoba had become more honest with his need and the change only gratified Noiz even further. Although sometimes Aoba still tended to act slightly shy and hesitant, there were also times like these when he was so eager for Noiz that there wasn’t a need for Noiz to initiate any action. Aoba’s pleads were his weakness, and he was more than happy to comply with whatever his boyfriend wanted. Because he was as desperate as Aoba and Aoba knew it all too well.

He could feel Aoba’s slight tremble as he sucked on his throat, drawing out a moan that sent a surge of pleasure straight down to his crotch as he proceeded to trail open-mouthed kisses along his torso, stopping at his nipple to give it a teasing flick of tongue before he sucked hard on it, his hand giving equal attention to its twin as he twirled the sensitive bud in between his thumb and forefinger. He could clearly feel the way Aoba’s chest rose and fell from the arousal. Finally releasing his over-stimulated spots, Noiz looked up to see Aoba staring feverishly at him before he averted his eyes. Satisfied with the response, Noiz planted sporadic kisses all the way down his stomach and ultimately stopped near his thighs before he lifted his body up and gazed down at Aoba, who had his eyes back at the young blond again.

“I wonder if sex would work as a good remedy for your migraine,” Noiz mumbled, his voice small but loud enough for Aoba to capture every one of his word.

Turning rosier at the question, Aoba pouted and glared at him. “I know what you’re implying, brat.”

Noiz’s smirk deepened as he bent down and started nipping on the insides of Aoba’s thighs, occasionally licking and sucking on his balls and drawing loud moans out of Aoba when he sucked a bit too hard at his sensitive skin. Then, suddenly..

“Noiz, ahh! Stop! Stop!”

Surprised by the sudden interruption, Noiz sat up to see Aoba clutching his head, his body trembling violently as soft gasps rolled out of his mouth.

“Aoba?” Noiz called, lurching forward and grasping both of Aoba’s wrists to stabilize him. He was sure that this wasn’t a reaction produced out of pleasure but pain. A lot of them.

“Ouch, h-hurts…” Aoba gasped, his eyes closed and his eyebrows knitted together with a painful expression on his face.

“I’m bringing you to the hospital,” Noiz announced in a hasty voice. He was about to rushed off the bed when Aoba grasped him tight on the wrist, pulling him back.

“N-No… I’m… fine…” Every word he muttered seemed to be taking away all of his energy.

“You’re obviously not!” Noiz raged. He wanted to break himself free from Aoba but Aoba’s grip was strong and it surprised Noiz to see that he was still having so much strength despite being so painfully tortured.

“P-Please… Noiz…” Aoba pleaded. For what, Noiz didn't know. But the young doctor was persistent. Aoba was in no way fine now and he needed to go for a checkup. Now. Immediately.

“I’m taking you to the hospital,” Noiz repeated. But this time, before he could struggle out of Aoba’s grip again, he turned around and froze at the sight in front of him.

Aoba was _smirking_.

“Stay,” he mumbled, his voice so small it sounded almost like a whisper.

“Aoba…?” Noiz muttered as he moved nearer. As soon as Aoba saw him, he released his grip and sat up to grab on the back of the blonde’s neck instead, pulling his face closer, their noses almost touching as Noiz was forced to stare straight into his eyes.

“Noiz,” Aoba breathed. The quivers from earlier was nowhere to be seen and all Noiz could hear was a hollow voice filled with intense lust.

“Noiz,” Aoba repeated his name like a mantra. “Noiz, I need you. Noiz, I love you. Hug me, Noiz. Kiss me. _Fuck me_.”

Noiz couldn't believe what he just heard. Sure, Aoba had become more honest over the months they were together, but this level of honesty wasn't the type of honesty Noiz was familiar with. It wasn't like him to be so… upfront in such a bold way.

“Aoba, are you okay?” Noiz asked again, carefully gauging Aoba’s reaction, his mind filled with numerous questions.

Aoba clicked his tongue, impatience now obviously coating his features. Noiz wasn’t sure if he had answered his question, the storms outside interrupting his reception. All he knew was, instead of a verbal reply he was expecting to hear, Aoba had pushed his lips aggressively against his and had stuck his tongue into Noiz’s mouth in such a forceful way that left Noiz in a state of shock, his mind blanked out for brief seconds before his senses gradually came back to him as he felt the way Aoba’s tongue violently searching inside his mouth and sucking mercilessly on his tongue while he pressed his nails against Noiz’s chest, trailing light scratches all over his torso and trying to pull him closer at the same time.

There was something wrong with him but for some reason, Noiz knew that this was _still_ Aoba. He didn’t know what he based it off but he trusted his hunch as he wrapped his arms around Aoba’s body, immediately feeling a satisfied smirk in between their pressed lips as he pushed Aoba back onto the bed and climbed on top of him without separating their kiss.

Forcefully breaking their lips apart, Noiz took advantage of the time Aoba was catching his breath to capture both of his wrists and held them high above his head, the restraint finally allowing him to take a proper look at his out-of-character boyfriend.

Aoba returned his stare with a taunting one of his own, the smirk never left his face. The tenderness in Aoba’s eyes that Noiz was very much fond of was now nowhere to be seen; instead, it was replaced by slyness with a hint of unmistakable lust clearly reflected behind the sharp stare. Stunned, Noiz could merely stare, unsure of what was the trigger that had provoked this sudden change and unsure of how he should attend to this situation.

“What are you waiting for?” Aoba’s voice was no longer the one he remembered. It had lost its usual gentleness and was now a playful tone.

Lifting his head up and rubbing his knee against Noiz’s length, Aoba smirked out loud and started giving out loud pants as the friction slowly garnered an effect out of Noiz’s half-hard erection.

“Don’t you want me too, Noiz? I’m right here. Just do it already,” Aoba panted, now arching his back to rub his cock against Noiz’s stomach.

By now, Noiz had started registering the fact that this Aoba was indeed different from the Aoba he knew. But he couldn't deny the fact he was  _still_ dealing with Aoba and this Aoba was now _desperate_ for his touch. Shaking his head furiously, Noiz allowed his desire to take over his rationale as he reached downwards and grabbed both of their cocks, giving them hard pumps and instantly drawing loud moans out of the man below him.

“Yes… good… ah..” Aoba moaned. “Your piercings feel so good on me. I’m so glad you have them.”

Even when he knew that Aoba would never say something like this, the undeniable fact that it was muttered through _Aoba’s_ mouth riled Noiz up in a way he couldn't imagine. Fastening his pumps, he was almost pushing them over the edge when he stopped abruptly, releasing Aoba’s hands in the process and grabbing on his hips to hold him in place so that he could position himself against his hole. But before he could push himself in, he stopped again, suddenly reminded of something.

“Lube,” he muttered but was immediately halted by Aoba as the latter trapped him down by wrapping his legs firmly around his waist.

“Don’t worry about that. I could do it myself,” Aoba said in a nonchalant way, a sly grin plastered across his face.

Without having the time to properly understand what Aoba meant by ‘do it myself’, Noiz froze as he witnessed Aoba darting his tongue out, raising two of his fingers up and waving them in front of Noiz before he stuck them into his mouth, the loud slurping sound that resulted from him sucking and wetting his own fingers sent trembles throughout Noiz’s body. Losing the ability to think, Noiz could only stare at the way Aoba seductively licked and sucked on each of his finger as he swallowed thickly, feeling his own erection becoming harder with every passing second. Then, after what felt like a century, Aoba pulled his fingers – now slicked wet with saliva – out and brought them down to his own hole as he gave Noiz another playful smirk before he pushed both of them in.

Taking deep breaths to calm himself down, Noiz could only gape at Aoba as the lust-driven man finger fucked himself right in front of him. He’d never seen his boyfriend attempting something as courageous as this before, no matter how upfront he could be. No longer able to stand his useless self, Noiz swallowed hard again and, without warning, grabbed on Aoba’s rock hard cock, precum now dripping out of its tip and pooling on his stomach. The moment he felt the grip on his length, Aoba gave out a loud moan, acting as a powerful trigger for Noiz to start pumping hard on his cock. After a few experimental hard thrusts, Aoba started following his pumping rhythm as he continued thrusting his own fingers into his hole, moans continued spilling from his lips as he closed his eyes halfway through the pumps, visibly enjoying the double pleasure he was experiencing now.

When Noiz thought he would just come from this overwhelming sight, Aoba stopped and gripped on Noiz’s hand.

“Enough,” he said. Then, he pulled his fingers out of his hole and trailed them against Noiz’s chest, leaving trails of wetness on his skin before he brought them to his own mouth and licked them clean.

“Come in, Noiz. Fuck me.”

The way Aoba spoke still felt extremely unbelievable to Noiz but he no longer cared, his desire finally gotten the better of him. Without the need to be told twice, he grasped on Aoba’s hips again and positioned his own painfully erected cock against his hole, giving Aoba a gentle smile before he pushed into him, the slickness of his insides giving him an easy access as he reached deep into him with a single thrust.

“Ahh! Yes.. yes, good!” Aoba moaned loudly, hands gripping hard on Noiz’s arms which Noiz was sure that they’d leave bruises the next day. But now, he was too consumed by his own desire to care too much about it as he continued thrusting hard into Aoba, feeling his own high approaching him with every new thrust.

“Aoba…” he muttered softly, his eyes closed, visibly drowning in pleasure, until he felt a pair of hands on his face.

“Hey, Noiz,” Aoba asked. “Does it feel good having sex with me?”

He didn't know where the sudden question came from. His hesitance obviously showed through the way he slowed down his thrusts. The question didn’t sound right. Rather, it sounded as if this was the first time they were having sex and it was bothering Noiz.

“What do you mean?” he asked, now completely stopping his thrusts.

But Aoba didn't answer him. He merely gave him a mischievous snare; then, he closed his eyes, head dropping sideways, as if he’d just passed out.

“Aoba?” Noiz called out as he leaned forward to check on him.

It took a while for Aoba to slowly open his eyes again. But as he returned Noiz’s gaze, Noiz was almost relieved to notice the tenderness in his eyes he was more than familiar with. He gave out an instinctive smile while Aoba blinked a few times to understand the situation they were now in. As soon as the realized what was happening, heat rose to his face and he looked up to stare curiously at Noiz.

“Noiz, what—“

“Are you feeling okay?” Noiz asked, concerned.

“I…” Aoba stuttered, the shyness evident on his face. _Ah, yes, this is the Aoba I know_. Noiz thought as he planted a kiss on Aoba’s forehead.

“What happened? It felt as if I've passed out for a while,” Aoba admitted, now with a confused look on his face.

“Doesn’t matter,” Noiz assured. “Whatever happened wasn’t anything bad.”

“Oh, so something _did_ happen? What it is? Tell me, Noiz,” Aoba pestered.

Noiz merely gave him a smirk.

“I’ll tell you once we’re done with this,” he replied casually as he continued his thrust and pumped on Aoba’s length at the same time, urging the man below him towards completion.

Whatever Aoba intended to say was drowned by his own moans shortly after. It only took a few hard thrust and a few aggressive pumps for the both of them to achieve climax, their lover’s name spilling out of their mouths at the same time as they felt the wave of pleasure overtaking their consciousness.

 

 

“You really have no idea at all?” Noiz asked.

They finally made their way to the dining room after a thorough cleanup. Noiz had confronted Aoba the moment Aoba was calm enough to attend to more questions but the only thing he had managed to draw out of him was a curious stare that told Noiz that he know _nothing_ about his other personality at all.

“What _exactly_ happened, Noiz? You have been asking me weird questions. I need to know what happened,” Aoba frowned, eyeing Noiz suspiciously as the young blond took his seat in front of him.

“It was what I told you. You suddenly snapped into this shameless personality and went all demanding for me to fuck you,” Noiz answered indifferently as he stuffed a piece of tamago into his mouth.

Aoba blushed in response to the statement. After taking in a huge gulp of his green tea, he looked up at Noiz to see the younger male looking at him with an inquisitive stare.

“W-What….?”

“Are you sure you don’t know _anything_ about it?” Noiz asked again.

“I told you. I don’t remember anything at all. The only thing I remember was getting a sudden headache and my vision went completely black after that. I thought I passed out. But when I came back, you were already inside me and…” he trailed off, taking another huge gulp of his green tea again to hide his embarrassment.

Noiz didn't respond further after that. Quietly eating his meal, he continued putting food on Aoba’s plate and they diverted their conversation topic, acting as if the sudden abnormality didn't happen at all. But at the back of his mind, there was no way Noiz could ignore that.

And as far as he knew, Aoba’s migraine problem might not be as simple as he thought it was.

 

 


	7. Shift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was made of contradictions; but those problems were the least of his concern now, not when he'd landed himself in another set of pressing matters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back to writing this fic. Another round of review of the plot made me realize that I need to add an extra chapter for better flow so please bear with me ;;
> 
> Self-beta'd & I apologize for any errors or mistakes.

_"Yes?"_

_"Noiz, back to the hospital. Now."_

_Noiz clicked his tongue. "I thought I called in sick today?"_

_A momentary silence. Then._

_"Aoba is here. Do you want to come in or not?"_

 

_When you lay motionless on the bed, without a sign of life,_

_I thought I'd lose you._

 

 

Noiz's sneezes awoke Aoba the next morning. Looking around blearily, he struggled out of the bigger man's cuddle to press the back of his hand against his boyfriend's forehead.

"Ugh, you're so warm," he muttered.

He was about to get off the bed when Noiz stirred in his sleep and pulled him by the waist, causing his back to be pressed firmly against the other's bare chest.

"N-Noiz," Aoba whispered. But Noiz's peaceful snore told him that the nineteen-year-old was still fast asleep. The fact that he'd hugged him close unconsciously endeared him to Aoba, making him feel as if he was really dealing with a child. Unsure if he should wake him up or let him sleep for a few more minutes, Aoba could only hold his breath, as if afraid that a slight movement would accidentally wake him up. As he lay awkwardly in Noiz's embrace, the younger man stirred again. Thinking that he had finally woke up, Aoba was about to turn around when he felt a soft and warm sensation against the back of his neck.

"M'nin."

The small vibrations of his voice sent shiver down his spine as he swallowed, finally stretching to pull himself off Noiz's firm grasp.

"Morning, now let me go."

"Hmm, that's not exactly what I want to hear first thing in the morning," Noiz whispered, his hot breath tickling Aoba's neck. Instead of releasing him, he wrapped his legs around Aoba's body, locking all of his movement.

"Noiz!" Aoba cried.

"I'm not letting you go until you give me a proper morning message," Noiz responded playfully, swiping his tongue against Aoba's ear before he draped his head over his shoulder.

Aoba attempted a few struggles but Noiz was too strong for him. Eventually, he gave up.

"Hmm?" Noiz urged as he nuzzled against his cheek.

"Y-You.." Aoba retorted before he gave out a sigh. "You have to let me go first before I could do anything."

"Oh?" 

Noiz's response was instant. The next minute, Aoba regained his freedom, the weight lifted off his body as he turned around and pouted.

"Good morning, Noiz," he muttered.

Noiz merely hummed as he snaked his hand around his boyfriend's waist, fingers dancing playfully along his bare skin.

"And..." Aoba continued, still with a small tone but now with obvious flush on his cheeks.

Then, he leaned forward and pressed his lips against Noiz's while the other pulled him closer and deepened their kiss.

"That's more like it," Noiz mumbled into Aoba's shoulder, closing his eyes and giving out a happy sigh. "It's so nice waking up to you like this."

He really needed to teach him about discipline, Aoba thought as he fondled with the tips of Noiz's hair. But even so, he couldn't help but feel happy with the way Noiz had become so attached to him, the distant front from before almost seemed like a joke. He was even more contented now that he'd finally managed to fill the void in this detached brat's heart.

Suddenly aware of how warm Noiz was, Aoba pushed their chests apart and pressed his hand against his forehead again.

"You're so warm," he repeated with a scowl. "I think you're having a fever."

"You sure it's not something else?" Noiz asked with a teasing voice.

"Y-You.." Coughing loudly, Aoba pinched the bridge of the brat's nose. "I'm sure it's not. Now let go of me."

"But I'm sure it is," Noiz countered as he sent Aoba a knowing smirk.

"... I know what you're thinking, brat," Aoba retorted with a deeper frown.

"I'm glad we have the same line of thought then."

"W-What... That's not what I was implying."

"But you know what I want," Noiz continued as he squirmed closer to his pouting boyfriend. "Okay?"

Aoba stared at him for a few seconds, their noses touching, before he gave out a soft sigh.

"It's your fault if I fall sick." He finally surrendered.

"That would be good. Like I said, I'd be able to finally admit you into the hospital for a thorough checkup."

Whatever Aoba wanted to retort was cut short when Noiz slipped his tongue into his mouth, snatching Aoba's words away and replaced them with soft moans instead.

 

He thought a good night sleep would revitalize his stamina.

He was wrong.

But Noiz wasn't any better either. Finally convinced that he was down with a cold after almost passing out in the bathtub, Noiz seated himself beside Aoba and leaned against his arm, dazed and half-conscious. 

"Your hair is still wet. Wait, let me get the towel," Aoba said upon feeling the dampness on his shoulder when Noiz pressed his head against it. But before he could get up, Noiz pulled him back.

"It's fine. Stay here."

Sighing, Aoba settled himself back on the couch and wrapped his hand around the other's head, stroking his hair gently.

"So this is how a fever feels like."

"Don't tell me you've never fallen sick before."

"Hmm."

Noiz merely hummed as he closed his eyes, head heavy and mind sluggish. He'd never felt like this before. As a doctor, he was very well versed with the symptoms of a fever but this was technically the first time he'd experienced it with his own body.

It felt horrible.

"Serve you right, brat." He heard Aoba's voice over the buzz in his head.

"That's mean," he responded weakly, feeling his consciousness fading away slowly.

He wasn't sure how long he had been asleep. When he woke up, he was sleeping on Aoba's lap as the latter fanned him with a piece of paper which he suspected was grabbed from the nearest desk he could reach. As soon as he made eye contact with Aoba, Aoba gave out a small cough and averted his eyes.

So he had been staring at him the entire time he was asleep?

Finding it endearing, Noiz reached out to pull him down for a soft kiss on the cheek before he sat up, instantly feeling his world shaking as he immediately grasped on Aoba for support.

"So this is how a migraine feels like," he mumbled, rubbing his temples while Aoba continued fanning him rapidly.

"Are you serous about never experiencing any of these before?" Aoba asked in disbelief. Probably the fact that Noiz was a doctor had helped him in preventing himself from falling sick but the way Noiz expressed his curiosity amazed him to no end. He almost sounded like an alien.

"Are you okay?" Aoba asked after receiving no response from Noiz. He was about to press his hand against Noiz's forehead again when Noiz grabbed his wrist, stopping him. Then, before Aoba could say anything, he draped his head against his shoulder again.

"Just a bit."

Although worried, Aoba couldn't help but find his sick boyfriend endearing. He was so vulnerable, a contrast from how he usually was, and seeing him like this fluttered Aoba greatly. It intensified his need to protect the brat -  _his_ brat - as he patted Noiz gently on the head, feeling the warmth of the other's skin against his shoulder. 

He allowed him to slack for a while more Aoba finally woke him up and dragged him to sit on the dining table. Using his very limited culinary knowledge and some help from the Internet, he managed to produce a bowl of porridge for Noiz before he started rummaging through his cabinets. When he realized that there wasn't a single medicine in Noiz's household, he shot the uncaring brat an unsatisfied glare before he made him promise that he'd take the day off and get a prescription for himself after he sent Aoba home.

 

***

 

His own condition seemed to be the least of his concern, his mind completely occupied with Noiz's sickness. When they finally scrambled into Noiz's car, Noiz wore a mask over his mouth, coughing softly and almost stuttering when Aoba talked to him. No matter how endearing he found his sick boyfriend to be, he couldn't help but felt a prick in his heart when he saw how miserable Noiz looked like now.

Before he stepped out of the car, Noiz gripped his wrist and stared fervently at him through drooping eyes.

"What?" Aoba asked.

Lifting two of his fingers up, he pressed them against his own lips. While Aoba wondered what Noiz was up to he heard a soft kiss and before he knew it, the two fingers were suddenly pressed against his lips.

He could feel a weak shiver from Noiz's fingers but when the other pulled his fingers back, the nineteen-year-old was smirking at him from behind his mask, immediately earning a pout from Aoba.

"Don't want you to," a cough. "...fall sick."

His pout disappeared almost instantly.

"What happened to your ultimate wish to admit me into the hospital?" Aoba teased.

Noiz merely smiled at him before he pulled Aoba toward him and kissed his forehead. Even when a thin material was interfering with their direct skin contact, Aoba could clearly feel the warmth from beneath the mask as he blushed, clinging to Noiz's arms until the latter pulled away from him.

"Still, don't want to see you sick," Noiz said in a small voice, but loud enough to send a pang of warmth straight into Aoba's chest.

He could never understand what was on Noiz's mind sometimes. But little actions like these were more than enough to tell him how much Noiz cared about him. It hurt him sometimes, but in a good way.

 

It took a while but he finally made it home. The slight migraine he'd felt since he woke up in the morning was pushed to the back of his head until he stepped into the doorway.

The pain came in the form of acute jabs straight into his skull. He couldn't even scream the aches out, his voice stuck in his throat and all he could force out of his mouth were choked weeps. Clutching his head, he sank to his knees as his vision flickered before him. This was bad. He was even starting to feel his breathing fading away.

The only thing he remembered before he sank into darkness was a strong grip and a huge figure hiding the sunlight away from his view.

And then, it was all black.

 

***

 

The next time he woke up, he blinked a few times to adjust his eyes to the bright surrounding him. Head heavy, he took a few shallow breaths and blinked more to readjust his sight. He was in the midst of reviving his memory when he heard his own name.

"Aoba!"

Turning his head slowly, he saw Koujaku standing right beside him, worries evident on his face.

"Kou... jaku," he spelled with a hoarse voice, the aches in his throat made him feel as if he had never spoken for years.

"You're finally awake," Koujaku gave out a relieved sigh before he patted Aoba on the head. "How are you feeling?"

Aoba gave him a weak smile.

"Horrible."

"I bet," the doctor replied.

"What happened?" Aoba asked, finally regained control of his voice.

"You passed out in front of your house. Mink sent you in."

"How long ago was that?"

Koujaku checked his watch. "Six hours ago."

 _That_ long? Aoba bellowed internally. This was bad. He had yet to inform Haga-san about his situation and he'd promised his grandma to settle the groceries for today, and on top of that...

Unable to stop his train of thoughts, he sat up abruptly, his vision blacked out for a few seconds as he fell back on the bed before Koujaku could even push him back.

"Woah, what do you think you're doing?" Koujaku reprimanded as he pressed his hand against Aoba's shoulder to stop him from jumping up again.

"I need to..."

"Can you just cut it off?"

It was a different voice, but Aoba knew that voice; in fact, he knew it a bit too well. When Koujaku stepped away, his heart dropped at the sight of the tall, blond doctor glaring at him from the doorway.

"Noi-"

"You've finally done it. Are you happy now?" Noiz interrupted. The coldness in his voice sent a wave of chills all over Aoba as he stared, unsure of how to respond.

“So tell me, _Mr.Seragaki_ ,” Noiz continued, purposely ignoring the sober look on Aoba’s face. “Exactly _how long_ have you been hiding it from me?”

“Noiz, stop.” Koujaku was about to step in but Noiz’s stern gaze shut him up and he stood, wordlessly watching the both of them.

Aoba was expecting more reproach from Noiz but when the silence spread, he felt his heart tearing apart with every passing second. Even without words, he could feel how angry Noiz was; in fact, this was the first time he’d seen Noiz with such intense emotions. It was a part of Noiz he’d never seen before. The suppressed ire he was feeling from Noiz hurt him; but what _actually_ tore him apart was the undeniable hint of sorrow behind Noiz’s eyes.

The last thing he’d ever wanted was to hurt Noiz, but now, like how Noiz had put it, he had done it. The way Noiz had addressed him built a wall in between them, crushing Aoba’s heart in ways he couldn't define.

“I…” he started. He needed to say something, he needed to defend himself. “I didn't know when it started. It just came suddenly and…”

The loud hum from Noiz told him that whatever he had to explain did nothing to save his case; instead, it might have even ridiculed the young doctor. Feeling another stab in the chest, he turned away, refused to meet Noiz’s gaze any longer. It hurt. It hurt so much. He could literally feel the overwhelming grief pressuring him from the inside, intending to explode any second now.

Just one more. One more probe was all it needed to…

“Don’t lie to me,” Noiz‘s voice was distant and cold. “How long more do you intend to treat me like an idiot?”

That was it.

No longer able to suppress his emotions, tears starting falling down his cheek. He wasn’t depressed with the way Noiz had misunderstood him. Instead, what actually crushed him was the fact that Noiz had suddenly become so detached from him he could literally feel them drifting apart.

“Okay, Noiz, stop.” Koujaku seemed to have reached his own limit and, unwilling to witness it any longer, he stepped in between the two of them. “This is not the time to throw blames at each other. What’s important now is to find out the problem and solve it before it’s too late.”

“Yeah, about damn time.”

Even Koujaku was surprised at Noiz’s intense fury, but he supposed even the most impassive person in the world would have their limit.

“Aoba.”

Aoba turned around on the mention of his name, still clumsily wiping his face clean. The sight squashed Noiz’s heart but he could only stare as Koujaku smiled gently at Aoba and wiped the tears off his face.

“Listen to me, alright? We’ll admit you into the hospital. Noiz had said that he would help you out with the medical cost when you’re here so please don’t worry about money. About Tae-san and Sei, I’ll help them out with their domestic needs so don’t worry about that as well.”

“…what?”

He was in a state of mess, and he was pretty sure that Noiz was the same as well. But even when Noiz was filled with so much anger and frustration, he _still_ put Aoba as his main priority and that fact hurt him to no end. Unsure of how to respond, he stared dumbfounded at Koujaku, as if he’d get his answer if he stared long enough.

Giving him another pat on the shoulder, Koujaku ruffled his hair before he continued.

“I’ll handle the necessary procedure and checkups so trust me on that.”

There wasn't any space for him to reject Koujaku any further so he nodded, instantly earning a relieved smile from his childhood friend.

“Okay then, I should get going now and leave you both to settle your stuff.” He was about to open the door when he stopped and turned back to look at Noiz. “Cut him some slack, okay? He’s your patient from now on. Treat him like how you’d treat your other patient.”

Noiz, however, shook his head.

“I’ll treat him like how I’d treat Aoba.”

Koujaku laughed. “That’s an obvious bias there but I’ll close one eye on this.”

“Remember the extra request,” Noiz continued with a soft voice as Koujaku nodded, but not soft enough to escape Aoba’s ears.

_Extra request?_

But he didn’t have time to pester the matter further as the moment he was left alone in the room with Noiz, the anxiety from before started washing him all over again.

Neither of them said anything. No longer able to stand the awkwardness, Aoba looked away, unwilling to look Noiz in the eyes while Noiz stood rooted at the same spot, his gaze fixed securely on Aoba.

They’d landed themselves in a rigid situation.

“… I’m sorry.”

He intended to at least relieve a bit of Noiz’s fury, but what Noiz felt instead was penetrating aches in his chest and before he knew it, he was hurrying forward and pulling Aoba into a firm embrace.

“I thought I’m going to lose you,” he mumbled. Aoba could hear soft, choked sobs beside his ear. He wasn't sure if Noiz was crying but that one simple sentence brought him to snug Noiz into his arms. Noiz was _terrified_. He could feel it from the way he was shaking in his arms.

“I’m… sorry…” he repeated, not knowing what else he could say.

Even so, both of them knew that words weren't necessary after all; not when they could feel each other so vividly when their hearts were pressed so closely against each other.

“…H-How’s your fever?” Aoba asked after a few minutes of awkward silence. He wasn’t sure what else he could say, unsure if whatever he have to say would unintentionally hurt Noiz again. But his question earned him another glare from Noiz and he instantly knew that he’d angered the doctor again.

“What did I say about taking care of yourself first?” Noiz gritted, immediately causing Aoba to smile bitterly as he ruffled the younger one’s hair.

“I’m sorry. Old habits are hard to change.”

“Then change now.”

“I’m trying,” Aoba whimpered.

A momentary pause later and..

“I’m fine,” Noiz mumbled. “The cold vanished the moment I know you were admitted here.”

That wasn’t what Aoba was expecting but he smiled nonetheless. Even if something was to happen to him, he knew that he wasn’t alone in this battle. He had Noiz with him, and that was the best weapon he could ever ask for.

* * *

 

His reality changed in the blink of an eye, turning his world upside down. He was used to a busy life with less to no time to rest. But now, ever since he was admitted into the hospital, he found himself having too much time in hand and it tended to bore him to no end. Most of his times were spent on flipping through magazines or playing games on his phone. He was extremely grateful with Noiz’s existence though, who had been visiting him every day without fail. His attending doctor had conducted a full body checkup on him the next day immediately after he was admitted and, to his surprise, he was even appointed to a psychiatrist for a psychological checkup. So this was the extra request Noiz had asked from Koujaku. He wasn't sure why he needed a psychological checkup but he wanted to leave his trust to Noiz, whom he knew would decide the best decision for him.

Sometimes he also found himself having guests. Sei and his Grandma visited him every day; and after the visiting hours, it’d be Koujaku and Clear’s turn to spend the remaining time with him. He was beyond grateful. Even though he’d told them not to spend too much time on him, his intention was gracefully ignored and he could do nothing but give them an apologetic smile every time they made their appearance in his room.

There wasn't anything much they could do while they waited for the report. When Noiz briefed him about his condition for the first time, Sei – who was coincidentally in the room – gave out a small laugh and commented on how ironic it was to see the change of position between them. Aoba obviously shared the same opinion. He’d never imagined himself lying on a hospital bed like this and somehow, he could finally understand how Sei felt when _he_ was once a patient.

Soon, Aoba finally found out from Koujaku that Noiz had dropped all his other patients to concentrate on him. It made Aoba feel extremely bad but at the same time, he also knew where Noiz was coming from and he wanted to respect his decision. He knew Noiz meant well, the fact that Noiz had put him as his highest priority went without saying. So instead of sinking in his own depression, Aoba decided to solely focus on his recovery so that Noiz could resume his normal training route soon.

He never wanted to become a burden to Noiz, not when Noiz had a bright future in front of him. He didn't want to be the one pulling him back.

But no matter how much Aoba wanted to prioritize Noiz’s career for him, he could not deny the fact that Noiz’s frequent presence relieved him greatly. He’d never thought about his own condition before but now that he was practically in the situation, he couldn’t help but felt a faint hint of anxiety within him when he was left alone in the huge ward. He couldn’t stop the what ifs in his mind, and all those uncertainties tended to scare him to no end. Sometimes he even found himself jolting awake in the middle of the night, sweating and panting heavily for unknown reasons. Sometimes he passed out without his own knowledge. He could obviously feel that something was wrong with him as the fear started to creep on him. He knew it might be his tensed nerves doing the talking for him – as Noiz had explained countless times to calm him down – and it might be a normal occurrence for a person with a neurology disorder (he’d finally admitted the possibility). But there was no way he could turn a blind eye toward the possibility that _something_ was endangering his mind, and possibly, his life as well.

He was worried, scared, anxious, frustrated; and he wasn't sure how to deal with all these overwhelming emotions. As they started taking over his mind, he could do nothing but clinging to Noiz, the only assurance he could find. He’d never imagined his situation to worsen to his extent. Needless to say, Noiz had been extremely worried about his condition, the countless times Aoba had broken down in front of him did nothing but further heightening his worries. He’d sacrificed his sleep to look up on materials that could at least suggest what was wrong with his boyfriend; he’d tried to make sure that he would always be there to attend to Aoba’s needs, regardless of the time. If needed, he was even considering moving into the hospital until Aoba was completely healed.

But Aoba was strong. He had been coping with his situation with all his best. He’d tell Noiz every time he felt weird, something Noiz greatly appreciated. And when he got visitors, he’d try to act as normal as he could so as not to worry them even more. He tried to keep a good front whenever others were present in the room. His expected visitors were kind enough to distract him away from talking about his condition. But there were also certain days when he got himself some unexpected visitors.

Like today, he found Mink’s presence in his room.

Aoba was trying to sneak a tickle on Noiz when they heard knocks from the door. A quick ‘come in’ later Mink walked in with a bouquet of sunflower. Aoba smiled gleefully at his guest and after changing the flowers in the vase, Noiz left the room, saying something about checking on the checkup report and left both Mink and Aoba alone in the room.

Mink was a man with less word, but there was no way Aoba would miss the unmistakable sincerity and concern he often projected through the way he looked at him. He might not be an expert when it came to expressing emotions but the small actions he’d conducted (like his frequent contribution to the vase of flowers in Aoba’s room) spoke loud enough for how concern he was toward Aoba.

Even when the conversation was one-sided, Aoba couldn't help but feel grateful toward him. He was always the one who’d noticed it when something went wrong with Aoba. And without him keeping an eye on his family, Aoba was sure that they’d landed themselves in a worse state.

 

Mink’s stay only lasted a while before the clock hit the end of the visiting hour. A quick bid of farewell later, he walked out of the room just to be stopped by Noiz.

“Wait.”

He gave the young doctor a sideway glance before he turned around to properly face him.

“I heard you were the one who brought Aoba in? You’re… Mink, right?” Noiz asked, involuntarily eyeing the lofty guy from head to toe.

Mink nodded. “Yeah.”

He didn't know a lot of Aoba’s friends (he doubted if he even have any considering his no-break lifestyle), let alone his neighbors. Mink gave him the impression of a detached guy, but the way he treated Aoba had convinced him enough to tell him that he meant no harm and that he could be a good pair of eyes to look after Aoba when he wasn't around.

He supposed he should at least express his gratitude.

“Thanks for that,” he continued.

Mink nodded again. The conversation should end there but for some reason, both of them stood rooted at the same spot as awkward silence spread between them.

“When are we expecting the result?” Mink asked after what felt like an eternity.

Smelling a potentially long conversation, Noiz suggested.

“Let’s go to my office.”

He was surprised that Mink followed him without any questions. But that would work, it would save him some trouble.

Once they were comfortably settled down, Noiz replied.

“Not so soon. We conducted a thorough checkup for him and it’d take a few more days to finalize the result.”

Another pause. Feeling awkward, Noiz moved his gaze to the piece of document on his table, slowly reading through the list of checkups he’d arranged for Aoba when Mink suddenly voiced out.

“Does that include psychological checkup as well?”

His question caught Noiz off guard as the doctor lifted an eyebrow, eyeing him questionably before he asked.

“It does. But,” a pause. “Why do you ask?”

Mink’s silence put Noiz’s endurance limit to challenge as he scowled, impatience visible on his face. On the surface level, it didn’t seem necessary for Aoba to undergo any psychological checkups seeing how mentally stable he was. He was composed most of the time, save for the times when he’d broken down under the severe migraines. But only Noiz had witnessed how ludicrous and how unpredictable his mental state could be. He _thought_ he was the only person who’d saw it with his own eyes but apparently, this might not be the case after all.

“Did you see something?” he asked, no longer able to endure the wait.

Mink remained silent. But before Noiz could pester him further, he spoke.

“So you've seen it too.”

The simple sentence was all Noiz needed to confirm his suspicions.

“How long has it been?” he continued asking. He needed to know.

“I've only seen it twice if that’s what you’re asking,” Mink replied nonchalantly, a tone that reminded Noiz oddly of himself.

Mink wasn't answering his question. It left Noiz no choice but to keep probing him.

“When was the first time?”

“Half a year ago.” Then, as if contemplating his answer, he took out a cigarette and walked toward the window. The fact that this seemingly unconcerned man had just broken the hospital rule didn’t concern Noiz at all as he scowled at the annoying pungent smell of smoke. He didn’t even have the patience to tell Mink off. All he cared now were the answers for his suspicions.

"Did he say anything?” Noiz probed, exasperation obvious in his tone.

Mink was taking too long to answer and it was starting to become a serious problem for Noiz.

“ _’Do you need me? Does anyone need me at all?’_ ,” Mink finally replied after he blew the smoke out of his mouth.

Noiz could only stared, dazed, upon hearing the answer. They hadn’t been together for more than two months and he would never expect Aoba to say something like that. So, whoever or whatever that had been interacting with Mink six months ago was definitely…

 _Him_.

“That was… Aoba?” Noiz asked carefully, even though he knew the answer himself. He didn’t know what else he could ask but he wanted a second opinion. He’d thought that he had the situation under control but apparently, things had happened outside of his knowledge and he needed to understand them, not only for him to find out the source of Aoba’s distress but at the same time, he also needed to figure out a way to properly face him. Or _him_ , both of them.

He didn't deem it necessary at all. As much as his medical knowledge about personality disorders had told him, he knew that there was a possibility for patients to develop _another_ personality when they were having certain types of neurology disorder. But that didn't mean that Aoba had become another person altogether. He was still the Aoba Noiz knew, and it would always remain as such.

Mink, however, seemed to have sank in his own thoughts. It took a while, but he answered nevertheless.

“It depends on how you think of Aoba.”

Turning around, he discarded the cigarette and walked out of the room without another word.

As Noiz stood and stared out of the window, it suddenly hit him that there were in fact a lot of things that he didn't know about Aoba. Unlike him, Aoba had been trying to understand him, to know more about him the whole time they’d known each other.

But did he even attempt to understand his boyfriend a bit more? Did he even attempt to understand the most basic information about his boyfriend?

Shaking his head, he gave out a huge sigh. He needed to stop allowing his mind to play stressful tricks on him. The priority now was to cure Aoba, and that should be it.

He needed to stop doubting if he was the right person to attend to his boyfriend’s sickness.

 

***

But besides of his own contradictions, he soon realized that he wasn't given any time to organize his thoughts. There were more pressing matters in his hands – like how he occasionally found himself facing a different Aoba as Aoba’s situation worsened over time.

He’d tried to treat _him_ the way he would treat Aoba but sometimes things went out of hand.

“Noiz, can we fuck?”

“Noiz, hungry. Bring me food.”

“Noiz, can I sleep in your office? The couch seems like a nice place to fuck.”

At first, it confused Noiz momentarily as he tried to figure out who exactly he was dealing with. But after a while, he started getting used to it. It wasn’t like he didn’t like the _different_ personality of Aoba but his worries grew with the times the same situation kept happening. He suspected that something might had gone wrong in Aoba’s brain to have evoked such a change in his personality but there was no way he could attempt anything at all without a firm, concrete proof that something was _indeed_ wrong with Aoba’s brain. There was no way Aoba could continue living like this. It’d disturbed his mental state, probably even his life. He needed to find out the source of the problem, then developed a solution, and returned Aoba’s life to normal.

Accidentally spoke his thought out a bit too loud, he received a smack in his head with Aoba straddling his thighs.

“So you’re saying that I’m abnormal.”

He wasn't sure if this was the Aoba he knew or the _other_ Aoba he had yet to know but he caressed his face nevertheless, stroking his cheekbones and bringing their faces closer.

“Nothing’s wrong with being abnormal,” he said.

“Then why do you find the need to heal me?” Aoba glared. Ah, this is the _other_ Aoba.

Noiz scrutinized him for a short while before he brought Aoba’s hand to his mouth and mumbled against it.

“At the very least, I want to know what the problem is,” he explained. “If something is causing you these disorders, I need to fix it before it could endanger your life.”

“And you’re fine with me disappearing? So you prefer _the other Aoba_ more?” Aoba pressed, pouting and still glaring at the young doctor.

“What are you talking about?” Noiz stared, wide-eyed. “You’re Aoba too right? I love you no matter who you are.”

He managed to silence him up but there was no mistaking the dissatisfaction on Aoba’s face as Noiz wrapped him into an embrace.

“No matter how much you’ll change, I’ll still love you. You’re the one who had changed me. That fact will always remain unchanged.”

It was definitely a psychological disorder. Probably the reason for Aoba’s frequent migraines was because of this mental disorder. Probably the disorder was the reason why this _different_ Aoba existed. Probably this personality of Aoba was a personification of the sickness itself. Probably, _probably_. But with the lack of concrete evidences, Noiz could only deal with this his way now. He could only live with the endless maybes.

And he prayed that he was doing the right thing. This was the first time in his life he’d felt so helpless despite being a doctor himself.

* * *

 

“Aoba, I’m coming in.”

He waited for a while but when he received no reply, he opened the door to find an empty room. Panic, he gazed around the space, searched the washroom and finally under the bed until he was completely convinced that Aoba wasn’t in the room. It wasn’t anything new, anyway. On circumstance like this, he would end up finding his patient in odd corners of the hospital building. He didn’t remember Aoba having a habit of sleepwalking but even without that record he knew perfectly well what was happening. Clicking his tongue, he dashed out of the room and hurried toward the lobby. It was 2.00 a.m. in the morning, the hospital occupied by no one but doctors and nurses who were on their night shifts. He scanned through the security cameras but when he found nothing, his heart sank. If Aoba wasn't on any of the corridors, then there was only one place where he could find him.

“Took you long enough.”

He stood at the doorway, mouth hanging at the sight in front of him.

Aoba was sprawled on his couch, legs spread and fingers stroking his exposed cock. The moment he saw Noiz, he spread his arm wide, signaling him to come over. Despite being overwhelmed with rage – his lack of sleep not helping – Noiz obeyed, but not into Aoba’s embrace like how the other wanted, but to grasp on his chin and forced him to look him in the eyes instead.

“What the hell do you _think_ you are doing?” he gritted through clenched teeth, visibly furious.

Aoba smirked. “What does this look like to you?”

Before Noiz could answer, he grasped at Noiz’s hand on his chin and led it his cock, eyes never left Noiz’s as he sent him a mischievous snare, instantly drawing a deep frown in between Noiz’s eyebrows.

“Let’s cut the crap here. I know you’re as desperate as me. How long have you not been fucking Aoba? Days? Weeks?”

Noiz drew his hand out of Aoba’s clutch and glared at him. The warmth that was still lingering on his palm made him swallow thickly as he struggled to remain composed.

“Or do you not like the way I’m handling your _precious Aoba’s_ body?” Aoba sneered, purposely smearing his palm with precum and tracing it along Noiz’s face.

“Stop,” Noiz reprimanded, his voice dangerously low.

“Hm?” Aoba hummed, leaning closer to Noiz so that their faces were merely inches apart. “Stop  _what_?”

His voice was almost the same as Aoba’s but it was one tune lower and the singsong way he’d shoot Noiz gave the young doctor the impression that this Aoba was merely doing things out of his own amusement. He wasn’t angry with how Aoba treated his _own_ body; rather, he was more worried if whatever he was doing without his knowledge would cause unnecessary strain to his body. He didn’t want to risk anything at this point of time, not when he had absolutely no idea at all about Aoba’s situation.

Finally losing his cool, Noiz captured both of Aoba’s wrists and dragged him over to a chair where he tied them firmly behind and threw his robe at him to cover his indecency.

“Heh, didn't know you’re into bondage,” Aoba teased, licking his lips and ultimately biting on his lower lip while he shot Noiz a suggestive smirk.

“Shut up,” Noiz growled. But as soon as the words left his lips, he halted. It wasn’t like him to speak in such a rude manner to Aoba. Even when they weren’t in a very good term with each other, he had never shouted at him before.

As the mutual silence spread, Noiz paced toward Aoba, purposely ignoring the smirk Aoba was shooting him and kissing him on the forehead.

“Aoba,” he muttered.

“Which one?”

The question sent a prick into Noiz’s heart. He’d never thought of Aoba as two different beings, no matter how different they may sound or how different they may act. He didn’t even acknowledge it as a question. But somehow, somewhere, he felt that it might not be the same case with _this_ Aoba. Every time he’d encountered a _different_ Aoba, he’d always asked him the same question – _which Aoba_? It didn’t make sense to Noiz at all. Even when Aoba was having certain mental disorders, there was no way the sickness would create a whole new person.

Unwilling to answer the question, Noiz could only stare at his boyfriend. Aoba’s eyes were a different tone from how Noiz remembered them to be, and the way he smiled at him was completely different. It suggested humiliation, taunts, depression; nothing of the gleefulness Noiz memorized so well from Aoba. But even so, it was still part of Aoba. _His_ Aoba. As he kept staring at him, he couldn’t help but pulling him closer and kissing him on the eyes, then on the lips. Before Aoba could draw him into a deeper kiss, Noiz pulled them apart, cupping his face to look at him.

 He was beautiful. No matter what he become, he was still as beautiful as how Noiz remembered him to be.

“You’re perfect,” he murmured, speaking his thoughts out.

He loved all of Aoba. Even when his eyes could be different, his smile could be different, even when he turned entirely into a different person… _he loved him_.

“I love Aoba. There’s only one Aoba I know and I accept him for whoever he is or whoever he’ll be,” he said, stroking Aoba cheekbones and smiling fondly at him. “I love _you_.”

For a long time, they merely stared at each other without a single word. Then, suddenly, Aoba laughed. Similarly, it was a loud laugh that Noiz had never heard before.

“Brat,” Aoba mouthed the moment he’d stopped laughing. “You are good with words.”

“I’m telling the truth.”

“Hmm?” Aoba licked his lips again. “Prove it, then.”

Even when they’d never dealt with each other for too long, the way Aoba said that two words told Noiz enough to know _exactly_ what he wanted.

But instead of complying with Aoba’s demand, he pulled back, creating a safe distance between them.

“If you aren't the Aoba I know, then tell me. Why are you so obsessed with me?” Noiz asked instead. He’d been doing the talking all the time. Now he wanted to know what’s in _this_ Aoba’s mind.

“I want you. Is that not good enough?”

“Just because I can give you good fucks?”

Aoba’s smirk deepened. “Obviously? What else could it be? I’m not interested in your money.”

It was ironic, Noiz smiled at himself. It was ironic how the way he’d said it reminded him of himself. But what was even _more_ ironic was the fact that _Aoba_ was the one who’d brought him out of this exact mindset. It was ironic to see himself from his own point of view. Was it because of the fact that Aoba was once in the exact same situation as Noiz that had urged him to be so persistent toward him? If this was the case, if he had forgotten all about it, then all Noiz needed to do was just to remind him again. To remind him on who he _really_ was.

“Love is more than that,” he said with a firm voice.

Aoba laughed again.

“Who are you to tell me what love is when you know _nothing_ about the world?”

He was right. He knew _nothing_ about the world, _nothing_ about human emotions, let alone love. But at least there was _one thing_ he knew. Aoba was the definition of his love, he was the one who had shown him what love meant. And he wanted to tell _this_ Aoba. He wanted to knock the sense into this lost person in front of him.

“Aoba is my life, no, _you_ are my life. _You_ are the one who had showed me what life is all about, what love is. Isn't that enough?”

“You mean the other Aoba.”

“No, I mean _you_. _You_ are Aoba. No matter who you are, you’re part of Aoba and I love _you_. I love all of you,” Noiz repeated. He would say it over and over again as long as he could make him understand.

When Aoba fell silent, Noiz moved closer to pull him into a hug.

“Love is not just about sex. You were the one who told me that. It’s about being there for each other, to support each other no matter how we might turn out to be. This is what you had taught me, Aoba. You were always there when I knew nothing about life. You were always there to smack me awake. You did all of those in an unconditional way. And I believe that’s love.”

He couldn't feel any response from Aoba, and he suspected that the other might have passed out again. Ever since Aoba was disturbed by these migraines now accompanied by his constant personality confusions, Noiz would often find him losing consciousness every now and then. It was definitely not doing any good for his health but he needed to endure it. He needed to support him until the report was out. Then, he would cure him. He swore he would.

“Although so,” he whispered, although he was pretty sure that Aoba could no longer hear him. “You’re really cute during sex. You’re perfect.”

He wrapped him firm in his arms, firm enough to feel his breathing, his warmth, enough to know that he was still alive. Then, he kissed him softly on the cheek before he carried him back to his room, where he wrapped him in the thick blanket and gave him another kiss on the forehead before he settled at his usual seat beside his bed. Stroking his cheeks, Noiz stared. Aoba looked so peaceful and calm now, the mischievousness and taunting expression from before nowhere to be seen. As he scrutinized on every bit of his boyfriend’s feature, he gave out a small smile.

“I love you, Aoba. I love everything of you.”

He repeated. Over and over again. It didn’t matter who was the one listening, it didn’t make a difference anyway. He just wanted Aoba to know, to remember, and to always be assured that he was there, and his feelings would never change.

Just like how Aoba had accepted him when _he_ was the one who needed the acceptance.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aoba's report comes out in the next chapter so please look forward to it c;


	8. Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An operation consists of unpredictable risks, but it was something he needed to do. And by that, he needed to sort out a few of his own resolutions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Self-beta'd and I apologize for any errors or mistakes.
> 
> As usual, thanks for reading :)

_"Hmm, so you're saying you understand everything about love? How about life? What's your understanding about living?"_

_He knew that he was dealing with Aoba's other front, but he had no intention to treat him differently anyway._

_"I won't say that I know everything. But I know that I love Aoba. That should be more than enough."_

_Aoba gave out a small chuckle before he smirked tastefully at him._

_"Let's see about that, then."_

_He didn't know what he meant then, but he'd find out very soon._

 

 

The knocks almost sounded nervous. Even when he heard the soft 'come in' from within, he stood rooted on the spot, hand gripping on the doorknob and feeling cold sweat trickling down his back. 

When he finally stepped into his superior's office, the expression on Koujaku's face immediately formed a nervous frown in between his eyebrows.

"Sit down," Koujaku said as he flipped through pieces of paper without looking at the young doctor.

Even without the need to say anything, the endless researches Noiz had conducted by himself over the past weeks had told him enough to know what to expect. But even so, he still had his doubts. He couldn't be hundred percent sure of his predictions but, still clinging to the feeble hint of hope, he secretly hoped that it wouldn't be like what he suspected it to be. 

Every sound in the office now strained his nerves. Despite his impatient nature, he waited for Koujaku to make the first move. Half of his heart wanted to know the results now; but another half of him wanted to push it away, acting as if nothing had happened and that everything was simply a huge mistake. However, when Koujaku gave out a sigh, he felt his heart drop.

"Tell me what you've been expecting," Koujaku asked after closing the document file and finally looking at Noiz. 

Involuntarily swallowing down his throat, Noiz's mind went on a rampage with all the what ifs and hard evidences that were stored in a corner of his brain. The never-ending thoughts that had been occupying him were now forced to the forefront of his head as he started considering the possibilities. There were certain things that he had known but never wanted to admit. Now that it was finally time to lay everything out, there was no way he could ignore the situation any further.

"The basic scans told us that there was definitely something wrong," Noiz started, slowly organizing the information out of his head. 

He wasn't exactly answering Koujaku's question and he was aware of that. He just needed some time to digest the details out in a more sensible way. 

"I do realize that..." he trailed off, eyes now glancing at the document on Koujaku's desk which he knew contained the report of Aoba's checkups. "We put Aoba through four very disease-specific scans."

He paused. Shifting his gaze from the papers to look at his supervisor, he noticed that Koujaku was wearing a kind of unreadable emotion on his face. It did nothing to ease his tension.

"Computed tomography scan, computed tomography angiogram scan, magnetic resonance angiography scan and cerebral angiogram."

His words were emotionless and contemplated as Koujaku gave him a weak smile and nodded.

"You've been monitoring it very closely, I see," he said, although his tone told Noiz that the senior doctor had expected him to know.

"All of these scans," Noiz continued, ignoring the interruption. "Leads to the diagnosis of  _one_  very specific disease."

Another short pause. They could literally feel the air around them frozen.

"Aneurysm," Noiz finally said.

Koujaku gave out a bitter smile.

"It seems like there isn't any need for this report after all," he commented, fingers tapping on the pile of papers and looking at Noiz bemusedly.

"It wasn't hard to figure it out," Noiz explained. "Aneurysm can be inherited. It's just common sense to check on it first seeing how the brother had it. Besides," Noiz paused again to pull the document out of Koujaku's grasp and scan through the report, taking in all the symptoms listed on there. "'Sudden severe headache, nausea and vomiting, fainting or loss of consciousness, sensitivity to light'. All of these are symptoms Aoba is experiencing. They match the symptoms of Aneurysm."

Koujaku, still looking impressed, stared gracelessly at Noiz before he gave out a soft cough. 

"You know, probably I could grant you your graduation certificate now," he teased.

"That's not necessary," Noiz deadpanned. "I only know all of these because it's Aoba I'm dealing with."

"Just because it's Aoba," Koujaku repeated while Noiz shrugged.

"But unlike Sei," Koujaku continued, his tone now returned to a more serious one as he took the paper off Noiz's hands and pointed at one of the charts. "His condition is far more serious. Listen, Noiz. He needs  _immediate_  attention."

As he started to make sense of the chart, Noiz scowled, the emphasis of Koujaku's tone on the word 'immediate' hitting hard on him. 

"And the reason why his condition worsened so much faster as compared to his brother was..." he considered but Koujaku answered his suspicions for him before he could word the answer out himself.

"Exactly what you think it is." Pulling out another piece of document, he opened the file up and showed Noiz another piece of report. "This is the results for the  _extra request_  you asked for."

"Dissociative personality disorder," Noiz read, his eyes dashing through the fine prints as he swallowed hard before he breathed the result out. "Positive."

He heard Koujaku's sigh above him and he looked up to see his supervisor with a bitter look on his face. It must be tough for him, he thought. Above everyone else, Koujaku should be the first person to have noticed it. He was  _supposed_  to be the closest person to Aoba and yet, he'd never noticed how severe his condition was until now. But somehow, Noiz couldn't blame him.  _He_  was the only person (besides Mink, who wasn't even an expert) to have witnessed Aoba's absurd change of personality firsthand after all. If anyone was to take action for this, it should be him.

"There weren't any signs," Koujaku muttered, seemingly considering all the symptoms he might have potentially missed. Then, suddenly, he shifted his attention back to Noiz. "But you've got an idea that this is bound to happen. That was why you requested to arrange a psychological checkup for him."

Noiz shrugged. He didn't even know how to explain the situation to Koujaku and he figured that it'd need more than the time they had in their hands now to be able to do so. 

Sensing the reluctance, Koujaku interrupted before his intern could say anything. 

"No matter what it is, we need to solve this now," he said as he supported his chin with his knuckles.

"Any idea what's the root of the problem?" Noiz asked, his attention now entirely on the report for another scan of hints.

"It's hard to say. It could be due to stress, or environmental influence, or he might even have it since birth. We can never know."

Noiz scowled. "But we need to know."

When the silence spread, he pressed again.

"Even if we managed to fix the damaged nerves, there's no guarantee that it won't return. I want that guarantee. I want to make sure that he's hundred percent healed."

Koujaku raised a hand to silence him. "I understand how you feel, Noiz. I know where you're coming from. I'm the same." Then, he gave out another loud sigh. "But we cannot afford to spend more time digging for the root now. We need to take one step at a time, and we need to do what we can do now. The report shows that he's in a critical condition now and we've got no time to spare. We  _need_  to arrange for a surgery."

Noiz felt his stomach drop upon hearing the word 'surgery'. Clenching his fist, he looked away from Koujaku, countless possibilities running through his head. A surgery meant risks and he wasn't sure if Aoba was prepared for it. Heck, he wasn't even sure if  _he_  was prepared for it.

"Noiz," Koujaku called out. Receiving no response, the senior doctor clicked his tongue and lurched forward to shake him on the shoulder.

"Stay composed. I know you're very concerned about Aoba. But remember, he's your  _patient_  and you need to decide what's the best for him. Don't ever allow your personal emotions to interfere with your judgment."

It took a while for Noiz to finally give Koujaku a nod as he sat back on his chair, a stern look now plastered on his face.

"What's your suggestion?" the young doctor asked, although it was obvious that he was still troubled by the sudden turn of events.

"I would propose a coil surgery. It would be the same for how we did it for Sei but this time, we need to take into consideration of his mental state. It's not so much of the operation now. The key would be on the preparation for the surgery."

When Noiz gave him a conflicted look, Koujaku smiled and patted him on the shoulder before he continued.

"Sei was fine because he had Aoba to go through with him, and everyone else around him was very supportive as well. Not to mention that he was naturally optimistic, which helped greatly with his mental preparation. But Aoba is different. I don't think he even knows anything about his mental state. We need to find a way to break the news to him and. Judging from his condition now, anything could happen at this point. What we can do from our end is to make sure that he's in the right and stable mental state for this operation. Can I leave this to you?" he ended with an inquisitive look at Noiz.

A nod from his intern drew an instant smile on Koujaku's face but Noiz's next question immediately took that relief away.

"What could be..." the young doctor paused, feeling a throb in his heart even before he could properly roll his question out. "...the worst case scenario?"

Koujaku gave him a disbelieving look. He was pretty sure that Noiz knew the answer himself. But he figured that Noiz probably needed more assurance than him, considering that this was the first time he was faced with such a complicated situation.

"We're looking at a brain condition here, so..." he trailed off, looking for the right way to put things into words. "He could probably lose certain sensations, or he could probably experience memory loss, or worse come to worst, he could probably lose his life."

That was the last thing Noiz ever wanted in his life.

 

 

He'd never experienced the heaviness in his heart as how he was feeling it now. Stopping in front of the ward he was now more than familiar with, he took a deep breath, one hand gripping tight on the doorknob and another hand clenching into a fist in his robe pocket. He needed to break the news to Aoba but he had yet to come out with the best way to tell him, not when he himself wasn't even mentally prepared. He took another deep breath and was about to open the door when he heard faint echos of melody from within the door. 

Opening the door as quietly as he could, he was instantly greeted by a peaceful, alluring kind of melody which sounded like some sort of a lullaby. It wasn't hard to locate the source of the tune as he saw a white-haired doctor having his back facing him and body rocking back and forth to match the song's melody. Upon hearing the sound of door closing, the white-haired doctor turned around and pressed a finger against his lips, signaling Noiz to keep quiet. 

Another few careful steps and Aoba came into his line of sight, peacefully fast asleep without any knowledge of Noiz making his appearance in the room. Seeing that there wasn't anything much he could do, Noiz walked to the corner of the room and sat on the couch as he waited for Clear to finish his song. Somehow, the nursery doctor's song had managed to calm him down as well as he found his thoughts slowing down to a more acceptable pace and thus, allowing him to be able to clear his mind better.

When Clear was done, he stood up and walked quietly towards Noiz.

"Noiz-san," he whispered as he sat beside Noiz.

Noiz merely hummed in response.

"Aoba-san was having a bad time coping with his migraine so I thought that I could probably help him out."

Noiz felt a prick in his heart upon hearing that. He had been trying his best to be with Aoba as much as he could but there were times when duties called and he had no choice but to leave Aoba in the hands of others. Clear had volunteered himself today and he was glad that he had been a great help for Aoba lately. Aoba's condition had worsened over the past week. His health condition was obviously in an emergency state now and the thought itself squeezed Noiz's heart in ways he couldn't imagine.

"He seems fine now," Clear continued, looking over at Aoba as he gave Noiz a gentle smile.

"Thank you," Noiz mumbled, with a lack of anything better to say.

"Don't worry about it. Aoba-san is a friend. It's only natural for me to want to help him feel better," Clear exclaimed, although it was also obvious that he was trying his very hard to keep his voice down.

Noiz never knew any of Aoba’s friends. Aoba had yet to properly introduce them to him, his inflexible working hours definitely not helping. They weren’t on top of his priority list anyway. But, he wondered, if his boyfriend’s friends were as concerned as how Clear was, they’d be great help for him in terms of mental preparation.

“I hope he get well soon,” Clear said mindlessly, and Noiz wasn't sure if he was talking him or to himself.

“That song,” Noiz broke the momentary silence, instantly earning an excited look from the nursery doctor. “It’s a nice song.”

“Thank you!” Clear almost screamed out loud before he quickly covered his mouth with his hands and lowered his voice. “It’s called the jellyfish song. My grandfather used to sing it to me when I had nightmares.”

Without knowing what else he could say, Noiz only smiled at Clear before he shifted his attention back to Aoba. Yeah, this whole situation was a nightmare for him.

And he hoped that this nightmare would end soon.

 

Soon, Clear left the room, saying something about nursery duties and leaving both Noiz and Aoba alone in the space. As soon as he heard the door close, Noiz shifted to sit beside Aoba as he took his boyfriend’s hand in his and pressed the back of it against his face.

The faint warmth he felt against his skin did things to him. He had never understand the real meaning of ‘being alive’. But ever since he met Aoba, he started to slowly but surely comprehend what it meant by being alive. He thought of Aoba as the personification of how a ‘living’ person should be. If Aoba was to lose that sign of life, he wasn't sure if he would be able to take it.

As the thought crossed his mind, Noiz reached out instinctively to stroke on Aoba’s cheek, the soft, delicate feeling against his fingers immediately sent a pang of warmth straight into his chest. Ever since they were together, he never wanted to miss a chance to touch him, to the extent that he could almost memorize the texture of his skin. He wasn't sure what prompted him to do so but probably – now that he was put in such a life-threatening situation – Aoba reminded him of life. And probably, that was exactly what he was unconsciously yearning for in his life.

“Don’t you dare leave me before you teach me about what’s so great about living. You promised you would,” he whispered against the back of Aoba’s hand, feeling the slight tremble of the small hand when hot breath hit his skin.

He took a peek at Aoba to make sure that he was still asleep before he placed his hand back on the bed. There was nothing much he could do until Aoba woke up but it didn't matter anyway. Watching Aoba slept was one of his favorite pastimes. In fact, anything involving Aoba was always his favorite things to do.

Aoba was special. He was different.

As he watched, he suddenly noticed a thin frown forming in between Aoba’s eyebrows. Figuring that the migraine might have attacked him in his sleep, he unconsciously hummed Clear’s jellyfish song out of desperate measure.

He wasn't sure if the melody he produced sounded exactly like Clear’s but as the frown disappeared from Aoba’s face, he felt the weight lifted off his heart. Assuming that it worked, he closed his eyes, immersing himself in the tune and continued humming.

Until he felt a grip on his hand.

Looking up, he saw Aoba opening his eyes, the latter broke into a small smile upon seeing him.

“I was wondering whose awful singing was that,” Aoba teased, giving out a yawn and sitting up to stretch his back.

Noiz scowled. “I’m sorry I’m not as good as Clear.”

Aoba’s smile widened as he ruffled the young doctor’s hair.

“Thanks for waking me up anyway,” he said.

“That’s not helping,” Noiz pouted, unwilling to look at Aoba any longer.

“I know,” Aoba laughed. “But it’s cute seeing you acting up like this. It suits your age better.”

When Noiz refused to respond any further, Aoba squirmed nearer to him and pulled him closer.

“Sing for me again?” he prodded, although there was no mistaking the tease in his voice.

“Never,” Noiz replied with a stern tone.

“Pleaseeeee?” Aoba dragged his voice, sneaking his hand nearer to Noiz’s ribs at the same time.

“I said—woah, I see what you’re trying to do there,” Noiz exclaimed as he jumped out of the way but Aoba gripped his wrist and pulled him over, giggling happily as Noiz stumbled and eventually fell on the bed.

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop,” he managed to breathe out, still panting from the laugh.

One secret he’d discovered from Noiz was how ticklish he could be. The first time he’d attempted tickling him, the nineteen-year-old literally squealed and jumped off his seat, leaving him gaping and staring bemusedly at him. But the astonishment was quickly replaced by loud laughter that had caused Noiz to refuse talking to him for the entire day. That was how he’d discovered his boyfriend’s weakness, convincing him further that Noiz was perfectly human and making him pleased to know that he’d have something to counterattack Noiz when the younger one disobeyed him.

The short commotion enlightened the mood in the room momentarily until Noiz was suddenly reminded of the reason he was here. Feeling the weight in his chest, Noiz waited for Aoba to finish laughing before he started. They were running out of time. It was only a matter of time to break the news to Aoba. And he knew that the longer he delayed it, the worse the situation would become.

“Aoba, we need to talk.”

Recognizing the seriousness in his tone, Aoba’s expression shifted from a cheery one to a stern one as he nodded.

“Your report is out.”

Noiz heard a small hitch of breath from his patient and, strengthening his grip on the mattress, he continued.

“You need a surgery. Immediately.”

For a while, they merely stared at each other, not knowing how to respond. Then, without warning, Aoba gave out a loud sigh.

“I thought so. Is it Aneurysm?” he asked.

As Noiz raised a curious eyebrow, he quickly explained.

“I mean, you don’t expect me to turn a blind eye toward everything that’s happening with me, right? I've been doing a lot of thinking myself, I couldn't help it. And I guess… I would've known my own body conditions the best. I know how bad it has become, especially in the past week, and I've been thinking if this would eventually lead to an operation.” Mindlessly drawing circles on the bed sheet, seemingly deep in thought, he slumped back on the bed. “I guess I’d need it sooner or later.”

Noiz was honestly surprised with how carefree Aoba was taking this entire thing, unlike him. Probably he wasn't aware of the risk; probably he was _sure_ that he’d be fine seeing how Sei had recovered successfully from the exact same disease. But that was because he had no idea about his _real_ condition and his jollity exasperated Noiz. He didn't know that his condition was far more serious than Sei. He didn't know that he was diagnosed with _something else_ on top of what he had already known. He didn't know that his mental state was under a critical condition. He didn't know all of those.

Finally losing his calm, Noiz was almost shivering when he spoke.

“You don’t understand. An operation means risks. Things may go wrong. We’ll never know. You might not be able to recover, your condition might become worse, you might—“

“Die?” Aoba continued for him, the serenity still evident on his face.

Noiz stared disbelievingly at him for a full whole second. Even when he mouthed that one terrible word out, the smile never left his face. There wasn't even a sign of fear or terror.

“I understand the risk,” Aoba said, realizing that the silence around them was starting to become hard to bear.

“No, you don’t” Noiz interrupted.

“Yes, I do.”

“No, please, Aoba. Listen to me.”

“No, _you_ listen to me.”

“Aoba, for God’s sake, please—“

“ _Noiz_.”

The stern mention of his name silenced him up effectively as Noiz left his words hanging, still staring incredulously at his stubborn boyfriend.

Aoba, however, abandoned his strictness the moment he realized how terrified Noiz was as he smiled and stretched his arms open, beckoning Noiz to come over.

“Come here,” he urged.

When Noiz pressed himself against Aoba, Aoba patted him on the head, hugging the younger one firmly in his arms. That was when Noiz noticed how fast Aoba’s heart was beating. Perhaps he’d misunderstood him; perhaps… he was as terrified as he was.

“Aoba, a brain operation isn't a small surgery,” Noiz started, desperately trying to convey how serious this entire matter was to Aoba.

“I know,” Aoba repeated. “I know, Noiz. But if that’s the only option I have, then all I can do now is to face it. Besides, I trust you. I know I’ll be fine but _you_ need to believe that you can do it first, okay?”

Noiz wasn't sure if he should laugh at himself now. He felt as if he was the patient instead.

But Aoba was right. He had always been right.

“There’s something else I need to tell you.”

“Hmm?”

“Your brain disease isn't the only one that needs immediate attention,” Noiz said as he broke himself free from Aoba so that he could look at him properly. “Remember when you asked me why did I arrange a psychological checkup for you?”

He figured it was only fair to be completely transparent with Aoba if he was to prepare him mentally for the operation. Hiding things from him would definitely not serve him any good. Instead of the startled look Noiz was expecting, he was surprised to see Aoba smiling gleefully at him.

“I was wondering when you’ll finally tell me about it,” Aoba confessed.

“About why did I arrange it for you?”

“No. About why you didn't tell me that you have been speaking to someone else without my knowledge?”

Now, Noiz was completely stunned. He had his own suspicions but he’d always thought that that was just his nerves speaking.

“I've been hearing voices in my head and of course, it’s definitely not normal,” Aoba quickly explained before Noiz could confront him further. “It has been a while but I always thought that it was just part of my dream or something. I didn't want to admit that I've gone insane. But recently, this voice, whoever or whatever it is, has been telling me things about you and I start to think that probably something is happening somewhere when I’m not aware. I started to pay more attention to the way you treat me, and then, it suddenly occurred to me that something must have gone wrong somewhere in my head. That was why you arranged the checkup for me. The fact that you knew what’s happening must be because you had dealt with this thing, person, whatever it is. That’s the only way things make sense to me.”

Noiz gave out a small chuckle, interrupting Aoba and drawing a curious frown on the other’s face.

“Seems like you aren't as oblivious as I thought you were.”

Aoba shrugged. “It’s my own body. I know it best. But no matter what it is, and I’m not sure what has happened, it’s still part of me. I don’t know what it is. It’s probably something I have yet to discover. But I hope…” He shot Noiz a cautious look. “…you’re dealing with it appropriately.”

Noiz was pretty sure that Aoba meant ‘subconscious’ but he decided to keep his dignity intact this time.

“I know,” he responded instead, unconsciously eyeing the tone of color in Aoba’s eyes. “I am.”

 

* * *

 

 

The next day was a start of a more-than-hectic life for Noiz. He had never gotten so anxious over a patient’s wellbeing before and the fact that Aoba had worked him up so much amazed him greatly. However, he went through a bumpy road when the reality first hit him, having to constantly calm himself down to ensure that he kept his personal emotions out of the way before he could allow himself to make the most coherent decision for Aoba. He couldn't afford to lose his self-control now, _especially_ when the patient he was dealing with was Aoba. It was tough at first. He couldn't quite put Aoba and the word ‘patient’ together and he was having difficulties adjusting to the sudden change of reality. It still felt far-fetched to him and whenever he felt this way, he’d tend to question himself all over again, repetitively pondering if he was _really_ the best person to treat Aoba. At one point of time, he finally submitted to his contradictions as he marched up to Koujaku and expressed the intention to pull himself off the role. Koujaku’s response was totally out of his expectation. He didn't know what happened but all he knew was his supervisor was punching him hard in the stomach and on his face as he screamed into his face, telling him to buck up and stop being a disappointment. That punch did its job, though. Koujaku’s yells vibrated his skull enough to hit the sense into his head. But what actually pulled him out of the abyss was the way Aoba had said that he believed in him even when he knew that Noiz was still under training and that he had yet to fully understand about life. Despite that incompetence, _he chose to believe in him_. And that was when Noiz slapped himself awake as he adjusted his mindset and finally instilling the determination back in him.

However, no matter how much Noiz wanted to take charge of Aoba’s condition, it wasn't his personal call, not when it involved such a major operation. Three days after the release of Aoba’s report, Koujaku called for an internal meeting with the higher levels to finally make a formal decision. Noiz knew that the meeting wasn't necessary at all. It was obvious that Aoba needed the operation, seeing how crucial his situation was. It was only a matter of procedure and formality and rules, things that were never part of Noiz’s priorities.

“Since it’s a red light situation, we’ll have Koujaku-sensei to lead the operation. Any objections?” The director of the hospital asked after all the other doctors have evaluated Aoba’s condition.

He knew it was done out of formality. Perhaps this was the best decision. Koujaku was an experienced surgeon after all; in fact, he was the best neurologist in town. There was no one better than him to lead the operation. But somehow, it didn't feel right for Noiz. He felt like he needed to do something. Not only something that could allow him to save Aoba with his own hands, but also something that could help him break free from his own restraints.

He figured it was a step he needed to take, sooner or later. If that was the case, this was the best time to take it.

“I would like to take the lead instead.”

The room had gone so quiet one could hear a pin drop. Everyone’s eyes were on Noiz.

“But you’re still a trainee,” the director of the hospital said. “And you’re not a fully eligible doctor yet.”

“Hold on a sec.”

This time, it was Koujaku who had interrupted the discussion.

“I would like to request everyone’s agreement to allow Noiz to lead the operation.” Without waiting for any response, he quickly continued. “I’ll be overseeing the operation myself. Noiz has been scoring perfectly in terms of practicality and I’m sure that he would be able to pull it off better than some of us here. Besides, I would also like to propose this operation to be a final determinant for his graduation.”

The room started buzzing with discussions. Everyone was obviously considering the option, and knowing that Koujaku was the most experienced neurology in the hospital, there seemed to be less to no objections at all.

“But, Koujaku-sensei,” one of the older doctors voiced out. “This is a life we’re talking about here. Are you sure you’re fine with turning this operation into a test ground?”

Koujaku shot Noiz a unwavering look before he gave out a confident smile.

“That’s exactly why I need him to lead the operation,” he said. “Because we’re talking about a _life_ here.”

Somehow, Noiz was certain that the last sentence was directed at him.

 

* * *

 

The news that Aoba was to go through an operation spread like wildfire. Not only that he found himself being constantly accompanied by his family, he also found the company of his friends like Mink, Ren, Haga-san, as well as Koujaku, Clear and a few nurses who had been attending to him ever since he was admitted into the hospital.

While Aoba was frequently immersed in the warmth of people who are genuinely concerned about him, Noiz had been going through various intense training and simulations ever since the day he pronounced himself as the lead for Aoba’s operation. His working hours was stretched to its limit but no matter how many practices he had gone through, he kept feeling that it wasn't enough and he ended up spending most of his free time looking up on more resources. Koujaku had been a great help as well. While he tried his best to train Noiz up, he had also accommodated to Noiz’s needs, answering his doubts whenever and wherever he could. Noiz’s enthusiasm amazed Koujaku greatly, but at the same time, he was also extremely worried about his trainee’s body condition. Because based on the long working hours and the limits Noiz constantly put himself under, it was obvious that he was putting his own health on risk and the last thing Koujaku ever wanted was for Noiz to break down before he could even handle the operation.

Voicing that concern out, Noiz merely shrugged.

“I’m fine. I’m getting sufficient rest and I’m monitoring my body condition closely.”

There was nothing else Koujaku could do but to believe in him.

But what distressed Noiz most wasn't the fact that he might not be able to stomach all the information he needed in such a short time frame; but it was the fact that he didn't get enough time to visit Aoba that was starting to consume him from the inside.

At days when he didn't get to see Aoba, he found himself sitting alone in his dark office, feeling the familiar sense of fear taking over him all over again. Aoba’s situation had gotten worse over the days. He was also becoming paler with each passing day. When Noiz managed to touch him, even a bit, he was even surprised to notice how the warmth he was so familiar with was slowly fading away. The obvious changes terrified Noiz. He felt as if Aoba’s trace of life was slowly fading away right in front of him and he wasn't sure if he could bear seeing Aoba being so weak and vulnerable.

He was so used to a cheerful, lively Aoba.

The Aoba who had stormed into his office and screamed into his face, telling him about how wrong he was about life and death.

The Aoba who had dragged him down few floors of the hospital building just to escape from a family of raging people.

The Aoba who had used rabbits against him.

The Aoba who had screamed his lungs out when they were on the coaster.

The Aoba who had blushed so hard when he first confessed.

The Aoba who had reacted so badly when he touched him.

But now, this Aoba was so different, and yet, he was still the same Aoba he knew. The realization hurt him to no end.

He never wanted Aoba to lose the life in him.

He would never allow that to happen.

And by that, he would do all he could to prevent it from happening.

No matter what the cost would be.

 

* * *

 

 

“I think you’re ready,” Koujaku announced after pulling off his mask.

It was a day before the operation and Koujaku had been spending the entire day in the operation theater to prep Noiz up. After throwing his bloodied gloves away, Noiz proceeded to wash his hands at the sink without another word.

“Just try to stay calm, always remember that.”

He heard Koujaku’s endless reminder but he couldn't think of anything other way to make himself or Koujaku feel better. As he cleaned the red liquid off his hands, Koujaku shot him a nervous look from his back. He had been doing well all these while. But Koujaku had this gut feeling that told him that he had been doing well just because he was facing fake bodies that weren't Aoba’s.

“I’m leaving,” Noiz said, wearing his white robe over his shirt and was about to push the door open when Koujaku stopped him.

“Wait, Noiz, just…” he stuttered. “Stay calm tomorrow, okay? And… tonight as well.”

Noiz smirked.

“Take your own advice, old man.”

And he left.

 

 

He knew that Aoba’s room had been occupied for the entire day. Just like how everyone had cramped in the room when they first heard of Aoba’s need for an operation, the same group of people had been spending most of their time in his room again today to wish him luck before he was pushed into the operation theater. Noiz hadn't got the time to see Aoba today. When he pushed the door open, he was surprised to see that Aoba was still awake, standing by the window and staring blankly at the starless sky.

“Aoba?” Noiz called out. Aoba turned around and gave him a weak smile before he returned his attention to the sky, seemingly uninterested with the young doctor.

When Noiz reached his side, Aoba instinctively took his hand in his, gripping it tight and almost drawing a small hitch of breath out of Noiz when he felt the slight tremble against his skin.

“I wonder if there would be stars tomorrow,” Aoba muttered.

“There would be,” Noiz responded, clutching Aoba’s hand firmly. “And you’ll be witnessing how beautiful the sky would be tomorrow.”

Aoba chuckled. Then, he turned around to lean against the window sill as he cupped Noiz’s face.

“Yeah, I’ll see them. And I’ll see you again,” he said unhurriedly, stroking Noiz’s cheekbones with his thumbs with a small smile on his face. “I’ll remember how beautiful your eyes are.” He moved his fingers to touch on Noiz’s ear piercings. “…and how shocked I was when I first saw your piercings…” He trailed off before he flicked a finger in between Noiz’s eyebrows. “…and how annoying I find your scowls to be.”

“Wait, that’s what you think of me?” Noiz scowled, although Aoba wasn't sure if he did it on purpose on not.

“Hey, you don’t expect me to love everything of you, do you?” Aoba teased with a smirk. But when he saw the questioning look on Noiz’s face, he reached out to ruffle his hair instead. “Fine. You’re right. I lost. I love everything of you.”

Noiz wasn't sure how to respond to such an upfront confession. Ever since they were together, he knew that Aoba had returned his feelings even without the need for him to put them into words.

“If that’s how you define losing,” he said after a short pause. “Then I’m the loser as well. Because I love everything of you too. You’re perfect.”

He wasn't sure what the meaning of Aoba’s bitter smile was but there was no space for him to hesitate any longer. It was a big, important day tomorrow and Aoba needed to be convinced that he would recover from this. There was no room for any other distractions. Not now.

“If anything is to happen to me…” Aoba mumbled cautiously, but Noiz took over him immediately.

“Don’t ever think about that. I won’t allow anything to happen.”

“I know, I’m just saying if.”

“No ifs,” Noiz’s voice was stern and determined.

“Noiz, I’m just saying if anything is to happen,” he quickly pressed a finger against Noiz’s lips to stop him from interrupting. “Listen, I want you to move on with life, you get me?”

Noiz stared at Aoba for a few moments, obviously hurt, as he pulled his finger away and buried his head in his small boyfriend’s shoulder.

“Noiz...” Realizing that he’d unintentionally wounded Noiz, Aoba quickly wrapped his arms around his body, an attempt to calm him down. “There’re so many wonderful things you have yet to discover about the world. You need to keep moving. There’ll also be other people who would walk alongside you and—“

“I don’t care. I want you,” Noiz whispered, shivers obvious from his tone. “Only you.”

“Noiz…”

This wasn't how he intended it to be. He wanted to laugh at how childish he sounded now. He’d made up his mind and he was determined that the operation would be a success. But upon facing Aoba, he knew that there was no way he could hide how terrified he actually was. The thought of losing him revived from the back of his mind again and he didn't want to face it. Not now. Not when they were so close to the end of this nightmare.

Realizing how Noiz was feeling, Aoba pulled himself apart and cupped Noiz’s face again as he tried his very best to give him the best smile he got.

“I got it. I’ll make it through. That’s what you’re trying to say, right?”

Before Noiz could respond, he leaned forward to press a kiss on the younger one’s lips, wrapping his arms around Noiz’s neck and urging him to respond to him.

Noiz obeyed. Hugging Aoba firmly in his arms, he returned the affection with a deep kiss of his own. They haven’t been sharing any intimacy ever since Aoba got admitted into the hospital. Upon feeling the warmth of Aoba’s tongue, the way Aoba played with the tips of his hair, and the way he panted when they parted for a short refill of breath, he realized how much he’d missed this.

And he wanted to feel it. Again and again.

“Aoba,” Noiz breathed, panting heavily from the intimate kiss they’d just shared and almost laughing at how red Aoba’s lips were now. “When you recover, I want to marry you.”

Aoba’s expression shifted gradually from a faint look of ecstasy to one of a shock. Sensing a gap, Noiz quickly plunge his tongue back into his mouth again and only parted when Aoba gave him a light push.

“Is that supposed to be a… proposal?” Aoba asked carefully.

“What do you think?” Noiz smirked.

“N-No, Noiz, you don’t joke about things like that,” Aoba cried.

“Do I look like I’m joking?”

“B-But..”

“I’m just telling you so that you won’t leave this bachelor alone,” Noiz interrupted, licking his lips and untangling Aoba’s hair with his free hand.

“No, wait. I don’t…”

“Aoba, will you marry me?” Noiz urged, the smirk vanished from his face, replaced with a serious look, as he moved his face closer to Aoba’s, whose flushed face was visible even under the weak moonlight.

After what seemed like forever, he finally responded.

“I… I will. But like I said…”

He didn't manage to finish whatever he wanted to say when Noiz silenced him with a kiss on the forehead.

“That’s a promise. I’ll do it properly once you've recovered.”

 

And operation consisted of unpredictable risks. And Noiz, as a doctor, was fully aware of this. But at the same time, he also knew that there was no way he would fail this operation.

Because the person he was to operate on was a person that meant the world to him. And because Aoba believed in him, that would be the best assurance he would ever need.

 

   

_“I got it. I’ll make it through. That’s what you’re trying to say, right?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to [Lilinett](http://lilinett.tumblr.com/) for drawing [this extremely beautiful fanart](http://lilinett.tumblr.com/post/95409324162/an-illustration-for-one-day-memory-by-shino-cchii) for this scene ;w;


	9. Turn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes he wondered if he had the enough courage to face this reality.  
> But perhaps this was a bit too much for him to handle.

“Do you love Noiz?”

 _He_ shot him this question out of the blue, but it wasn't anything new anyway. Whenever Aoba let his guard down, he’d found himself facing _him_. The first time when it happened he was both terrified and shocked. He’d had a gut feeling that something wasn't very normal with his brain but upon hearing a second voice – a voice that sounded oddly like himself – he was almost convinced that he was indeed at the verge of becoming insane.

He chose not to answer the voice. Someone once told him that the more one respond to an inner demon, the more they’d be lured towards darkness. He wasn't particularly superstitious but when one was so vulnerable like this they tended to cling onto any ray of hope they could reach so as to make themselves feel better.

“Hey, are you listening? I’m asking you if you love Noiz?”

The voice was beyond annoying. Covering his ears with his pillow, he closed his eyes, intending to force himself to sleep. But he knew that what had unsettled him most wasn't the voice; but the question the voice had directed at him.

It was a question he had been asking himself a lot, especially ever since he’d started this sudden yet surreal relationship with the young doctor.

He didn't want to doubt his feelings. But yet, he couldn't ignore how the need for an answer had taken over his mind, slowly but surely. Does he love Noiz? How much does he love Noiz? He never thought that a day would come when he needed to speak his feelings out loud. The idea was beyond troubling. It was distressing. He knew that he wasn't in the right state of mind to think too much about it. But yet, he chose to trust his own feelings.

Somehow, he knew that the voice was still there. And somehow, he knew that it wasn’t going to leave him alone until _he_ got the answer _he_ wanted. He felt as if he was speaking on behalf of the deepest of his mind.

“I love Noiz,” he mumbled into the pillow.

“That doesn't sound very convincing,” the voice mocked. “How much do you love Noiz?”

“I love Noiz,” he repeated, as if the three simple words had become a mantra for him to keep the voice away from him.

“Are you sure?” The voice was now filled with hint of suspicions, and Aoba felt his confidence waver.

“I love Noiz!” His voice echoed loudly in the empty space of his room. People passing by would have thought that he was crazy, that he was speaking to himself.

“Prove it, then.”

Ever since that time, the voice disappeared from his head.

 

* * *

 

When he opened his eyes, he wrinkled his nose at the familiar scent of antiseptic as he blinked a few times to get use to the bright surrounding. His mind was still fuzzy from the heavy dose of medication he was put under and he was still having some difficulties deciding if this was reality or if he was still in a dream. He took a while to finally chase the fog off his mind as he felt his heart drop, suddenly reminded of what was going to happen today.

“Aoba.”

He heard someone calling his name, then he felt a hand patting his head. Turning his face slightly, the gentle smile of his brother came into view as he returned the smile with a weak one of his own.

“Sei…”

“How are you feeling?” his brother asked, caressing his hair and giving him a soft stare that always managed to calm Aoba down in ways he couldn't describe.

“Good,” Aoba replied weakly. Reaching out to grasp at Sei’s hand, the older sibling of the Seragaki household returned his grip as he proceeded to stroke on Aoba’s cheek.

“You’ll be fine, Aoba. Trust me,” he said, his voice soothing. “If I can make it out alive, you can do it better.”

He knew there wasn't anything to be afraid of. He trusted in Noiz and above all, he knew that it wasn't too much of a life-threatening surgery anyway. Sei had gone through the same surgeries for three times. And every time, he’d come out safe and healthy.

Attempting to assure Sei, Aoba squeezed the biggest smile he could out of his face.

“I know,” he said. “Wait for me, Sei. I promised to bring you to the amusement park. And we also promised granny to bring her out for a vacation. I’ll never break those promises.”

Sei merely smiled before he said.

“Don’t forget about Noiz. You promised him a lot of things as well. He’d be waiting for you.”

A faint tint of blush appeared on Aoba’s cheeks as he turned away, pouting and visibly embarrassed.

But speaking of Noiz, he was nowhere to be seen, the room filled only by the Seragaki brothers.

The last time he’d seen Noiz was when the young doctor sat at the exact same spot where Sei was sitting now, holding his hand and telling him about things that had happened to him when he was out of Aoba’s view. Aoba still remembered how he shocked a nurse when he left the operation theatre in a state of red mess after his daily simulation; and how Koujaku had punched him so hard he thought he could finally feel for real.

Noiz was properly experiencing emotions now, and Aoba was beyond relieved to know that. He’d shown more emotions with every passing days, sometimes leaving Aoba in a state of disbelief whenever he conveyed his expression a bit too exaggeratedly.

He was already perfect before he could portray those emotions. Now that he started to talk his mind out a bit more, perfection seemed like an understatement for him.

Noiz had always been there when Aoba needed someone. They had gone through so much. Now that he was only minutes away to face his fear, he needed to see Noiz.

“Don’t worry, you’ll see him later,” Sei comforted him, as if he’d just read his mind.

He was right. Noiz was his surgeon after all.

 

***

 

The sound of running water was the only thing Koujaku could hear when he opened the door to the men’s washroom. His own footsteps echoing loudly in the space, he stopped beside a young surgeon, who was crouching in front of the mirror with his hands supporting the sink.

Both the surgeons were now dressed in their green robes, hair neatly tied back and every part of their appearance well-cleaned. Without a word, Koujaku cleaned his hands and wiped them dry before he stood, staring at his own reflection in the mirror.

“Stay calm. Remember that.”

No matter how Noiz deciphered it, those words sounded more like a self-reminder than anything else. Finally lifting his head up, he mirrored Koujaku’s posture and stared at his reflection, unmoved and tensed.

“Now that I actually think about it, I’m not even sure why did I agree to let you lead this operation. It’s your first surgery and on top of that, it’s Aoba that you’re going to operate on…”

“You don’t believe in me?” Noiz asked, his voice almost cracked from the dryness in his throat.

“That’s not it…” Koujaku stuttered. He wasn’t even sure why he needed to say this now of all times. He knew Noiz would definitely perform perfectly, _especially_ when the patient he was dealing with was Aoba. He’d witnessed his enthusiasm himself. Noiz was always a good doctor, and he had become better over time. There wasn't any reason not to let him lead the operation.

But even without the need to explain, Noiz seemed to understand what Koujaku was trying to say. Opening the pipe again, he bent down and splashed handfuls of water on his face, as if he was trying to wash all his hesitation away.

Honestly, he’d thought about that himself – about if he was really the right person to conduct this operation. But that time, Koujaku was the one who’d assured him that there wasn’t any doubt that he was the one; no, he _should_ be the one. He didn’t even know what had prompted him to rush into this decision; but then, he thought of Aoba – of how Aoba tended to hide his fear whenever he spoke about the operation, and of how Aoba would smile at him, telling him that if he was the one to operate on him then he’d have nothing to be afraid of. Those were what told Noiz that he’d made the right decision.

A loud sigh from Koujaku pulled him back from his realms of thoughts as he felt a hand gripping on his shoulder.

“Honestly, Noiz, I’m scared. I’ve never felt so insecure about a brain operation before. So I can understand if you are scared as well,” Koujaku confessed, immediately drawing a surprised stare from Noiz.

He admitted that he was nervous. It wasn’t something he could help, not when he was to operate something as huge as this on the person who meant the entire world to him. The fact that this was his first surgery in his entire doctoring career, with risks that he may or may not encounter, wasn't helping in easing his tension either.

But like what Aoba had told him, if it was the only option, then there wasn't anything else he could do but to face it.

“Aoba means a lot to me. I know he means a lot to you as well. When I thought of the possibilities of things going wrong…” Koujaku continued, the fear obvious from his tone.

“Nothing will go wrong,” Noiz interrupted. “Not when I’m in charge.”

Koujaku stared dumbfounded at his intern for a brief moment before he broke into a loud laugh. Then, he gave Noiz a few rough pats on the back.

“You got me. God, I feel so pathetic now.”

“Aoba once told me,” Noiz continued, wiping his hand with a clean towel as he continued staring firmly at his own reflection in the mirror. “I have to believe in myself first before anyone else could believe in me. And I would do that. I would do anything for Aoba.”

“He’s right,” Koujaku agreed. “He’s a tough child.”

“And I’m throwing what he said at you as well,” Noiz said as he turned around to look at Koujaku.

“Believe in yourself, Koujaku. Believe in _me_.”

 

***

 

“It’s time.”

Aoba was about to sit up when the nurse hurried to his side and gently pushed him back down.

“It’s fine, you don’t need to move. We’ll push you there,” she smiled tenderly, pulling the blankets up to Aoba’s chest and fiddling with the switches on the bed.

“Push me there?” Aoba thought out loud. But his suspicions were interrupted when he felt the bed move as he shrugged at the thought of all the luxury Noiz had been spending on him.

He figured that his doctor boyfriend would no doubt prepare the best for him, but that also meant huge buckets of cash and he wasn't sure if he was even able to repay him without trading his entire life to him.

As they moved along the corridor, he kept his eyes open, the medication effect from before now slowly disappearing as he stared at the bright lights above him. The hospital wasn’t too busy as how it remembered it to be. But that conclusion was drawn from his own memory, and he wasn’t sure if he could even rely on his memory now that he was constantly trapped within the four walls of his ward. Things may have changed within the past few weeks he was hospitalized and he might not even have any idea about them.

“Aoba? Stop thinking too hard.”

He almost forgotten about his company as he snapped out of his mind the moment he heard the calm voice of his brother from beside him. Sei was walking with him down the corridor. Noticing the disorientation in Aoba, he had reached out to caress his hair, distracting him from his overloaded thoughts.

“Everything will be fine. In a few hours time, you’ll be back to normal and before you know it, you’ll be back at home. Granny’s food is waiting for you; everyone is waiting for you. We have planned a celebration once you are discharged.”

Speaking of that…

“Where’s everyone?” Aoba asked with a hoarse voice. He hadn't seen anyone besides Sei ever since he woke up this morning. Although everyone he knew had visited him the day before, he was still curious as of why they didn't drop by today.

“They are busy with the preparation. And I told them not to come, even though they insisted.”

“Why?”

“Because I want them to believe that they’ll be seeing you again. It’s not like it’s a farewell or anything. They have wished you luck yesterday anyway. There’s no point coming again today.”

Sei had a point. And he understood the reason why Sei had arranged it this way. He wanted Aoba to believe that he could overcome this, and the next time he woke up, he’d see everyone again.

Smiling affectionately at his brother, Aoba nodded, telling Sei enough that he had gotten his message across.

The journey to a change of a lifetime felt like an eternity. Aoba tried to block his thoughts off most of the time, focusing his attention on his surrounding sounds and smiling at the passing crowd whenever they made eye contact. He wasn't sure how he looked like now, probably horrible, judging from Noiz’s expression whenever the young doctor saw him.

_“You’re beautiful, you’re perfect.”_

The young doctor had told him repeatedly every time he expressed concern over his lack-of-groom appearance. He knew that it was only Noiz’s personal opinion but that was already more than enough to silence him up.

When they finally came to a stop, he found his stomach drop, his heartbeats increased in a rapid manner that almost caused him to throw up again. Sei was nodding at someone; he saw the nurses moving away from his sides; and before he knew it, the face he was more than familiar with came into his line of sight, almost causing tears before the other gripped him firmly on the hand.

“Aoba.” He heard through the mask the young surgeon was wearing. It was only his name. But he could hear the shiver, the worries, the nervousness, but above all, he could still hear the unmistakable affection and he knew that this was Noiz, the person he was so attached to. He couldn’t see things very clearly – his vision blurring out now and then ever since his condition worsened – but after blinking for a few times, he smiled as the pair of mesmerizing lime-green eyes came into focus.

Returning his grip, he replied.

“Noiz.”

His voice was still hoarse, and it hurt to even speak. But it didn’t bother him. For some reason, he needed to talk to him, not as a patient, but as a partner.

“Don’t worry,” Noiz said, although the shiver Aoba felt from his hand wasn't convincing enough. “I won’t allow anything to happen to you.”

He wanted to say something – _anything_ – but his mind was blank and he blamed the medication effects. He wasn't sure why he was feeling this intense urge to pull Noiz into his arms, to talk to him, to pat his head and tell him that everything would be fine. He knew that nothing would happen to him and he trusted Noiz.

But somehow, he couldn't help but feel this way and it was starting to… scare him.

“Noiz,” he called out again, his voice weaker and barely audible.

Noiz strengthened his grip. “I’m here.”

“No matter what,” Aoba said with a small voice. “Always remember that… the world isn’t so bad. You must keep moving forward.”

Noiz felt a squeeze in his heart but he forcefully swallowed the emotion back as he shot Aoba one of those scowls his boyfriend found to be annoying.

“Why are you saying all these now? I won’t allow anything to happen to you, Aoba,” he said, the croaking voice Aoba heard from his throat told him that he was at the verge of breaking down.

He wasn't even sure how to answer Noiz. He wasn't even sure why he was feeling this way. But the aches in his heart won’t go away and he couldn't stop his overflowing emotions. Before he knew it, tears were trickling down the corner of his eyes, wetting his pillow and causing him to swallow even harder in an attempt to control his emotions.

“I know…” he finally said. “Just please, remember what I said.”

Before Noiz could say anything, Aoba was reaching out to pat his head and the next thing he said almost drew tears out of the nineteen-year-old.

“I’m so proud of you…” Aoba muttered. “You've grown so much. I’m so happy you’re the one who would be bringing me out of all these miseries.”

He wanted to say something, to keep telling him that everything would be fine but all he could do was a nod. Wiping the tears off Aoba’s face, he pulled his mask down and kissed Aoba firmly on the lips. It wasn't something intense, it was just their lips pressing against each other as they felt each other’s breath against their skins.

When they pulled apart, Noiz looked at Aoba and smiled at him. The smile was so genuine and filled with emotions that Aoba couldn’t help but returned it with a tender one of his own. Noiz was properly portraying emotions now, there was nothing to be afraid of anymore.

“I love you. Always remember that,” Noiz said, firm and unwavering.

“Love you too, brat.”

Somehow, the smile acted as the best reassurance for Aoba as he nodded at Noiz, urging the other to put his mask back on, give him another kiss on the cheek and then, the warmth on his hand was gone.

And before he knew it, he was being pushed into the operating theater.

 

 

The lights above him were blindingly bright. But Aoba tried his best to keep his eyes open. He heard the sound of people moving around and the sound of metal clanking against each other but he refused to turn around to check out what was happening. He couldn’t properly digest the situation now, his mind constantly distracted by his own nervousness. There was nothing he could do to stop it, it was just natural to feel this way when one was being put in such situation. Then, he felt someone standing beside him and, finally, he turned slightly to see his childhood friend, his smile obvious despite being hidden behind his mask.

“Yo, Aoba. Seems like you’re doing fine,” Koujaku said, his voice as energetic as Aoba remembered it to be.

Aoba smiled weakly at Koujaku.

“Thanks for everything,” he muttered.

Koujaku beamed. “Don’t mention it. Are you ready?”

Aoba nodded again and Koujaku left his side not long after. He was trying to concentrate his thoughts again but he soon realized that there wasn't a need for that anyway as his consciousness fell into darkness, telling him that the surgery had finally begun.

 

 

As he witnessed Aoba losing consciousness right in front of him, the throbs against his chest even more pronounced now as he stared, suddenly unsure of what to do.

“Noiz, concentrate.”

Koujaku’s stern voice vibrated the nerves in his brain as he took a deep breath, moved under the lights and stared again, his hands shivering slightly as he moved the scalpel nearer to Aoba’s head. There wasn’t any space for him to hesitate. He needed to be completely stable so as to avoid causing any incurable after-effect on his patient. By this, he would need a clean cut.

He heard his own heartbeats in his ears, felt his own heart beating furiously against his chest, and wrinkled at the cold sweat now trickling down his face.

He was about to finally take the first cut when Koujaku grasped his wrist.

“Remember, stay calm. You need to do this right. You have no option. You _need_ to,” Koujaku repeated sternly.

He understood. He knew it very well. Aoba was perfect; he was beautiful even when he was lying down like this, so peaceful and motionless but he never wanted him to remain like this forever. He needed to get this done and over with perfectly to instill the color back to this beautiful face once again.

Giving Koujaku a determined stare, he nodded.

And he made the first cut.

 

 

The surgery lasted for eight hours. There wasn’t any crisis; everything went smoothly like how Noiz had done his every simulations. Finally ending the last thread, he handed the remaining responsibilities to Koujaku and the nurses as he threw the bloodied gloves into the sink. But before he could take his robe off, his vision blacked out all of a sudden, the room spiraled in around him. Hastily gripping onto the nearest item he could reach, he was expecting to feel a sense of coldness (assuming that he’d grabbed on the nearest trolley) but instead, it was a strong grip that had prevented his fall. The darkness only lasted for a few seconds before his vision flickered back to life and he turned around to see Koujaku scowling at him.

“I knew you haven’t been properly taking care of your own health,” the senior doctor reprimanded.

“Aoba…” Noiz started, but was immediately interrupted.

“He’s fine. The nurses are taking him back to his ward. _You_ are not fine.”

“Nothing’s wrong with me,” Noiz retorted, trying to stabilize his feet while he struggled out of Koujaku’s grasp.

Koujaku gave out a loud sigh before he patted on Noiz’s shoulder.

“You’ve done a good job. Now go take a rest. Stop being so hard on yourself.”

He wanted to retort like how he usually did but Koujaku was wearing this stern expression on his face that told him that it’d be useless for him to even think of reprimanding unless he wanted to risk being hauled back home.

“Go home and take a rest,” Koujaku continued urging but Noiz shook his head.

“I’ll just take a nap in my office.”

Koujaku knew that Noiz wouldn't budge no matter how much he insisted so he just allowed him be.

He’d never be entirely calmed until he witnessed that Aoba was completely cured.

 

***

 

He thought that the surgery was a success. He was right.

He thought that Aoba would wake up soon, right after the narcotic effect worn out.

He was wrong.

It had been five hours since Aoba was asleep and there weren't any signs of him waking up. It wasn't normal. Even Koujaku started to get worried about the situation. Being naturally paranoid over anything to do with Aoba, Noiz immediately filed a checkup on him.

And the report nearly crushed him.

Aoba had fallen into coma.

For what reason, they never knew.

He thought it was his fault; that he had done something wrong during the operation, and it was the reason why Aoba won’t wake up. He must’ve damaged some of his nerves, or took the wrong steps, or dosed him with the wrong medications. He must’ve done _something_ wrong. For a long time, Noiz was immersed in this deep sense of self-blame that almost pulled him into the abyss of depression. Upon reading the report, his mind started racing in an amusing pace, countless possibilities running through his head, numerous solutions started blooming rapidly. But all of a sudden, everything came to a stop. He could no longer hear what others were telling him; he couldn’t even hear his own voice. His mind just went… completely blank.

Before he knew it, he was walking out of Aoba’s ward. He remembered furiously sweeping away Koujaku’s strong grasp as he closed the door behind him, walking along the corridor, as lifeless as a zombie.

He only stopped when he reached his office and, without even the intention to on the lights, he collapsed on the couch and stared lifelessly at the ceiling.

It was as if his entire world had crushed down on him. He couldn’t think coherently. He didn’t want to believe in this reality. He wanted to turn back time so that he could conduct the operation again.

But none of these was possible.

And for a long time, he merely sat, unsure of what to do with the situation now.

Unsure of how he should live with this truth.

Unsure if he should even continue living.

 

Koujaku was the one who beat the sense into him. Forcefully crashing into his office, he grabbed the young doctor’s collar and slammed him against the wall as he shouted in his face and telling him to stop giving up so easily.

_“Aoba is not dead! For goodness sake!”_

The senior doctor had screamed so loudly in his ears he could literally hear his eardrums vibrate. But he was right. It wasn't the end yet.

True, there wasn't anything they could do right now. A comatose patient isn't like any other patients. There weren't any solutions, so to speak.

The next time Noiz stepped into Aoba’s room, Sei was the only person beside him. He felt a huge surge of guilt within him the moment he saw Sei’s smile. But Sei merely patted him on the head, telling him that he didn’t blame him a single bit because it wasn’t something he could help. It wasn’t something he could control and there might be a lot of reasons to why the situation had become like this now. Probably it wasn't even his fault; probably it was Aoba’s own problem that had caused it.

But probably, Noiz was the one responsible for it because he was supposed to ensure that Aoba was mentally healthy enough for the operation. If that was really the case, then he should be the one to shoulder the blame.

But Sei hushed him, telling him that what done is done and they should focus on the present rather than the past. When Noiz wasn’t willing to comply, Sei – for the first time ever – gave him a stern frown and told him, as firm as he tried to be, that if he was really guilty for whatever he had done, then he should at least shoulder the responsibility and pray that Aoba would wake up soon.

_“There is still hope. As long as Aoba is still breathing, we can still hope. And that’s what Aoba needs most now. Talk to him. Make sure that he knows we are all waiting for him to come back.”_

So he waited. He hoped. He prayed. He visited Aoba every day, doing things like how Aoba used to do to him – telling him his everyday occurrences - how he’d become friends with the girl from the nursery, how Mink taught him about taking care of flowers, how he finally learned the jellyfish song from Clear, and how he finally met Aoba’s grandmother as the latter told him more stories about Aoba.

He suddenly realized why Aoba insisted on telling him all his seemingly uninteresting stories. When one told others their stories, it was a type of reflection. They didn’t only revel in the bond building session they were sharing with the other person, but it was also then that they would start feeling alive, knowing that they were going through their days meeting people and doing things like how a normal human should do. It may not be sweet and happy every day; there would come a day when things take a turn and pull one down a dark hole; but it didn't matter, what important was they were going through it, they were facing it, and at the end of the day, they would appreciate life a bit more because that was exactly what living was all about.

It was about experience. It was about learning. It was about experiential learning.

It was about growing up.

“You taught me so many things, Aoba,” Noiz said on a fine evening, when the evening sun shone through the window sill and created beautiful gradients on Aoba’s peaceful, sleeping face.

He knew that Aoba wasn't great with words, sometimes he even found difficulties expressing his thoughts but it didn't matter. The message finally came across to him now and that was all that mattered at the end of the day.

 

***

 

It had been two months since Aoba fell into coma. During this period, he had been getting a lot of visitors from time to time. Everyone was telling him about all the good and bad things that were happening to them. To Noiz, it felt like people around him were pouring bits and pieces of his life back into him. While he never missed visiting Aoba every single day, he also spent a lot of time reading on comatose.

He hadn't been dealing with a lot of comatose patients ever since he started his training in the various hospitals he was placed in. But there was one fact about comatose patients that had captured his attention.

Each person’s ‘coma story’ was individual on its own. When someone is in coma, it is assumed that they are in a state where just look and act as if they are asleep.

There were instances when Noiz got the chance to understand more of his patients’ ‘coma stories’ – some said they saw vague images that faded in and out of their consciousness, whereas some were perfectly aware of their surroundings but their bodies stayed still, not listening to their brain’s will.

Noiz had managed to gather a few more stories but not one story could give him a solid explanation of what exactly happened when a person fell into coma. At the end of the day, it only seemed to him that anything was possible, and that it heavily depended on the person’s determination and willpower to know what type of ‘coma story’ they went through.

Noiz never had the interest or intention to know more about other’s ‘coma story’. But when the situation was forced upon him, it was when he discovered the limitless possibilities and needless to say, he was frustrated with this discover. There was no ‘real truth’ to begin with. He didn’t like the vagueness behind all these cases, but what truly upset him was the fact that it was something he couldn’t help. The only thing he could do was pray and hope that a miracle would occur and that Aoba would wake up and tell him that he had a wonderful dream.

He had been patiently waiting for the day to come. He _knew_ it would come. Gently caressing Aoba’s fingertips, he hummed quietly, reminiscing on all the things they had gone through together. He was supposed to clock off three hours ago but working hours no longer mattered to him. The hospital became his home, and it would always be until Aoba woke up.

Picking up the chart from the bedside table, he glanced through the daily report again. No response to outside stimuli, brain function in a minimal state. Oxygen stats were normal, no muscle weakness or degradation. There weren’t any changes to both of Aoba’s physical and mental state, but in this context, it wasn’t something worth celebrating.

He’d expected another day of nothingness. Giving the back of Aoba’s hand a small kiss before he headed out to refill the water bottle, he froze when he felt _movement_ against his lips.

The ever regular _beep, beep, beep_ of Aoba’s heart monitor was suddenly picking up speed as Noiz rushed to check on his pulse.

He almost passed out when he saw Aoba’s eyelashes flicker. The rush of blood in his veins was insanely out of control, to the extent that he needed to grip on the bed railing to prevent himself from falling over.

This was the moment he was waiting for – the miraculous moment.

He swore he’d never shouted so loud in his entire life when he stormed out of the ward.

 

***

 

“Aoba! Thank God!”

Everyone – Aoba’s usual visitors – was surrounding his bed. Aoba had woken up four hours ago and after another round of thorough checkup, Koujaku finally announced that Aoba’s condition was stabilized, almost breaking into tears when he ruffled the younger one’s hair roughly and instantly earning an angry pout from him.

The news spread as fast as how it did when Aoba was admitted into the hospital. Not long after, he found himself facing faces that he was more than familiar with as he smiled gleefully at every one of them.

“Look at the trouble you put everyone into, Koujaku,” he pouted again, but it was too hard to miss the happiness in his tone.

“What are you talking about, Aoba-kun, visiting you is never a problem.” Haga-san quickly defended Koujaku.

“Still…” Aoba retorted, visibly embarrassed.

“Most importantly is you have finally woken up and you’re now healthy!” Clear exclaimed as everyone nodded in agreement.

“Are you feeling okay, Aoba?” Sei asked carefully as he passed a glass of water to his younger brother.

Aoba nodded. “I’m feeling great.”

Just when he said that, Noiz walked into the room and Sei made way for him to stand beside Aoba.

“How’s the report, Noiz?” Sei asked.

“Everything’s normal,” Noiz replied nonchalantly. No matter how happy he felt within him, he was still having difficulties expressing too many emotions in front of others besides Aoba.

“That’s great to hear,” Sei responded with a smile.

“Thank you.” It was Aoba’s voice and having not hear the voice for months, Noiz’s heart skipped a beat as he moved closer to him, attempting to stroke his cheek before he suddenly pulled back.

“What’s wrong?” Sei asked, noticing the awkwardness.

Noiz, however, didn’t respond. He merely stood and stared at Aoba, who was giving him a confused look. Something was wrong with him but he couldn’t tell exactly what it was. It was just a gut feeling but he didn’t like the idea of it. But somehow, he could feel the disparity and it was scaring him.

“Aoba, how are you feeling?” he asked, tone flat and emotionless with suppressed emotions.

“Hm? I’m fine,” Aoba replied, still confused.

“That’s good.” Noiz forced out a smile before he continued. “Hey, Aoba, do you remember me?”

“Wait… Noiz?” Koujaku voiced out before Aoba could answer him. Why would he ask something so… painfully obvious?

“What are you talking about? Of course I remember you! You are…”

His answer crushed his world. And at that specific moment, he _really_ thought that he could finally feel again from this intense emotional breakdown he was experiencing.

“…You are my doctor, right? Thank you for everything, Doctor!”

Perhaps karma had finally bitten him back.

 

_Hey, what would you do if you are to lose someone you love?_

 


	10. Renew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If the love is real, we'll never lose it. As long as we try hard enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a painful chapter to write :"(
> 
> Self-beta'd and I apologize for any errors or mistakes.

They said that before a person's life comes to an end, they would tend to see flashbacks of some of the important moments in their past lives. These flashbacks were supposed to be a sort of reflection; they were supposed to allow one to put down things - burdens, attachments, feelings - so that they could properly move on.

_Is this the reason why I'm here?_

When Aoba opened his eyes, he was lying on a bed, a bed which he was more than familiar with. He was in a place he knew very well, being the home he had been residing in for the rest of his life. The only discrepancy he'd noticed was the surrounding colors.

Standing up, he looked around, taking in every single detail of his room. Then, he looked at himself. Everywhere, everything around him was in gray-scale, except him. It made him feel out of place, as if he didn't belong here. It was an irony feeling. Him, feeling awkward in his own home. Funny.

Opening the door that lead to the hallway, he took careful, heavy steps down the stairway. The house was strangely quiet, his own footsteps creaking loudly with every step he took. No matter how many times he blinked, the colors around him remained the same. Probably something was wrong with his vision. Something was wrong but he couldn't figure out a better way to answer his questions besides moving deeper and deeper into the house.

A small weep from one corner of the house startled him, jerking his nerves as he paced, as quietly as he could, towards the source of the sound.

What he saw the next second petrified him as he stood and stared, dumbstruck, at the view in front of him.

"Don't cry, Aoba, Daddy and Mummy will be back soon."

It was a surreal feeling to witness such as inconceivable scene. The small crying boy was none other but himself, and the other small boy who was patting him on the head was none other but Sei.

It must be a dream. A dream of the past.

He didn't remember himself crying so much when his parents left them. But to be completely honest to himself, he didn't even remember what happened then. His memory had been fuzzy ever since the day he lost his parents, and at times, he wasn't even sure if he could trust his own memories.

5-year-old Sei was desperately trying his best to comfort him, however, it did nothing but intensified the sobs, his former self having no intention at all to stop crying. The helpless look on Sei's face was what finally urged him to rush forward but before he could even move an inch, he felt a strong grip on his wrist.

"No use running into the scene. There's nothing you can do."

Shocked, he turned around and his jaw dropped upon realizing what he was facing with.

_He was looking at himself._

But he quickly noticed that this "twin" of his was slightly different from him. His stare was sharp, the light in his eyes blindingly dangerous; his grin giving out a sense of slyness and the expression on his face was one of cruel, murderous and unforgiving. He didn't remember himself to look like that.

Probably this wasn't him after all.

"Who are you?" he asked, prepared to take in the answer he was expecting.

But it didn't come. Instead, his twin give out a small smirk, twitching his nerves and challenging his endurance limit.

"Isn't it obvious?"

His other self leaned closer towards him, their noses only inches apart, his eyes penetrating into him, causing Aoba to shiver reflexively.

" _I'm you._ " _  
_

While he was completely immersed in the breathtaking stare, the scene around them changed, the weeps disappeared. But his twin stood rooted on the spot as he gave Aoba a teasing smirk.

"Say,  _Aoba_ , do you even  _know_ that there's something wrong with you?" the mischievous guy said in a jaunty manner, successfully deepened the scowl in between Aoba's eyebrows.

"What's wrong with me?" He still refused to believe that there was another person who was supposed to be _him_ and who acted as if he knew  _him_ better than him.

"There's a problem with _you_ ," he said, quirking his head at Aoba, the sly grin remained plastered on his face.

As Aoba stared, 'the other him' reached out and gripped on his chin, lifting it up slightly so that Aoba was forced to look straight into his eyes. That was when Aoba noticed how dangerously beautiful this person's eyes were - they were glimmering _gold_ , so strikingly bright that he thought he would be blinded by them if he was to stare too long into them.

But they were stunning, gorgeous, captivating. Unlike his own dull light-brown ones.

"Your problem is _me_ ," his other self continued. The answer confused Aoba. Waiting for more explanation, he continued staring, trying to regulate his sudden heavy breathing at the same time despite knowing that he was starting to feel a heavy weight against his chest, as if he was suddenly hit by something he couldn't see.

" _You_ are always trying to act strong.  _You_ are always trying to take everything on yourself. _You_ are always thinking that you can handle  _everything_ by yourself. But the truth is," His other self gave out a small laugh. Even when he'd stopped laughing, it echoed in his ears, the vibration rolling straight into his heart and squeezing his insides tight. " _You_ didn't know that it had caused you such a  _huge_ emotional burden. And thanks to that, here I am."

He finally let go of Aoba's chin as he stepped a few steps back, hands slipping into his trouser's pockets, the grin never left his face.

"I'm born because of those problems you refused to face. I'm here because you're too stubborn for your own good to go for what you really want. And I'm here because you aren't honest with what you think you deserve. Tsk, tsk, tsk, Aoba, Aoba," he continued in a singsong manner. "You're gonna destroy yourself at this rate."

He wasn't even sure if he should believe this person in front of him. Was he trying to tell him that this _other self_ , or whatever it was, was a personification of those  _desire_ he thought he didn't deserve?

Aoba gave out a small laugh that sounded obviously sarcastic. Don't make me laugh, he thought. This whole thing is ridiculous.

" _You_ are ridiculous," he mouthed the last of his thoughts out, effectively putting a stop to the other's cynical laughter.

"Hmm?" His shadow hummed as he licked his lips, stepping closer to Aoba and resting his hand on his shoulder.

"I'm your pent up frustration, _Aoba_ ," he said.

"I want you to disappear," Aoba mocked, refused to listen to what else _this person_ had to say anymore. Nothing made any sense. And he'd be a huge idiot of he was to believe in something so ludicrous like this.

"I'll never disappear," his twin said, blowing hot air against Aoba's cheek and putting his lips so close to Aoba's skin it made Aoba fidget. "I'll always be inside you until you're completely honest with yourself. But even so," his tone of voice suddenly changed to a higher-pitched one. "You would have to start all over again. I'm part of you, eliminating me means getting rid of part of who you are."

He was starting to annoyed Aoba. Whatever he said made no sense at all and he didn't have the time to deal with it.

"All the memories you've made, all the times you thought that you didn't deserve. I'll take them away from you. Because that's what I do. I'm not only your desire, Aoba, I'm also born because of your rejection towards happiness. And I'll take them away from you, because you don't deserve them, right?"

For some reason, his words sent a pang of ache straight into Aoba's chest. He wasn't sure why a mere being like him managed to create some sense of fear in him but when the word 'happiness' slipped from the other's mouth, he was suddenly afraid.

_I'll take your happiness away from you. I'll take them all away from you._

_If you think you don't deserve them._

 

And suddenly, the scene around them changed again. When the swirls stopped, a stab in his heart was added to the initial dizziness he was feeling in his head. It was something he remembered, something he held very closely to his heart. Something he would never want to forget. Ever.

 

> _"Let me introduce you to Noiz. He'll be replacing me as the doctor in charge of Sei."_

When he first heard those words, he wanted to punch Koujaku hard in the face. He didn't understand why there was even a necessity for a change when Sei was so close to recovery. But now, he thought, perhaps it was necessary after all.

Otherwise he wouldn't have met Noiz.

"You wanted to be done with _him_  then and there, right?" The mocking voice echoed in his ears, only then he realized how close his twin was to him, his arms encircling his neck and breathing hotly into Aoba's ears. " _'What good would an immature doctor like him to do Sei? I just want this to be done and over with.'_ I know, Aoba, I know. Imagine how hurtful he would feel if he knows what you were actually thinking."

There was nothing he could say to defend himself. He was right. He didn't care about Noiz. He only cared about his brother. He only cared about his family.

But soon, Noiz became someone equally important as his family.

 

> _"Can I help you with anything,_ _Mr.Seragaki?"_

A name didn't mean anything to him. This young doctor could call him whatever he wanted and it wouldn't bother him a single bit. But on that day, when he first heard the doctor calling his name, with that nonchalant voice of his, he experienced a kind of overwhelmed emotion that he was still unable to forget until today.

 

> _"Aoba, can I call you Aoba?"_

He knew that it was love. But he was afraid. He had a problem, like how  _this other self_ had elegantly put it. He had a problem with himself. He needed to take care of his family, he shouldn't distract himself from those very important responsibilities; on top of that, he  _knew_ that something was wrong with him, but he escaped. He was always escaping. He was terrified; he was afraid that he would become a burden to this young, talented, intelligent person who would succeed so much better than him in the future.

He was so, very terrified.

But he refused to think about it. Everything was happening too fast he didn't even have the time to think things through. So he went with the flow, and eventually, they ended up together.

"Your reservation, your dishonesty, your fear were what created me. You should've realized. Even though you were in love, you were equally scared. You hesitated, thinking if you were the best person for Noiz. But you continued clinging onto him and you refused to let him go. And that created more pressure on yourself, in turn, giving me strength."

He heard a small chuckle in his ears before the scene changed into a not-long-ago memory - the night before his operation.

Ah, yeah, he remembered. That was the night when he faced the most complications within himself. He was so terrified, the angel versus demon debate inside his head won't leave him alone. He almost gave up hope.

But Noiz changed everything.

 

> _"Don't ever think about it. I won't allow anything to happen."_
> 
> _"When you recover, I want to marry you."_
> 
> _"That's a promise."_

Noiz was the one who returned his hope to him. Noiz was the one who kept instilling the faith in him. Noiz was the one who had told him that everything would be okay. Noiz was the one who had saved him.

He laughed, no longer able to suppress his overwhelmed emotions as tears starting trickling down his face.  _He_ was the only who had assured Noiz.  _He_ was the one who had promised to tell Noiz about the world.  _He_ was the one who had told Noiz that he was good enough.

 _He_ was the one who had gave Noiz a life.

"Noiz is my everything. I love Noiz. Even though there might be some things that I couldn't control, I believe that I love Noiz. I want to be with him, no matter what happens," Aoba said, his tone firmed and strong as he gave  _the other person_ a determined stare.

His twin looked at him, wide-eyed, momentarily distracted before he gave out a small smirk.

"But you're still afraid."

"I am," Aoba admitted, the firmness in his voice remained. "I'm very, very scared. I don't know what would happen to me. I don't even know if I could manage it. But it's okay. I have Noiz. No matter what it would be, we'll go through it together. I believe we will."

For a few seconds, they merely stared at each other before the mischievous Aoba broke into a loud laugh.

"Well, it's too late to mend anything now anyway," he said while Aoba quirked a curious eyebrow at him. "The operation was a success. But your emotional pressure is still real and that's why you're still stuck here, in your coma story. I'm supposed to take over your conscious. If you want to eliminate me, there'll be a price to pay."

"Who said I'm gonna eliminate you?"

This time, it was  _the other Aoba_ who gave Aoba a confused stare.

"I admit that I have my fears. And I've refused to face them. That's why you're here, right? To remind me and to slap me awake. You're here to tell me that my fears are real and that there's no way I should escape from them. So," Aoba walked towards his twin, pausing for a while before he pressed their foreheads together. "I'm accepting you, my fear, my desire, my true self. You're part of me and I want to face you. I want to face everything if that's what I need to do. And I want you to look at me, be with me while I overcome my fear."

"There'll be a consequence to bear, Aoba. A clash of emotions will cause memory loss. You'll lose some important memories. You'll have to face this truth," he said in a small whisper.

"I know. I'm ready."

Then, he heard another small chuckle.

"Show me what you got then." When he looked up, Aoba swore he saw a small hint of dampness in his twin's eyes. 

"Thank you, Aoba."

 

* * *

 

Since when did staring at Aoba's sleeping face became one of his favorite pastimes?

Heck, since when did Aoba become such an important existence in his life?

The question had been repeating unceasingly in his head ever since he stepped into Aoba's ward earlier that morning. Aoba was asleep, the peaceful sight immediately lifted his pent up tension off his chest temporarily. It had been a week since Aoba woke up from his coma and yet, he had shown no sign at all of recognizing Noiz. It disturbed Noiz greatly with the fact that Aoba had conveniently and selectively forgotten everything that had happened between them. There were no signs of affections left in him, let alone the passionate emotions Noiz used to feel from him whenever they were left in their own personal space.

The day when Aoba woke up from his deep sleep, Noiz had almost collapsed from Aoba's response towards him.

_You're my doctor, right?_

He almost wanted to shout "I'm your boyfriend!" at him before he managed to control himself, clenching his fists and left the ward before anyone could stop him.

He didn't see Aoba for the rest of the day. The void in his heart felt so real, making him realized that this might be how emotional pain felt like. He should be happy that he'd managed to finally catch a hint of such an intense emotion but this was definitely not how he wanted to be able to feel it. He'd rather not feel anything if this was the only way that could help him feel.

The whole month of disaster had put a whole pile of messed-up emotions within him. He was momentarily lost, unsure of how to move on. Although Aoba had survived the operation, his situation made Noiz feel as if he'd lost Aoba anyway. Aoba couldn't remember anything about Noiz - all the memories that they'd went through together, all the words that Aoba had told him; he'd forgotten about all those very important things that Noiz held very closely to his heart.

Aoba was his everything. And now, he felt as if he'd lost his entire world.

Even Koujaku didn't know how to comfort him. Every time they locked gaze, Koujaku would tend to avert his eyes, and Noiz could clearly see how he struggled to work out something that wouldn't sound too hurtful for Noiz. But no matter what anyone did, nothing could help Noiz ease the intense sorrow within him. Just when he thought he'd found hope, he'd lost it again.

And he was probably the cause of it. He was the one who had operated on Aoba after all.

Probably it was karma. Probably the reason why he was facing this was because of his attitude before he met Aoba. Probably this was a lesson given to him by whoever held authority to that one thing he never believed in - fate.

Every time he wanted to open the door to Aoba's ward, he halted, hand resting on the doorknob and his own heart beating loudly in his ears. He wanted to see Aoba. He wanted to see him so much. He wanted to see his smile, to witness for himself how healthy and how happy he was...

Even without him by his side.

But the mere thought stabbed a knife straight into his heart as he retreated, again and again, unwilling and unsure of how to face that cruel truth. He wasn’t sure if he could handle how Aoba would happily call him “doctor” when that same mouth, that same voice had so passionately called him “Noiz” before. He didn’t know how important a name was until now. He thought that it was merely a form of address and it held no meaning whatsoever. But he was wrong, so very wrong. He just wanted to hear Aoba calling him "Noiz" again. He just wanted Aoba to smile at him, ruffle his hair and tell him that everything would be okay and that he would be here with him. 

He just wanted things to be right again.

"Ngh... Doctor?"

The small voice snapped his thoughts short as he looked up to see Aoba stirring awake, his eyelashes fluttered before his eyes opened, blinking a few times before they locked gaze on Noiz. Giving out a forced smile, Noiz hurriedly let go of Aoba's hand, acting as if nothing had happened. As he helped Aoba to sit up, Aoba smiled at him, stabbing him straight in the heart as he passed a glass of water to him.

"How are you feeling... Seragaki?" he asked, his voice so small Aoba had to strain his ears to properly catch his words.

Aoba couldn't understand why his doctor was suddenly so distant from him. When he first woke up, this doctor of his had walked towards him and he had stopped so near to him with no problems at all. He swore his doctor was almost touching him before he suddenly stopped. And he remembered clearly that this same doctor had called him "Aoba" instead of "Seragaki", immediately building a wall in between them.

“I’m good,” he answered, sipping slowly on his glass of water. “Still a bit dizzy, though.”

“Must be the medicine effects,” Noiz responded, taking the clipboard up and scribbling on it.

“Maybe,” Aoba replied mindlessly, shifting his gaze to the window.

"Probably you should rest more," Noiz continued, his tone emotionless, as he put the clipboard back to where it belonged and moved towards Aoba, preparing to motion him to lie back down.

“It’s okay,” Aoba quickly rejected, gaze still fixed at the window. “Doctor, I want to go out there.”

When Noiz didn’t respond, Aoba turned around to see him staring disbelievingly at him.

“The weather looks good today. And I felt like I haven’t been seeing the sun forever. Can I?” Aoba asked again, staring hopefully at Noiz.

There was no way Noiz could mouth the no at him. Not when his patient was _Aoba_.

“Sure,” he said before he walked towards a nearby wardrobe and retrieved a thick jacket out of it, putting it over Aoba as he reached out to grab on Aoba’s hand.

Aoba hesitated for mere seconds before he put his hand in Noiz's, the faint warmth he felt against his skin made him shiver slightly. He didn't understand why a mere touch by his doctor would garner such an effect out of him but he reckoned that no matter how hard he tried to think about it, he wouldn't be able to figure out the answer anyway. So instead, he went with the flow, allowing Noiz to support him out of his warn and into the hospital garden.

 

Aoba's hand was slightly cold. When it touched Noiz's, it shivered a little, almost causing Noiz to draw back if Aoba had not gripped onto it. When Noiz peeked sideways at him, Aoba gave him a cheerful smile, immediately causing him to swallow down the lump in his throat to remain composed. The hand in his became warmer with every passing second as he strengthened his grip, clutching Aoba's hand with extra cautions as if it was made of glass.

The silence spread between them, both not knowing what to say to each other. Noiz’s mind went entirely blank, unable to focus on anything else but the small warmth in his hand and the small hint of pulse when he gripped it a bit too tightly. Aoba took frequent sideway peeks at his doctor. Although he was always responded with a cold reaction, he simply couldn't help it, and he wasn't sure why.

When they reached the park, Noiz found a shaded area where they settled down on the bench. Releasing Aoba’s hand, the latter slumped on the bench, a joyous expression on his face as he glanced around the place. Then, without warning, he gave out a loud stretch, causing Noiz to jump a little at the sudden action and, finally, locked his gaze at his patient.

“It has been so long since I actually feel the sun,” Aoba commented excitedly. “Koujaku told me that I've been asleep for a very long time, but somehow, I feel like I’ve only been unconscious for a few days. Probably he was just exaggerating, right, Doctor?”

Noiz could only nod at him. He had yet to figure out the best way to face him, and the suffocating weight of emotions within him was making him hard to focus on interacting with Aoba. He wasn't sure if he should deal with him like how he dealt with Aoba or like how he dealt with his other patients. But, smirking lightly at the thought, that wasn't possible either. He had never dealt with any other patient but Aoba before, the fact that Aoba was his only patient now pushed him to a dead end. Sinking into a tangled of complicated emotions, he could merely stared vacuously into the distance, his line of thoughts running at the top of its speed; his hands, which was now clenched into a fist, trembled slightly on his knees. There were a few children playing not far away from them, and there was also a grandfather, accompanied by his grandsons as they talked gleefully to him about their happenings in school. But Noiz’s mind was elsewhere. Although Aoba wasn't in the line of his vision, he still couldn't ignore that hint of blue at the corner of his eye; and although Aoba was staring at where he was staring, he knew that their line of thought was different. Aoba was probably _really_ staring at the happiness in front of them; but Noiz… Noiz couldn't feel any of those happiness. Like how he used to be before he met Aoba, others happiness meant nothing for him. He couldn't relate to them, he never knew what the real meaning behind those happy faces and loud laughter was. Aoba was the one who’d showed him how exactly happiness should feel like; Aoba was the one who had exposed him to these happiness; Aoba was the one who had told him the meaning of living, the meaning of being happy.

Aoba was his happiness. Aoba was his entire world.

When he felt a soft touch on his hand, he jolted slightly, turning around to see Aoba placing his hand on top of his, gaze still fixed at the scene in front of them.

“It’s so nice being healthy,” Aoba muttered mindlessly. “It’s so nice… being happy.”

His voice softened at the last of his sentence, urging Noiz to look curiously at him before, his body taken over his mind, he placed his other hand on top of Aoba’s hand.

“You’re healthy,” he said, his voice almost cracked from the dryness in his throat.

Aoba nodded lightly before he turned around to look at Noiz.

“I know, and it’s all thanks to you,” he said, giving Noiz a gentle smile that pierced an arrow straight into his heart. “But..”

As he left his words hanging, he stared unblinkingly at Noiz, mouth hanging open and suddenly unsure of how to continue his words. There was this weird sense of emotion in him that he couldn't properly define. As soon as he realized he was staring for a bit too long, he quickly averted Noiz’s eyes, a faint tint of pink making its way across his cheeks.

“But?” Noiz pestered, suddenly extremely curious with what this Aoba wanted to say.

Realizing that he had been leaving his doctor hanging, Aoba tilted his head, staring at the sky instead as he searched his memory.

“Somehow… I keep feeling as if there’s something missing. Even though I’m all healthy now, and I’m really glad that everyone is happy, I feel as if there’s… something that I couldn’t remember. Like a missing puzzle piece, it’s kind of disturbing.”

Noiz felt his heart skip a beat upon hearing that, his grip on Aoba’s hand trembled ever so slightly.

They sank back into silence, Aoba being all awkward with his sudden confession. He didn’t know why he was telling his doctor this. Did he make his doctor feel bad? He was the one who’d saved him after all. The way he said it must’ve sounded ungrateful. Probably that was why his doctor was wearing this bitter-looking expression on his face now.

“I-I don’t mean it in a bad way!” Aoba quickly clarified. “I mean, I’m really grateful that you’ve saved my life. You have no idea how much I appreciate you for that! It’s just…”

Noiz pressed a finger against Aoba’s lips, freezing his words effectively.

“It’s okay. I understand.”

For the first time ever since he’d woken up, Aoba saw Noiz’s tender smile as he found himself blushing at the sight. His doctor was gorgeously good-looking. Perhaps the fact that he was a foreigner had contributed to his good look. And perhaps him being a foreigner was also the reason for the loud thumping of his heartbeats in his ears right now.

Coughing lightly, Aoba averted Noiz’s gaze again, unwilling to show how flustered he was merely from a simple interaction with Noiz. Why was he overreacting so badly, though?

And his voice. There was something with Noiz’s voice that did things to Aoba’s heart. He rarely heard Noiz’s voice, either. But that two simple sentences triggered something in his chest as he felt a squeeze in the heart.

He never believed in love in first sight. But upon feeling all these unexplained flustering emotions in him, he couldn’t help but started believing that perhaps there really was such thing after all.

When Noiz never responded further, he turned slightly to take a peek at him. Upon realizing that his doctor was also looking at him, he gave out a small yelp before he turned away again.

He swore he saw a small smirk on the doctor’s face before he could properly chase him off his line of vision.

“Cute.” He heard Noiz said. Instinctively throwing his flusters aside, he turned sharply back to glare at Noiz.

“I don’t want to hear that from you!” he pouted.

For a moment, he thought that they had returned to how they used to be until Aoba eyed Noiz unblinkingly again, the usual warmth in his eyes whenever he looked at Noiz nowhere to be seen.

Unable to contain the overwhelmed emotions within him, Noiz was about to turn away when Aoba raised his hands and palmed Noiz’s face.

“You have really nice eyes, doctor,” he muttered, his light brown eyes staring straight in to Noiz’s lime-green ones.

 

> _I’ll remember how beautiful your eyes are._

Completely stunned by Aoba’s sudden touch, Noiz could only gape as Aoba traced his features and stopped at his ears, where he gave another small yelp upon feeling the cold metal sensation against his fingers.

“Wow, you've got so many piercings on your ears! Are they even allowed?”

 

> _…and how shocked I was when I first saw your piercings…_

There was nothing he could do to stop the voices in his head. He felt the dampness in his eyes, the trembles on his hands, the loud heartbeat beneath his chest. Even without his memory, Aoba was still giving him all these feelings; these emotions that made him feel so very much alive than he ever was.

“Hey, what's wrong? What’s with that scowl?” Aoba’s voice urged him to look up, realizing that he had unconsciously knitted his eyebrows together under the pressuring, overwhelmed crash of emotions now attacking every single one of his nerve.

 

> _…and how annoying I find your scowls to be._

That was when he broke down. No longer able to contain his emotions, he pulled Aoba into a firm hug, burying his head in his shoulders as he felt small beads of tears trickling down the corner of his eyes.

“D-Doctor…?” Aoba called out.

“Just a bit,” Noiz muttered soundlessly. “Please.”

He sounded so sad, his voice filled with so much sorrow. Aoba didn't know what to do, or if the prick he felt in his heart now meant anything but he smiled gently as he patted Noiz softly on the head, immediately feeling the younger man shuddering in his embrace.

“There, there, hang in there, big boy,” Aoba said, surprised to hear his voice trembling. “The world isn't so bad. No matter what obstacles you’re facing, you’ll overcome it. I’m sure of it.”

He didn't even know what he based it off, all he knew was there was this firm belief in him that told him that Noiz was capable of doing so. And that he was so much more than just another doctor.

“Please stop talking, Aoba.” That was what Noiz wanted to tell Aoba. He wanted to tell Aoba that he was his boyfriend, that he was in love with him. But that would be forcing his emotions on him. That was the last thing he needed. He didn't want Aoba to pity him. Forced emotions weren't natural, they weren't real. That wouldn't be Aoba anymore. He wasn't sure if he could take any more of these intense feelings but what came out of his mouth was instead…

“Aoba.”

“…huh?” It took a while for Aoba to finally comprehend what Noiz had just said but he didn't have time to adapt to the sudden change when Noiz cupped his face, a tender smile plastered on his face.

“I’m sorry, Aoba, I couldn't hold myself back any longer.”

Before he knew it, Noiz’s lips were on his, soft and wet; and the tears that had trickled down Noiz’s face became the last thing he saw before he closed his eyes, encircling his arms around Noiz’s neck and feeling the tender yet passionate kiss Noiz was giving him.

For some reason, he felt as if he knew the kiss; he knew Noiz’s touch, the way Noiz gently caressed his back, the faint scent of Noiz.

He felt as if he knew Noiz. A different Noiz. A Noiz that wasn't his doctor.

But,

That wasn't possible.

“Noiz…”

 

…right?

 

He was momentarily lost in the kiss, clinging onto the familiar yet foreign sensation against his skin but soon, the warmth was gone and before he knew it, Noiz was pulling away from him, releasing him and wiping his lips with the back of his hands without a look at him.

“I’m sorry,” the young doctor muttered.

“It’s okay,” he responded, shifting slightly so that his back was facing Noiz.

It wasn't okay. It wasn't okay to kiss his doctor. It wasn't okay to kiss someone out of nowhere like this. But, surprised with himself, Aoba found that to be the least of his concern and he had no idea why he was fine with it at all. Then, he heard rustling sounds behind him and he turned back just in time to see Noiz standing up.

“Doctor?”

“Let’s go back, it’s getting cold,” Noiz said nonchalantly. Aoba was about to hold out his hand so that he could clutch on Noiz’s but Noiz kept both of his hands in his robe’s pockets, seemingly without any intention to have any skin contact with Aoba. Awkwardly pulling back his hand, Aoba supported himself up and followed Noiz from behind.

He couldn't understand what was happening. It felt like there was something that he didn't know and he didn't like the idea of it. The Noiz he knew was composed most of the time. Every time he stared into his doctor’s eyes, he couldn't see any emotions in it; but their gazes never lingered too long on each other before Noiz would avert his eyes. Aoba wasn't sure why Noiz was acting in such way. He felt as if there was something that was missing between them but he couldn't tell exactly what was wrong. Even when he wanted to ask Noiz, he didn't know where to start. So he kept the problem to himself.

He’d try to approach his doctor more if Noiz hadn't been so distant with him.

 

“Hey, Doctor, wait up!” Aoba called after Noiz, causing Noiz to turn around.

“What is it?” he asked.

Instead of answering, Aoba pointed at a corridor and, before Noiz could understand what was happening, Aoba was already making his way down the said corridor, leaving Noiz with no choice but to follow him.

“What’s the matter?” Noiz asked, following behind him and trying to figure out where Aoba was leading him to.

“I don’t know. I just feel like it,” Aoba said casually. And before they turned another corner, he suddenly grasped onto Noiz’s hand, causing the young doctor to shiver reflexively and almost pulling his hand off Aoba before the other gripped firmer on it.

In the end, it turned out that Aoba had led him to the baby ward. Even though they had only visited the place once, Noiz fidgeted at the mere sight of the ward as Aoba dragged him along to look into the room.

“Awww, they’re so cute!” Aoba said, pressing his palms against the glass piece as he stared at the row of newborns.

“Why do you bring me here?” Noiz asked, seemingly uninterested with what Aoba was looking at.

“I figure you might need something to cheer you up,” Aoba responded, eyes still fixed at one of the babies as he shook Noiz’s hand beside him. “Look, look! He’s so cute!”

Following Aoba’s gaze, Noiz stared at the baby Aoba was pointing at, a small smirk escaped from his mouth.

“What are you laughing at?” Aoba pouted, visibly offended.

“He looks like you,” Noiz commented, moving closer to Aoba and bending down so that their faces were merely inches next to each other. “See, he has blue hair like yours. Probably that’s how your future son would look like.”

 

> _He has the same hair color as you! Probably your future son would look like him._

Aoba wasn't sure why he was hearing things in his head but when Noiz nudged him, his thoughts were instantly disturbed as he turned around to find himself looking straight into the doctor’s stunning lime-green eyes.

“What would you name your future child?” Noiz asked, his voice dropped to a whisper, and Aoba almost missed his question, the loud thumping of his own heartbeats in his ears wasn't helping in easing his nerves.

“H-How should I know?” he responded.

Noiz gave out a smirk as he straightened himself up, ruffling Aoba’s hair as he smiled warmly at the small newborn in front of them.

Aoba was still Aoba. Nothing about him had changed. Even though Aoba had little to no memory left of him, he was still the Aoba Noiz knew who’d change his world again.

Because he was falling in love with him again.

And probably, this time, he could make Aoba fall in love with him again.

 

 


	11. Restart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If this was a challenge, he'd embraced it.  
> He wasn't ready to give up. Not now, not ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is supposed to be one chapter, but it got too huge so I decided to split it into two.  
> The "Part B" is ready and still under editing at the moment so you should expect it to be up soon :) 
> 
> For now, please enjoy this transition chapter.
> 
> Also, thank you Fio for beta-ing this chapter for me <3

Perhaps interaction was exactly what Noiz needed. He could only do so much escaping until there came a day when he would need to finally take the matter in hands and finally get a hold of himself. Seeing Aoba still did awful things to his heart, but at the same time, the warmth that spread across his chest when he saw Aoba's smile made up for the emotional pain that had been troubling him for the longest time ever since Aoba had woken up. At the end of the day, he managed to pick himself up. It's true that he had never experienced such intense ache within him before. Aoba made him feel so many things that he had not been able to experience in his life before and there was no way he would give him up so easily. Their relationship had taken a natural course. They just went with whatever opportunities presented to them. And as a result, they ended up together naturally.  


If that was the case, then perhaps... it was meant to be after all.

If it meant that Noiz had to take more initiatives this time, if it meant Noiz had to revive those passionate feelings within Aoba again, he would do it.

He knew that there were things that he could still do; he never wanted things to end like this. There had to be some meaning behind the way they met each other, the way they got so attached to each other, and the way they felt so strongly towards each other. 

He wasn't ready to give up.

***

Aoba's condition has been nothing but good for the remaining time he spent in the hospital. His daily visitors heightened his mood and he had become visibly happier, the gleam on his face being a great proof of it.

Still unable to handle human interaction, Noiz would often wait until there was less to no people in the room before he walked in to spend his time with Aoba. He thought Aoba would be all awkward with him ever since that kiss he'd given him out of the blue in the hospital garden. But surprisingly, Aoba greeted him with that cheerful smile of his, beckoning him to come over as he started speaking mindlessly about his day. Truth was, Noiz would've known about it even without Aoba telling him, but he listened to him nonetheless, smiling where necessary with his eyes fixed on Aoba's expressions.

Nothing had changed about him. He was still the Aoba he knew. And with each passing day, Noiz found himself falling in love with him over and over again. He would stare at the way Aoba pouted at him when Noiz smirked at his misfortune, the way Aoba laughed so loud when he described something funny, and the way Aoba sank into his own deep thoughts when he was telling Noiz something serious.

"I feel like I owe a lot to people. And I don't know how I should ever repay them," Aoba said before he gave out a sigh.

"Probably they don't even want you to repay them," Noiz commented nonchalantly.

Aoba pouted at him. "That doesn't mean I could forget that I owe you thousands of dollars just because you don't mind."

Aoba finally found out about how Noiz supported his expenses when he was admitted to the hospital -resulting in Noiz giving a vicious glare to Koujaku- and now he was pestering Noiz about repaying him on a monthly basis. Noiz had casually rejected that intention but it did nothing but further anger Aoba as he gave Noiz a long, intense lecture about giving favors to people who weren't in any way related to him. Noiz merely smiled at that; Aoba was in no way ‘anyone unrelated to him’ but he simply allowed Aoba to continue nagging at him, until they came to a compromise that Aoba would help him out around the hospital as a temporary compensation.

Naturally, Noiz would've said no, but when he thought of all the times he could spend with Aoba even during his working hours, he swallowed those words down his throat.

 

When he stepped out of Aoba's ward, he was surprised to see Sei standing outside his room. Upon noticing him, Sei gave him a tender smile, which Noiz returned with a forced one of his own.

"Free for a drink?" Sei asked. 

"Sure."

They made their way towards the hospital cafeteria, which was pretty empty with a few off-duty doctors and nurses hanging around.

Noiz bought both of them a fruit juice as he settled down, unsure of how to start the conversation and unsure of its purpose.

"How are you doing, Noiz?" Sei asked, smile never leaving his face.

"Fine, I guess," Noiz responded softly, his eyes fixed on the glass of orange juice in front of him.

"It must be tough," Sei continued. His voice turned small and Noiz suspected that he was carefully choosing his words so as not to hurt Noiz unintentionally.

Noiz's grip on the glass tightened. It was tough, there was no doubt about it. But he was properly managing it, and from the way he saw it, things were proceeding in a far more positive direction than what he expected. He thought Aoba would become distant with him, what with him being no more than his doctor, but Aoba talked to him just like how he usually did. He told him everything and anything, just like the old times. The only thing missing was the addictive warmth Noiz was very much attached to. But he couldn’t ask for more. He knew that.

Sei was still smiling at him when he finally looked up. 

"You're doing great so far, Noiz. I bet Aoba would be very proud of you," Sei continued. 

‘Probably. We won’t ever know’, was what Noiz meant to say, but he remained quiet instead as he sipped on his orange juice. He didn't know where this conversation would lead to but for some reason, he knew that Sei was still leaving some of the things unspoken.

"Actually **…** "

 _Ah, here it comes_ , Noiz thought, putting down his glass and looking up at Sei. "I wanted to ask if you want to drop by our place tomorrow? After Aoba is discharged." 

Noiz stared at him, wide-eyed.

"You haven't gotten a chance to properly greet Granny, right?" A small smile. "I bet Aoba was too shy to bring you home."

He couldn't understand the intention behind this invitation. Still staring at Noiz, Sei continued.

"What is it? You're not going to tell me that you're giving up on Aoba now, are you?" Sei asked, tilting his head sideways.

"I..." Noiz stuttered before he shook his head. "No. I'm not going to give up. Not now."

His words seemed to be a reassurance for Sei as he smiled at him and gave him a pat on the head.

"That's the Noiz I know. So I guess the answer is yes?"

When Noiz nodded, Sei gave him a bright smile, and Noiz responded with his own, relieved one.

 

***

The next day came sooner than Noiz expected and before he knew it, he was walking into a ward where he found Aoba fully dressed in his casual clothing, a sight Noiz had not seen in a while. He was in his usual jeans with a blue jacket over a simple, white shirt. As soon as Noiz stepped into the room, he turned around to give Noiz a smile before he returned to stuffing his belongings into a luggage bag.

He was perfectly healthy now, the color having fully returned to his cheeks as he hummed to himself, packing his bag in a carefree way that made him look like he had never been sick in the first place. When Noiz expressed his intention to help, Aoba swept his hand off, giving him a glare as he told him that he had helped him enough and that he wanted to be more independent from then on. His reaction drew a small smile out of Noiz, reminding him  how familiar he was with this Aoba. Hence, without being able to do anything, Noiz proceeded to sit on the couch at the corner of the room as he continued staring at Aoba's every action. Aoba had this habit of speaking his thoughts out loud unconsciously and Noiz couldn't help but find it extremely cute, the urge to bring him into his arms so strong he had to grip onto the leather material of the couch to contain himself. Ever since that abrupt action a few days back, he had never gotten the chance to properly touch Aoba again, and he figured that perhaps this was for the best, seeing how more ludicrous action could only intensify the awkwardness between them.

But undeniably, he couldn't help but stare whenever Aoba came too close into his proximity. By now, he had memorized every single part of Aoba's body. He loved every inch of Aoba's skin, from his silky, soft blue hair, to his smooth cheeks, and to his slender body frame. Aoba had lost some weight during his stay in the hospital. But nevertheless, he was still pretty healthy, the cheerful smile and the unconscious small actions he'd do whenever he got lost in his own thoughts always managing to replace the small throbbing Noiz felt in his heart with indefinable fondness.

"Doctor?" Aoba called out, instantly distracting Noiz's attention from his body. "Can we go now?"

Nodding, Noiz stood up and was about to take the bag from Aoba's hand when the other scowled at him. Recognizing the message, he quickly retreated, slipping his hands into his pockets instead.

Sei was waiting for them in the lobby together with Koujaku. Happily ruffling Aoba's hair, Koujaku told them that he'd stop by as soon as he was free, and his statement was followed by Aoba's sarcastic comment about how they'd need to wait for years for that to happen. Unlike Noiz, Koujaku was pretty much loaded with work at all times. Giving his intern a pat on the shoulder, Koujaku smiled at him, reminding him about the remaining tasks he had to catch up on when he came back. Across time, Koujaku started to realize that Noiz was, in fact, a lot stronger than he thought he was, and so he had decided to continue lending him a hand whenever he needed one. Although Noiz never voiced his appreciation openly at Koujaku, the senior doctor knew that he had taken his words to heart, and that was more than enough for him to stop himself from lecturing him too much.

 

His doctor was treating well not only Aoba, but his brother as well. He could see that much. In fact, he sometimes felt as if Noiz and Sei had known each other longer than he himself had known Noiz, which was, technically, impossible. His memory told him that Sei had known Noiz as long as he had, but still, he couldn’t help but have this hunch that told him that there was something that he didn’t know, just like the missing pieces he’d told Noiz about in the hospital garden.  Needless to say, it was bugging him greatly.

Noiz had offered to drive the Seragaki brothers home. At first, Aoba declined the offer but Sei just sent him a calm, but pointed stare. Their small talk felt almost too natural. Aoba investigated everything he found in Noiz’s car with his gaze, from the small green cubes located on his dashboard, to the tiny rabbit plush Noiz had put at the backseat of the car. Although every mention of the word ‘rabbit’ stung Noiz’s heart, he remained poker faced, trying very hard not to project any sense of emotions on his face. As if trying to soothe the awkwardness, Sei would always jump into the conversation, telling Aoba off and giving him a gentle smile which would always do its job magnificently.

It wasn’t even a long ride but for Noiz, it felt like forever. He still remembered the countless times when Aoba had sat in the very same position, where he would bring him around for dates, be it out for dinner or a simple drive out.

It didn’t matter where they were going, or how long the ride would take. What was important was that Aoba was with him, and that was all he ever needed.

When they stopped in front of the Seragaki household, Aoba led them in, and then he strolled straight into the kitchen to help his grandma after seating Noiz down. Giving him a gentle pat on the shoulder, Sei handed Noiz a photo album before he joined his grandma and brother in the kitchen, leaving Noiz all alone in the living room.

Taking a deep breath to try and control the loud beating of his heart, Noiz sat on the couch, slowly flipping through the photo album and finding himself staring at various pictures of a younger version of Aoba. It was the Aoba he never got to know. This smaller Aoba had the exact same hair he had now **,** and even though he was smaller in size, there was no way Noiz could miss the light in that pair of light brown eyes. It reflected the same kind of determination, with a feeble yet unmistakable hint of kindness which Noiz had now properly grasped the meaning of. He had always thought that Aoba was simply a busybody, someone who had too much time to spend on someone else. But across time, he realized that Aoba wasn’t like what he thought he was. He didn’t spend time on just anyone, but only on _Noiz_.

He was about to take a picture of one of the crying pictures of Aoba when the person in the photo appeared from the kitchen and smacked him right on the head, immediately causing the younger man to close the photo album. What greeted him when he looked up was Aoba’s furious stare and a pout with a hint of pink on his cheeks. He was about to say something – something that could put a deeper shade onto that face– when Aoba dragged him from the couch and pushed him into the dining room, telling him off for his sneaky behavior.

Even so, the moment Noiz settled himself down on the dining table, he was instantly showered with gracious hospitality from the Seragaki household, mostly Aoba. He’d greeted Tae properly, even though the only time he’d seen her was in the hospital, before Aoba had gone through the operation. Now that he could properly take a good look at the person who’d raised Aoba, he found himself respecting her more with every word she had told them. She treated him like a family, warming Noiz’s heart in ways he didn’t think was possible. He’d never felt such family warmth in his entire life. 

It was Aoba. Aoba was the one who had made all this possible.

The more he was involved with him, the more he couldn’t let him go. Heck, there was no way he’d let him go now.

The dinner was done an hour later. Both Noiz and Tae were forced out of the kitchen by the Seragaki brothers as they busied themselves with the after meal cleanup. While Tae sipped on her tea, Noiz sat next to her in silence, staring blankly into the distance and feeling all awkward without knowing what he should do or say.

“He’s grown quite a bit.”

He felt his heart skip a beat when Tae’s voice suddenly rang out. Carefully turning his head to look at the older woman, he saw that Tae was still sipping on her tea, as if that one sentence which she’d just said was merely Noiz’s imagination.

“And he’s looking after himself far better now.”

This time, he properly heard it. He swallowed down the lump in his throat, merely nodding without knowing what else he could say.

“Noiz, right?” Tae continued, her eyes now finally locked on Noiz‘s.

“Yeah,” Noiz said, and he regretted the moment that one word slipped out of his mouth, unsure if he sounded too rude or insincere. But that seemed to be the least of Tae’s concerns as she put her cup down, before picking up the photo album from the coffee table.

“He used to have a lot of problems,” Tae said, seemingly without care if Noiz was even listening.

“Ever since his parents left, he had been having a lot of difficulties trying to control his emotions.”

Noiz wasn’t sure where this conversation was leading to but he listened to Tae nonetheless, suddenly interested with the topic since it concerned a part of Aoba he didn’t know.

“He always ran away from home, and he would come back with scars all over his body. Nothing we did made him feel better. I was sure he was involved with drug use and probably a lot of other troublesome things too, but he never told us anything. That was when Sei started to get extremely worried about him and across time, the emotional pressure got out of control, causing him to collapse.”

That was what Koujaku had told him. Sei was sent into the hospital after the younger brother had found him lying unconscious in his room. That was the earliest history of Aoba he’d known. Aoba seemed perfectly normal to him – just another average, uninteresting guy. But apparently, he was more than Noiz had expected him to be. To be fair, they’d never exchanged histories before, and perhaps that was the reason why he didn’t know a lot about Aoba’s past, and vice versa.

He thought all he needed to know was who Aoba was _now_ rather than who he was in the past. But the circumstance now urged him to rethink his decision, seeing that knowing his past would probably help in provoking some of his memories back. 

“I’m glad he found you.”

Sinking too deep into his own thoughts, Noiz almost forgot about Tae’s presence until the older woman called out to him.

“Even though he never tells me anything, it’s not hard for me to figure him out. That boy is too easy to read.”

He had to agree with her.

“And I’m glad he found you,” Tae repeated, putting the photo album back to where it belonged before setting her eyes on Noiz.

“Grandma…” Noiz muttered, with a lack of better things to say.

“He’s happier now and he seems like he finally found something he needs in his life. He found a purpose. I don’t know how you did it **,** but you changed him,” Tae said, a sense of determination Noiz often saw in Aoba’s eyes projected from her eyes as she stared at the young man.

“Grandma, you’re wrong. Aoba is the one who changed me.”

“Both of you changed each other,” Tae pointed out, causing Noiz to give out a soft cough with an intention to hide his laugh. He didn’t know stubbornness could be inherited. 

“This is probably a test for both of you. You aren’t giving up, right?” Tae asked. Although her voice was firm, Noiz could still sense that faint worry behind it, and he shook his head, staring back at Tae with a determined light in his eyes that could easily match hers.

“Of course not. I’ll never give up on him. No matter what happens, now or in the future, I’ll always look after him.”

Tae was about to say something but when Noiz lowered his head, staring at his own bare hands, she stopped. 

“I promised him.” 

That was all Tae needed to hear.

 

***

 

Instead of starting anew, what Noiz felt was a sense of replication, as if he was pulled back into his past – into the days when he had first met Aoba. He felt a sense of surrealism when Aoba showed up in his office again, giving him the well-known, big smile before he settled in front of his desk, waiting for Noiz to assign something for him to do. It was a scene the young doctor was more than familiar with. But this time, instead of barging his way into his room, Aoba gave a few soft knocks before poking his head in. And instead of Aoba doing most of the talking, Noiz initiated most of the conversation. Along the way, Aoba became more and more outspoken with him, often being too carried away with his own topic. This gave Noiz a chance to sit back and observe the way the older man happily and mindlessly talked about less important matters in his life.

It was the same, all over again.

Another apparent difference about this routine was that instead of daily visits, Aoba came in only three days a week. He still needed to work at Heibon and somehow, he achieved an agreement with Haga-san to get off work earlier for three days per week so that he could work at Noiz’s office. During the days when Aoba didn’t show up in his office, Noiz found himself spacing out frequently, often earning him a smack on the head from Koujaku, who teasingly told him that he might as well turn himself into Aoba’s personal guardian.

It didn’t seem like a bad idea at all.

But Noiz knew that Aoba – with or without his memories – wouldn’t want that, so he resisted this temptation, shaking his head numerous times to shoo the thought off before he delved back into his work, silently hoping that the next day would come sooner so that he could see Aoba again.

 

***

 

“Doctor?”

When Aoba knocked on the door, Noiz was almost dozing off before he jerked his head up, instantly drawing a scowl on Aoba’s face.

“Did you work overnight again?” Aoba scolded him, putting his bag on the couch before he sat in front of Noiz’s desk, staring unblinkingly at the dark circles under Noiz’s eyes.

“I need to catch up with work,” Noiz said casually, pushing the papers aside and finally settling his eyes on Aoba.

“Work can wait.”

“Can’t.”

Aoba gave Noiz a pout before he leaned forward, gazing intensely into Noiz’s eyes and flicking his finger on his forehead.

“You don’t want to become a patient, don’t you?” he teased while Noiz rubbed the red spot where he’d just hit him.

“I wouldn’t mind, but only if you were to visit me every day.”

“Such a sweet talker. No wonder the girls outside are ogling at you.”

He thought it was because of his looks, but across time, he realized that Noiz also possessed this overwhelming charisma that tended to snatch one’s breath away whenever he started speaking. He didn’t know what was with his doctor. He couldn’t figure out why he appeared to be so distant with others, but when it came to Aoba, he was amazingly outspoken, sometimes being so upfront that Aoba had to stop him halfway through his sentence so that he could digest what he’d just said.

Like a few days before when he suddenly blurted out ‘I only want to speak about this to you’, a sentence which sounded obviously suggestive and which left Aoba in a state of confusion for a few minutes before he quickly laughed it off, teasing Noiz about how he was actually good with jokes despite being so emotionless all the time.

“But I only care about what you think of me.”

Ah. He was doing it again.

“Hey, hey, cut it off, young man. Flirting with your friend during working hours? That's not a part of your work ethic,” Aoba said in a high-pitched tone, sounding sarcastic with his hands placed on his hips.

 _Friend_.

Noiz gave out a light smirk. It was indeed like Tae had previously told him. A test, or rather, a challenge.

Instead of answering him, Noiz bent down, picked up something from under his table and, giving the now curious looking Aoba a smile, he pushed the blue flower into Aoba’s hand, further intensifying the curiosity now written all over Aoba’s face.

“…what’s this?” Aoba asked, quirking a curious eyebrow and staring at the small, delicate flower in his hand, then at Noiz.

“It’s called forget-me-not,” Noiz responded casually, leaning back against his chair and visibly enjoying the confused look Aoba gave him.

“I know what it’s called. I mean,” Aoba continued, now playing with the flower petals as if a secret hint would appear if he managed to touch the right parts of the plant. “Why are you giving me this?”

Noiz’s smirk deepened.

“Take a guess.”

“Well,” Aoba started, carefully observing the flower before he looked at Noiz again. “If it’s a sign of friendship, then thanks.”

Noiz did nothing but let out a light hum. That simple vague response frustrated Aoba, making him even more confused than before.

Acknowledging it as a yes, Aoba raised the small blue flower up again before carefully placing it in a small plastic container located in his bag.

“Thanks.”

Noiz merely smiled.

And the same situation continued, again and again.

Every time before Aoba left, Noiz would give him another forget-me-not. Aoba tried rejecting it, asking him not to spend unnecessary money, especially when he was already owing him so much. But Noiz simply said he did it because it made him happy, and that successfully stopped him from making any more complaints.

He still needed some time to properly understand his doctor, or rather, his friend. But his doctor didn't seem to be giving him the chance, not when he was so unpredictable at times, often leaving Aoba in awe. Sometimes Aoba felt as if Noiz was testing him. The young doctor tended to ask him weird questions like "Do you remember this?" while he showed Aoba a rabbit plush, or a small customized keychain, or even a lime-green scarf. When Aoba shook his head, he saw a visible disappointment in the doctor's eyes which he couldn't understand. But that negative light would disappear the second Noiz put the item away, and then he would proceed to act as if nothing had happened. 

Probably there was something with those items that was related to Aoba. He was sure it had something to do with the piece of his memory that was still missing. And most likely, that missing piece could explain this indescribable feeling he felt in his chest whenever the doctor smiled at him. It was definitely something important. But no matter how hard he thought about it, there was no way he could figure the answer out.

Across time, he started getting used to the attention Noiz would always shower him with whenever he got the chance. He shouldn't be surprised, Aoba told himself. The fact that Noiz had literally kissed him in the hospital ground should tell him enough for him to know exactly how open-minded he was. Perhaps it had something to do with the foreign culture he wasa part of. But as Aoba started observing his behavior around other people, he realized that Noiz was very distant from others. But when it came to Aoba, it felt as if he had changed into another person. It left him confused, but on top of all, he didn't dislike any of it.  


And that was probably why he still allowed the young doctor to do as he pleased.

***

"Coffee?" 

"That again?

Aoba quirked an eyebrow as he took the can of coffee from Noiz's hand. It was one of his favorites and he had no idea how Noiz found out about it. Whenever he was in his office, Noiz would offer him one, which he would accept, knowing that it would never work if he were to reject him.

However, it was a pleasant surprise to find that Noiz shared the same favorite as him.

"So what are we doing today, Doctor?" Aoba asked, taking in one gulp of his coffee while Noiz stared at him with his knuckles supporting his chin.

"There’s a place I want to show you. And then I'll need to come back to prepare for tomorrow's operation," Noiz responded coolly, taking off his glasses and standing up at the same time.

Aoba quickly finished his coffee before he stood up to follow Noiz out of the door.

"Oh, right. You have an operation tomorrow. Do I need to come over?"

Aoba almost collided with Noiz’s back when he stopped in his tracks abruptly.

"Please come over if you're free," he said, picking up his pace again without another look at Aoba.

"Well, if you really want me to..." Aoba probed, hesitation evident in his voice.

"Come," Noiz responded, the firmness in his tone now more obvious than before.

"Oh," Aoba stared, surprised with the sudden change he noticed in the doctor. "Okay then."

 

They headed down the corridor, both without uttering a word. Aoba followed quietly behind Noiz, unsure of where he was leading him to and unsure if he should even ask. Soon, they turned a corner and found themselves in front of an operation theatre. Noiz hesitated for a brief moment before he pushed the door open, revealing an empty room.

"What are we doing here?"

Instead of answering, Noiz reached out to grip Aoba's wrist, slowly bringing him to the center of the room, where an empty bed was located.

"This is where everything changed," Noiz muttered. His voice was so small Aoba wasn't sure if he was addressing him or if he was just talking to himself. But when Noiz turned around to look at him, he realized that he was waiting for his response.

"...change?" Aoba repeated.

Noiz gave him a nod. Leading him closer to the bed, he placed Aoba's hand on where the pillow was located, then putting his own hand on top of Aoba's.

"This was where I operated you."

He heard a hitch of breath come from Aoba before the latter turned to stare at the empty bed. He couldn't understand why Noiz brought him here **.** Truth be told, he couldn't remember if this was really the place where he had his head split open for a brain operation. It felt like a story from a very long time ago. As he continued staring at the bed, in the quiet room where nothing but only their breathing could be heard, he suddenly felt chills running down his spine.

It was.... weird. He couldn't remember.... anything.

"Doctor..." he started, turning his head slightly to look into Noiz's eyes. "Who... am I?"

Noiz's eyes brightened in surprise. He could see the wavering in Aoba's eyes that instantly told him that Aoba was thinking of something which provoked parts of his memories in his head that may or may not have existed.

His grip tightening on Aoba's hand on the bed, Noiz responded.

"You're Aoba. The most beautiful person I’ve ever met."

A small hint of pink tinted Aoba’s cheeks as he stared at him. Noiz saw him swallow, his lips shivering slightly. Then, Aoba slipped his hand out of Noiz's grip, and to Noiz's amazement, his hand made its way up to Noiz's face, tracing his features as he continued staring at him.

"And... who are you, Doctor?"

Noiz gripped Aoba's hand on his face out of reflex and brought it to his lips, muttering his words into Aoba’s palm.

"I'm Noiz."

"Who's Noiz?"

Usually questions like these hurt him, but this time, the way Aoba had asked the question gave him a sense of familiarity. Something in his tone told Noiz that Aoba was slowly but surely reviving that familiar sense of affection he once held towards him. So, taking a deep breath, he said.

"Who do you think I am?"

Aoba gave out a small smile.

"I don't know. I mean, I know you're my doctor. But probably," he looked up at Noiz, and he was surprised to see a faint hint of emotion in Aoba’s eyes - the type of emotion he used to show him when he was so in love with him. "Probably you're more than my doctor, probably you're my friend, best friend or...." Aoba paused, locking gaze with Noiz's, suddenly lost for words.

"Or?" Noiz asked, eager to know the answer. This could be it. Probably Aoba finally started remembering him, after all the effort he'd put into trying to revive his memory.  


"... or something... more," Aoba muttered, his lips hanging open slightly before he closed them, swallowing once again. "What are we exactly?"

Noiz could feel his stomach dropping with disappointment. By now, he should be used to it, but when it came to Aoba, it seemed like he might never be able to get used to it after all.

He wanted to tell Aoba that he was his boyfriend, and that they loved each other. But something in him told him that it wasn't the right time yet. So he shook his head, flashing a small smile at Aoba before he reached out to ruffle the other's hair. He shouldn't be rushing into things. The fact that Aoba was showing hints of remembrance meant he was doing the right thing. So for now, it'd be best to take things one step at a time.

"You're someone important to me, just remember that."

That was his answer. Visibly unsatisfied, Aoba pouted and turned around so that his back was facing Noiz. But Noiz wasn't going to dwell with this for too long. This wasn't the reason why he had brought Aoba here.

"When I operated on you then, I was scared," Noiz said, acting as if the previous conversation didn't happen. This seemed to effectively capture Aoba's attention, and he looked over his shoulder just in time to see Noiz trailing his fingers on the bed where the head should be placed. "I was scared, because you’re someone important to me. What if I make a mistake? What if lose you? That was all that was on my mind when I saw you on this bed. But," Noiz stopped the movement of his fingers once they reached the center of the bed. "I remember what you said about believing in myself, about how you believed in me. I remember your words and your smile. I remember them all."

All that Noiz had just told Aoba were things the young doctor held very close to his heart.These words didn't just give him confidence to save Aoba, they gave him confidence when it came to his own life as well. But for Aoba, this was all new information. He couldn't remember any of what Noiz had mentioned.

"I.... said that?" he mumbled, trying to search his memories, but all that he could remember was how Sei had urged him to stop thinking too much before he was pushed into the operating theater.

"You did," Noiz confirmed, then, he gave out a small smirk, surprising Aoba. "I remember someone once asked me if I believe in demons. I brushed it off saying that it's too superstitious for my taste. But now," he moved towards Aoba and stared into his eyes, carefully observing the tone of his eye color while the other returned his gaze with a curious one of his own. "Now, I believe it. The demon here," Noiz continued, placing his hand against Aoba's heart. "It's called fear."

This… sounded familiar. But Aoba was sure he had never heard this from Noiz before. It was from someone else, but the question was - who?

_I’m supposed to take over your conscious._

_I’m supposed to take over everything of yours._

He didn’t know what prompted him to do so but before he knew it, he was making silent, slow steps towards Noiz, who still had his eyes on the bed, seemingly thinking about something. The young doctor only realized it when Aoba was standing right beside him, with his hand on top of Noiz‘s, as Noiz turned around and stared at the smaller man.

“A-Ao—Seragaki?” 

There was a short pause that almost took both of their breaths away, the suffocating pressure within their chests too hard to endure. 

“…oiz.” 

It was faint, but Noiz heard it loud and clear, the small voice echoing around the room. 

“… what?”

“Noiz,” Aoba repeated, now looking up and properly gazing into Noiz’s eyes.

Before Noiz could respond any further, Aoba slid his hand off of his and cupped the young doctor’s face, completely unconcerned with the surprised look now plastered on Noiz’s face.

“Aoba…?” Noiz could only mutter, the fire of hope reignited in his chest and he stared unwaveringly into the light brown eyes in front of him. Was this the one? Was this the miracle he had been waiting for?

But Aoba merely shook his head, making it clear that he wasn’t going to give Noiz any answers. But soon, Noiz realized that he didn’t need them anyway.

Because then Aoba’s face was leaning closer, slowly and quietly. Noiz let out a light sigh upon noticing that same, familiar hint of emotion in his once boyfriend’s eyes as he reflexively snaked his hands around Aoba’s waist, pulling him closer in the process until their bodies were literally pressing against each other. 

Naturally, they closed their eyes, and Noiz could almost feel Aoba’s warm breath against his face as the other inched closer. He could almost feel Aoba’s soft texture of his lips against him when…

The door of the operation theater opened abruptly, and both Noiz and Aoba jumped away from each other as if they were the same sides of a magnet.

“…oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know someone was using this place.”

Noiz scowled deeply at the intruder while Aoba turned his face away, visibly embarrassed.

“Next time, knock before you come in,” Noiz gritted through his teeth.

“I’m sorry. Like I said, I didn’t expect anyone to be here,” Koujaku smiled apologetically.

“I-I’ll wait for you outside,” Aoba said hurriedly and stormed out of the room before anyone could stop him.

The room sank into silence once again as Noiz continued glaring at Koujaku, who closed the door behind him and walked into the room, still with an apologetic smile on his face.

“W-Well, I see you have been progressing well in capturing Aoba’s heart back,” the senior doctor proclaimed loudly, his voice echoing across the room. “Good job, I’m so proud of you,” he continued, giving Noiz a rough pat on the shoulder at the same time.

“I would’ve done a better job if you didn’t interrupt us,” Noiz grumbled, brushing Koujaku’s hand off his shoulder as he leaned against the bed.

Smiling bitterly, Koujaku leaned beside Noiz and stared at the ceiling.

“So, is Aoba getting his memory back? Or are you starting anew?”

Noiz slowly considered the question, the scowl slowly disappearing from his face.

“I cannot be sure. Sometimes he shows signs of recognition, then in the next second, he forgets everything all over again.”

“I guess that’s normal for a person with amnesia,” Koujaku commented, attempting to cheer the young intern up.

“Probably,” Noiz agreed. “But I’m not giving up.”

“Of course you aren’t,” Koujaku said gleefully. “If you are I’ll smack some sense into you.”

“Well, thanks for that,” Noiz said sarcastically. “I would probably sue you if I could actually _feel_ any of that.”

What was supposed to be a lighthearted reply turned the atmosphere into a more serious mode as they sank into silence again. Then, Koujaku gave out a heavy sigh.

“Aoba’s condition aside, what are you going to do with _your_ condition? How’s your research coming along?”

Noiz shook his head.

“I didn’t have the time to look into it. Aoba is my priority now.”

Koujaku knew that no matter what he said, there was nothing that could stop Noiz from thinking in such a way. He knew that Noiz would never be able to concentrate on something else when Aoba’s condition was yet to be determined.

Without knowing what else he could do, he gave Noiz another pat on the back before the younger one straightened himself up to leave the room.

“If you need any help, you know who to look out for.”

The smirk he heard in Noiz‘s voice drew a frown from Koujaku, who then continued in a sarcastic tone.

“Well, your attitude is a lot better than when I first met you and I am your supervisor. I don’t want to get into any trouble with you.”

“Don’t worry about that,” Noiz replied indifferently. “I’ve received enough of your punches to know how bothersome that would be, especially if someone is to find out that you are actually abusing your intern.”

“Abu—“ Koujaku was about to retort when Noiz continued.

“But thanks for that, sensei,” Noiz said, hands on the door handle and turning around to look at Koujaku. “Thanks for everything. Now I leave you to look back on our operation with Aoba on that day.”

And he left, without another look at a bemused-looking Koujaku.

 

He found Aoba leaning against the wall with both his hands in his pockets when he came out of the operation theater. Upon seeing him, Aoba gave out a cough in an attempt to hide his awkwardness, but the odd gesture accompanied with the blush that didn’t go unnoticed under Noiz’s sharp gaze before he turned away made the young doctor’s lips curve upwards.

“D-Done with Koujaku?” Aoba asked, still refusing to look Noiz in the eyes.

“Yeah,” Noiz said. “Let’s go back to my office.”

Surprised, Aoba started walking behind him.

“Are we done for the day? I haven’t done anything yet!” he asked.

“That’s all I wanted to do today,” Noiz replied indifferently, turning around the corner with Aoba following alongside him.

Soon, they reached Noiz’s office as the young doctor opened the door and led Aoba in.

“You can go back now,” he said, sitting on his chair and pulling out a few documents from his drawer. “I’m going to prepare for my operation tomorrow so there’s nothing much you can do from now onwards.”

“Oh.”

Feeling awkward, Aoba picked up his bag from the couch but before he could open the door, Noiz stopped him.

“Wait.”

Turning around, he saw Noiz fumbling with something under his desk and, letting out a sigh, the young doctor held out a forget-me-not to him.

“Here you go,” Noiz said with a smile.

“I told you that you don’t need to give me this every day,” Aoba pouted, but took the flower from his hand anyway.

“And I told you that I want to do it,” Noiz smirked, the momentary brush of their hands warming his heart a little.

Sighing loudly, Aoba waved the flower at Noiz.

“Seriously, Doctor, is there any reason for this?”

Noiz lifted his head towards the ceiling but Aoba knew that he was merely taking his time to tease him. Finally, his lips formed a small smirk.

“What does it look like to you?”

“Hmm, I don’t know,” Aoba responded. “If it’s for friendship, it’s a bit too much…”

“Then obviously it’s not,” Noiz interrupted as he stared at Aoba with mild amusement.

“Huh?”

Aoba’s mind went blank for a mere second before the truth hit him as he stared, stunned, at the smirking young doctor.

“Obviously I’m going after you.”

 

Oh.

So that was it, right?

.

..

...

Wait, what?

“No, no, no! What are you talking about?!” Aoba exclaimed, shaking his hands furiously in front of him and feeling the heat rising to his face.

“I said, I’m going after you,” Noiz repeated as he stood up and took slow, calculated steps towards Aoba.

“... eh?” Still having difficulties to let what Noiz had just said sink in, Aoba pressed his back against the door, gaping awkwardly at Noiz, who kept advancing closer towards him.

Then, before he knew it, Noiz was standing right in front of him, his hands placed on either sides of Aoba’s head and his face merely inches away from Aoba’s.

“I’ll go after you until you accept to be my boyfriend,” Noiz said with a husky tone.

And before Aoba could even think, Noiz was kissing him again.

And he was surprised to realize that he didn’t dislike it.

Again.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Forget-Me-Not**  
>  : Remember me forever.  
> : A symbol of love.  
> : A symbol of remembrance.  
> : A symbol of hope.  
> : A symbol of true love.
> 
> [A forget-me-not for you if you get where this reference was from <3]


	12. Reconnect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It doesn't matter if he remembers it or not, what's important is the now. 
> 
> And if that means creating more now memories, then so be it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the second last chapter & also, this chapter contains the final smut for this story so beware of your back! x)
> 
> Thank you to [Fio](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fio13) again for being a wonderful beta -sends hugs across the ocean- and please enjoy this monster update <3

He never gave Noiz an answer. The kiss lingered on his lips for a few seconds before he pushed Noiz away, red-faced and panting heavily from both the physical and mental shock he’d received from the young doctor. He knew Noiz was too open-minded for his own good but he didn't expect him to do something so bizarre over and over again. Was the doctor taking advantage of him just because he didn't mind it the first time they had pressed their lips together?

Surprisingly, like the last time, Aoba didn't mind it at all. But the brat was getting too full of himself. If this continued, who knew where this would lead them to?

Probably it wouldn't just be a kiss the next time. Probably it’d be something else. Something more… _intimate_.

As soon as this thought flashed through his mind, Aoba found his face flaring with heat. So he slammed the door shut behind him, refusing to look Noiz in the eye as he rushed out of the hospital, desperate for some fresh air to calm himself down.

It had nothing to do with Noiz’s looks. It had nothing to do with how Noiz had openly expressed his affection in such an abrupt way. It had nothing to do with Noiz’s husky voice that had managed to pierce a sense of fervor into Aoba’s heart the first time he’d heard it.

Those could be contributing factors, but Aoba knew that it definitely wasn't the determining factor for the loud beating of his heart.

Because ever since the first time he’d set eyes on his doctor, he’d found himself _not_ being himself anymore.

He had yet to figure out what was going on but his doctor was one step ahead of him, not giving him any chance or time to think through things.

Did he dislike it? No.

Did he like it?

… maybe.

Furiously shaking his head, he dashed home, realizing the feeble change of emotions within him as his heart continued beating loudly in his ears.

 

***

 

“Aoba, can I come in?”

“Y-Yeah!”

Frantically sitting up, Aoba forced a smile out as he witnessed Sei making small steps into the room. He sat beside Aoba once the younger one made enough space for him to join him.

“Why are you sitting in the dark?” Sei asked, squinting his eyes to look around Aoba’s room.

“I-I was preparing to sleep,” Aoba stuttered.

“Oh, am I disturbing you?” Sei asked, concerned as he attempted to capture Aoba’s gaze.

“No, of course not!” Aoba clarified hurriedly, now finally locking gaze with his brother.

Sei gave out a small hum, supporting his chin with his hand as he continued looking around the space. Aoba’s room was pretty simple, nothing too extravagant – a typical young man’s room. When Aoba was admitted into the hospital, Sei had taken up the responsibility to clean his room every two days. He had practically memorized everything in Aoba’s room, thus it came as a surprise for him when he noticed the vase of forget-me-not flowers – a new addition – on his bedside table from a few weeks back.

“Hey, Aoba,” Sei called out, eyes fixed on the vase of beautiful small blue flowers. “Some of the flowers are wilting, let me throw them out and replace them with new ones,” he said, reaching out towards the vase when Aoba gave out a small yelp and practically launched himself in front of the table, bringing the vase into his arms and literally hugging it.

“I-It’s okay!” Aoba squeaked out. “I’ll change it when…”

“Hmm?”

Aoba left his words hanging, unsure of how to continue.

“You’ll never change it, right, Aoba?” Sei smiled, ruffling his brother’s hair and playing with the small blue petals at the same time.

Aoba didn't answer him. Instead, he lowered his head, staring at the vase of flowers and considering his thoughts.

“I didn't know you like forget-me-not,” Sei continued, carefully taking the vase out of Aoba’s hand and putting it back on the bedside table. “You never like any flowers.”

“This… is different,” Aoba mumbled.

“Because Noiz was the one who gave you this?” Sei asked, his words gentle but strong.

Once again, Aoba remained quiet. He didn't know the answer to Sei’s questions, in fact, it was an answer he was desperately seeking for himself. When he first saw his doctor after waking up from the coma, he thought the doctor was good looking. He was great, perfectly talented, and even though he had a slight lack of facial expressions, he seemed fairly gentle to Aoba nonetheless. He thought of himself as lucky to be able to have a doctor like Noiz to look after him, even though he was still a trainee.

But then, as the time passed, they crossed the line between doctor and patient. When Aoba was discharged, Noiz was no longer his doctor, so he referred to him as his friend. But whenever Noiz was within his proximity, Aoba had this indefinable sense of familiarity that told him that Noiz was _more_ than a friend to him. He couldn’t put his feelings into words and he couldn't pick up the courage to ask Noiz about it, even though he knew that Noiz might have the answers to his doubts.

He couldn't understand why he was feeling this way. He couldn't understand what these intense feelings within his chest were when he came too close to Noiz.

“It’s really like you, Aoba.”

Sei’s soft voice beside his ear cut his thoughts short as he turned and gave Sei a timid gaze.

“Just like how persistent you are in keeping these flowers to yourself, you’re trying to keep Noiz to yourself too.”

“That’s… not true,” Aoba whispered, although he knew how the weakness in his tone betrayed him.

“ _Forget-me-not_. Don’t you get it, Aoba?” Sei asked, stroking Aoba on the cheek and causing him to close his eyes. “Don’t you get what Noiz is trying to tell you?”

He didn't know. He had never considered it before. But now that he thought about it…

_You’re someone important for me. Just remember that._

Probably his hunch was right. Noiz was in no way just a friend.

If that was true, then everything made sense. The way his emotions almost knocked the air out of him, and the way Noiz looked at him. Sometimes, even without words, he could clearly feel Noiz’s affection towards him if he actually paid attention to it.

How did he manage to forget something so important?

Was he in love with Noiz?

“Why didn't he spell it out for me if it’s so important to him?” Aoba complained. His thoughts were in a state of mess and he didn’t know what to think anymore. Perhaps he should just stop thinking altogether before his mind consumed him.

“That’s because he’s Noiz,” Sei commented, pulling Aoba closer so that his younger brother’s head was leaning against his shoulder. “He’s a tough child. He wanted you to realize things on your own.”

"A self-centered child, indeed," Aoba agreed, and the weight in Sei's heart lifted the moment he heard Aoba's small chuckles.

“They probably remind him of you,” Sei said quietly, caressing Aoba’s hair while the other relaxed into his touch.

“Huh?”

“The flowers,” Sei explained.

“Oh.”

“What do you think about him, Aoba?” Unwilling to let go of this golden opportunity, Sei continued.

“He’s a nice kid.”

Ah, why did the answer sound so familiar?

It amazed him how even though both Aoba and Noiz had gone through so many things together, they eventually fell back into the same place.

“But… he seems a bit lost,” Aoba continued quietly. “He’s so intelligent. I hope he finds his way soon.” He took a deep breath. “And I hope he finds what he lost soon.”

Sei broke into a small smile.

“Do you like him, Aoba?”

“W-What?!”

Aoba’s exaggerated response made Sei brighten his eyes in surprise, then, he gave out a small laughter, effectively painting a deep shade of red across Aoba’s cheeks. Based on his reaction, it seemed like Noiz had finally made his move.

“W-Why are you asking?!” Aoba asked, still flustered.

“I’m curious,” Sei said in a singsong manner. “You didn't answer me, Aoba.”

“I… “ Aoba stuttered, almost wanting to grab the pillow behind him to cover his face but Sei was staring at him so intensely, he felt as if any single movement would reveal how flustered he was regarding the entire situation.

“Hmm?”

“I… I would help him out in searching what he’s missing, at the very least,” Aoba said in a high-pitched manner, sounding obviously unnatural. “W-Well, he should take it as one of my ways to repay him!”

Sei chuckled lightly. His brother was too easy to read and that was extremely endearing.

“But Aoba…” he wanted to continue but Aoba pouted and stopped him with his hand, leaving his words hanging.

“That’s all I’ve got to say!” he exclaimed, still blushing hard and attempting to switch the conversation.

… _you are the one he’s been missing._

 

This conversation changed things. It got Aoba thinking, keeping him up until late at night as he considered the various possibilities between him and Noiz. By now, he was sure there was a certain extent of history between them which he wasn't familiar with. It amazed him how he’d managed to conveniently forget about Noiz. If Sei hadn't sounded so sincere and concerned about his relationship progress with Noiz, he’d have thought that it was merely his mind telling him things.

Staring at the small blue flowers by his bedside table, Aoba kept his mind awake. He cast his vacant stare towards the ceiling, his mind projecting an image of the young doctor – the doctor he _remembered_.

Noiz had been looking after him. He always had.

 

***

 

Waking up the next day was agonizing. Barely able to open his eyes, Aoba walked groggily out of the house and onto the streets. The only reason he’d forced himself up was probably because he’d promised Noiz that he’d drop by, despite knowing that Noiz had a major operation on that day.

Noiz told him that the operation would take six hours, and that he would be done by the time Aoba arrived.

When Aoba reached the operation theater where Noiz was supposed to conduct the operation, the emergency light was still on. Giving out a light sigh, he leaned against the wall, trying not to make eye contact with the anxious family members of the patient who were waiting outside the operation theater. He’d never experienced this type of atmosphere before. The entire floor was wrapped in a gloomy mood, and from the dialogues Aoba had overheard, Noiz was currently conducting a complicated operation, probably far more complex than the one Noiz had conducted on Aoba.

Silently muttering his ‘good luck’ aimed at the young doctor, Aoba waited.

 

It was an hour later when the light finally went off and Aoba straightened himself up, suddenly finding himself as restless as the family members around him. The door opened and a surgeon, alongside a few nurses made their way out. Upon seeing the doctor, the family members rushed to him. Half of his face was hidden behind the mask, his expression unknown. But the moment he took off his mask and smiled at the nervous people around him, the entire mood of the scene lifted.

Aoba stood, waiting for the crowd to disperse before he found Noiz stepping up to him.

“Waited for long?” the young doctor asked. It amused Aoba how he could sound so indifferent despite having such a kind expression back then.

“It’s fine,” Aoba said as he shook his head. Then, he gave Noiz a bright smile.

“You've worked hard. Good job!”

Noiz’s reaction was one that Aoba didn't expect. Turning away, he acted as if he didn't hear what Aoba had just said, but Aoba was quick enough to notice the faint shade of pink on the younger one’s cheeks, urging him to give out a small giggle.

“Don’t be shy!” he teased, hurrying up to match Noiz’s pace.

If only Aoba could remember what he’d told him about life back then, Noiz was sure that Aoba would burst into tears, being so proud of the young doctor now that he’d managed to instill that sense of gratitude into him.

Actually, now that he thought about it, Aoba was the one who had told him to appreciate people around him while he could.

He was the one who had changed his worldview. Rather than having Aoba repay him, _he_ should be the one repaying Aoba.

“By the way, Noiz.”

Noiz stopped in his tracks once Aoba called out to him.

“What is it?”

“Ah, no. I’m thinking if… you’re free this Sunday?”

Noiz’s eyes brightened at those words. Usually, _he_ was the one who’d make all the initiatives. What was with this sudden turn of events?

“I need to talk to Koujaku about it but,” Noiz smirked, inching closer towards Aoba and pinching his nose slightly. “What is this all about?”

The blush that appeared on Aoba’s face amused Noiz further as he gave out a small hum, trapping Aoba against the wall. He was about to kiss him on the cheek when Aoba pushed him away.

“H-Hold on! We’re in the corridor!” he exclaimed.

“Hmm, does that mean we can do it if it’s _not_ in the corridor?” Noiz teased as he stared down at Aoba, taking in the way a pout was starting to form on his already flustered face.

“That’s not what I meant!”

Ah, wasn't this familiar?

Chuckling lightly, Noiz released Aoba and walked down the corridor, with Aoba throttling behind him.

“Seriously, I can’t figure out how more open-minded you can be.”

“I don’t think this is anything weird,” Noiz replied indifferently.

“What? Well, it’s not weird, but people would get shocked anyway, you know,” Aoba retorted.

“By ‘people’, you mean you?” Noiz teased, looking slightly over his shoulder just to shoot Aoba a playful stare.

“No, no, no! I mean, maybe this isn't unusual in your hometown, but here, we don’t… you know,” Aoba finished awkwardly.

Turning around, Noiz came face-to-face with Aoba before he lifted the other’s chin up to stare mischievously at him.

“I’m doing it because it’s you. I don’t do it to anyone else,” he said, and Aoba had to swallow hard to contain the sudden rush of heartbeats that pounded beneath his rib cage.

He knew Noiz meant it, but, seriously.

“Anyway,” Aoba proclaimed loudly, brushing Noiz’s hand away and walking in front of the young doctor. “Sei wanted to go to the amusement park this weekend. He asked me to invite you.”

As Noiz quirked a curious eyebrow at him, Aoba quickly continued.

“And Koujaku as well!”

Beaming at his endearing reaction, Noiz nodded.

The way Noiz’s small smile managed to do things to his heart was enough for Aoba to realize that he was falling into the doctor’s trap.

 

* * *

 

Noiz picked all of them up – Aoba, Sei and Koujaku – on that Sunday. He was still pretty offended with the way Koujaku had yelled so loud at him when he’d asked him to join them.

_“Are you asking me out on a date, you little shit?!”_

_“Shut up, Aoba was the one who asked.”_

_“Why didn't he ask me himself?!”_

_“Ask him yourself!”_

The corner of his eye twitched in annoyance when he saw Aoba giving him a teasing smirk from the front mirror of his car. That annoying old man must have told him. What was wrong with ‘hey, want to go to the amusement park together?’ anyway? Wasn't that how people asked for things?

He kept to himself during the entire ride. The seat beside him was occupied by Koujaku, who kept staring a bit too long at the green cubes placed on the dashboard. Noiz had a feeling that he was trying to find something sarcastic to say but he was also aware of Aoba’s warning stare at Koujaku when he was about to voice out something undoubtedly offending.

When they finally reached the place, Koujaku let out a loud stretch while they waited for Noiz to park his car.

“It has been so long since I came here,” Koujaku commented. “Remember the last time we came, Aoba? You got scared by that ghost in the haunted house you couldn't stop crying for an hour.”

“O-Oi, shut up!” Aoba hurriedly said, scowling and blushing furiously at Koujaku.

“Hmm.”

The small hum behind him sent shivers all over him as he turned around to see Noiz with an amusing look on his face.

“W-What?”

“So you’re afraid of those kind of things,” Noiz smirked.

“No way! I was five, what do you expect?! Anyone would be afraid of that! Wouldn't you?” Aoba’s frown deepened as he shot the question back at Noiz, who merely shrugged and led their way towards the entrance.

“Hey!” Aoba called out, fastening his pace and catching up to Noiz to nudge him on the shoulder. “You haven’t answered me yet.”

“I wouldn't know. I've never been in one before,” Noiz responded as they walked through the huge gate.

Upon seeing Aoba’s awkward expression, he gave out a soft sigh.

“My family never brought us to this kind of place before.”

Aoba stared gawkily at Noiz for a few more seconds before Koujaku pushed him on the back, snapping him back into reality. Before anyone could say anything, Aoba ran and stood in front of Noiz, stopping his tracks.

“Then let’s do that today!” he announced.

Noiz didn't seem to have any room for objection because, before he knew it, Aoba was dragging him into the center of the park and off to where the haunted mansion was located. Sei and Koujaku managed to escape before Aoba could haul them in and opted to do something ‘less extreme’, leaving Noiz and Aoba alone while Sei gave Noiz a knowing look before they separated.

“Are you sure about this?” Noiz asked as they stood in the queue.

“Yup. What?” Aoba smirked at Noiz. “Scared?”

Noiz gave out a sarcastic hum before he reached out to pinch Aoba’s cheek.

“Are you talking about yourself?”

Aoba was about to retort, the scowl appearing between his brows but soon, his expression turned softer and a sly grin took its place.

“Well, let’s see about that, shall we?”

Noiz returned that grin with a smirk of his own.

“Challenge accepted.”

 

_This was the worst._

“Can you stop?” Aoba scowled, blushing whenever Noiz invaded his line of vision.

Noiz took a deep breath, turned his back towards Aoba and was about to say something, but he started laughing again once he saw Aoba’s face.

“Argh,” Aoba grumbled.

Noiz was still trying not to laugh too hard but it wasn't easy. Whenever he was reminded of how Aoba had clung onto him and gave out small yelps whenever something moved in the dark room, he felt a huge gush of laughter spilling out of his throat to the extent that he needed to cover his mouth with his hand so as not to offend the older man.

He didn't expect Aoba to respond so exaggeratedly, especially since he seemed so confident when he’d suggested to explore the haunted mansion.

Finally managing to control his laughter, Noiz straightened himself up, turning around to find Aoba still glaring at him. Under normal circumstances, he’d stop his urge to tease him, but the flush on Aoba’s cheeks was too hard to miss and Noiz almost allowed a chuckle to escape his lips before he let out a cough, attempting to hide it away.

“So I found out something new about you today,” he teased, the smirk never leaving his face.

“Shut up,” Aoba groaned. “I didn't expect it to be so dark.”

“Then what did you expect? It’s a _haunted mansion_.”

Without knowing what to say, Aoba could only frown as he walked away, avoiding eye contact with Noiz and acting as if he didn't hear what he had just said.

Noiz caught up with him in a few steps but he’d finally stopped teasing him. Knowing how big Aoba’s pride was, he wouldn't want to probe on it too much unless he wanted the day to end terribly.

“But,” Aoba was the one who broke the awkwardness between them. “I’m still glad that I brought you there.

Noiz gave him a curious stare, Aoba’s small chuckle instantly making his heart flutter.

“I didn't know you can laugh like that too.”

He wasn't trying to think too much but there were so many ‘coincidences’ that had happened between them ever since Aoba woke up from his coma. They reminded him of so many memories they’d spent together. He wasn't even sure if these were all coincidences, but the moment the flashbacks played in his mind like a film reel, he couldn't help but find himself reviving all those memories, specifically what Aoba had told him.

> “ _So you do feel it. That whatever air time or free fall you were explaining to me._ ”

So if this was another one of those coincidences, then the next sentence that Aoba would say is…

“That means you are perfectly human. I can sense so many emotions from you right now. I’m so relieved.”

Now, he was _sure_ this wasn't a coincidence. It was a playback; it was meant to happen.

No matter under what circumstances, Aoba would still give him the exact same response. Because this was the same Aoba he had loved so deeply.

“Do I appear to be so emotionless to you?” Noiz asked, trying to gauge what was the reason behind Aoba’s comment.

“… not really,” Aoba admitted. Noiz had shown him so much affection ever since he confessed and these were definitely signs that he wasn't emotionless.

“I just felt like I should tell you that,” he continued, his mind starting to turn into a bunch of contradictions.

“Why?” Noiz pestered.

“Well, because…” he stammered.

To be honest, he didn't really understand why he’d said that to Noiz and he couldn't explain it properly. His gaze started to waver, glancing around them to find some sort of distraction and he felt his voice return to him the moment he found what he was looking for.

“Anyway, let’s go there!” he said in a high-pitched, unnatural tone as he pointed at a distance.

Following his finger, Noiz felt the pounding in his chest becoming louder when he saw Aoba pointing at a rabbit farm. It was a place where they didn't get to visit the last time they came here and he highly doubted that Aoba even remembered it.

Even though Aoba never gave him an answer, he knew exactly why he was feeling this way. Across time, Noiz had noticed Aoba’s tendency to appear as if he’d remembered something but in the next second, it would turn out to be a wrong assumption once Aoba gave him a curious stare. Various occurrences had convinced Noiz that Aoba did not forget about everything completely. Somewhere in his mind, these memories still remained sealed, awaiting the day to finally be set free.

Noiz would wait. He would wait no matter how long it’d take. If necessary, they’d make new memories together even if Aoba failed to remember the old ones. It didn't matter to him.

As long as he was with Aoba, nothing else mattered.

Aoba was already taking a rabbit into his arms when Noiz finally caught up with him. Totally transfixed with the scene, he didn't have time to properly calm his racing heart when Aoba ran up to him and placed the rabbit he was carrying into Noiz’s arms.

“Here you go! I’ll get another one,” he said before he rushed off to find another rabbit.

The rabbit was strangely obedient as it lay on his back in Noiz’s arms. After he lost sight of Aoba, Noiz shifted his attention to the pet, feeling a surge of warmth within him that urged him to stroke its head. The small white rabbit fidgeted a bit but soon it relaxed into Noiz’s touch, finally opening its eyes to look at Noiz.

Aoba came back just in time to see Noiz smiling at the rabbit with a piece of carrot in his hand. Frozen for mere seconds, he gave out a small grin as he strode straight towards the pair, settling down beside Noiz with his own grey rabbit.

“You _really_ like rabbits, huh?” Aoba teased, picking a piece of carrot up from the small bowl to feed his own pet.

“What makes you think so?” Noiz asked, stroking the white rabbit’s ears and wearing an amazed look on his face when the rabbit took piece of the carrot and ate it in one bite.

“Well… I have a hunch,” Aoba said. “But anyone would know seeing how much rabbit related stuff you have in your car.”

“I don’t have a lot,” Noiz responded nonchalantly.

“ _You've got a rabbit plush in your car, Noiz,_ ” Aoba continued teasing, the excitement obvious in his tone.

Noiz wanted to tell Aoba that that was a present from him when he’d found out Noiz liked rabbits in the baby ward but he kept to himself, knowing that it probably wasn't the right time to mention it.

Recognizing Noiz’s silence as his victory, Aoba continued smiling gleefully at Noiz as he poked on Noiz’s white rabbit, instantly earning a frown from the younger man.

“Don’t hurt him,” he scolded, shifting the rabbit away from Aoba and into his own arms.

“It’s so fluffy,” Aoba said cheerfully, mirroring Noiz’s action as he took his own grey rabbit into his own hands. “Oh, let’s do something!”

Curious, Noiz stared as Aoba took his phone out of his bag and held it high in front of them.

“What?” Noiz asked, staring at the phone then at Aoba.

“Let’s take a picture together with these rabbits!” Aoba said before he nudged Noiz’s arm. “Look at the camera, Noiz!”

_Did he just call him Noiz? Twice?_

Noiz obeyed. He felt a mix of different emotions once they took the picture, and he was sure that it showed on his face because Aoba started laughing out loud as soon as he checked the photo.

“What’s with that expression?” Aoba grinned, trying hard not to laugh too loud but failing badly.

It was almost as if they were back to how they were – the time when they were still dating each other.

No longer able to ignore the overwhelming emotions within him, Noiz put his rabbit down and refilled its bowl before shifting nearer to Aoba, encircling his arm around the smaller man’s waist and effectively drawing a small yelp out of him.

“W-Wait, Noiz?” Aoba stuttered, and he would've most certainly dropped his rabbit if Noiz hadn't been grabbing onto it.

“I need to ask you something,” Noiz muttered fervently. Aoba had no idea why he was turning red. But as soon as he realized that whatever Noiz was planning to ask him was going to be serious, he put his rabbit down to join Noiz’s before he turned back to look at the younger man.

“Will you go out with me?” Noiz immediately asked, not wasting any more time.

He heard a small hitch of breath come from Aoba as the other quickly looked away, visibly blushing. Noiz had made his intention clear ever since Aoba started helping him out in the hospital. But it was only two days before that the young doctor had voiced it out loud. Aoba didn't give it any serious thought, but he realized that if he was really unreceptive towards the idea, he would have distanced himself from Noiz by now.

The fact that he didn't distance himself from him made him realize that probably…

He was fine with it after all.

He knew himself too well to realize that there was no way he’d allow himself to fall into Noiz’s trap if it was something he didn't want. It was true that he was indebted to Noiz. But he also knew that Noiz wasn't going to use that as an advantage to make him his boyfriend. He would probably hate that idea.

He had no idea at all why he was falling for Noiz in such a short timeframe. But at the same time, he couldn't ignore that undefined emotion he tended to get whenever Noiz was within his proximity. Then, he thought of the memories he’d lost with Noiz, urging him to believe that they must have had specific history for Noiz to be able to draw such a reaction out of Aoba.

They probably used to be something more in the past. To what extent, he didn't know.

But they were definitely not just friends.

“Hey, you still here with me?” Noiz waved a hand in front of Aoba’s eyes, causing him to jump a little.

“I…” Aoba started, swallowing down his throat to contain himself.

Noiz’s hand was still on his hip and every single movement of Noiz made him feel as if he was going out of breath.

“I don’t… mind,” he finally said. “… I guess.”

Noiz’s eyes brightened immediately and Aoba avoided his gaze even further, now looking at his own feet and trying very hard to ignore the furious heat that was making its way up to the tip of his ears.

“Are you sure?” He heard Noiz’s voice beside him and after a while, he nodded.

The next thing he felt was Noiz tightening his grip on his waist as the other pulled him closer and gave him a soft kiss on his cheek, which did nothing but intensify the heat on his face.

“Thank you.”

“W-why are you thanking me, perverted brat,” Aoba reprimanded with a small voice, but that did nothing to stop Noiz from smiling happily as he leaned his head against Aoba’s.

It was almost as if everything was meant to be.

It was as if they were going through a memory time lapse, to remind them how important they were to each other, and to let them know how it would feel if they were to lose each other.

“Thank you for being mine again.”

_Again?_

Aoba was almost sure that they used to share this kind of intimacy, the familiar hunch he was feeling now had told him that much. He was sure that he’d seen this part of Noiz before – the part where he portrayed genuine emotions on his face, the way he smiled as he stared at him with that tender gaze of his. It was a whole new different Noiz compared to how he treated others. He’d noticed the difference ever since they first interacted with each other, but he’d never expected it to be something so…

He couldn't define what he was feeling now. He was definitely feeling gratefulness. But it was something _more_ , more than just being grateful. He was also feeling… happy, probably. But yet, it still felt like an understatement.

It was a type of unique feeling that only Noiz could give him. He could probably just call it ‘a Noiz feeling’.

 

Their little moment was interrupted when Koujaku and Sei waved at them from a distance, both with cotton candies in their hands. As soon as Noiz and Aoba met up with them, Sei started telling Aoba how Koujaku had almost vomited when he got off the rollercoaster. Blushing furiously, Koujaku quickly brushed it off by asking them about their haunted house experience instead. The soft cough that Aoba gave out successfully distracted both Sei and Koujaku from the older man’s misery as they shot Noiz a mischievous stare, expecting answers.

But being naturally loyal to Aoba, Noiz merely told them that it was a fruitful experience, although the tease in his tone had told both Koujaku and Sei enough to realize that Aoba wasn’t exactly agreeing with that statement.

They spent the rest of their day on things which were tamer to accommodate to Koujaku’s and Aoba’s endurance limit. Once the sun set, they were about to take their leave when Noiz suddenly voiced out.

“Can I borrow Aoba for a night?”

 _Eh?!_ , Aoba thought soundlessly.

Sei quickly gave out a smile while a frown appeared in between Koujaku’s eyebrows. For a few seconds, they merely stared at each other awkwardly until Koujaku grasped Noiz’s wrist and pulled him to a corner.

“Oi, oi, don’t you think you’re taking things too fast?” Koujaku whispered heatedly.

“I’m very certain of what I’m doing,” Noiz replied indifferently.

“He still didn't get his memories back, right?” Koujaku asked just in case.

“No, he still doesn't have a clue what happened between us,” Noiz admitted. “But it doesn't matter.”

“What do you mean?”

“We’re together now.”

“What?!”

Koujaku’s yell urged both Aoba and Sei to look at their direction but he quickly flashed them a forced smile before he went back to stare at Noiz.

“Since when?”

“Since a few hours ago,” Noiz answered before he clicked his tongue. “I don’t think I’m obliged to report about my personal life to you, sensei.”

Koujaku gave out another cough.

“T-that’s fast,” he finally confessed.

“It is,” Noiz agreed. “But I can assure you that it didn't happen by force. It happened naturally, just like how it did before.”

They fell into silence while Koujaku considered what Noiz had just said.

“But I guess that, even though he didn't remember me, his emotions and feelings towards me are still intact. That’s probably why it happened faster than expected.”

Noiz’s explanation drew another small frown out of Koujaku.

“Are you sure about this, brat?”

“I’m positive.”

Finally, the expression on Koujaku softened as he straightened himself up, giving Noiz a pat on the shoulder before he continued.

“Okay then. Just remember not to take things too fast. Take care of him.”

“That goes without saying.”

When they went back to the Seragaki brothers, Koujaku immediately suggested him to take Sei out for dinner, giving Noiz a chance to escort Aoba back to his house.

“Are you okay with it?” Noiz asked Aoba the moment Koujaku went off to find him and Sei a cab.

“Yeah, sure,” Aoba responded. “But do you have any reason for this?”

Noiz gave out a small hum.

“You’ll see.”

 

***

 

If he was to say that he wasn’t nervous at all, he would definitely be lying. Clenching his hands into a fist, Aoba kept his head down during the entire journey to Noiz’s house. Noiz kept his eyes on the road. Even though his hands on the steering wheel were steady, Aoba knew that he was probably as edgy as he was, if the way he kept swallowing down his throat was any indication.

When he stepped into Noiz’s house, he felt a swarm of familiarity flowing through him, leaving him in a state of awe. Everything was way too familiar to him, especially since this was his first time stepping into the house. He remembered the cube-like wall clock, the lime green carpet on the floor, and above all, he remembered where all the rooms were located, reconfirming once again that he and Noiz were indeed, something _more_ once.

“Noiz…” Aoba called out as he stepped into the room, images of scenes that he could vaguely remember playing in his head like a silent film.

Noiz had reached his side, where Aoba was standing in front of a door with a tag that had a shape of heart on it. He was amazed that Aoba had managed to locate what he wanted to show him without him needing to tell him, but above all, he was astonished with the fact that Aoba remembered every part of his house.

“Is this the reason why you wanted me to drop by?” Aoba asked when he realized Noiz was standing beside him.

Nodding, Noiz was about to open the door when Aoba stopped him.

“Let me do it,” he muttered. Taking his hand off the doorknob, Noiz allowed Aoba to do as he wanted, eyes staring unblinkingly at every one of his actions.

What Aoba saw the next moment almost took his breath away. The room was brightly-lit, the walls painted in a sky blue color, but what captured Aoba’s attention was the objects in the room. The tables and the shelves were filled with photo frames, and the moment Aoba picked one of them up to have a better look, he found his voice trapped in his throat.

“Noiz, this is…”

Noiz looked at the photo in his hand and felt a twitch in his heart. It was a photo they’d taken together on their first date, when Aoba had brought him to try out Japanese food for the first time in Noiz’s life. In the photo, Aoba was holding up a takoyaki, smiling cheerfully while Noiz sulked in the background, giving Aoba an unsatisfied stare at the same time.

“This was our first date. You insisted to take a photo with an octopus dumpling. I managed to escape before you pressed the shutter button.”

Aoba remained silent. Putting down the photo frame, he shifted his gaze to the one beside it and picked it up. Following his gaze, Noiz saw that he was looking at a photo taken in the hospital’s nursery, with a little girl in Noiz’s hand and Aoba, once again, smiling happily at the camera.

“Who’s this girl?” Aoba asked quietly, with an unmistakable hint of a shiver in his voice.

“She’s a patient,” Noiz said unhurriedly. “I encountered her when I was helping Clear out. Then you came in and told me that she might be attached to me.”

Aoba gave out a small chuckle. Not only did the memories now exhibited in front of him crush Aoba from the inside, but they were also at the verge of breaking Noiz down. They had been through so much, so many memories had been made just to have Aoba waking up one fine day and forgetting about everything.

 _You’re such a cruel being, Aoba_ , Noiz muttered internally.

While he was trying to control the overwhelming grief that was clouding up his mind, Aoba was already walking to the end of the desk as he held another photo frame up. Noiz wouldn’t even have realized what he was looking at if it weren’t for the small sobs that were suddenly echoing around the room.

“Noiz… This…” Aoba mumbled between his sobs.

Noiz took the photo frame from his hand, one hand grabbing on Aoba’s shoulder and pulling him closer.

“This was taken a day before your brain operation,” he said quietly, feeling as if his insides were being torn apart. It was a picture of Aoba lying in Noiz’s arms, fast asleep, while Noiz held the camera up to take the picture with a calm smile on his face.

The photo lacked of lighting, but Aoba could clearly feel Noiz’s peace of mind at that moment of time, as if he was there, right beside Noiz.

Who was he kidding, anyway? He _was_ there. The person in Noiz’s arms was no other but _him_.

Putting the photo frame down, Noiz cupped Aoba’s face.

“Why are you crying?” he asked. Even while Aoba had his memories, he never remembered seeing Aoba’s tears, not even when he was about to face his fate of having to have his skull opened for a brain operation.

“I… don’t know,” Aoba said, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand and finally having a proper control of his overwhelmed emotions. “I just feel sad.”

“Why?” Noiz asked again, using his thumbs to wipe the tears off the corners of Aoba’s eyes.

But instead of answering, Aoba dove headfirst into Noiz’s embrace, hugging him so tightly and almost knocking the air out of him.

“Noiz, we were in love before, right?” Aoba cried into Noiz’s chest. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Noiz.”

His memories were yet to return, but his emotions were real, so real they hurt. He wondered how he would feel if he were in Noiz’s shoes. Would he be able to handle the way Noiz had once lost him? Would he be able to handle how he had to live his days knowing that the person he loved no longer remembered him?

It must’ve hurt him a lot. The pain he felt must’ve been even worse than what he was feeling now.

“What are you talking about?”

Noiz’s voice urged him to look up, and, to his surprise, he saw Noiz smiling at him, albeit it was still too difficult for him to hide the sorrow in his eyes.

“We’re in love now, aren’t we?” Noiz said, his voice no longer impassive but firm, and more importantly, filled with emotions.

His words did nothing but cause more tears to flow from Aoba’s eyes as he broke down again, body trembling terribly as the huge wave of emotions crashed down on him.

“Yes, yes,” Aoba nodded furiously as he squeezed a smile out. “Yes, of course we’re in love now.”

Noiz returned Aoba’s answer with an even tighter hug of his own, taking in the familiar scent of the person he loved.

“I realized it the moment you called me Noiz,” he muttered into Aoba’s hair. “You probably didn’t remember this, but you were the one who told me that a name was not merely a form of addressing someone, but something far more important. When you started calling me Noiz, I knew that you have seen me as something else but your doctor. Not as a friend, but something more.”

It was as if Noiz had been reading his mind all this while. Pulling himself out of Noiz’s embrace, Aoba stared into Noiz’s eyes, and, as soon as he did that, his mind was suddenly hit with a scene that he could only vaguely remember.

> _Aoba, can I call you Aoba?_
> 
> _Why?_
> 
> _It doesn’t feel right to call you 'Seragaki' anymore._

Then, doing to totally unconsciously, he ran his fingers over Noiz’s face, starting with his eyebrows, stopping momentarily at the corner of his eyes, then to his nose, and finally reaching his lips.

“I told you,” he mumbled as he traced the outline of Noiz’s lips, “that I’ll remember how beautiful I thought your eyes were, how shocked I was to find out about your piercings, and how annoying I found your scowl to be.”

Noiz could only stare, completely startled.

“Aoba? Do you… remember?”

Aoba shook his head, but he gave Noiz a small smile nonetheless.

“That’s the only thing I can remember. But,” He used both of his hands to caress Noiz’s cheekbones before he stood up a little to give Noiz a soft kiss against the lips. “I know one thing for certain. I love you. I love the Noiz in front of me, the Noiz who I’ve known ever since I woke up from my coma.”

That was all Noiz needed. The only reason he’d brought Aoba here was to tell him how happy he once was, how happy they _both_ were. He wanted Aoba to trust him, to entrust his happiness to him.

He stood firm with what he told himself:

There was no need to force Aoba to remember everything. If he really couldn’t remember anything, then so be it. If they needed to create new memories all over again, then so be it. It didn’t matter. He’d love Aoba no matter who he was, with or without his memories.

“But I have to admit that I’m curious,” Aoba said after giving Noiz a pinch on the nose.

“About what?”

“I always wonder how the Noiz from before was? Did he treat me like how he’s treating me now? Did he show me the same amount of affection he’s showing me now? And was he always his perverted?”

That last bit was probably just Aoba joking around, but it gave Noiz an idea.

“Want to find out?” he gave out a smirk, immediately making Aoba go bright red.

Without waiting for Aoba’s answer, he bent down and put his arm under Aoba’s knees, easily scooping him up and carrying him bridal style out of the room.

“Hey, hey, Noiz!” Aoba struggled for a while before he finally gave up and clung onto Noiz.

Noiz led them into his bedroom, where he put Aoba gently on the bed before he towered over him.

“Okay?” he asked, leaning forward to plant a kiss on Aoba’s forehead.

Even with the weak moonlight as their only source of light, Noiz could clearly see how deep the blush on Aoba’s face was.

“D-did we do it before?” Aoba asked, visibly embarrassed.

“Of course,” Noiz replied in a matter-of-fact tone. “I’ve lost count on exactly how many times we have done it.”

His answer did nothing but fluster Aoba further. Giving the younger man a pout, he said.

“Fine. But I have one condition.”

As Noiz lifted an eyebrow at Aoba, the smaller man leaned forward to pull something out of Noiz’s pocket and before he knew it, he was wearing a pair of glasses as Aoba slumped back on the bed.

“What’s this for?” Noiz asked, adjusting the glasses on his nose.

“I want you to see properly,” Aoba said, his voice so small that Noiz almost missed it. “How the person you’re in love with looks like now.”

“That’s not necessary,” Noiz retorted. “I’m sure that you’re the same Aoba I loved. And besides, my eyesight isn’t that bad to the extent that I can’t see you even under this kind of lighting.”

“I… I want you to see everything,” Aoba mumbled, and Noiz could tell that he was struggling his words out. “I want you to accept me, to accept everything of mine.”

“Like I said, that’s not…”

“Just…” Aoba stuttered. “Just do as I say, Noiz. I... I like it when you’re wearing your glasses anyway.”

Noiz seemed like he needed a more concrete excuse, so Aoba gave it to him.

“I cannot remember how I was when I was in love with you. Even if I could remember bits and pieces of it, I can’t trust my memory completely. So…” Aoba looked away, avoiding Noiz’s gaze before he continued with a smaller voice. “I need you to… tell me. Engrave that into my memories.”

_Tell both my mind and my body how passionately in love we are._

Noiz swore he’d never been so turned on his entire life. When they last had sex, Aoba had forcefully asked Noiz to keep quiet because he couldn’t handle all the dirty talk the younger one tended to throw at him just to rile him up further. This turn of events amazed him greatly.

But if this was what Aoba wanted…

Noiz leaned forward again, pressing their chests together after swiftly taking all their clothes off. Like he said, his eyesight wasn’t _that_ bad to the extent that he couldn’t see every detail of Aoba’s body without them. But now that he actually had them on, he realized that he could practically see _every single detail_ of Aoba’s body, even things that he’d never noticed before.

Giving out a small smirk, he pressed their lips together, lingering there for a few seconds before he pulled away and muttered hotly into Aoba’s ear.

“Sure, I’ll tell you _everything_ , if that’s what you want.”

With his chest pressed against Aoba’s, he could clearly feel how Aoba’s heartbeat picked up speed once he said those words. It still surprised him to face such an upfront, completely exposed Aoba. But at the same time, he was relieved, glad to know that Aoba trusted him so much to entrust not only his memories to him, but both his mind and body as well.

“I want you to remember everything I say now, Aoba,” Noiz’s voice dropped into a whisper as he muttered into Aoba’s ear, biting on his earlobe before he gave it a flick of his tongue. He managed to draw a soft moan out of Aoba, feeling the man shudder slightly below him before he placed sporadic kisses along Aoba’s jaw line, ultimately stopping at his cheeks in order to take a good look at Aoba.

“Do you know how you look right now?” Noiz asked, the corner of his lips curving slightly as he stared at Aoba’s face.

“D-don’t ask me things like that,” Aoba responded.

“But you were the one who wanted me to tell you,” Noiz said after licking Aoba’s lips teasingly.

“Then just tell me, don’t ask!” Aoba pouted, seemingly furious but all it did was make Noiz think that he was far more endearing than any other human being on Earth.

“You’re so red,” Noiz whispered passionately, inching closer to Aoba’s face and licking his cheek. “When I touch you,” Noiz continued, pressing his tongue against Aoba’s face and feeling the warmth against it. “You’re so hot that if I’m not careful, you’ll probably burn me.”

He could feel the way Aoba’s breathing became heavier. Satisfied with the response, he proceeded to cup Aoba’s face, another hand caressing his hair, pinching the tips and feeling the soft texture against his fingers.

It was a nostalgic feeling. It had been forever since he last touched Aoba like this, the familiar scent of his boyfriend riling up even further now that he was feeling his warmth against his own skin. Keeping his eyes focused, he noticed the small hint of dampness by the corner of Aoba’s eyes, and, reflexively, he brought his tongue up to swipe it away, in turn causing Aoba to open his eyes.

He was stunned for a few seconds when the light brown color of Aoba’s eyes invaded his line of vision. He had always loved the color of Aoba’s eyes. It was a tantalizing light brown, possessing a sense of powerful beauty that could easily make one lost in them. Aoba had always mentioned that he loved Noiz’s eyes better, but Noiz begged to differ. He might hold pride to his own lime green orbs, but Aoba’s eyes were different.

When Aoba blinked, Noiz was snapped back to reality. Aoba’s suggestion of having him wear glasses was starting to get an effect out of him, what with being able to see things that were too small for him to miss. He wished he could stare longer into Aoba’s eyes but he also knew that this was perhaps not the right time.

Smiling tenderly at Aoba, he planted a kiss on Aoba’s eyelids before he caught him in a sudden kiss. It started with a light peck, but soon, Noiz plunged his tongue into Aoba’s mouth, entwining their tongues together and feeling the softness of Aoba’s lips against his. The more he touched him, the more fragile he felt him to be, as if he was made of glass. He knew Aoba would hate him if he ever knew what he was thinking, but he wanted to cherish this body forever, properly protecting it so that it was free of any damage. He didn’t want to see it being tarnished, not by scars, by blood, by anything else. The only thing that should appear on this fine body should be marks that _he_ would give him.

With that in mind, he released Aoba’s mouth after giving a rough suck to his bottom lip and tracing his tongue against Aoba’s neck instead, tasting the sweet taste of sweat on his tongue and hearing the soft pants Aoba was giving out.

When he sucked on the side of Aoba’s neck, Aoba gave out a loud gasp, his hands instinctively wrapping around Noiz’s shoulders, as if he was clinging onto Noiz to remain composed. Grinning against Aoba’s sensitive skin, Noiz gave the bruised spot a quick peck before he started sucking on it again, immediately drawing out another loud moan from Aoba.

“It’s turning very red, Aoba,” Noiz said, his voice echoing around the room and causing Aoba to open his eyes as he shifted his gaze at the younger man. “It’s very visible even under this lighting. I bet if you’re to expose this under normal light, it’d be very, _very_ obvious.”

Aoba should be furious. How did Noiz expect him to go out like that now that he’d planted something so embarrassingly obvious on his skin? But instead, he gave Noiz’s shoulders a hard squeeze, effectively forcing a small gasp out of the nineteen-year-old’s mouth.

“I guess I should return the favor then,” Aoba mouthed, but his grasp softened in the next second before he relaxed back on the pillow. “Later.”

Noiz gave out a small grin. It seemed that there was no need to coach Aoba after all. He knew perfectly well what was going to happen, and he knew perfectly well what his response would be, despite not remembering _anything_ about how he tended to react when he was completely drowned in pleasure with Noiz.

Noiz moved his hand down Aoba’s torso, stopping on his chest to give the two sensitive buds a teasing pinch before he continued tracing his fingers down to Aoba’s abdomen, applying pressure where needed – where he remembered to be able to garner the best response out of Aoba – before he stopped right on top of Aoba’s crotch.

He was taking his time leisurely, his actions slow and careful. Aoba was almost prepared for what was coming but then, Noiz straightened himself up.

To his amazement, Aoba found Noiz’s hand flying back to his chest, his fingers drawing circles at a spot near Aoba’s hips before he opened his eyes to find Noiz staring at his body with a small scowl plastered on his face.

“What’s the matter?” he asked, curious.

Instead of answering, Noiz pressed his finger into the skin that he had been caressing.

“Does it hurt?” he asked, releasing the pressure before he pushed into the spot again.

“No, it doesn’t. Why do you ask?”

“There’s a trace of scar here,” Noiz answered. Aoba wanted to take a look at it but Noiz pressed a hand against his chest, pushing him back down to the bed before he continued. “Do you remember what happened?”

Aoba tilted his head upwards, searching for his memories. Then, his eyes brightened in recognition.

“Oh, if I remember correctly, this was from a fight I got into when I was younger.”

This must be what Tae had mentioned – the time when Aoba lost control over his emotions, the time when he was involved with drugs and when he was so depressed he had no idea what he was doing.

It infuriated Noiz to even think about the way people may have touched him without his consent. And on top of all, to even hurt him and create such a permanent scar on his body.

Aoba jolted slightly when he felt Noiz’s lips against the faded scar. Noiz was sure that he wouldn’t even have realized it if Aoba hadn’t made him wear the glasses. His fair skin complexion definitely did a great job in concealing the scar from his view.

“I-it was something that happened a long time ago. I can’t even remember how it happened,” Aoba quickly clarified, an attempt to break out of his suddenly tense atmosphere.

“That’s exactly the problem,” Noiz responded, his tone stern as he towered over Aoba again. “How many ‘I cannot remember’ you need for you to finally take care of yourself properly?”

“Huh?”

He couldn’t understand what Noiz was trying to say but when Noiz clicked his tongue, he fidgeted slightly, instantly reaching up to touch Noiz’s face. He didn’t know why he was doing this. All he knew was that Noiz was worried, and he wanted to calm him down.

“That’s why I have such a great doctor, right?” he said jokingly, praying silently and hoping Noiz would buy it.

It worked. Noiz’s expression softened at the response. As usual, Aoba’s comfort managed to calm him down in ways he couldn’t define properly. But the fact that Aoba had stated something so upfront made Noiz realize how much he had put his trust in him. Probably Koujaku’s suggestion to become Aoba’s full-time, personal doctor was worth considering after all.

“You’ll look after me, right?” Aoba continued, sensing no further response from Noiz. “And in turn, I’ll look after you as well. We’ll look after each other from now onwards. We’re both no longer alone.”

The last of his sentence did things to Noiz. It hurt, both in a good and bad way.

Giving Aoba one last firm hug, Noiz went back to work after Aoba gave him a nod, urging him to continue. He was sure of his feelings towards Noiz, now all he needed was to properly _feel_ him, both in an emotional and physical sense.

When Noiz had his hand on Aoba’s half-hard dick, he felt chills running down his spine. It was a foreign yet familiar feeling. Ever since he woke up from his coma, he had never touched himself. He’d never felt the need to, until Noiz barged into his life.

Noiz’s pumps were slow. He didn’t want to rush this, not when this was something they haven’t done in such a long time, and especially since it was technically Aoba’s first experience with him too. Well, at least the first one that he could remember.

Fixing his attention on Aoba’s expression, he continued rubbing his boyfriend’s dick in his hand, applying pressure where necessary and lips stretching into a small smirk when Aoba reacted to his touch. Slowly, his pumps started picking up pace and before he knew it, Aoba was already stiff hard, precum leaking out of the slit.

Noiz gave the head of his cock a small nudge, scooping up some of the precum and bringing it to his lips before he finally positioned himself in between Aoba’s legs.

“D-do you always do that?” Aoba asked as he stared at Noiz with glossy eyes.

“Do what?” Noiz asked, reaching out to the corner of the bed to retrieve the bottle of lube he’d thrown there and pouring a decent amount on two of his fingers.

“… licking my…”

Aoba’s words halted Noiz’s action immediately. Smirking at him, he reached down to Aoba’s crotch again and, for the second time that night, bringing his hand filled with precum to his lips.

“You mean this?” Noiz asked as he traced his tongue against the tip of his finger, licking it clean. “I do it all the time.”

“You don’t find it… dirty?”

Noiz gave out a small hum and went back to spilling lube onto his fingers before he answered.

“Not at all,” he said, now crouching and placing his face closer to Aoba’s hole. “Nothing of yours is dirty. Including this.”

Aoba swore he would have fainted then and there if he wasn’t grasping onto the mattress for dear life. _Noiz’s tongue was slipping into his hole_. He couldn’t remember if they’d done this before but the warm and wet sensation inside him disappeared as soon as it came and soon, it was replaced with a cold sensation instead. Looking down, he saw that Noiz had already straightened himself up a little, still wearing that grin on his face.

He couldn’t look Noiz in the eyes; he felt as if his gaze was burning into him, further intensifying his already overheated insides. But soon, he was distracted by the way Noiz was thrusting his finger into him. It took a while but when Noiz added a second finger, he started giving out ragged breaths as he felt his body slowly opening up for him.

“I think you’re ready,” Noiz said after a few more fast thrusts. Taking his fingers out, he poured more lube on his own cock instead, and then…

“Wait,” Aoba called out. “You have _piercings_ over there.”

Noiz gave out a small laugh. It reminded him of how Aoba had responded exactly the same way when he had first seen his dick piercings.

 

 

> _Wait, you have piercings over there. Are they safe?_

“If you’re wondering,” Noiz responded, positioning the head of his cock against Aoba’s opening. “They are safe. Remember how many times I’ve inserted my dick here?” Noiz breathed, his gaze pointing towards Aoba’s hole.

“I… don’t,” Aoba responded, completely honest.

“That’s the point. I’m going to remind you how good it feels to have me inside you.”

Whatever words that were intended to be used to describe how those piercings would feel inside Aoba felt understated now, because the moment Noiz entered him, he arched his back, instantly feeling electric shocks running down his back as choked moans escaped his lips. Noiz was right, it felt good. In fact, it was addictively good. His piercings rubbed the walls inside of him as he hit him on the right spot, causing him to see stars and feeling his mind slowly melting under pleasure. 

“It seems like,” Noiz mumbled between pants. “Even though you’ve lost your memories, your body still remembers me. You still want me. See how easy you’re accepting me, Aoba? You’re sucking me in so deep I can hardly move.”

He couldn’t remember how it felt the last time he had sex with Noiz, but that was at the bottom of his concern list now as he cried out loud whenever Noiz hit his sensitive spot. And not before long, he felt himself reaching the edge of his limit, Noiz’s strokes on his cock not helping in easing the overwhelming rush of pleasure within him.

“Noiz!” he called out, spreading his arms wide as Noiz complied, leaning forward so that Aoba could cling onto him.

It was good. What he was experiencing with Noiz was terrifyingly good. He had almost forgotten how good sex felt but deep in his mind, he knew that it could only feel this good because he was doing it with Noiz, with someone he genuinely loved and cared for, and with someone who shared the same feelings as him.

He could literally feel his orgasm at the tip of his crotch and, reflexively, he sank his teeth into Noiz’s shoulder, effectively drawing out a low growl of pleasure from the younger man as he felt his orgasm overtaking him, the warm gush of liquid inside him telling him that Noiz had come almost at the same time as him.

He couldn’t remember what happened after that. All he could feel was Noiz’s lips against him, taking away the last of his pants and the last thing he saw was Noiz’s smile, before he sank into darkness.

 

 

When he woke up, he was wrapped firmly under the blanket, completely clean with Noiz snoring quietly beside him. Giving his sleeping boyfriend a soft pat on his head and a kiss on his forehead, he struggled silently out of bed, putting on a sleeping robe he found lying on the couch and walking out of the room.

He must’ve passed out after their lovemaking session. Feeling the heat rushing to his face upon remembering what had happened, he strolled mindlessly along the corridor and found himself standing in front of the room they were in hours ago again. Swallowing down his throat, he pushed the door open.

It seemed that his subconscious knew him better than he knew himself. Blinking his eyes to adjust to the brightness of the room, he glanced around, trying to take in every single detail in the room. He gave out a small smile upon spotting a small rabbit plush that looked almost similar to the one Noiz had in his car. A better look told him that Noiz had attached a small note on it reading ‘Amusement Park’ with a date beside it. This room was filled with not only photos of things and situations they had gone through, but also items that meant a lot to Noiz, and probably to him as well – when he still had his memories.

He played around with a few more items – a lime green scarf, a blue jacket, a pair of white earmuffs – before his attention was captured by a book which he found in a drawer.

 

> _There wasn’t anything I could do but wait. I was aware of the consequences but I was probably just too confident to see this coming._

Gulping, Aoba’s heartbeats sped up the moment he realized he was reading Noiz’s diary. But he couldn’t stop himself from reading. When it came to Noiz, he was literally curious about everything and anything.

 

> _To be honest, I almost forgot about my own condition until I cut myself the other day. But it didn’t matter, what matters now is Aoba._

He was even surprised to know that Noiz had a habit of writing his thoughts down. Perhaps this was his way of expressing himself, a compensation for the awkwardness when it came to verbal expressions.

 

> _It isn’t about curing my own condition. It’s about getting Aoba to somewhere where I can have a complete guarantee that he’s cured. So, this is my decision. When he’s cured, I’ll…_

He almost broke down reading the last of the sentence. Totally overwhelmed by his emotions, he closed the book, putting it back to where it belonged when _another_ item captured his attention.

It was a ring.

With trembling fingers, he picked the small velvet box up, opening it only to see an obviously valuable ring right in front of him. But what finally broke him down was the note Noiz had attached beside it.

 

_“Marry me, Aoba.”_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is the last and I'm not sure if I'm ready to let this story go ;w;


	13. Epilogue: Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A memory is a vague part of being human. We never know when we would lose our memories. 
> 
> But at the end of the day, perhaps memory isn't the one that will hold us together.
> 
> Faith is the one that will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the long wait. Truth be told, I can't believe I'm finally writing the final chapter now that I'm so attached to this almost six months old story. So I took a long time to structure the plot and I hope you enjoy this epilogue. 
> 
> It had been an awesome ride and a million thanks to everyone who had been following this story, who had left great comments that never failed to draw a stupid smile on my face whenever I read them. They meant a lot to me and will always do :")
> 
> Self-beta'd and I apologize for any errors and mistakes.

He couldn't remember when was the last time that he was here. He couldn't even remember if he was here before. Everything around him was a solid yet peaceful blue. He couldn't tell the sky and land apart, both seemed to have merged together. But that wasn't his concern now, because he was more interested with the person now walking towards him.

“Long time no see.”

A few blinks later and the person’s outline became sharper as he paced closer towards Aoba. When he was finally standing in front of him, Aoba looked up, and was surprised to see that he was looking at himself.

“How are you doing?” his ‘twin’ asked as he settled himself beside Aoba.

“What do you mean?”

He didn't know why he was here, or why he was looking at a person who looked exactly like him.

Was this a dream?

His shadow merely gave out a small smirk before he turned around to look at Aoba.

“You’re doing fine,” he said, in a matter-of-fact tone, answering the question for Aoba.

“What makes you think so?” Aoba asked, the curiosity within him intensified as he continued staring at the stranger.

But the other gave out a snicker before he encircled his arm around Aoba’s neck, pulling him closer in the process.

“I can see it from your face,” he responded, twisting his fingertip into Aoba’s cheek and causing Aoba to scowl at him. “You look different from the last time you were here.”

“The last time I was here?” Aoba thought out loud.

“And here I thought you’d crumble and reborn into a new person,” his shadow continued, leaning his head against Aoba’s and giving out a soft sigh. “Noiz is right after all. Aoba will always be Aoba. No matter what happens, nothing will change you.”

Then, he gave out another small snort, a laugh Aoba knew wasn't directed at him.

“I lost the game,” he muttered, sinking his head into Aoba’s neck. “You’re really tough. Both of you are.”

Aoba had no idea what this person was talking about. But he reached out to pat on his head nonetheless, giving out a small smile at the same time.

“You’re tough, too.”

This time, his shadow’s laugh was louder. But it didn’t sound sarcastic anymore. It was a genuine laugh that symbolized authentic happiness.

“I’m not. All I did was trying to destroy your happiness so that I could take over you when you break down. But you didn’t. You stayed firm with your beliefs. But most importantly,” he turned around and stared into Aoba’s eyes. “you have Noiz.”

Aoba shook his head.

“I don’t know who you are but if I’m not wrong, you’re me, right?” he said with a gentle smile on his face. “If you are to say that I have Noiz by my side to support me all this while, it also means that _you_ have Noiz as well. I’m sure he’d treat you the same as how he’s treating me now.”

The other Aoba stared bewilderingly at him for a while before his expression softened, a gesture so very different with how he’d portrayed himself the whole time.

“Both of you are seriously meant to be,” he said, and Aoba was sure that he heard stifled sobs between his words. “Even the words you said are the same. Seriously…”

Aoba had no idea at all of what this Aoba was talking about, but he felt a sudden surge of emotions in him that he didn't know why they were there. If that was the case, perhaps those emotions belonged to this Aoba, assuming that he was the other part of Aoba Noiz had once told him.

 

_“You used to have this other personality which was really shameless.”_

_Before Aoba could throw a pillow at him, Noiz grabbed onto his wrist, pulling him over and stopping him with a kiss on the lips._

_“But he was lonely, and that was how I know you’re lonely as well,” Noiz continued, wrapping Aoba into a firm hug. “But you have me now. Both of you have me now. You are no longer lonely. You were the one who told me this. Remember?”_

 

This Aoba must be the Aoba Noiz was talking about.

Slowly lifting the other’s face up, Aoba looked into his eyes as he gave him another gentle smile.

_Ah, he has beautiful eyes_ , Aoba thought. They were a different tone with his but it was almost like Noiz’s, exceptionally sharp and gorgeous.

“You’re no longer alone. Remember when I said I’d accept everything of you? I bet Noiz said the same thing as well.”

He could see tears forming in the other’s eyes. He was about to wipe them off for him but the other Aoba was faster as he broke free off Aoba’s clutch and wiped his eyes clumsily with the back of his hand.

“Y-you remembered…”

Aoba nodded.

“Yeah, I remember you.”

Perhaps the reason why this Aoba had become a lot softer now was because of him. Unlike the Aoba in the past, the Aoba now was no longer fearful. Sure, pressure was definitely unavoidable but he now believed that he had the power and the courage to overcome whatever came his way. He had proven himself to Noiz, to this Aoba, and most importantly, to himself, that he could do it, and he will do it.

”Thank you, Aoba,” his twin said, giving him a smile that reminded him oddly of himself. “I’ll give you back everything. All the memories, everything.”

He was no longer emotionally distressed. It was time for him to finally embrace his fears upfront.

 

* * *

 

 

“…ba.”

_Ngh…?_

“—ba”

He could hear… a voice.

“Aoba.”

Opening his eyes, he looked up to see Noiz staring at him from his bedside. He could feel Noiz clutching his hand and upon seeing him awake, the doctor broke into a smile, which Aoba mirrored instantly.

“How’re you feeling?” Noiz asked, reaching out to caress Aoba on the cheek.

“Great,” Aoba responded, reassuring Noiz with a brighter smile as he entangled their fingers together.

Noiz gave him a nod before he pulled out and took the clipboard out of the drawer from the bedside table.

“Quick question,” Noiz asked, adjusting the glasses on his nose as he glanced through Aoba’s medical report. “Who am I?”

“Noiz,” Aoba answered almost instantly.

“Who am I?” Noiz repeated.

“You’re Noiz,” Aoba responded again with the same answer.

“Okay, good,” Noiz said with a relieved smile. “Last question, who are you?”

This time, Aoba took a while to respond. Before Noiz could become worried, he quickly reached out to grab on Noiz’s hand.

“I’m Aoba. Also,” Pausing momentarily, Aoba smiled tenderly at Noiz before he continued. “I’m your husband.”

Noiz stared, wide-eyed, at the unexpected response but he immediately broke into a small laugh in the next second, putting the clipboard back to where it belonged before he leaned forward to meet Aoba’s lips.

“Who are you again?” he asked in a feverish whisper.

“Your husband,” Aoba repeated, slipping his fingers into Noiz’s hair and feeling the soft texture against his skin.

“Again,” Noiz whispered, their lips merely inches apart.

“I’m your husband,” Aoba said again, catching Noiz in a kiss that the other returned without hesitation.

“ _Arzt_?”

They were about to deepen their kiss when someone knocked on the door and they broke apart to see a nurse standing at the doorway, asking Noiz to go over.

“Later,” Noiz whispered at Aoba and left the room after giving him another quick peck on the lips.

 

* * *

 

 

It had been five years since Aoba moved to Germany with Noiz.

On the night he’d discovered the ring in the drawer, he was stunned for a few seconds, completely overwhelmed with emotions to form any coherent thoughts until he felt a weight against his back.

“What are you doing here, Aoba?” Noiz said groggily, obviously half asleep as he hugged Aoba from behind.

“N-Noiz!” Aoba squeaked frantically, keeping the ring back in the drawer before he turned around to face his sleepy boyfriend. “Go back to sleep.”

“You’re coming with me,” Noiz said after giving out a yawn. Smiling bitterly, Aoba nodded and allowed himself to be hauled back into the room.

But there was no way he could forget what he had just discovered. He wanted to ask Noiz about it but at the same time, he had a feeling that Noiz was keeping it a secret from him probably because he wasn't ready for it and the last thing Aoba wanted was to force him into a decision he was not prepared to make.

He knew Noiz had everything planned out, or probably, he was still planning things out. So he decided to give him the time. They had all the time in the world, anyway. There was no need to rush. On top of that, he trusted Noiz; and he knew that he’d execute the plan magnificently.

He was right.

A year after Noiz graduated, he approached Aoba and his family one day bearing the suggestion to bring Aoba over to Germany, his hometown. Although Aoba’s condition was under control now, Noiz being Noiz, he still felt insecure for not being able to identify the root of the problem which thus causing him to have this constant fear that someday the disease may return and haunt Aoba again.

He didn't want that to happen again. He couldn't bear losing Aoba over and over again. But what he couldn't stand most was if this was to continue, it’d affect Aoba’s health and the last thing he ever wanted was for the unknown sickness to take a toll on Aoba’s life.

So a sincere request accompanied by a few rounds of interrogation by the Seragaki household later, Noiz finally gotten the green light.

Aoba will never forget Noiz’s expression on that day.

 

He had known about Noiz’s decision to bring him over to Germany ever since he’d discovered Noiz’s diary. But when the day finally came, it still hit him hard. He knew this decision was for the best – not only that he could have access to better medical facilities over at Germany, being in a more advanced country would also help Noiz accessing to more research materials which could definitely help greatly in curing his own condition as well.

Aoba had found out about Noiz’s situation from Koujaku, his suspicions further convinced when Noiz had accidentally cut himself. The absence of a mere flinch was more than enough to tell Aoba what exactly was happening to his boyfriend and there was no way he could turn a blind eye at this.

He knew this decision was made for the best. But he couldn’t help but feel a weight beneath his chest when the departure date drew closer.

He had too many memories here. Going to Germany with Noiz also meant leaving his grandma and his brother behind. Who would look after them after he left? Who would take care of their financial needs?

Recognizing Aoba’s worries as usual, Sei gave him a pat on the shoulder and told him that he had found himself a job, asking Aoba not to worry too much about them. Similar to Sei, Koujaku had also approached Aoba a day after the decision was made to assure him that he would take care of his family when he was gone.

He was almost there, _almost_ able to finally let things go and follow Noiz to Germany without any worries.

_Almost_.

“Don’t worry.”

Noiz had wrapped him in his arms one night, the anxiety he had constantly graced on his face must have betrayed him.

“I don’t want to tie you down at one place. You can go over there and try out your life there first. If you really want to come back, I won’t force you to stay. I’ll come back with you,” Noiz said in a matter-of-fact tone.

“But—“ Aoba started, but was immediately stopped by Noiz’s kiss.

“No buts. Your happiness is the most important for me. I’d do anything to make sure you’re happy. No matter what your decision is, we’ll find a way to make things work, alright?”

He knew Noiz meant it, and he was extremely grateful for that.

 

Everyone was at the airport when they departed to Germany, just like how everyone was in the hospital when Aoba was admitted. The seamless support gave Aoba courage, telling him that he was making the right choice. Mink gave him a pot of forget-me-not, realizing the motive behind Aoba’s question whenever the younger one approached him awkwardly; Haga-san and Ren gave Aoba a firm hug that almost crushed his bones; Koujaku – with tears in his eyes – nagged him countless times to take care of himself and when Aoba turned away to attend to the others, the senior doctor dragged Noiz to a corner, which Aoba assumed that he was giving Noiz the exact same lecture he gave Aoba just minutes ago; Clear gave Aoba a CD collection, which turned out to be his own personal collection as he told him to listen to the tracks whenever he needed something to cheer him up. Lastly, when he was finally facing his grandma and brother for one last time before he departed, Aoba could no longer hold back, his brother’s hug became the final push for his tears as he sobbed quietly into his shoulder. He could hear sniffing sounds from Sei, and the stifled sobs in his grandma’s voice when she reprimanded him for being a crybaby told Aoba that they were just trying to act strong, just like him.

Then, he left Japan, putting a full stop to his old lifestyle and going on a whole new journey, with Noiz by his side.

A twelve hours flight later he found himself in an unfamiliar land. He knew nothing about the language, nothing about the people, and nothing about the place. But Noiz’s tight clutch urged him to swallow his uncertainties down. Returning his grasp, he flashed a smile at his boyfriend, bracing himself to face whatever was to come.

His stay in Germany had led him to a whole new world. Not only that he’d found out about Noiz’s family – he was even amazed to find out that Noiz had a brother – he was also adapting well to the local customs. Noiz was overprotective as usual, and he needed a few pouts from Aoba to remind him that he was a grown up and that he knew how to take care of himself. Admitting his defeat, Noiz allowed Aoba to do as he wanted, with only one condition – Aoba must not interfere with anything related to his health checkups. That was also when Aoba realized that Noiz had planned all his medical checkups even before they set their foot onto this new land.

Starting a new life wasn't hard, not when Noiz was by his side.

And then, the day when Aoba had been expecting finally arrived.

But this time, Aoba decided to step up his game.

 

***

 

“I believe there’s a reason why we’re here tonight,” Aoba said, placing his wine glass on the table as he flashed a playful smirk at Noiz, who was spacing out until Aoba broke the silence between them.

Coughing quietly, Noiz averted his gaze and stared at his hands instead and Aoba could clearly see a layer of pink on his boyfriend’s face, widening his grin.

“Aoba, I have something important to ask you,” Noiz finally said, his eyes now fixed firmly on Aoba’s. But before he could continue, Aoba raised his hand, stopping him.

“Hold on a sec, can we get out of here first? The atmosphere here is making me very uncomfortable.”

Noiz was visibly surprised for a few seconds before he nodded. Standing up, he took Aoba in his hand and both of them walked out of the fancy restaurant and down the street.

The moment they stepped into their apartment, Noiz was about to say something again when Aoba pressed a finger against his mouth, then, using the same finger, he pressed it against his own lips, smiling as he hushed his boyfriend. Grasping tighter on Noiz’s hand, he then led him down the corridor and towards a room which, as far as Noiz remembered, wasn't occupied…

…until now.

“Aoba, what is this all about?” he asked, surprised to see that the door of the once vacant room now had an extra plate with their names carved on it.

“You will see,” Aoba responded in a teasing manner before he pushed the door open.

He wished he could take a picture of Noiz’s face when the door swung open and the room came into view. The ceiling was scattered with star pieces that glowed in the dark, the only light sources bright enough that they didn’t even bother with the lights when Noiz made his first step into the room. The walls were filled with photo frames with small lights inside allowing them to have a good look at the content. Starting with the one nearest to the door, Noiz moved closer for a better look and found himself staring at a picture of him and Aoba at the airport – the first time they’d set foot in Germany.

“Well, thanks to you picking up the habit of photo taking, I managed to get my hands on enough photos to fill this room up. So—“

“Aoba.”

Noiz’s voice stopped his sentence in midair as he gaped, staring as Noiz made his way down the row of photo frames. He couldn't see the expression on Noiz’s face but as soon as the younger man turned around, he let out a reflexive small hitch of breath.

Noiz didn't say anything; instead, he gave out a small laugh, a response Aoba hadn't expected.

It took a while before the laughs faded away and Noiz stretched his hand out at Aoba, which the curious man took. Pulling Aoba into his embrace, Noiz returned his gaze to the picture he was staring at with Aoba now wrapped in his arms.

“This was when we first came into this house, right?” the younger man asked, encircling his arms around Aoba’s waist as he stared at the photo showing them Aoba unloading his luggage with a pout on his face. He remembered how Aoba had complained that Noiz was too busy taking pictures of the house instead of helping him with his luggage. He remembered how excited he was to finally set foot into a house that wholly belonged to him and Aoba. And he remembered how relieved he felt when Aoba told him how much he loved their new home.

“And this,” Noiz said, one hand still hugging onto Aoba’s waist and the other pointing at a picture beside the one they were talking about. “Was our first date here.”

“I would be surprised if you couldn't remember, brat,” Aoba retorted. “ _You_ were the one who took all these pictures anyway.”

He could hear Noiz’s small chuckle in his ears and he followed suit, a small grin making its way across his face as he followed Noiz’s gaze to stare at the picture he was pointing at.

Ever since they started their relationship two years back, Noiz had picked up the habit of taking photos whenever they went. They now had uncountable files of photo albums stored in their personal computers and mobile phones. Some were printed out, hung neatly on various corners of their house; and some could be seen on their tables, framed beautifully with carefully selected photo frames. Every part of their house was now covered with both of their shadows. It made it feel like a real home that belonged solely to them. When Aoba asked him about this sudden interest of his, Noiz merely gave him a smirk; but deep inside, Aoba knew that these were for assurance. Like how he had taken so many pictures before, he wanted to preserve these memories, and at the same time, these solid evidences would act as a backup in case anything happened to Aoba again.

“Since when did you pick up such a sneaky habit?” Noiz teased, leaning his face against Aoba’s cheek as they walked along the walls. It was like going through a memory lane, the memories of the days ever since they ended up together flashing through their eyes and head with every step they took. “This is obviously a replication of what I did to you before we left Japan.”

“Well…”

Aoba turned around, stopping their tracks as he encircled his arms around Noiz’s neck.

“Of course there’s a reason behind this,” he continued as he stared at Noiz’s now curious expression. “I want to ask you something… important.”

His voice turned small at the end of his sentence and he averted Noiz’s gaze, feeling the uncontrollable heat rising to his face as he struggled to form coherent words in his head.

He had practiced this for quite some time, and he knew Noiz had as well. For a few times, he’d witnessed Noiz standing in front of the mirror in their bathroom, chanting the same speech over and over again, as if he was practicing for an important presentation. But little did the younger man know that Aoba was within earshot and he’d caught every single word Noiz had said, despite his miserable attempt to make his voice almost inaudible.

He had expected this day to come, anticipating it even, ever since the day when he had discovered the ring in the drawer back at Noiz’s former house. But across time, he realized that enough was enough. Noiz had done way too much for him and now it was time for him to finally repay whatever remaining favors he owed him.

But most importantly, he wanted to do it. The idea excited him to no end, keeping him up late at night giggling to himself while Noiz slept soundlessly beside him.

 “What is it?” Noiz asked, noticing that Aoba was spacing out and effectively drawing Aoba’s attention back at him.

After taking a deep breath, Aoba gave out a small cough and dug his hand into his suit pocket.

“Noiz,” he said, trying very hard to contain the shivers in his voice. “I need to ask you something very important.”

“You said that already,” Noiz teased with a smirk.

“Shh,” Aoba scowled. “Don’t interrupt.”

Now with an amused expression on his face, Noiz stared intensely at Aoba and found his heart picking up speed when Aoba drew something _familiar_ out of his pocket.

“Noiz, I want to continue creating more memories with you. In the future, we’ll fill this room up with everything we had gone through together. I want to be by your side and go through all the good and bad times with you. Let’s…” Taking another deep breath, Aoba swallowed down his throat before he finally continued, now with a firmer voice, as he open the small red velvet box in front of Noiz. “Let’s get married.”

For a long time, there was only silence in the room, so quiet that the only sound they could hear was their own breathing. Finally, when Aoba’s hand started shaking a little, Noiz held up his hand to grab on his, taking the velvet box into his own hand and staring fervently at the content inside.

Aoba couldn't see his expression, not with the weak lighting that he had managed to get only from the glowing star pieces in the room. But when Noiz lifted his head up to look at him, he found his voice trapped in his own throat and his mind went into a state of daze.

“I…” Noiz started, his voice so small Aoba had to strain his ears to listen to what he wanted to say.

He was very sure of his decision, but when he received no response from Noiz, naturally, he became overly anxious as his thoughts made their way onto a speed track.

What if he had misunderstood Noiz? What if Noiz wasn’t ready? What if he was rushing things over? What if…

“I didn't expect this at all,” Noiz continued, halting Aoba’s unstoppable thoughts instantly. “I was supposed to be the one doing this.”

“I know,” Aoba quickly responded.

“You know?” Noiz asked, now looking inquisitively at Aoba.

“I… I found the ring in your drawer, the one in your old house in Japan.”

For a while, they merely stared, unable to tear their gaze away from each other.

“And you didn't tell me about it,” Noiz muttered and Aoba was surprised to see a blush appearing on his face.

“I… I didn't want to spoil your plan,” he quickly clarified.

But Noiz’s response was one he didn't expect when the younger man burst out laughing. Then, before he knew it, he was pulled into his boyfriend’s embrace again.

“If I have known about it,” Noiz muttered into his ear. “I would’ve proposed to you earlier. I thought you weren’t ready.”

“Well, too bad, young man,” Aoba scowled with a pout. “It appears that I’m one step ahead of you this time.”

“What if I say that I’m still having an upper hand?”

“Eh?”

Releasing Aoba, Noiz put his hand into his suit pocket and pulled out a similar red velvet box as the one Aoba had flashed it out at him.

“Since you've been expecting this…  Aoba,” Noiz said, opening the box up at the same time. “Will you marry me?”

Aoba couldn't understand what Noiz meant by he still had an upper hand but he was way too distracted by the scene in front of him to think further as he gave Noiz a nod before he launched himself at Noiz, hugging his boyfriend so tight and knocking the air out of him.

“In case you have forgotten, which I’m pretty sure you had,” Noiz said, returning Aoba’s embrace with a firm one of his own. “I’ve proposed to you two years before, this time is just another confirmation in case you changed your mind. I want to fulfill that promise. But it seems that,” he trailed off, pulling them apart and planting a soft kiss on Aoba’s lips before he continued. “your answer remains unchanged. I’m so relieved.”

Oh, so this was the ‘upper hand’ Noiz was talking about. Noiz had been waiting for him for so long, so much longer than what he’d expected. He had forgotten about it, but instead of making him feel bad for forgetting something so important, he felt a sense of familiarity within him, almost causing him to tear up.

“Now, to answer your question,” Noiz continued as he picked Aoba’s hand up and kissed the back of it. “Let’s get married, Aoba. Let’s form a family. And,” Pulling Aoba closer by the waist, he engulfed him into a deep kiss. “Thank you for asking. Thank you for accepting me.”

That was the second happiest day in their life.

 

***

 

The happiest day in their life arrived one year later.

Initially, Noiz had wanted it to be faster, saying things like he could arrange everything in a blink of an eye with all the connections he’d managed to build ever since he returned to his home country. But a stern glare from Aoba wiped that intention away effortlessly and at the end of the day, he decided to share the preparation workload with Aoba, compromising to Aoba’s intention to be part of their big day.

The preparation wasn't one of those things that kept Noiz edgy, though. It was the fact that he had to break the news to the Seragaki household back in Japan that had kept his mind occupied, often coming out with various proposals and phrases to make himself sound convincing. Seeing that, Aoba couldn't help but tease him.

“I didn't see you being so worked up when you were preparing to propose to _me_ ,” Aoba smirked tastefully at him over dinner one fine night. “Now it seems more as if you’re proposing to my family instead.”

Noiz had to agree with Aoba to a certain extent. When he made up his mind to propose to his now fiancé, he didn't remember going through so many rounds of insecurity and revision of script as how he was doing now.

Noticing the lack of response, Aoba placed his hand on top of his future husband’s.

“Don’t worry,” he said, feeling the hand in his shivered a little. “You’ll do fine.”

Noiz couldn't help but laugh at how ironic the whole situation was. He wondered how he would survive without Aoba, or if surviving was even a possibility at this point.

Whenever he was to make a huge life decision, Aoba was always here by his side, giving him advices and assurance again and again just to instill the confidence back in him. He was perfectly confident with himself when it came to medical knowledge, but when he had to face life in general and more importantly, human interaction (that wasn't Aoba) like this, he couldn't help but find himself taking a step back, the nervousness within him spreading all over him like wildfire.

But like what Aoba had told him, he did more than just fine.

“I was wondering when you would finally talk to us about this.”

Sei’s voice was as gentle as usual over the phone. They couldn't hear him very clearly but there was no way both Noiz and Aoba could miss the excitement in his voice.

“You've been expecting this?” Aoba asked, suddenly feeling the heat rising to his face upon realizing how obvious he had been. He was well aware that his brother was always one step ahead of him, but he didn't expect him to be so observant towards life-changing occurrence like this as well.

“Well, we know that it’d happen sooner or later,” Sei replied with a calm tone, although Aoba had a feeling that he was trying very hard not to tease his brother too much.

“’We’? You mean Granny, too?” Aoba asked, praying hard that he had gotten the wrong answer.

His prayer was answered.

“No, not Granny,” Sei answered with a small chuckle. “I’ll make sure to keep my mouth shut until both of you break it to her.”

“Then who’s the…” Aoba started, but his attention was immediately distracted when he saw Noiz cringe from the corner of his eye.

“Koujaku, of course.”

Ah, I see.

Wait, what?!

“But how do both of you know?!” Aoba exclaimed, totally unwilling to believe what he had just heard.

“It’s just a matter of time, and Aoba, don’t forget, he’s your closest friend besides me and Granny. Of course he would have predicted this.”

It made sense but still, the whole situation amazed Aoba to no end. Exactly how much had they been talking about them when they weren't in Japan?

“I’ll let him know,” Sei continued, noticing the hint of awkwardness that was starting to spread in between them. “But _you_ will have to let Granny know about it yourself.”

“That’s the plan,” Noiz finally voiced out. “We’re planning to return to Japan next month for this.”

“Oh, then I should inform Granny then,” Sei said happily. “I’ll be looking forward to see both of you again. Probably I can get everyone over this time.”

“Sure, I’d love to see everyone again!” Aoba responded excitedly, almost jumping out of the seat at the mere thought of reuniting with everyone in his hometown.

It wasn't exactly a relief yet. They’d gone through Sei easily, like how Noiz had predicted. Sei had always been supportive and Noiz even suspected that he’d say yes even before he finished announcing the news to him.

The real challenge was what came next – when they finally returned to Japan.

It was a nerve wrecking ride. Instead of Aoba being the distracted one, this time, Noiz was the one who kept to himself the entire time, only responding when Aoba asked him something. Aoba knew that he was nervous and that he needed some time by himself to prepare himself internally; so he simply allowed him to be, his hand never left Noiz’s and giving it constant pats, which was often returned by Noiz’s appreciative smile.

But just like what Aoba had told him again, besides of the small shock that he’d received from Tae, everything else went smoothly as planned.

“I would like to request your permission to entrust Aoba to me.”

Noiz had said it in such a sincere way that even when Aoba already knew exactly what he was about to say, he couldn't help but feel a swarm of overwhelming emotions attacking every one of his nerves, his eyes damped with tears threatening to roll down his face but he remained composed, his grip on Noiz’s hand becoming firmer with every passing second as he smiled proudly at his future husband.

He was proud of Noiz – for all the decision he had made for himself, for all the steps he had taken, and for all the changes he had embraced for him.

And now, he was proud of Noiz _again,_ who had decided to shoulder a far heavier responsibility than he ever had, just so he could make Aoba happy.

Needless to say, the permission came with a nod. And a round of loud applause later from Sei, Noiz’s features softened, signaling the release of all his pent up tenseness for the past few weeks.

 

***

 

“I didn't know you’re good at this too.”

Standing in front of the mirror, Aoba watched his reflection as Koujaku combed his hair, tidying up the strands and locking them up to the ponytail he was working on.

“There’re a lot of things you don’t know about me yet, Aoba,” Koujaku replied casually, handing the comb for Aoba to hold before he started tying his hair up.

“And this must be one of those techniques you use to amuse girls,” Aoba counterattacked with a smirk.

Koujaku gave out a loud laugh then as he made a final pull of the hair band and turned Aoba around to face him.

“Maybe,” he answered slowly, now tidying up the groom’s bangs. “Probably you can even ask me if you ever need a haircut.”

“All the way back to Japan just for a haircut? You must be joking.”

“Well, you wouldn't need to worry about expenses anyway. I’m sure that brat is more than willing to spend as much as he wants on you as long as you’re happy,” Koujaku teased, putting a lock of escaped strands behind Aoba’s ear before he straightened himself up to take in a final look.

Aoba gave Koujaku a pout before he responded.

“And aren't you supposed to be preparing for _that said brat_ now instead of me? You’re supposed to be his best man.”

“I won’t need to worry about him,” Koujaku said with a grin. “He’s far more prepared than anyone else. He really takes this seriously.”

“Yeah,” Aoba muttered, a smile now forming on his face. “He is.”

Staring endearingly at Aoba’s reaction, Koujaku patted him on his shoulder.

“You’re done.”

“Thanks, Koujaku,” Aoba said, turning around to stare at himself in the mirror.

“Don’t mention it.” A pause, then Aoba heard a soft sigh from behind him. “I can’t believe you’re getting married today. And to my former intern, above everyone else.”

Aoba merely stared at himself in the mirror. Even though he caught every one of Koujaku’s word, he remained silent, seemingly taking his words into serious consideration.  After a while, he gave out a relief smile as he turned around to meet Koujaku’s gaze.

“I can’t believe it myself. But I’m happy it’s happening. I really am.”

“Of course you are,” Koujaku smiled gleefully as he patted Aoba on the head. “You’ve been waiting for this day to come, aren’t you?”

“Not as long as Noiz, though,” Aoba said quietly. “He’s been waiting for years.”

“Either way,” Koujaku’s loud voice disrupted Aoba’s line of thought as the other stared at him curiously. “It doesn’t matter, right? Both of you have been through so much and yet, here you are, about to start a new life together. That’s what truly matters.”

Aoba continued staring at Koujaku as his childhood friend gave him a warm smile that pierced straight into his heart. Then, he returned Koujaku’s smile with a bright one of his own.

“You’re right. That’s the only thing that matters.”

“Alright now, time to go back to being the best man for the right person,” Koujaku announced after giving out a stretch. “You’ll be fine by yourself? I’ll get Sei in.”

“Yeah, sure. Thanks again, Koujaku.”

“You’re welcome.”

 

Finally left alone in the space, Aoba gave out a loud sigh as soon as he heard the door close behind him, the nervousness seeping into his nerves again as he returned his attention back to the mirror in front of him.

Like what he told Koujaku, he was still having difficulties believing that this was _really_ happening. Noiz aside, _he_ had gone through so much. Ever since his parents left them, he had been struggling for his entire life to provide a better life for his family. He had fallen once, the missing memories from his teenage year still troubling him sometimes. Then, he had straightened himself once again, Sei’s collapse being the warning call. After that, when he thought he’d spend the rest of his life embracing his family, _he_ appeared.

He had never considered about his happiness before. He wasn't even sure how happiness felt like. So naturally, he felt that he didn't deserve it. There were so many times when he would consider seeking happiness for himself, but then he thought about the possibilities, about his surroundings, about his family, and before he knew it, the thought disappeared, as if it wasn't there in the first place.

Probably, Noiz was the reason why he understood happiness now. He was sure that Noiz would throw the exact same phrase back at him, because _he_ was also the reason Noiz understood how important it was to be happy.

Smiling endearingly at himself in the mirror, he couldn't help but feel silly for them - two unworldly persons who knew nothing about happiness, nothing about how to be happy, but who still stubbornly trying to instill that sense of happiness into each other.

Probably just like what _he_ had told Aoba, they were simply meant to be.

 

> _“I’ll return everything to you. It’s a victory you deserve.”_

 

Jolting at the sudden voice he heard in his ears, he looked around to find himself in a space with no one but himself. Sometimes when this exact same occurrence happened, he would tend to suspect if his mental state was acting up again. But as time passed by, he realized that there was nothing to be afraid after all. It was just him, a part of him who desired nothing but well-deserved love and attention as well.

Returning his gaze to his own reflection, he smiled fondly at the mirror, his eyes staring unblinkingly into his own light-brown orbs as he muttered.

“Thank you.”

He swore he saw a faint hint of change in his eye color when he spelled those two words out.

But he didn't have the time to contemplate it further when he heard soft knocks from the door. Quickly straightening his composure, he pretended to adjust his tie, assuming that Sei had finally arrived.

“Don’t worry, I have everything under control here,” he said mindlessly, without a look at the person who had just walked into the room.

“Defenseless as usual, I see.”

Instead of the gentle voice of his brother he was expecting, he felt someone hugging him from behind and the husky voice he heard in his ear immediately told him that his desire to see his future husband had been brought forward.

“You’re not supposed to be here, Noiz,” he reprimanded, finally looking at the tall blond now staring mischievously at him in the mirror.

“I just want to see my husband before the ceremony,” Noiz replied heatedly, resting his chin on Aoba’s shoulder as he grasped firmer on Aoba’s waist.

“ _Future_ husband,” Aoba corrected him, although the shade of red that had appeared on his cheeks successfully drew a grin on Noiz’s face.

“It’s only a matter of time,” Noiz retorted as he nuzzled his cheek against Aoba’s.

“Patience, brat,” Aoba counterattacked but soon retreated when he saw Noiz smiling tenderly at him.

“I’ll go back soon. I just need to give you something before everything starts,” Noiz said as he released Aoba and turned him around so that he was now facing him.

Curious, Aoba stared as Noiz reached into his suit pocket and retrieved a single forget-me-not, the small blue petals exceptionally pretty under the lighting in the room.

“This is a preview of what‘s going to happen,” Noiz said, picking Aoba’s hand up and placing the flower into his palm.

“Old habits never change, I see,” Aoba teased with a smirk.

“When it comes to you, nothing will ever change.”

“What a smooth talker.”

Before he knew it, Noiz was pulling him into a hug as he buried his head in Aoba’s shoulder.

“Noiz?”

“Just a bit.”

Sometimes Noiz still found difficulties expressing his thoughts but actions like these were what told Aoba what he wanted to say. He found it endearing, and when he felt Noiz embraced him tighter, he reached out to pat Noiz on the head.

“Everything will be fine, don’t worry,” he assured.

“I know,” Noiz answered with a small whisper.

“I’ll never forget,” Aoba continued, as if he never heard what Noiz had just said. “I’ll remember everything. From the day we met, to the day I forgot, and to the day we got together again.”

Instead of reassuring Noiz, Aoba’s words stirred something within the younger man as he pulled them apart and stared wide-eyed at his future husband.

“Aoba, you…”

As if he’d just read his mind, Aoba gave him a broad smile, ruffling him on his head and rushing him out of his room before he could clarify his suspicions.

Something was not right – but instead of worrying him, that discrepancy lifted Noiz’s hopes and when he left Aoba’s room, he felt his heart skipping furiously beneath his chest, suddenly feeling a sense of overwhelmed yet undefined emotions crashing down on him.

 

He wanted to ask Aoba more about his suspicions but time was their greatest enemy. Koujaku was almost shouting at him when he made his way back to his own room, his head clouded with countless possibilities as he allowed Koujaku to finish up the remaining preparations. The more he thought about it, the more he felt the weight in his chest. He couldn't allow anything to happen now, not on this very important day.

Sensing Noiz’s distraction, Koujaku gave the younger man a push on the shoulder, pulling Noiz back from his realms of thought as he looked up to face a stern man.

“I don’t care what’s in your head now but you cannot afford to screw this up, Noiz. Aoba has been waiting for this day to come and I know you have been waiting longer than anyone else. No matter what’s happening, stay calm, don’t falter.”

His words drew a small laugh out of Noiz. It reminded him of the old days, specifically on the day when he was to operate on Aoba. Koujaku had told him these exact same words – “ _Stay calm_ ”; “ _Remain composed_ ”; “ _Don’t let your personal emotions cloud your judgment_ ” – it was even surreal to hear the same thing from the same person all over again after so many years had passed.

There were indeed, some things that will never change, like how Aoba had elegantly put it.

Giving Koujaku a nod, he braced himself, tidying his suit for one last time before he finally stepped out of the room.

 

The whole ceremony felt incredibly long. As he stood in front of the hall, listening to the buzz of noises around him accompanied by the sound of his own heartbeats, he clenched his fist, taking constant deep breaths to contain the overwhelming nervousness beneath his chest.

Any time now, Aoba would walk through the door and stand beside him, and they will move towards a whole new future – a future that would seal them together forever.

When he heard the door open, his heart stopped beating for a few seconds as he heard steady footsteps making their way to his side. He could see Koujaku retreating from the corner of his eye, replaced by a familiar sense of blue.

It took him a lifetime worth of courage to turn to finally face his future husband.

Aoba was smiling gleefully at him when they finally locked their gazes. Returning the smile, he had to muster his strength to stop himself from pulling Aoba into a tight embrace. Aoba was as beautiful and as perfect as how he remembered him to be. His perception towards him had never once changed ever since this reckless, stubborn, naïve man forced his way into his life. For a second, he thought that everything that was happening now was a dream.

He couldn't believe that he was finally going to marry _the one person_ who had changed his life.

He couldn't believe that he was finally going to officially walk the rest of his life with the person he loved so much.

He couldn't believe that his existence was appreciated, accepted, _loved_ by someone who meant so much to him.

He couldn't believe any of these.

“Will you have this man to be your husband, to live together in holy marriage? Will you love him, comfort him, in all love and honor, for better, for worse, for richer, for poor, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?”

It wasn't even a question. He had been dying to say that two simple words for the longest time ever. He could see tears beading at the corner of his future husband’s eyes and he was sure that he was the same as well.

“I will.”

The moment he recited his vow, Aoba burst into tears, the tears trickling down his cheek as he tried his best to contain his emotion.

But when it was Aoba’s turn to recite his vow, the older man paused, giving no response at all as he stared firmly into Noiz’s eyes. The hesitance was starting to become a bit too distressing for Noiz’s liking as he returned Aoba’s gaze, feeling his heart twitch with every passing second.

“Noiz,” Aoba called out with a small voice.

Noiz swallowed down his throat. Then, he reached out to wipe the tears off Aoba’s face.

“Yes, Aoba.”

“I…” Aoba stuttered as he took deep breaths.

Noiz was waiting. He had been waiting for Aoba to mouth the two words for a very long time. And Aoba knew that.

In fact…

“Noiz, I…”

… he knew more than Noiz thought he knew.

“ _I remember_.”

The air around them froze immediately. Everyone else seemed to be holding their breaths as they stared at the two grooms. Noiz was looking at Aoba with his mouth slightly hanging open while Aoba broke out into a bright smile, cupping his future husband’s face as he stroked his cheekbones.

“Usagi,” he muttered between sobs. “Probably I’ll name our child ‘usagi’.”

He didn't even realize it when the tears flowed out the corners of his eyes as he took Aoba’s face into his hands, a natural smile making its way across his face as he struggled to form coherent words.

“You… You remember,” he said, words broken.

Aoba gave him a few furious nods before he launched himself into Noiz’s chest. He was now a sobbing mess, and Noiz was no better. When Aoba had shown hesitance, he was worried that he’d changed his mind, that everything was too rushed after all.

But now…

“I will, Noiz, I will,” Aoba cried into his chest. “Let’s form a family. Let’s be together forever.”

That was all Noiz ever needed as he wrapped Aoba firmer into his arms, feeling the warmth of his husband, accompanied by an overwhelming sense of emotions and for a slight moment, he swore he felt a _different_ sensation on his back when Aoba dug his nails a bit too hard into his skin.

 

***

 

When good things keep happening in one’s life, it would be totally inevitable for one to start doubting if this was really the right way to go, if this was really fine. Sometimes, he still wondered if he deserved the happiness he was experiencing now. And often, he found himself turning into a bunch of contradictions again. He’d promised _him_ that he would never doubt himself again so he shook his head, sinking his face into the pillow as he smiled idiotically at the huge waves of memory washing through his brain.

Everything had happened abruptly. When Noiz handed him the forget-me-not, he was suddenly reminded of how annoying his now husband was the first time they met. The whole experience was phenomenal. At first, he felt as if he had become a totally new person, and that he was merely seeing through the eyes of another person. Then slowly, when Noiz smiled at him, he finally realized what was really happening. The feeling was so overwhelming that he had no choice but to rush his husband out before he broke down in front of him. He didn't want to worry Noiz, and he was sure that even if Noiz was to ask, there was no way he could give him a proper answer.

The moment Noiz was out of his sight, he immediately collapsed on the couch, burying his face in his hands as he tried to contain both the floods of memories and emotions within him. It was only when Sei gave him a pat on the shoulder that he finally confessed everything. Sei was the reason why he was still sane.

When he felt the mattress sank beside him, he lifted his face off the pillow to see Noiz staring confusedly at him.

“What’s with you?” the younger man asked.

Instead of giving him a verbal response, Aoba inched closer and cuddled in Noiz’s arms.

“Nothing,” he said with the same idiotic smile he had been wearing for the entire day.

“Really?”

Humming quietly, he straightened himself up to stare at Noiz instead.

“What?”

“You never changed at all,” Aoba commented with a playful tone.

“Same goes to you.”

They had come a long way. That day, they stayed up for the entire night, their exhaustion from the ceremony earlier long forgotten.

“I know what you’ll say but please let me say this,” Aoba said as he crawled on top of Noiz and pressed their chests together. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for?” Noiz asked, placing his hands on Aoba’s waist as he traced ghostlike circles on his bare skin.

“I’m sorry for forgetting,” Aoba continued, trying to suppress his giggles from Noiz’s ticklish touches at the same time. “I couldn’t imagine how I would be if I am to put in your position. It must be tough.”

“It’s fine,” Noiz commented casually. “Nothing matters more than your happiness.”

“I say the same to you,” Aoba pouted, finally pushing Noiz’s hand away from his waist. “And it’s not fine at all. Listen, Noiz. There’s a reason why this happened, and it was because of me.”

Noiz only stared at him as Aoba struggled to find the best way to explain the situation to Noiz. But when he took too long, Noiz gave out a small chuckle.

“I understand,” the younger man said, his fingers now playing with the tips of Aoba’s hair instead. “It was because of your emotional pressure.”

“How do you know?”

“It’s not hard to figure it out. Since the root of the problem isn’t something that could be explained scientifically, I figured it could be something that not even medical terms can explain.”

His husband was smart, and it never failed to amaze Aoba.

“Somehow, I always had faith that you’ll remember everything one day because you’re just that strong,” Noiz continued quietly. “But even if you don’t, it doesn’t matter. Because I’ll remind you again, no matter how many times I need to do it, that you deserve happiness, even if I’m not the one who’ll be giving it to you.”

“Don’t say things like that,” Aoba scowled as he sat up to push his face closer to Noiz’s. “I’m fine because _you_ are here. You are the determined one.”

When Noiz was about to retort, Aoba quickly pressed his lips against his, effectively silencing him up.

“You have no idea how amazing you are,” Aoba said, cupping Noiz face and giving him another kiss on the cheek. “You have no idea how strong you are.”

Noiz wanted to tell him that he was strong only because Aoba was the one who never gave up on him. Aoba was the one who had instilled the faith in him. But then, when he looked into Aoba’s determined eyes, he realized that that feeling was mutual. It worked both ways.

Not knowing how else to retort, Noiz lurched forward and kissed his husband deeply.

“Once again, thank you for being mine.”

“I say the same.”

Their relationship had taken a natural course; they’d found each other naturally; now, their relationship had marched into a more passionate phase.

And they knew that it would only become more passionate with time, especially when they had both retrieved what was taken from them.

 

* * *

 

 

“Done packing?”

“Yeah.”

After a final check of his belongings, Aoba slung his bag over his shoulder and walked towards Noiz, who was leaning against the doorframe. Noiz had taken his doctor robe off. Now in his casual clothing, Aoba stifled a laugh, reminded of how much he still looked like a brat even when he had well past his teenage years.

Hand in hand, they walked along the corridor, occasionally smiling at staffs and patients passing by them. Aoba’s condition had been nothing but good, and if everything went well, he wouldn't even need to visit the hospital anymore.

“Where is he?” Aoba asked as they neared the exit of the building.

“The usual,” Noiz replied nonchalantly, his voice as indifferent as how Aoba remembered it to be.

“How many times do I need to remind you to not leave him alone? What if someone kidnaps him?” Aoba lectured, giving Noiz a scowl at the same time.

“Don’t worry, I appointed a nurse to look after him.”

“’Appointed’,” Aoba repeated the word before he gave out a sigh. He had lost count on exactly how many times he’d told Noiz not to spend unnecessary money but when it came to _this_ , it seemed like there was no way for Noiz to get rid of the habit after all.

“Papa!”

His thought was immediately distracted when he heard a familiar voice. Smiling brightly, he released Noiz’s hand, crouching down just in time to greet the small blond who had ran towards them the moment he saw them stepping into the hospital garden.

“Have you been good today, little one?” Aoba asked as he ruffled his son’s head, his answered responded with a few furious nods from the little one.

When Noiz reached their side, the small boy turned to grin at him, immediately causing Noiz to pinch his cheek. Seeing that, Aoba pushed Noiz’s hand away.

“Oi, don’t hurt him.”

The small boy was almost bursting into tears before Noiz gave him another pinch on the nose.

“Oh, I need to talk to the nurse,” Aoba said, suddenly remembering something. Then, he pushed the son into Noiz’s arms. “Look after him, okay?”

The small boy clung onto Noiz’s neck as soon as he positioned himself comfortably in his arms. As both of them went into a staring contest, Noiz inched closer to his son’s face and muttered.

“Usagi.”

“Papa said not to call me that!” the little boy pouted, which reminded Noiz fondly of Aoba.

“He didn't mean what he said,” Noiz teased. “Usagi.”

“I’m not a rabbit!”

Their son was perfectly beautiful, as beautiful as his parents. Sometimes when Noiz looked into his strikingly golden eyes he felt as if he could see a hint of the once shameless Aoba he used to know. But surprisingly, even when someone was to tell him that the symptoms could be inherited, and that his son might potentially adopt the same condition Aoba once had, he found himself far from terrified. Even when he had to face the same thing again, he would do it again, no matter how many times it’d happen.

Because he believed that everything happened for a reason, as long as they had faith in themselves, there was no way they would lose to the obstacles they were bound to face.

“You’re teasing him again,” Aoba said when he saw the frown his son was wearing.

“I’m not,” Noiz quickly defended himself.

“He is!”

Eyeing Noiz angrily, Aoba opened his arms to take their son into a hug again before he turned to glare at Noiz.

“Say… who are you again?”

He felt his heart jumping to his throat and his time stopped for a moment. He knew he was resolved to face anything that was to happen to his family. But he didn’t expect it to happen so soon.

“Aoba…?”

“You’re a father now, Noiz. Not just a…” Aoba gave out a quiet cough before he continued. “Not just a husband. Know your position.”

He couldn't help but laugh out loud, which irritated Aoba as he strolled towards him and smacked him on the head.

“Ouch.”

“Oh, sorry!” Aoba quickly retreated upon seeing the painful look on Noiz’s face. “Sometimes I forget you can actually feel pain now.”

“It’s fine,” Noiz said with a smile, taking Aoba’s hand in his as he planted a kiss on his husband’s cheek. “I’m willing to take all the pain if you’re the one who’ll be giving it to me.”

“Such a smooth talker,” Aoba blushed, wanting to struggle out of Noiz’s clutch but the other grabbed him firmer, hand now grasping on his waist and locking his movements.

“Anyway,” Aoba said with an unnaturally high-pitched tone, an obvious attempt to hide his flusters. “Let’s take a picture before we leave, shall we?”

It had become a lifelong habit. As the three of them smiled at the camera, they knew that this photo would become yet another one of their most precious memories. It’d be hung in a special room and it would always be there to remind them about their happiness and how they could overcome everything as long as they never lose faith in each other.

Because even though it was only a one day memory, it would always bear a special meaning with it.

And it would become an important trace in their life, until death does them apart.

 

_End_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you everyone for reading this story. This is by far the longest and most challenging piece I've ever written. Thanks for the ride and I hope you enjoyed the ending <3
> 
> It's hard to let this go but I guess it's about time -wails hysterically-


	14. Extra: Just A Bit More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They said hope is ambiguous, that there’s no guarantee to hope. But unfortunately, that’s the only thing Noiz knows to do, and knows what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A plot-hole fill for Chapter 9, Turn.

“Doctor, the patient is ready for surgery, if we don’t start now, we’ll lose him.”

Noiz closed his eyes for two whole seconds, then opening them again as he heaved a low breath. Despite the traumatizing incident that had happened in his last surgery, he’d earned the pass to proceed for another, as a well-certified doctor. He never once failed a surgery. He could never see himself failing any. But yet…

He focused on the surgery in hand, weaving skillful movements; every one of his gesture practiced and smooth. The memory from when he’d last operated overlapped, sweat dripped along his face as a thin frown appeared in between his eyebrows. Everything he was doing now was almost mechanical, as if instinctual. He needed no second to consider, he’d known of every stroke and every next step like the back of his hand.

He’s one of the most gifted doctors in the region, after all. There’s no doubts about his talent, and that’s perhaps how he’d earned his surgery rights even when he was just let off the label of being a trainee.

“Noiz,” Koujaku, his mentor, who was also his supporting surgeon for today’s surgery, called out to him from the opposite side of the operation table. He looked up, gaze dismissive.

But all Koujaku did was shaking his head before he clicked his tongue from within.

He’s getting carried away; his thoughts were about to flood him all over again. Swallowing down his throat, he returned his attention to the patient, attempting to clear his head off unnecessary thoughts.

He didn’t need to think; he really didn’t need to. In no time, this surgery would be yet another success. In no time, he’d see this very patient being healthy and happy again. In no time, there’d be families thanking him, this very patient would be thanking him.

And in no time, he’d earn another success score for yet another surgery again.

But, none of these mattered to him – for the only surgery that he wanted so hard to be a success above everything else… wasn’t one.

“Noiz!”

Koujaku rushed up to him as soon as they walked out of the operation room. The surgery was a success. The patient would recover in a few weeks. He’d saved yet another life.

“Can I have a talk with you?” Koujaku asked, his words having Noiz to halt his steps.

“What is this about?” Noiz said through hoarse voice, deep and flat.

“You know what this is about,” Koujaku glowered.

Noiz looked away. He’d known about what Koujaku wanted to say and he was very well-aware of how he might need this session with his mentor. There’s no way he’d say no.

“Let’s go to the rooftop, then,” Koujaku urged, already seeing the answer on Noiz’s face.

The sky was bright and clear; a shade of light blue coupled with fluff of white that were the clouds. He leaned against the fence, merely staring into a distance. The breeze brushed past his face, his white doctor robe danced with the soft rhythm of calm. Koujaku leaned by his side, a cigarette dangling in between his lips.

“You might want to cut down on that,” Noiz started, breaking the well-deserved silence both of them needed.

“Haha,” Koujaku laughed. He took the cigarette off his lips, blowing languid smoke out of his mouth. “He said the same thing too.”

Noiz frowned. His head lowered, he stuck his hands into his robe’s pockets, trying to soothe the tight clench he was feeling from beneath his chest.

“That I’d die sooner if I don’t cut this down,” Koujaku continued with a matter-of-fact tone, describing things as if they were memories from the past. “But, easier said than done, you know?”

Noiz closed his eyes. Easier said than done, indeed.

“Just like, if I’m to tell you not to think too much about what’s going to happen, you wouldn’t listen anyway, right?” Koujaku said calmly, now looking up at the sky.

“I know this might not be want you want to hear and I’m not going to lecture you all over again. I tried to take my own advice, you know? Telling myself that there’s no use worrying, that we’ve done everything we could, but…” he released a heavy sigh, pushing the cigarette against his lips again. “… it’s not something within our control. We’ll still worry, we’ll still be paranoid. Only because Aoba means a lot to us.”

Noiz flinched at the mention of Aoba’s name, his fists clenched tighter in his pockets. He felt a stab in his heart, causing it hard for him to breathe. The scene when he’d just operated on a patient earlier overlapped with the scene when he’d operated on Aoba again; everything started to move in a fast-motion: when he promised Aoba that nothing would go wrong, that they’d lead life together when he’s recovered, that he’d let Aoba show him the world. All the promises. And then, he was reminded of the moment when Aoba’s responses became a standstill, when all he could see was Aoba lying on the bed, pale, unmoving, just… lying there, as if he’s dead, as if  _Noiz_  had caused his death.

“Oi,” Koujaku patted him roughly on the shoulder. “I won’t tell you to get over it but I need to tell you  _this_.”

He threw his cigarette to the floor, stepped on it, and grasped Noiz hard on the shoulder.

“It’s not your fault. There’s always risks to every surgery and I could tell you, being your mentor and also the surgeon who’d assisted you during Aoba’s surgery, that that surgery was the most perfect surgery I’ve seen you done in your entire surgeon career. Aoba is not dead. We simply need to continue observing him and soon enough, he’d be awake. But even when… it’s not soon enough…” Koujaku paused, hand leaving Noiz’s shoulder as he stared at the sky again. “…you’ll wait for him, right?”

Noiz lifted a smirk. That goes without saying. It’s because of Aoba that he existed now. Aoba, who’d taught him the real meaning of life, who’d given his life a real meaning. There’s no way he could give up on him now.

“Well then,” Koujaku straightened his posture, giving Noiz a few rough pats on his shoulder again. “I have another surgery I need to attend to.”

“Why did you call me here, anyway?” Noiz said with a playful grin.

But all Koujaku did was waving his hand at him as he walked away, without answering Noiz’s question.

It’s like what Koujaku had said – it’s not easy not to think about it, especially so when he was the one who’d promised Aoba that he’d make sure that the surgery would be a success. With another fleeting glance on the discarded cigarette on the floor, the corners of Noiz’s lips curved higher as he left the place.

*** 

The hospital room was as devoid of elegance as he was of hope. There’s no decorations on the solid-white wall, simply a window right next to the bed, where a patient lied. Noiz closed the door quietly before he took careful paces towards the bed. After a quick check on the medical records, he sat by the bed, merely staring. Aoba lied as if he was fast asleep, his breathing slow, chest rising and falling in the most casual way. His skin fair, his hair kept neat as his eyes closed, beautiful eyelashes fluttered with the quiet breeze blowing into the room. He could spend forever staring at Aoba like this. There’s a sense of life in Aoba, he could see it so clearly, with his very own pair of eyes, and he could tell just how much Aoba would show him if he was to be conscious now. He picked his hand up, feeling the soft texture of Aoba’s skin, the smooth touch of his very hand, as he pressed his lips against the back of it, closing his eyes as he did.

Their fingers intertwined as fervid heartbeats resounded in his ears. He remembered Aoba’s smile, Aoba’s voice, every gesture of Aoba that had completely captured his soul. Nothing ever felt the same without Aoba; as if a huge part of himself was lost with Aoba, that Aoba had taken his soul along with him when he fell into coma. He knew that Aoba would never blame him for anything. Aoba trusted him, so, he wanted to trust Aoba as well; he wanted to believe that he’d wake again, and that one day, he’d be able to see Aoba smiling at him, knocking him on the head, telling him off for being insufferable.

He still had a lot of things he wanted to do with Aoba. He never knew what went wrong with the surgery but, if he could come to one conclusion that might make the most sense to him, then perhaps… the reason why Aoba had fallen into this state was because he needed time for himself to readapt to his own train of thought.

But, isn’t it enough already?

Haven’t you been resting enough now?

Have you come to a conclusion?

Even if you haven’t, could you… please… just wake up?

“Aoba,” he mumbled against Aoba’s hand, eyes closed tight. “I’ll be waiting.”

No matter how long Aoba would be taking, and no matter how different Aoba would be if he finally woke. Noiz would accept everything of him, like how Aoba had accepted everything of him.

Having hope was all that he could do now, and was all that he would do.


End file.
